Matters of the Heart
by Bensler
Summary: The 16th Precinct's SVU is in for some major changes which can not help but affect the lives of our favorite characters. EO - but you know me - the trail will be long and winding with many a twist and turn. " Bensler
1. Close

**Hey! I'm back with a new story! Have two more chapters written and an idea of where I am going...but nothing in stone...so your reviews might sway me! And I need to let you know about a collaboration that XOC and I have going. Look for DELUGE by BenslerXOC. It is so good! And so much fun to write cause we have NO idea what each other plans to write until we see the next chapter and then take it from there. So, make sure you check it out and let us know what you think by pressing that little button and sending a review or two our way! **

**Matters of the Heart**

**by Bensler**

**Chapter 1 - Close**

**SVU Squad Room ****ར****Tuesday Afternoon, August 12****th**

"Get a bus! Hurry!" Her panic driven screams echoed throughout the squad room, sending fear through the others, at first paralyzed, then scurrying to get help.

One minute he was talking with her, the next he was gripping his chest and falling to the floor. In seconds, she was kneeling beside him, making certain his airway was clear before she began the new method of resuscitation they had learned just a couple of weeks ago in the required NYPD CPR re-certification class. The irony that she was using it for the first time on the man responsible for her taking the class was not lost on her.

She knew cardiac arrest occurs when the heart stops circulating blood and the heart rhythm is disturbed. This is known as ventricular fibrillation, in which the heart quivers but does not pump blood. If no shock is delivered in the first four minutes of this deadly rhythm, the heart stops altogether and it becomes much harder, if not impossible, to restart.

The new resuscitation method, increases blood flow to the heart and brain when the heart stops pumping blood. During this phase, old-fashioned chest compressions can help push blood back into the heart, making it more likely to restart. The approach is focused on continuously pumping blood to the heart and brain.

After the first 200 compressions, the victim gets a shock, then another worker jumps in and gives another set of 200 chest compressions. At that point, they may be given a defibrillator shock or a shot of epinephrine to stimulate the heart, and then a tube is inserted into the trachea to ventilate the lungs. The only problem was, they did not have any of these things in the squad room. So, the chest compressions were going to have to suffice for now. God, _please_ let them suffice. She deeply loved and respected the man lying here. He fought for her, for them, countless times over the years and now, now it was time for them to fight for him. And fight they would! To the very end.

Pumping furiously to make the 200 compressions, her arms ached and perspiration broke out on her forehead, upper lip and face. The moisture tickled as it rolled down her back and between her breasts, dampening her blouse with telltale patches of darker material.

She grunted with each compression, as tears streamed down her face. "Come on! You are _not_ going to die on me! You _are _not! You hear me, Don? You are _not_ going to die!"

A crowd of ten to twelve people were gathered around his office, Munch was trying to get the crowd to disperse while Fin knelt across from Olivia.

"I'll take over when you hit 200." Fin told her, his voice gruff, his face grim.

"187...188..." She counted, never taking her glistening eyes off of her captain. His pallor was ashen...he was so still...so quiet. Silently, she begged him to wake up and bark at her for pounding his chest. She saw a tear drop onto his pale blue shirt, making the material darker as it spread out.

He was the father she never knew. This was the man who chided her when she had dark circles under eyes, insisting she get more sleep. When she dropped weight because she was so caught up in a case she forgot to eat, he was the one who brought her bacon, egg and cheese biscuits for breakfast and healthy lunches he packed from home. He was the one she would talk to about broken relationships and why it seemed no one with this job could maintain a significant other. He was the one who knew about the man she was in love with but would never admit to it to anyone else, including the man. Her partner.

Breathing heavily, she finished the first 200 compressions. "199...200."

Fin immediately took over. Since they had no defibrillator or epi, he decided he should give him two short breaths to see if that would help him to start breathing. He did this and then began the chest compressions again.

"1...2...3..." He looked up at Olivia, silently praying that there would be some kind of response from their captain or that the EMTs would hurry and arrive. Somewhere in the background of the silence, he heard the familiar voice of his colleague.

"Out of the way! Move! Come on! Get out of the way!" Elliot elbowed, pushed and shouted his way through the curious crowd.

In his hands was a defibrillator. He had noticed it in the bank next door to the precinct last week. It caught his attention because they had just taken that new CPR class. When he heard Olivia cry out for help and realized that Don most likely had suffered a heart attack, he tore off for the bank.

Paddles in hand, Elliot knelt on the opposite side as Fin pulled Captain Cragen's shirt and tie further to each side and moved away from him just enough that Elliot could shock him. His body jumped and Fin began the compressions once again. Olivia was cradling the Captain's head and murmuring to him.

"Come on, Don! Breathe! Please, just breathe! Come on, Cap! You can do it!" She begged. She had been talking to him the whole time Fin was doing the compressions.

Seconds after Elliot gave him the shock, Donald Cragen took a loud gasp of air. Color slowly reappeared on his cheeks and lips. The relief in the room was palpable as the detectives looked around at each other. Munch and Elliot giving each other a high five, as they stood. Fin continued the compressions as Olivia leaned over and kissed the Captain on the forehead, wiping tears from her eyes with one hand. He did not regain consciousness, but he was alive. Alive. That was all that mattered right now.

Minutes later EMS arrived, assessed the Captain, hooked him to an IV, oxygen and strapped him to a stretcher and wheeled him out of the precinct. Olivia rode with him.

**New York Presbyterian Hospital ****ར****ER Waiting Room ****ར****Tuesday Evening, August, 12****th**

Hours later, the double door to the waiting area opened and a white coated woman with a stethoscope around her neck and a chart in her hand appeared.

"Cragen family?" She called out to the room.

Olivia lifted her head, stood up and walked to meet the doctor half way, Elliot, Munch and Fin trailing behind her.

"How is he? Did it do much damage? Is he going to be okay? Is he awake? Can we see him?" The words rushed from her mouth.

"I'm Dr. Collins. How are you related?" The doctor looked around at the diversified group.

"We're not...and he doesn't have any family..." Munch started.

"Yes, he does! _We're_ his family. The only family that counts. We're detectives for the NYPD and he's our Captain. _Please,_ tell us how he is!" Olivia's voice was higher than normal, her distress becoming evident.

Elliot moved closer to her and put his hand on her shoulder. She leaned into him. Just a little. Just enough for him to feel her do it. Just enough that she gained the comfort and strength she needed from him.

The doctor eyed her closely as if trying to decide if she were trustworthy. "He's resting. You can see him, but just for a little bit. Obviously, you know he suffered a heart attack. There was a little damage to the heart, but he is extremely fortunate that someone was there to perform CPR and that the defibrillator was available. Otherwise, I doubt we would be discussing this right now." Dr. Collins explained.

Olivia looked at Elliot and the others, the same thought passing through all of their minds...what would they do without Don Cragen around to bark orders and keep them in line?

The doctor continued. "The catheterization showed three blockages...one at 90 the other two at 75 and 60. We have him scheduled for triple by-pass surgery tomorrow morning."

"Heart surgery?" Fin seemed incredulous that this was happening.

"How dangerous is the surgery?" Olivia asked, nervously twisted her watch around and around on her wrist.

"Not as dangerous as him living with the blockages...the next heart attack would most likely be fatal." Dr. Collins looked around at them as her words sunk in.

"How long will it take for him to recuperate?" Elliot asked.

"Other than this heart problem, he is in excellent physical condition, so I would say his complete recovery with no restrictions, should be ten to twelve weeks. Of course, that is contingent on there being no complications." Doctor Collins looked around at the group.

"Can we see him?" Olivia asked her.

"Of course...but just for a minute...he needs to rest." The doctor smiled and headed back through the double doors.

The Captain was lying just barely raised up in the bed, his eyes closed. One arm was draped across his waist, the other down by his side had an I.V. running into it and an oxygen monitor glowing red on his index finger. He had on one of those thin, generic hospital gowns and it was falling nearly completely off his left shoulder.

Though they tried to be quiet, when there are four people doing anything at the same time, there is bound to be some noise. Cragen opened his eyes and looked toward the door as they shuffled into his room. A slow grin started across his face as his eyes fell shut again.

Olivia made her way to his bedside first. She took his right hand in her left and pulled the gown up over his shoulder with her right, tucking it between him and the pillow. "Hey, Don." She leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You sure gave us a scare."

Elliot came up beside her. "Yea...what was all that about? Some kind of test to see if we really learned all the CPR stuff from that class?"

Cragen actually laughed at Elliot's stab at humor. "Apparently, you passed...because I am still here."

"How about a written test or some kind of double spaced thousand word report instead of hands on for the next class." Munch quipped smartly.

"Yea...and next time you want some time off...just take it, man...I mean, Cap'n...Sir." Fin quickly corrected himself.

"It has been awhile, hasn't it?" Cragen looked around at his crew.

"Captain, I hope you are okay...Elliot ran to the bank to get their defibrillator and Olivia and Fin did chest compressions until the EMS got there. You really did scare the crap out of us...Sir." Munch explained the details of what had gone on.

Cragen just smiled at the four of them. They truly were his family. This unit. An odd one, but a family, nonetheless. He was the father figure, always on the look out for his kids. Munch was the older brother that kept everyone somewhat in line being the steadiest of the men. Elliot was the hot headed one...ready to throw a punch at anyone that got in his way. Fin, quiet, keeping to himself, but loyal and always there when he was needed. They were all like brothers to Olivia, protecting her...as if she needed protection...taking up for her, teasing her, making snide remarks about her dates...doing what brothers do to their sisters.

Yes, they were her brothers...except Elliot...he was more like the jealous boyfriend or lover...though he had no right to be. Cragen shook his head, thinking about when Elliot was separated from Kathy. He just knew he would have made a move on Olivia. It was clear to everyone except them, that they were made for each other. There were times he wanted to smack Elliot upside the head and ask him what was wrong with him that he could not see that his partner was head over heels in love with him. He heard that Kathy and Elliot were calling it quits again. Rumors. But there always seemed to be some element of truth in any rumor. Maybe this time Elliot would have better sense and ask Olivia out.

"We better head on...you need rest...take it easy, okay, Captain?" Olivia leaned over him, hugging him and kissing his cheek again.

"We'll see you tomorrow, Cap." Munch told him.

They all said their goodbyes and headed out of the room.

**NY Presbyterian Hospital ****ར****Surgery Prep Room ****ར****Wednesday Morning, August, 13th**

Arriving right at five o'clock in the morning, Olivia had seen the Captain before he was prepped for surgery. She spent some time just talking with him about nothing and everything, even joking some. He surprised her by turning the talk serious when he began reminding her about where to find his legal papers and his wishes for a funeral and memorial service.

Cragen had no close family and about two years ago he had asked Olivia if she would come for dinner because he had some things to discuss with her. After they ate, he handed her copies of his insurance, will, plans for his funeral service and showed her where the key to his security box was so she would have access to other important documents, such as his 401K, stocks, bonds, the deed to his home and a rental apartment, title for the car, etc. She clearly did not want to discuss any of this and was upset at being made to consider his death. He was the father she had never had and after all these years, she could not imagine her life without him. Yet, here he was forcing her to face that one day, more than likely, she would experience just that reality. That he planned to leave nearly everything to her, made her that much more ill at ease.

Now, before his surgery, he brought it up once again. "Captain...I don't want to talk about these things...do you really think now is the time..." She was extremely uncomfortable.

"Well...yes...I could die on the table or from complications. So, yes, Olivia, I think now would be the time to discuss this. You haven't wanted to discuss it anytime I have brought it up." He pointed out.

"Don...you are going to be fine. I just don't want to talk about..." She trailed off. She had started to say 'your death' but caught herself. She shook her head back and forth.

He held out his hand to her. She went to him and took it. "Olivia, you are like a daughter to me. I have no other family...just a niece and nephew that I have not seen in nearly twenty years...I _know_ you; you've been a part of my life for nearly a decade. I love you like a daughter and I want to take care of you like a father would, should...when I'm gone. So, just listen. You remember where the key is?"

"Yes..." She nodded, tears beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Okay...all the necessary papers are in the security box. I put the extra set of keys to the house, apartment and my car in there, too. You still have copies of the initial papers you will need, should anything happen to me?"

The lump in her throat imprisoned any further words at that moment, so she simply nodded.

Taking her hand, he pulled her down to him and hugged her tightly. She began to cry and he smoothed her hair and patted her back. "It's okay, honey. I'll be okay...we just need to be prepared, that's all."

There was aknock at the door and Casey, Munch, Fin and Elliot came in. They gathered around him, all talking, joking, laughing. Olivia quickly composed herself and stepped to the side where she just watched them, burning the scene into her memory. The captain was grinning, bantering with his former ADA and detectives. No. She could not envision her life without Donald Cragen there to keep her in line and lend a shoulder to cry on.

"Mr. Cragen...we need to get you up to the OR." A male nurse had entered the room with an aid behind him.

Everyone fell silent. Casey hugged him as did Munch. Fin shook hands with him. Elliot grabbed his hand and covered it with his other and then hugged him, too. Everyone had said goodbye except Olivia. The Captain looked over at her and nodded his head. She came to him and leaned over, hugging him tightly. She kissed his cheek. "I love you, Captain...you are going to be fine. You hear me, Don? You're going to be fine."

"Love you, too, Liv." He whispered and let her go.

Cragen smiled at the nurse and technician. "Okay...let's get his show on the road, people!"

**NY Presbyterian Hospital ****ར****Cardiac Waiting Room ****ར****Wednesday Morning, August, 13th**

The doctor had explained everything she would be doing and that the surgery should last about four hours, but not to be alarmed if it took longer. Someone would keep them posted about every hour and a half to two hours. It was just before six a.m. when they took the Captain to surgery. Two hours later a nurse in full scrubs stepped into the waiting room and announced that everything was going smoothly and his vitals were excellent. Olivia and Munch breathed a sigh of relief.

Munch opened his cell and called the precinct to let them know. Fin and Elliot had taken a call about a home invasion where the woman and her daughter had been raped and were now manning the phones and catching up on paperwork. Casey was tying up some loose ends concerning the sale of her condo. Two and half more hours passed with no update and Olivia was beginning to worry.

"Think I should go ask what's going on?" She nervously twisted a ring on her finger as she eyed the nurses' station that could be partially seen through the doorway of the waiting room.

"You know what they say... 'No news is good news'. Let's give it a bit longer." He peered up over his glasses, the paper he was reading rustling as he dropped it down to his lap.

Munch was the steadfast, easy going one of the crew. Rarely, was anything able to rattle him, but even he was beginning to feel the anxiety kick up a notch, not that he would ever admit that to Olivia.

Though the nod she gave him seemed to indicate she agreed, she stood, stretched and sighed deeply as she ran her hands through her hair. Then the pacing began. Ten steps to her right, twelve to her left and back again. Over and over and over. All the while chewing on her bottom lip and sighing every few steps.

"Olivia, could you..." Munch began but was interrupted by a voice.

"Cragen family?" A man dressed in surgical scrubs filled the doorway.

Olivia lifted her head and was standing in front of the man, before Munch could even stand up. "Yes! How is he doing?" She quickly asked, trying to read the doctor's face.

He smiled at her. That's a good thing, she thought. Smiling, yes. That's a good thing. He took her by the arm and motioned to a small room off of the waiting area. "Here, this will be more private."

His need for privacy alarmed her. "He_ is_ okay, right?" A frown creased her brows. Munch put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh...yes. Yes, he is fine...I'm sorry...uh...these days with the privacy act and all...I just would rather discuss my patients away from prying eyes and itchy ears." He looked from her to Munch and back. "You're detectives, right? I'm Dr. Winfield. " They nodded. "He came through with flying colors. No problems during surgery, vitals remained strong at all times. Dr. Collins explained about the recovery process, right?"

"Yes...when can we see him?" Olivia wanted to know.

He looked at his watch. "He should be in recovery for about two hours before you can see him. He will be in the ICU overnight, visitation is limited and he most likely will not be awake tonight...at least not fully. He should be in a regular room by this time tomorrow. Do you have any questions?"

Olivia looked at Munch and then back to the doctor. "No." She smiled. "Thank you, doctor."

He stood, shook their hands and left. Knowing that Captain Cragen was fine, Munch suggested they go get some lunch. When they returned they were able to see him for a minute, though he was still sedated. Olivia kissed his forehead, wishing she could at least hear his voice to assure her that he really was fine as the doctor had said. After seeing him like he had been yesterday and knowing just how close he had come to dying, how close she had come to losing the man she looked to as a father, she simply could not shake off the heaviness of worry that settled upon her.


	2. Captain

Chapter 2 - Captain

**Chapter 2 - Captain**

**Squad Room ******** Monday Morning, August,18****th**

Five days later, Cragen was released from the hospital. He would be out of work for ten to twelve weeks. The Chief of Detectives, Morris, had stopped by to visit the day before his release and they had discussed the need for someone to fill in while he was gone. Cragen had to admit he was more than surprised at who the brass had decided should temporarily take over the duties of captain of the SVU, and extremely pleased because he thought the person they had in mind would do a great job.

He wanted to be present when the announcement was made, so, with the doctor's permission, Munch brought him by the station on the way home. When he arrived, Chief Morris was there with a couple of other officials and a man that Cragen did not know. They were in one of the interrogation rooms while Olivia, Elliot and Fin were huddled by the coffee table talking.

"You _know _why they are here, Elliot." Olivia tore the top off of two packets of sugar and dumped them in her tea.

"Yea...but that doesn't mean I have to like it. We don't need a babysitter." His scowl said it all.

"I don't see why we gotta have someone sit in for Cragen, either. We know our job and what to do...we can get along wit'out him for awhile 'specially since he just a phone call away." Fin nodded, agreeing with Elliot for once.

"Just look at that jerk." Elliot's glare was on the unfamiliar man standing in front of the Chief.

He was about Elliot's height and build, though maybe just a bit heavier and more muscular. He definitely was no stranger to the weight room. Early to mid forties. He had curly, dark brown hair, worn borderline too long for the NYPD, green eyes and a nice smile. He wasn't handsome per se, but was quite attractive. He seemed easy going and was friendly, having already struck up a conversation with Olivia. That may have been part of why Elliot had decided he was a jerk even though he had also tried to engage Elliot and Fin, but they only grunted responses.

"Elliot." She said his name with that tone he hated...the one that made him feel as if he were a kid being reprimanded by his mommy.

"What?" He snapped, his eyes narrowing as he met her gaze.

"He's not a jerk. He seems very friendly and maybe if you just give him a chance..." Her hands were on her hips.

"'Course _you_ think he's friendly...he's already hit on you. Got your _date _for the weekend?" He said sarcastically, his eyes narrowed as he looked into hers.

"He was _not _hitting on me..." She rolled her eyes which were darkening with anger. "He asked how long I had been in SVU..."

"Tell you he's going to be our new captain?" Elliot turned his gaze from her to the man.

"No...it was generic...how long have I been here...had I been in any other departments...he seems very nice..." She tried to quell the anger by forcing herself to speak softly.

"I don't need some 'nice'..." He made quotation marks in the air. "...guy jerking me around, telling me how to do my job, Olivia!" He grumbled back, a deeper frown creasing his brow.

"Elliot, he's not going to..." She was interrupted by a familiar voice.

"You already slouching on the job?" Cragen's loud voice echoed through the squad room.

"Hey, Cap!" Elliot's mood brightened as he greeted him.

"How ya doin', cap'n?" Fin shook his hand.

"You shouldn't be here. You need to rest, Captain." Olivia hugged him, not believing he was here, but he did seem to be doing well.

"Don't worry, I have everything under control." Munch grinned. "Doc said he could by here for a bit before I take him home and tuck him into bed."

Cragen smiled at her concern. "I told Morris I wanted to be here when he named my replacement."

"_Temporary_ replacement," Elliot corrected him, his arms folded across his chest, reverting to his previous mood.

Smiling to himself, Cragen repeated Elliot's words. "Right..._temporary_ replacement." He knew Elliot was thinking that the unfamiliar man was going to be the interim captain.

"Listen...I have a few papers to go through and take care of...I'll be just a minute." Cragen told them and headed to his office.

He sat at his desk, remembering the conversation he was having with Olivia not even a week ago. All that morning he had felt strange...nothing he could put his finger on. After lunch he had a bad case of heartburn which he rarely experienced. Then in the middle of talking, intense pain shot through his chest and he realized he was having a heart attack. Before he could say a word, it had rendered him unconscious. He vaguely remembered a quizzical look on Olivia's face as he fell to the floor. The next thing he remembered was talking to his crew in the ER.

The Chief stuck his head in the door. "Don...we're ready. You want me to bring everyone in here or you want to come out?"

"I'll come out there...more room." Cragen looked around his office one more time, knowing this was going to be the longest two or three months of his life. Slowly, he made his way back to the group.

Cragen surveyed the squad room. Olivia was leaning against the file cabinets, her left elbow propped on top, obsessively clicking an ink pen in her right hand open and closed. Her hands always seemed to be busy. Elliot was standing near her, hands on his hips, feet spread wide apart, his eyes narrowed. His classic stance he fell into when he was angry or upset or both. Cragen chuckled to himself. Fin was sitting at his desk, leaning back a bit in his chair, his fingers steepled at his waist, scowling. Munch sat on the corner of Olivia's desk, peering at the world over his glasses that had slid to the tip of his nose. The Chief and the others stood in a group near Fin's desk. The chief called attention.

"Good morning. I have several things of interest for the SVU, so let's get on with the business at hand. First, let me just mention that we are hearing the new ADA should be in place sometime late next week or the week after. We'll keep you abreast of that situation. Now, for the matters at hand. Captain Cragen will be out for at least two and a half months and possibly longer. We feel that someone needs to be at the helm of the unit. After much discussion, we came up with a name, someone we thought would be right for the job and the Captain agreed with us." Looking Don's way, he laughed. "We don't always agree so easily, do we, Don?"

Everyone laughed politely. Elliot rolled his eyes and Olivia elbowed him and gave him a piercing look. Seeing the exchange, Fin smiled to himself, shaking his head.

"It is with great pleasure that I present you with your new captain...temporary, of course... Captain Elliot Stabler." He smiled and strode over to Elliot to pump his hand.

Elliot's head snapped up to look first at the Chief, then Cragen, then Olivia. His eyes wide, his mouth hanging open, he was in pure shock. _He_ was the new captain? The brass _hated _him. He had more infractions filed away in his jacket than there were cabs in all five boroughs of New York City combined. He had been brought before the IAB more times than he could remember. And his reputation as a hot-headed and impulsive renegade was legend. In fact, it had earned him the nickname of 'the UnStabler'. Yet, they wanted _him_ for Cragen's job?

"Stabler...you are hot-headed and aggressive but you know this job inside-out. Don't make me regret this decision," Chief Morris told him, still shaking his hand.

"Yes, Sir. I mean, no sir. You won't regret it, Sir." Elliot tried to look serious, but the grin breaking out across his face had a mind of its own.

Olivia stifled her laughter. He was like a little boy who had just been told he had free reign in a candy store. She was just as shocked as he was...and bursting with pride for her partner, her best friend. She went to him, slapping him on the back in congratulations.

"Stabler, I am so proud of you! I...uh...mean..._Captain_ Stabler." Her eyes shone with her pride and...was that...love? She burst out laughing and so did he.

"Thanks, Benson." He grinned and put an arm around her waist, pulling her close for just a second.

Munch came over and jabbed Elliot in the chest. "Just don't go getting a big head. You're already cockier than should be legal!" Munch joked. "Seriously, congratulations, man."

"I'm sure you won't have any trouble knocking me down a notch if I need it. Thanks, Munch." They shook hands and hugged each other.

Fin, his arms folded across his chest, gave his best frown. "All I gotta say is I know my job and I don't need some 'nice'..." Making quotations in the air, he couldn't help starting to smile, as he repeated Elliot's earlier words. "...guy jerking me around, telling me how to do my job! You got that, Stabler?" He grumbled back, a deeper frown creasing his brow. He then extended his had to Elliot.

"I got it, man. I got it!" Elliot laughed and then turned as the Captain spoke to him.

"Captain Stabler...I think the brass made an excellent decision. You have what it takes to be a great captain, Elliot. Just keep a hold on that temper of yours. I'm proud of you, son." He reached out and pulled Elliot in to a big bear hug.

"I will, Sir. Thank you, Don." He hugged him back and grinned as the captain turned to face everyone.

"All right, people. Chief Morris has another item of business. So, listen up," Cragen ordered, then took a seat at Elliot's desk.

Chief Morris nodded at the man no one seemed to know. "This is Jake Zoumberis. He started his career in the NYPD but transferred upstate...Albany Police Department...his hometown, to be near his mother who was ill. He was there for seven years, but six months ago he came back to the NYPD. He has nineteen years in law enforcement including criminal investigations, homicide, narcotics and special vics. Since Manhattan SVU is short handed given Detective Lake's departure and now with Detective Stabler acting as captain, we thought it prudent to bring in some help. We have decided to partner Detective Zoumberis with Detective Benson

A knot suddenly made itself known in the pit of Olivia's stomach. She knew Elliot would not be happy about this new partnership. At all. Since Elliot's divorce four months ago, they had been working hard at repairing the friendship they had in the early years before everything had begun to work against them to tear them apart. It had evolved to the point that she was beginning to see things shift in their relationship. Olivia was beginning to think he would finally ask her out as a date. As something more than a partner or friend. That was certainly her hope but by the same token she had not been sitting around waiting. She dated when the opportunity presented itself and did things with girlfriends. She kept busy.

She looked over at Jake. He was already looking at her and smiling. As her eyes met his, he winked as she returned his smile and looked away, glancing at Elliot. The grin that had been plastered to his face after being announced captain was gone, and she saw the fire of fury burning in his narrowed eyes.

The Chief made the round of introductions between Jake Zoumberis and the others. It was all Elliot could do to shake his hand and not put a defensive move on him to flip him on his back and pound him into the concrete floor.

"Okay, people...time to get to work. Olivia, show Detective Zoumberis around the precinct. He can use Lake's desk today. Elliot can clear his desk a little later," Cragen told her and then turned to Elliot. "I need to speak with you and show you a few things, Elliot."

As Elliot followed Cragen to his office, he watched Jake leaning toward Olivia as if he could not hear what she was saying. Then he said something and Olivia threw her head back in laughter. He grinned and put his hand at the small of her back as she led him toward the file and interrogation rooms. Elliot felt the pressure building in his head.

"And the second file drawer is where any forms you might possibly need are located." Cragen opened the drawer so Elliot could see the contents. "Do you have any questions?"

For the first ten minutes or so, Elliot had been paying close attention to Captain Cragen's instructions until he saw Olivia and Jake come back to the bullpen. It was impossible to concentrate on Cragen's words now. Jake was hanging over her shoulder as she showed him something on the computer, one hand stretched across the back of her chair. He was close. Too close. Then he leaned across and she moved to one side so he could type. Finally, she stood so he could sit and then she was the one leaning over his shoulder. Why did she have to have _that_ tank on? It was cut lower that most of the ones she wore. His blood pressure continued to rise.

Upon his lack of response, Cragen followed his gaze out the window to Olivia and Jake at Olivia's desk. "Elliot?" Cragen spoke a little louder and put his hand on Elliot's shoulder.

His full attention snapped back to the Captain. "Yes, Sir...I'm sorry...what did you say?"

"Like I said before...keep a hold on that temper of yours." Cragen nodded toward Olivia and Jake as he patted Elliot on the shoulder on his way out of what was now Elliot's office. "It's all yours...I'm a phone call away if you have questions. Good luck, Captain."

"Thank you, Sir." Elliot smiled and started to follow Cragen out, but the ringing of the phone stopped them both. He just stood there until Cragen spoke.

"_Your_ phone's ringing, Captain Stabler." Cragen grinned at the look of surprise on Elliot's face.

"Oh...yea...right!" He ran to the desk, his desk, and picked up the phone.

"Manhattan SVU, Detec...uh...Captain Stabler." His face broke into the wide grin once again and Cragen gave him a salute and left.

**Squad Room ******** Monday Evening, August, 18****th**

Elliot was exhausted. He found that being Captain, while not as physically demanding, took just as much, if not more, out of you mentally. He had spent hours on the phone and in meetings. He had asked Olivia if she wanted to catch lunch and she said she would, but then he got called to another 'urgent' conference call between 1Police Plaza, Brooklyn SVU's captain and himself. She had waited way past her normal lunch time to go with him and he finally had to tell her to go on without him. She smiled and said that she understood. Five minutes later he saw her leaving with Jake and heard her tell Munch they were going to Moretti's. That was _their_ favorite Italian place. She just had to take him to Moretti's?

Then tonight he had asked her if she wanted to grab something to eat. She was sitting at her desk, her chin propped in her left hand, her right resting on the mouse. He watched her for a minute and then leaned over her shoulder from behind and spoke.

"Hey, Liv...wanna grab something to eat?" He spoke softly almost right in her ear.

So engrossed in her work, she jumped when he spoke, her head nearly colliding with his. "Oh, Elliot! You startled me!" Then she started laughing and slapped at him.

He laughed, too, and brushed the bangs from her face. "Sorry...so, what do you say? How about we hit O'Reilly's?"

"Uh...the guys and Casey are already on the way to Flannery's...and I told them we would meet them. Come with us." She smiled.

"You told them 'we' would be there? What if I didn't want to go?" He smirked as he leaned over her desk, both hands curled around the edges.

"Oh...uh...I didn't mean you and me 'we'...I meant me and Jake 'we'...but you know you are welcome to come and when have you ever passed up a chance for a beer?"

Too late she realized how that sounded as she saw the flicker of hurt pass over his face. The hurt quickly changed and suddenly, he was fighting anger and rage. She saw each emotion as he felt it. He kept remembering Cragen's words to him...'keep a hold on that temper of yours'...well, it was not easy in a situation like this.

She tried to ignore that she had upset him and that she now felt the anger emanating from him. "You _are _coming with us, right?" She placed her left hand over his right since it rested so closely to her. Watching him closely, she_ knew _he was going to turn her down.

"Well, I don't know...maybe I should just stick around here a little longer and..." He stood up, effectively disengaging her hand from his, shook his head and massaged his neck.

"El...don't. Please...come with us...with me." She raised her head and stared him down, brown on blue.

He could still feel the warmth...the burn...of her hand on his and there was no way he could resist her. "Okay...if you're sure I'm not intruding on anything..."

"Why do you think you would you be intruding?" She looked at him with a bewildered frown.

He just looked at her. Why _did_ he feel like that? "I don't know...I just..."

Before he could finish, Jake walked in the squad room, a couple of folders in his hand. "Hey, Liv...I got those files you needed from homicide."

When he saw Elliot standing by Olivia's desk, he grinned. "Hey, Captain. How was your first day?"

Elliot's first day, while not bad, was hectic, but it apparently was not going to end on a very good note. Not with this jerk hanging around Olivia. He knew he was trying to be nice and Elliot really had no reason to feel such animosity toward him, but that did not alter the fact that he did. However, he could feel Olivia's eyes on him and could almost hear what they were saying, so he played nice.

He managed to plaster on a smile and respond in a civil manner. "Not too bad. Different from being in the field all day, but I'll get used to it."

"That's good, Sir." He smiled and then looked at Olivia. "Well, are we about ready to head over to...uh..." He snapped his fingers in quick succession.

"Flannery's," Elliot supplied for him. "Let me lock up and I'll be right with you guys."

"Oh...you're going with us?" Jake asked as though he could not believe it.

"Sure El's going. We always go together...the whole squad," Olivia spoke quickly before Elliot could respond in the anger she saw rise within him.

"No problem...just thought it was odd that a Captain would hang out with his subordinates, that's all," Jake explained.

Subordinate. Elliot like that word in connection with Jake Zoumberis. He just might have to use a little authority on this particular subordinate. He was their captain now and yes, that did make them his subordinates. He would never intentionally abuse his newly bestowed authority against his colleagues, his friends, but this guy. In a heartbeat.

"Well, Cragen's not just our captain...he's a friend, too," Olivia told Jake.

"Yea...we're a really tight knit group...like family," Elliot said over his shoulder as he walked to his office.

**Flannery's Pub & Grill ******** Monday Evening, August, 18****th**** - 6:45 p.m.**

Arriving at Flannery's, they quickly spotted the rest of the crew. Though Casey was no longer their ADA, she had come, too. Having been disbarred by the New York Bar Association because of her actions during the cold rape case that Chester Lake had been unofficially working, she was going home to Texas. She only had two more weeks in New York

The booth they were in sat three people comfortably on each side. Munch was by the wall with Casey next to him. Across from them sat Fin. Olivia took a seat next to him and before Elliot could make a move, Jake slid in next to her. Casey, Munch and Fin glanced up at him at the same time. All three knew that Elliot would not be happy about Jake slipping in beside Olivia. She, on the other hand, was oblivious to what was going on. She was too busy laughing at something Jake said. That left Elliot with the seat next to Casey. He was not happy about these seating arrangements.

Olivia was still...was that giggling? That rare sound made him look over at her. She had one hand at the base of her throat and the other...the other resting on Jake's forearm. He glanced at the two pitchers of beer sitting in the middle of the table, surrounded by unused mugs. Beer was not going to do. Not tonight. It was beginning to look like a hard liquor night. Instead of sitting down, he turned toward the bar.

He jerked his right thumb over his shoulder. "I'm going to grab a drink...anyone want something other than beer?"

That got Olivia's attention. She turned her eyes toward him and his eyes caught hers. Her hand was still on Jake's arm and she slowly slid it away. She noticed the muscle in Elliot's jaw working. He was upset about something and she had no clue what it could be. Maybe he really had a bad day after all and had wanted to talk about it. He rarely drank anything other than beer unless he was very stressed or very upset. She could not help but be concerned a bit.

Returning with a glass in one hand and a bottle of scotch in the other, Elliot sat down next to Casey.

"Tough first day as captain, Captain?" Munch leaned around Casey to make his comment.

"It had its moments," Elliot replied, pouring a good measure of the scotch into the glass tumbler. Like now, he thought. Olivia sitting across the table from him, laughing, no...giggling, again, at her new partner, her hand on his arm, touching him. Taking two big gulps of the liquid, he emptied the glass. As it slid down his throat, it burned causing him to suck in his breath and to grimace at the sensation. His eyes watered and seconds later the warmth spread throughout his empty stomach and nausea settled in for the night.

"You know, the precincts I've worked at before...the captain would never fraternize with his unit like this," Jake observed as he looked straight into Elliot's eyes.

Elliot stared back, his hand over the top of his glass, his index finger making circles along the edge. "Well, welcome to the one-six, buddy." He did not even try to hide the annoyance in his voice.

It grew quiet as everyone realized the tension between the two men. They knew why Elliot was upset, but Jake was new and they were not sure how to read him just yet.

"You got some kinda problem with Stabler being here?" Fin asked as he leaned over Olivia to look Jake in the eye.

"No...no problem...just thought it strange." Jake threw his hands up in surrender.

Olivia arched her left eyebrow at Elliot a silent plea for him to back off. "Like I said before, Cragen's not just our captain...he's our friend and so is Elliot." She smiled at Elliot first and then Jake.

Jake nodded and the tension eased. Just a little. "So, Zoumberis...why'd you move back to the city?" Munch tried to steer the conversation to safer waters.

"My mother had been ill for several years and needed someone close by. I have a sister who lives in Oregon, so my moving home made the most sense. She died last year. I always missed New York," He explained.

Everyone mumbled their condolences and Olivia lightened the mood by changing the subject again. "What kind of things do you like to do when you are not working?"

"I like just about any sports...was center for my college basketball team...small community college...I'm not tall enough for the big college league. Weightlifting, racquetball...I play softball...moved back just in time to play here. ...like I said just about any sport."

"Oh, yeah? I play softball, too. I was the pitcher for my team. Did you play with the league at Hutchinson Field?" Casey asked.

"Yes, I did," Jake grinned.

The two of them started in on a fairly lengthy conversation about softball. Munch and Fin started talking about the call they had gone out on earlier in the day. That left Olivia and Elliot. It wasn't easy talking over Casey and Jake, so Olivia bumped Jake with her hips and asked him to slide out and change places with her so she could talk to Elliot easier.

Once she was situated, she smiled at Elliot, leaning across the table her chin resting in her left hand. "Tell me about your first day, _Captain_ Stabler?

He could not help the smirk that played at the corners of his mouth at her calling him by his new title. "I never realized how much work Cragen really does. Mostly on the phone and in those ridiculously long and boring meetings with the brass and just about everyone else in the NYPD. And decisions...every time I turned around there was a decision to be made."

"What? You thought all he did was hang out, drink Munch's bad coffee and think of orders to bark and things to get onto us about...to make our lives miserable?" She laughed, her brown eyes sparkling in the low light of the bar.

This is what he had wanted tonight. To be with her. Just _her_. To talk and laugh and just be together. He _needed_ to tell her about his day. He _needed_ her to know he was not sure he could do this job. He _needed_ her to tell him he could, to encourage him. He just _needed_ to be near her tonight. To be able to draw from her confidence in him, to take strength from her unfailing faith that he _was_ capable of this tremendous assignment. This biggest opportunity in his career. Yes, this is just what he had wanted...and needed tonight. Olivia.

--

A/N: Hey!! Where is everybody? I'd really like to hear if you guys like this story...yea, yea...I know I stay on you guys. But if I don't get reveiws...how am I suppose to know whether or not you like the story enough for me to continue? Come on, now...it only takes a sec to post a review...hours and hours to write a chapter! I'm counting on you!

NOTE: Thanks to my separated-at-birth-twin, xoc, for her taking time to proof this chapter and give me encouragement along with suggestions and corrections! AND please check out our joint effort Deluge by BenxlerXOC. Thanks to all who are following it, too! " ) Bensler


	3. Care

Chapter 3 Care

**Chapter 3 Care**

**Squad Room • Friday Evening, August, 22****nd ****• 6:08 p.m.**

The week had flown by for Elliot. He had been so busy, he had very little time to pay much attention to Olivia and Jake and their new partnership. There were a couple of times he felt the stab of jealousy as he caught a glimpse of them talking or laughing about something. Yesterday morning when Jake came in with doughnuts, coffee and one tea for the crew, Elliot had been standing at Fin's desk going over a current case. Olivia was in his line of sight right past Fin and he saw Jake hand her the tea and could not help but hear their conversation.

"Jake…Thank you. I didn't have time to make or pick one up this morning." Olivia smiled up at him as she took the cup from him.

"You are most welcome, partner." He smiled back, watching as she took a sip.

"Mmmmm…oh, you got me honey orange blossom…one of my favorites. Lucky guess?" She grinned, holding the cup up at him.

He laughed and shook his head. "No. Heard you telling Munch yesterday afternoon that you were out of it and had to drink one of the plain ones from the coffee table." He stood there holding out the box of doughnuts to her.

"Cream and two sugars, too. How'd you know that?" She laughed as she lifted a chocolate covered doughnut from the box.

"Well, I figure if you are going to have my back, I should know everything I can about you. So, I've been keeping my eye on you." He smiled and winked at her.

Elliot's blood pressure skyrocketed, but he somehow maintained control of his mouth. Keeping an eye on her? That better be all he puts on her, Elliot thought. Olivia had smiled at Jake, set her cup down and turned to her computer. As she did, she glanced up right into Elliot's eyes and her smile widened at him, a sparkle appearing in her eyes. He even managed to smile back and then turn to finish talking with Fin.

He had barely had time to talk to Olivia at all that week. They had gone to dinner Tuesday after work and talked briefly on the phone twice in the evening. He normally liked staying busy, but this kind of busy was different, and he was exhausted by weeks end. The long meetings with the brass and other captains, the classes and seminars, phone conferences and paperwork-endless mountains of paperwork took a lot out of him. He was glad all the kids had other plans and Kathy had taken Eli to visit her parents out of town. Not that he did not want to see his kids; but, he really just wanted to go home, take a hot shower and vegetate in front of the television.

In recent months, he and Olivia had fallen into the pattern of going out on most Friday evenings. Either for a drink with the guys or alone, or sometimes they would get a pizza to take to her place or his and watch a movie on DVD. Sometimes they even went out for dinner. On the weekends he had the kids, most of the time she would hang out with all of them. He was so tired tonight he did not really even feel like being with anyone, even Olivia. But then he thought he would at least ask if she wanted to go for a quick drink before he headed home. He looked out into the bullpen, but she was not at her desk.

He gathered some files on Cragen's…_his_desk, locked them in the desk drawer and straightened up a little. He was never this neat with his own desk, but he never knew when Morris or someone else from 1PP would appear. He was doing his best to keep friction to a minimum. Turning all the lights out save the desk lamp, he locked the door and stepped out in the squad room. He was nearly to Olivia's desk when he heard footsteps echo through the room. Looking toward the sound he saw Olivia coming from the locker room and did a double take.

She had changed from her work clothing and now had on a bright blue dress made of some kind of shiny material. It was sleeveless, form fitting and the hem came mid thigh. It's neck line was scooped and showed just enough cleavage that had she been one of his daughters, he would have expressed his displeasure about her wearing it out in public. As it was, he simply tried not to look too closely. She smiled at him as she rounded the corner. She looked absolutely incredible.

"Hey, El. Big plans with the kids?" She smiled again as she came up to him and reached to pull a piece of lint from his blue shirt. Her eyes sparkled as she dangled it in front of his face.

"Fuzz bug." He took the lint from her and rolled it between his fingers before he dropped it into the trash.

"Fuzz bug?" She laughed at the term.

"Yea…Maureen coined it when she was about two. There was a piece of black fuzz from a furry collar on Kathy's coat and Maur thought it was a bug. I kept blowing it toward her to make it look like it was running after her. She finally dubbed it 'fuzz bug' and that is what all my kids call any lint to this day."

"That's so cute. So, what are you guys doing tonight?" She asked as she pulled a tube of lip gloss from the top drawer of her desk.

"Nothing. The kids all had plans and Kathy took Eli to visit her parents. I was going to see if you wanted to grab a drink. Forgot you are going out with Marie." He smiled watching as she held a small compact mirror and applied the gloss. When she looked up, he looked down at her desk as though he were a shy schoolboy.

"Oh…I'm sorry, El." She sounded disappointed as she looked at her watch. "Hey, I'm not meeting Marie and C.J. until 7:00. If you don't mind hitting Adrianna's since it is on my way to the club, I've got time for a quick cup of tea."

His face brightened and he flashed his infamous Stabler smile. "You sure?"

Standing, she hooked her arm through his and pulled him toward the door. "I'm sure. Come on."

**Adrianna's Café • Friday Evening, August, 22****nd ****• 6:17 p.m.**

Being a Friday night, the café was already packed but they found a small, empty table in the back corner. Elliot pulled out and held Olivia's chair for her before seating himself. A waitress appeared almost immediately and they made their orders.

"So, tell me how it is really going, Captain Stabler." She teased him, smiling.

"Can't get used to everyone calling me 'Captain'…especially you." He laughed. "It's going all right. I don't think I would want the job permanently."

"Why not? Big pay increase," she pointed out as she lightly swung the saltshaker between her thumb and index finger.

"Money's not everything, though with five kids I guess I should think more about that." He looked at her and then out into the café. Why would a woman like her ever want to be with someone like him? Someone with so much baggage…ex-wife, five kids, money issues? He turned back to her to find she was just staring at him. She smiled when their eyes met.

"What don't you like about the job?" She folded her arms and leaned on the table. It took all he could do to not look at the increased cleavage. Sensing this, she quickly leaned back against her chair.

"Uh…uh…too many decisions, too many meetings, too much brass, too much saying and doing the right thing socially and politically …it's just not me, Liv. I need to be in the field. I need to throw perps around and lean on reluctant witnesses," he explained even as his mind continued on with its own reasons why he did not want to be Captain.

I need to be there, watching your back, making sure you are okay. I need to know that you are not in danger, and if you are, that someone…me…I will be there to protect you. Can't she see that I just need to be with her, near her, to see her, to talk to her?

Nodding, she smiled. "Well, Cragen will be back before you know it and you will be back in the field."

"As _your_ partner?" Elliot's eyes narrowed a bit when he asked this question.

"You got someone _else_ in mind?" The puzzled tone in her voice matched the look on her face.

He shrugged his shoulders and scanned the café once again before looking back at Olivia. "I don't know…you seem pretty chummy with Jake the jerk."

"Elliot!" Rolling her eyes, her voice held exasperation and her brows knit together in a frown.

"Okay…okay…sorry. But, you do." He looked up at her with those big baby blues filled with anguish and she nearly melted into a huge puddle of blue silk slush.

Reaching across the table, she lightly laced the fingers of her right hand with his left. "Is that jealousy I hear, Captain Stabler?"

As was their game, she teased him about his feelings, fully expecting his denial. Those were the unspoken rules. They could flirt and banter and tease but if one of them ever got too close to the truth they both held at arm's length, the other would flippantly rebuff whatever tidbit had been uncovered and effectively sound retreat. Had he simply gotten in her face and screamed at her for being too friendly with Jake, she could not have been more surprised at his response.

"Jealous? Yea, I'm jealous as all get out, Liv. Does that even matter to you?" He leveled his gaze at her as he gripped her hand and intertwined their fingers completely. He slowly pulled their joined hands to his lips, brushing them lightly over the back of her hand.

Her eyes were bigger than normal and she kept opening and closing her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She did not know what to say. Did not know what he expected her to say since he just blatantly changed the rules in mid-game. His lips had barely touched her hand, yet she could still feel them, the heat, the pressure. She noticed her heart was pounding and she was barely breathing.

"Liv, I asked you a question." He still held her hand tightly, his eyes boring into her.

"I…uh…don't know what to say? What do you want me to say?" She spoke softly, her eyes locked with his.

The warmth of his hand was sending electrical charges up her arm and through her body. She was so confused by the feelings that were assaulting her heart and mind that she wanted to do what she had always done when things became too intense between her and Elliot. Run.

He stared at her for a long minute, released her hand and leaned back in his chair. He looked around the café for the umpteenth time and shook his head. "Nothing…nothing at all."

The waitress appeared with Olivia's tea and Elliot's coffee, effectively breaking the tension between them. Olivia could not think of anything to say and hoped that Elliot would come up with something totally unrelated to the previous conversation. No such luck.

"So, what's Zoumberis like?" Elliot did not meet her eyes as he poured sugar into his coffee.

Did he want to know what he was like as a cop, a partner, a person? What exactly did that question mean, she wondered? Deciding to be as generic as possible, she decided to go with describing his skills as a cop.

"Well, it's only been one week and we've only had one case together, but he really seems to know his stuff. He's very thorough and systematic with his investigative techniques. His theories about what happened are plausible. He leaned on our suspect just enough to get him to spill on someone else. Looks like that guy is going to be our perp. Z is by the book and I suppose that pretty much sums him up." She stirred her tea the whole time she was talking about Jake.

Elliot just stared at her, unblinking. Z? She calls him Z? That sounds pretty chummy, too, he thought to himself. He was trying to decide whether or not to say something about that while at the same time his mind was warring with itself about what it meant that she called him Z. Just how close had they gotten in five days? He remembered when he was first partnered with Olivia. They were together for ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day…sometimes even longer…and it did not take long at all to get to know each other and develop a close rapport. Even then he had found her immensely attractive, but he was married and would never have stepped outside the boundaries of his vows to Kathy.

But now he was free. He and Kathy had discovered their divorce had never been halted and when things hit the fan again and they went to file for the second time, they found all they needed was a judges' signature to be legally divorced. That had been five months ago. Five months and he had done nothing to secure his place by Olivia's side and hers by his. Nothing. He was an idiot. And here he sat still not saying a word about his feelings for her. Well, he tried. Sort of. I mean, what did she think him telling her he was jealous meant? She had effectively dismissed his declaration. She must not feel the same way about him as he does her.

Now his head was spinning with thoughts of Olivia and Zoumberis…_Z_…sitting quietly on a stake-out, eating lunch or dinner together…alone, the hours spent in the cruiser going to a crime scene or to interview witnesses, grabbing a drink together after work, the time in the office...their desks, _his_ desk, pushed together just like they were pushed together as partners. Olivia was single. Zoumberis was single with no baggage that Elliot knew of and though partners dating were highly frowned upon, he worried about it. He began to feel the dull pain of a headache coming on and knew his blood pressure had to be sky high.

"El? You okay?" Olivia had been staring at him and calling his name but he was in a trance.

"Huh?" He snapped back and tried to focus on what she was saying. She was beautiful. Until he had fallen for Olivia he had always thought he preferred blonds.

"Where'd you go?" An amused smile tugged at her mouth.

"Uh…I…uh…was just thinking…I don't know." He smiled and hoped she would drop it.

"What were you thinking?"

Tell her. Tell her, you idiot. Tell her you are in love with her. Tell her you cannot live without her. Tell her she is your reason for getting up in the morning, for existing. Tell her she cannot go on this or any other date. Ask her to be with you…exclusively. Come on, Stabler. Now is as good a time as any. Tell her!

He gulped the last of his coffee and shook his head. "Nothing." He sighed deeply. "Nothing"

She looked at him and then at her watch. "Well, I need to get going…gonna be a few minutes late as it is…but C.J. is always late." She laughed and stood up, slinging her small purse over her shoulder.

"Who's C.J.? Haven't heard you mention her. Or is it him?" If she said 'him' Elliot was going to completely lose control.

"C.J. is Marie's friend…I've mentioned her before. Her birthday is the 24th so this is kind of a joint birthday celebration for them since Marie's is today." She brushed a hand through her hair and tucked her bangs behind her right ear.

"Where are you going?" Though he was sure he did not want to know the answer he asked anyway.

"Oh…uh…" She felt the instant heat rising to her face. "I…can't remember the name of the club…"

"Can't remember? Thought you were meeting them?"

"Oh…yea…uh…I am."

"Why are you turning red?" Now he was catching on. "What? Got a hot date?"

"Elliot…just drop it okay. It's their birthdays and there are six of us and so I just went along with them," she explained.

"What? You going to the Avalon or something? Never figured you to be one for a male dancer show." The smirk on his face irritated her to no end.

"No! And you're right. I wouldn't want to go to one of those shows." She also did not want to tell him where she _was_ going, but now saw no way around it. Taking a deep breath, she sighed and closed her eyes. "We're going to the Carlyle."

She was not sure why she did not want him to know exactly where she was going nor exactly with whom she was going. And she certainly could not figure out why she suddenly had guilt coursing through her as though she were doing something wrong.

The surprised registered on his face by his slight humorless smile and widened eyes. "The Carlyle? Little pricey…_and_ snooty, isn't it? Not where I would think single women would want to celebrate a birthday…that's more a place to take a date you want to impress."

Olivia's eyes fell from his and her bangs fell across her face again as she bent her head toward the floor. Realization hit him with such force that it was as though someone had delivered a sharp punch to his gut. She wasn't just going club hopping with her girlfriends for a birthday celebration. She had a date. She said there were six of them. That's why she was dressed to kill. She was meeting a man and she was beautiful.

"Ah…I see. You…uh…have a date. Anyone I know?" He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about her being with someone else. He feared she was going to tell him it was her new partner but he feared an unknown entity even more.

"No…at least…I don't think so." Her voice was not much more than a whisper and she only glanced at him and then away.

"You don't _think_ so? Who is it?" He knew his voice was demanding. He was glad it was not Zoumberis.

"I…don't…don't know…it's a blind date. A friend of Marie's boyfriend. I think she said his name is Peter."

Elliot tried to maintain a calm appearance although his insides were churning. Peter. She was going on a date with Peter. Someone she did not know. That he did not know. Peter. Aware that he was clenching and unclenching his fists, he jammed them deep in his trouser pockets.

He made a concerted effort to speak softer than before. "Thought you didn't like blind dates?"

"Well…I don't. But, it's getting harder to find single men…and well, I'm not getting any younger…and besides, it is just for tonight. For their birthday celebration…" she trailed off, glanced at him, again unable to continue looking into his eyes.

Nodding slowly, he tried to make himself say something, _anything_ to let her know that she did not have to keep looking. That if she felt for him like he felt for her, then there was no need to go on this date. That he loved her, wanted her, needed her. But, instead, he remained paralyzed by the thought that he would make a fool of himself if he said anything along those lines. Paralyzed by the fear that he would find she did not care about him like that only to lose her as his partner and best friend. Before he could find the nerve to say anything, she had twisted her watch around to check the time.

"I've really got to go...I'm late." She turned toward the exit.

Elliot laid out a ten-dollar bill and caught up with her in time to hold the door open for her. As they stepped onto the sidewalk, she scanned the road looking for a cab. She just wanted to be gone from his presence. For some reason, she was now extremely uncomfortable with him. She hailed a passing cab and as it came to a stop both she and Elliot reached for the door handle. Their hands touched and neither of them moved. Finally, he took her hand in his and pulled it to his lips. He kissed her fingers and then pulled her close and whispered in her ear.

"I never told you how beautiful you look tonight, Liv. Your date will be _more_ than impressed." He kissed her temple and released her.

"El…" She spoke softly, not really knowing what to say or how to react. Just his nearness caused her body to react on its own. Her heart quickened, her breathing became shallow…nearly non-existent, her knees felt weak, and she leaned into him even as he pulled away. That she could care so much about him, no…love him, need him, so much frightened her, as did her response to him.

He quickly turned and crossed the street, heading back to the precinct. Holding onto the open door of the cab in a feeble attempt to steady herself, she watched his back as he disappeared into the throng of people on the busy sidewalk.

**Stabler Residence • Friday Evening, August, 22****nd ****• 11:52 p.m.**

All he had wanted was to take a hot shower, grab a quick supper, watch a little TV and go to bed. He was exhausted from his first week as Captain. But, now lying in his bed he was still exhausted, staring at the ceiling, sleep nothing more than an illusive desire. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Olivia in that blue dress. Every time he saw her she was in the arms of a stranger who was holding her close, dancing with her, touching her, kissing her. So, he decided he would not close his eyes. That did little to stop his mind from barreling along the road of imagination. And his imagination was running rampant at the moment. The chirping of his cell phone garnered his attention, saving him from his last vision of some stranger kissing her. Though he hoped it was Olivia, he knew it was unlikely. Not bothering to glance at the caller I.D. he answered it as a business call.

"Stabler."

"Daddy? Did I wake you?" Maureen asked.

"Hey, sweetheart. No…I wasn't asleep." I may never sleep again, he thought. Throwing the spare pillow behind him, he sat up in the bed, the covers to his waist, his chest bare.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry I couldn't make it tonight. I owed Amy a shift since she covered for me a couple of weeks ago." Maureen had begun to look forward to being together with her Dad and siblings now that she lived on her own.

"That's okay, baby. I understand." He fluffed the pillow again and leaned back.

"Besides, with the others busy, too, I figured that would give you and Liv time together." The kids loved Olivia and Maureen knew her Dad and Liv had a very special relationship though she was not sure just what it was or if even they knew. "So what did you guys do?"

"Uh…well…actually, Liv had other plans." An involuntary sigh escaped from him and he immediately knew that was not good.

"What? What other plans?" Maureen heard the disappointment in her father's sigh and her voice exuded bewilderment.

Elliot did not want to have the conversation with his oldest daughter that he knew was about to take place. "She…had a…a date."

"What! A date? Dad! I thought the two of you were…I mean…don't you…aren't you like…you know…going together?" She knew her Dad was not seeing anyone else and she knew he cared deeply for Olivia. She did not understand why he was not clearer about his intentions.

"Going together? Where did you get that idea?" In truth, he sort of thought the same thing. Unofficially. And obviously, erroneously.

"I don't know, Dad. You spend nearly all day every day with her at work. She's at your place or you are at hers nearly every evening. She basically spends most of the weekend with us when we come to see you. Tell me, where did I get that idea?" The annoyance was clear in her tone of voice.

How could she do this, Maureen wondered? She really thought the two of them had something going. What was she doing out on a date? Without her Dad? From what her Dad just said it was apparent that he had never asked Olivia to be with him exclusively and Maureen found that absolutely impossible to believe. The way her Dad lit up when Olivia came into a room, the way he was just calmer and in such a good mood when he was with her, she knew he loved her, was in love with her. Just watching Olivia around him was all she needed to see to know beyond all doubt that she was totally, completely, head over heels in love with her father. And since she was absolutely certain of this, why was Olivia out on a date? With another man? Why did her father let her go?

"Maureen…Liv's my best friend…I care about her a lot…" he began but was interrupted.

"Best _friend_? You _care_ about her a lot? Oh, come on, Dad! There is a lot more than best friend going on here! Are you blind? I really didn't think you were as dumb as most men!" She was getting angry now. Surely her father was not so clueless as to not see what was crystal clear to everyone else.

"You watch your tone with me, young lady." Elliot spoke firmly. "You may be living on your own, but I am still your father and you will speak to me with respect. Am I clear?"

"Yes. Yes, sir. I'm sorry. Listen, this really is none of my business. I just wanted to let you know I wish I could have come over, okay, Dad?" She sounded sorry. Or was it resigned?

"That's okay, babe. Just drop in when you have a chance."

"Okay. I love you, Daddy."

"Love you, too, Maur."

"Daddy?"

"Yea?"

"She won't wait forever…"

Before he could respond he realized she had ended the call. He slammed the cell phone shut and threw it on the night table. Then he pulled the extra pillow from under him, furiously pummeled it like a boxing bag and then slung it across the room. He was so confused. As he fell back upon the remaining pillow, the only thing he was sure of was there would be little, if any, sleep for him tonight.

eoeoeoeoeo


	4. Confused

**_A/N: You will NEVER believe what happened to me Wednesday! Mom found out my van was in the shop (again! They are re-doing the transmission…again!) and insisted I take her car. I had just dropped her off and was on my way to run errands when two blocks from her house some idiot ran a stop sign. Guess where he was heading? Traffic court!! LOL!! I just thought that was hilarious!! _**

**_Hit me in the driver back wheel, spun me nearly completely around. Found out today that her car is totaled...it would not even start...had to be towed. I spent 4 hours in the ER...neck and shoulder pain...got muscle relaxer and RX motrin...okay this morning except for some stiffness and my back was killing me yesterday but did not hurt the day it happened. He had insurance, thank God! Mom DID get a rental out of the insurance company and my friend and neighbor are letting me borrow their truck._**

**_My apologies for taking so long to post chapter 4…I think the next couple should go faster. I have just had a rough couple of weeks. Such are the things of life, right? Thank you for hanging with me and continuing to read…and review. " ) Bensler_**

**_P.S. This was not beta-ed...so let me know of anything that is wrong...but do it nicely...I have had a rough time lately... " )_**

**--**

**Chapter 4 Confused**

**The Carlyle • Friday Evening, August, 22****nd ****• 11:52 p.m.**

Olivia could not remember the last time she had laughed so much. Between Marie's date, Olivia's blind date and C.J., she stayed in stitches. They were so funny. Her date, Peter, turned out to be a very handsome, very tall…he was easily 6'5" and he was fun. He was also apparently fairly well off because almost the entire wait staff at Carlyle's knew him, so he must eat there regularly. The jazz band was awesome and they danced and talked and enjoyed the music. She was having a great time.

When the waiter had come to take their orders and Peter leaned toward Olivia asking, "Do you mind if I order for you?"

She had never had a date ask to order her meal and was surprised by his question. "As long as you are certain I will like it," she smiled.

He grinned and squinted his eyes at her as though trying to read her mind. "I think I know just what to order," he answered

"For you and the lady, Mr. Harman." the waiter stood poised to commit their order to memory.

"I will have the Colorado rack of lamb and for the lady, roasted Amish chicken. Thank you, Derrick." he smiled slightly at the waiter, then turned and winked at Olivia.

She smiled shyly in return. Half an hour later Olivia was finishing off the grilled zucchini and eggplant and she was stuffed. The chicken was superb. "I must say, I am very pleased with my meal, Peter."

"I knew you would be."

"You must come here often."

"Hmmm…often enough."

"Hey…how about we go check out that new coffee house down the block?" Marie's boyfriend, Chris, suggested as he picked up the bill.

Olivia glanced at her watch and briefly wondered what Elliot was doing. Though she was having a good time and Peter turned out to be very good company she still could not help but think of Elliot. 11:52. She hoped he was either sleeping or at least caught up in a ball game and was not too lonely.

"Liv! Come on!" Marie grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of her trance to catch up with the others.

The men were a few steps ahead and chattering about the upcoming World Series. Olivia, Marie and C.J. were close behind, but not too close.

"So, what do you think? Would you go out with him again?" C.J. nodded toward Peter.

"He's very nice," Olivia smiled looking toward him.

"And tall. I love tall men. I think Kevin said he is 6 foot 6 inches," C.J. said excitedly.

"Nice? That's all you can say?" Marie was trying to goad her into saying more.

"Well, he is good looking and very much the gentleman." She paused for a moment and then looked at C.J. "I like tall men, too, but it's much too early to form an overall opinion of him. I mean, I just met him four and half hours ago," Olivia raised an eyebrow at Marie.

Peter had stopped along the sidewalk, waiting for the women to catch up. He went to Olivia and extended his crooked arm and said, "Please forgive me, Olivia. I'm afraid I became too caught up in the World Series discussion and forgot my manners."

C.J. and Marie just looked at him, then Olivia, who grinned widely, and then at each other in shock that a man would be that thoughtful.

Olivia curled her hand around his arm and they talked the rest of the way to the coffee shop. Kevin and Chris never even missed Peter falling back, so C.J. and Marie talked among themselves.

The coffee shop was packed. There was nowhere to sit and the estimated wait was an hour. It was just after midnight and no one seemed ready to end the evening. So when C.J. suggested they all go by her place, they agreed. When they got there, she made coffee and they all sat in the living room. Kevin noticed the stack of games on her bookshelf and leaned over and pulled out Scrabble.

"Hey, anyone up for a game? We could play couples against couples. What do you guys say?" Not waiting for an answer, he opened the box, pulled out the board and opened it on the coffee table.

Two and half hours later, they were all winding down. It was nearly 3:00 a.m. and the guys decided to call it a night. C.J. asked Marie and Olivia if they just wanted to crash there and they decided that would be good. After saying goodnight to the guys, C.J. got blankets and extra pillows from the linen closet. Marie took the couch and Olivia the recliner. By the time C.J. got to her bedroom they were sound asleep.

**Stabler Residence ****• Saturday Morning, August, 23****rd****• 7:45 a.m.**

Even though he did not have him today, Elliot woke up at the same time that Eli always seemed to wake up. Looking at the clock, he groaned. It seemed he had just gone to sleep. His first coherent thought was of Olivia. His last coherent thought last night had been of her. He closed his eyes and lay there hoping to fall back asleep. Fifteen minutes later, he threw back the covers and sat on the edge of his bed. He rarely had a day to himself and he had no idea what to do with it.

Deciding to go for a run, he changed into gray shorts, a red muscle shirt and his running shoes. He picked up his cell phone with the intention of calling Olivia to see is she might want to run with him. It had been nearly a month since they ran together. No. She had a date last night and it would be too early to wake her. On a Saturday. On her day off. He wondered if she had a good time; if the jerk asked her out again. Of course, he did. Who wouldn't want to date Olivia? Why couldn't he just tell her how he felt about her? She confused him, that's why. One minute she is hanging out with him and his kids, having a blast and the next she is on a date with some jerk she doesn't even know. He shook his head, clipped his phone to the band of his shorts and headed out the door.

Just over an hour later, Elliot returned home laden with a few groceries he had picked up and the newspaper from the corner market. He dumped every thing on the kitchen counter, rummaging through to find the frozen chocolate chip waffles and frozen pizzas. Dickie and Lizzie would be coming over this afternoon and he hoped Kathy would be back with Eli, too.

He took a shower, shaved and then picked up around the apartment. It was ridiculous how messy he could get it when he was rarely even home. He cleaned the bathroom. Everything. By the time he finished, the toilet, the tub and shower, the sink gleamed like new. He had even mopped. He stripped the sheets, put on clean ones and even made the bed. He rarely did because he figured he was just going to mess it up again that night. And beside it wasn't like anyone would see it.

Gathering clothes from one end of the apartment to the other, he put on a load in the washer and then went back to finish putting the groceries away. He took a minute to put on a pot of coffee. Then collected dishes and glasses from the living room and bedroom and put them in the dishwasher. As he nearly tossed his cookies trying to scrape some kind of hairy, black mold from one of the plates he found under the bed, he realized why his mother and Kathy would not allow eating in the bedrooms. He made a mental note to put that rule into play. Soon. Though the dishwasher was far from full, he added the detergent and turned it on the 'sanitize' cycle.

By the time he had finished a second load of wash and dried and put up the first load, it was just after ten o'clock and he was getting hungry. He thought about making an omelet but then decided maybe he could get Olivia to go for brunch. He'd catch a cab to her place and then they could walk to the diner a couple of blocks from her place. He went to change shirts, pulling on a medium blue Polo to go with the khaki cargo pants he had on. As an afterthought, he went back into his bedroom and grabbed the bottle of Paul Sebastian cologne Olivia had given him for his birthday in April. He realized though he had worn it a couple of times, it was never around her. He put some on, looked at himself in the mirror and said, "Stabler, you are one big schmuck!" Grabbing his keys and cell phone he took off for Olivia's.

**C.J.'s Residence ****• Saturday Morning, August, 23rd****• 10:10 a.m.**

Stretching, Olivia moaned and groaned. Marie was stirring and stretching, too. C.J.'s door was still closed, so it was a fair bet that she was still sleeping.

"I can't believe we slept in these dresses," Marie yawned, sitting up and throwing the blanket on the couch.

"Me either…I doubt the wrinkles will ever come out," Olivia stretched again, yawning herself, then looking at her watch. "We slept about seven hours…a whole lot more than I normally get."

"Want to split cab fare?" Marie stood now and tried to smooth her clothing.

"Yea…sure." Olivia pushed on the footrest of the recliner causing it to sit upright. She followed Marie, quietly closing the apartment door behind them.

**Benson Residence ****• Saturday Morning, August, 23rd****• 10:35 a.m.**

Elliot took the steps to Olivia's building by two and hit the buzzer. No answer. The second time he hit it, someone was coming out of the building. He had a key to Olivia's apartment but not the building. She had given it to him that first year they were partnered for 'emergencies'. Maybe she was in the shower and didn't hear the buzzer, he told himself. He should have called, he thought. Taking the steps to the third floor two at a time; he froze when he got to her door.

What if she was still sleeping? What if she…oh, no! He had not let his mind slide down that road. But there was no way around it now. What if she had company? _Overnight_ company. Not only would his stint as captain would be cut short, he would lose his badge because he would kill whoever it was…with his bare hands. His stomach clenched at the thought of Olivia answering the door and not letting him in because someone else was there. _Someone else_. He swallowed hard and knocked. No answer. Then he found himself trying to decide what he would do if her _company_ answered the door. He suddenly felt very nauseous. Maybe he was just hungry. Maybe he should just go home; instead he raised his hand and knocked again.

**Benson Residence ****• Saturday Morning, August, 23rd****• 10:40 a.m.**

Thirty minutes later, after dropping Marie off at her place, Olivia slipped out of the cab, handed money to the driver and made her way into her apartment building. She was still tired and still could not believe she slept in her beautiful dress. It was so wrinkled. She slipped out of her heels, carrying them in her left hand as she made her way up the stairs in her bare feet. Searching her shoulder purse for her keys, she still had her head bent digging for them when she reached the landing to her floor and headed for her door.

Knocking one more time, there was still no answer. He checked his watch. It was 10:40. Just then he heard someone in the stairwell and looked up. Olivia. Digging in her purse, barefoot, the shiny blue dress from the night before wrinkled like a wadded up piece of paper. His heart jumped to his throat and the contents, or rather the lack of contents, of his stomach seemed to want action as well. He swallowed hard. He wondered where she had been all night. Wondered why her date did not have the decency to see her to her door. He realized she was looking for her key.

"I have a spare key," he spoke softly, but the sarcasm was there. No one else would have noticed it but she did.

Startled by the deep, very familiar voice, she froze in her tracks, her right hand still in her purse, her black heels hanging from the fingers of her left hand. She knew what he would be thinking and she knew they were about to fight. Big time. Her mouth opened and closed and when she did not say anything, he spoke again.

"You gave it to me for emergencies. Remember? I guess coming home the next morning after what must have been one heck of a blind date could constitute an emergency." He took a step toward her, holding up the key.

"Elliot," she could barely say his name as she walked toward him, taking the key from his outstretched hand.

She could almost read his mind and had no trouble at all reading his eyes. He was upset and she was sure she knew why, but he had no right. They had no commitment to one another. He had never tried to make their relationship anything other than friends. She was not going to just idly sit by hoping for something that may never happen.

She keyed into the apartment, flinging the door wide open. She dropped her shoes by the entrance and put her purse on the small table by the door. Elliot stood just outside the door with his hands fisting by his side, his eyes narrowed and his jaw jumping.

"Come in or go away, but please close the door," she commanded, in a voice that held much more confidence than she felt at the moment.

She really thought he would leave and was surprised when she heard the door close and looked up to see him standing there. The look on his face was a mixture of anger, hurt and grief. She was confused by it. She simply did not know what he expected of her or what he wanted from her. They stared at each other, neither knowing what to say.

"Why are you here?" She raked her hands through her hair, wondering just how bad her makeup was smeared.

Even with the smudges of mascara and eyeliner beneath her eyes, she was beautiful. Her lips were free of her ever-present lip-gloss and he tried to remember when he had last seen her without it. It had to be when she had returned from that terrifying undercover stint at Sealview Women's Facility.

He shrugged. "I thought maybe I could interest you in brunch. But, I see you have had other things on your mind."

"Elliot…don't," she pleaded.

"Don't what, Olivia? Don't tell you that all night long I thought about you and what you were doing? Don't tell you that I wondered if you were having a good time and if that jerk was treating you right or trying to make moves on you that you didn't want," he snorted. "Now, I see I shouldn't have wasted my time! There probably wasn't much you didn't want!" He tried to keep his voice calm and even, but it was to no avail. He was hollering and he knew he was hollering and he could not stop. He could not quit seeing her some faceless other man's arms.

Instantaneously, she felt the anger rise up within her and she took a step toward him. He towered over her in her bare feet and he seemed much bigger than normal. It made no difference because she was not the least bit intimidated by Elliot Stabler. He was out of line. Way out of line and she was about to put him in his place.

Looking up at him, she shoved his left shoulder with her fingertips and spoke with an edge to her voice, "Just who do you think you are? What gives you the right to be angry about anything to do with my date? I'm a single woman, Elliot! I'm allowed to date! Whoever and whenever I want!"

"Yea? I take it your blind date was able to _feel_ his way around just perfectly, huh, Olivia?" He ground out the words in a harsh, hoarse whisper.

He was quickly getting out of control and he knew it. He needed to step back and get out of there before he said or did something he would deeply regret. She reached out to slap him, but he caught her wrist with his left hand, grabbed the back of her head with his right and roughly hauled her up to him and kissed her. A hard, angry kiss. A bruising, demanding kiss. She struggled against him for a moment, her fists beating on his chest, trying to push him away. He held her head firmly, but then she seemed to give in and kiss him back, just as hard, just as angrily, just as demanding. But then she broke away and he saw the fury in her eyes.

"You have no right, Elliot…no right to be angry…no right to say those things…and certainly no right to kiss me," she shook her head and wiped her mouth with her hands as though she were trying to rid herself of any evidence that his lips had been on hers.

"Liv…I…uh…I'm sorry…I just," he trailed off as she interrupted him.

"Just go. Please. Go," she opened the door and stood slightly behind it as though she were trying to protect herself with its thick, solid wood.

"Liv…let me explain…please…" his voice was a low, ragged whisper as he reached his hand toward her.

She slapped it away and repeated her words. "Please, go, Elliot."

"Liv…" he pleaded.

She shook her head. "Go."

He stared at her, but she refused to let her eyes meet his for more than a second. He needed to see her eyes. He needed to hear what they would tell him, because he knew if he could see her eyes they would tell him everything he needed to know. She stared at the floor and finally, he left. He stood outside her apartment and listened as the door closed behind him and the metal of the three locks sliding into place echoed in the hallway.

**SVU Squad Room ****• Monday Morning, August, 25****th****• 7:00 a.m.**

When they were partners, Olivia almost always got to the precinct before Elliot. Since he had taken Cragen's place, he made it a point to be there before any of the detectives showed up. So, he was sitting at his desk trying to read Munch and Fin's report on a case they picked up over the weekend, when he saw Olivia come in. He glanced up and so did she but then she turned away and went to her desk and sat down.

His stomach had been gnawing at itself since Saturday morning. If this kept up much longer, he would have an ulcer. He had tried calling her, but after the third time he left a message, she had turned her phone off and it would send him straight to voice mail. He left a couple of more messages and then tried her home phone. She must have just unplugged it because after the second call he started getting a recording that there was trouble with the line.

Well, they could not afford to have this whatever it was going on with them, affect their work, so he would have to be extra careful to hide the animosity between them. Maybe he should call her in and try to straighten things out before everyone else got there. No. That would not work. This was not something that a flippant apology would fix. In fact, he was not sure what would fix it. He kept thinking about what Maureen had said about them. That she had thought they were going together. Then he thought about what else she had said, _"She won't wait forever…"_

When did his life get so screwed up? Every thing about Olivia confused him. Of course, if he were honest, he lent to that confusion by never clarifying what he thought or wanted or hoped their relationship would be or become. He knew why he never did anything about it; he was terrified that she did not want the same thing. If he told her he wanted more and she did not, she would run. Away from him. Again. He did not think he would survive her leaving him again. So, if having her as a partner and best friend was the only he could have her, he would be satisfied, because he could not live without her in his life at all. What is boiled down to was this…he was a coward. Yes. Elliot Stabler, big macho alpha male was a coward.

He saw more movement and directed his vision toward the door. Zoumberis. He had a white sack in one hand, a cardboard drink box in the other and a cup held in the crook of his arm. He watched as Olivia looked toward him and smile. She jumped up and took the drink box and set it down. He handed her the lone cup and she smiled really big and Elliot could read her lips as they said 'thank you'. Zoumberis looked his way and nodded at the office as he said something to Olivia. Elliot tried to pretend to be reading that report again when he saw Zoumberis heading his way.

"Good morning, Captain. I brought coffee for everyone," Jake smiled as he held up the cup. "Oh, doughnuts, too. They're on the Liv's desk."

Elliot reached out to accept it. "Thanks, Jake. Appreciate it."

"Heard Munch and Fin caught a case…anything Liv and I need to do to help speed that along?" He leaned against the doorframe as he spoke.

"I was just reading the report…seems pretty cut and dry…but I'll let you know for sure when I finish it," Elliot waved his hand at the report in front of him.

"Okay…we need to wrap up the paperwork on the Milner case, anyway, " he tipped his head at Elliot and went back to his desk.

**SVU Squad Room ****• Monday Morning, August, 25****th****• 11:00 a.m.**

Four hours. She could not believe she had been here four hours and managed not to have to talk to Elliot at all. She was still so angry about Saturday morning. Angry, but confused. He confused her to no end. One minute they are eating pizza and playing Monopoly with his kids, laughing as Eli keeps trying to take the dice, acting like a big happy family, and the next he is telling her she is beautiful and her date will surely be impressed. What did he want from her? She knew what she wanted. She wanted him and everything that came with him. His five kids. She loved his kids like they were her own and they loved her, too. She wanted to share his money worries, helping him wade through the finances, their finances. She wanted to be there always to still his anger, calm his rage, lessen his pain.

She wanted to see those crystal blue eyes light up with love for her like they did when he talked about his kids, or hugged one of them. She wanted Elliot Stabler, but she was trying to give him space. He just came out of a twenty-three year marriage. She worried that he would never want to marry again. That was what she wanted more than anything. To belong to someone. No, not just anyone. She wanted to belong to Elliot. He already had her heart, so in essence she already belonged to him, yet he did not seem to be aware of it. She wanted to bear his name and his child, if he could see clear to having a sixth child. But she was so afraid to push him into something he was not ready for, so she waited.

It had been almost six months since the divorce and he had yet to make any move on her. He still held her at arms length and her patience was beginning to wear a little thin. Especially, when he acted like he did Saturday. Implying that she had slept with her date was bad enough, but getting so riled about it when he had staked no claim on her? Please! Then her anger was softened when she began to relive that kiss. She had dreamed of him kissing her a million times in a million ways, yet, it was nothing like she dreamed. Thinking about it she could almost feel his lips on hers, still smell the Paul Sebastian cologne; still hear his uneven, rapid breathing and his heart pounding against her breast. She shook her head to dislodge the thoughts and turned back to writing her report.

The phone rang and Elliot picked up the receiver, answering, "Captain Stabler."

"Elliot…I told you I would call before we come…we are on the way over with your new ADA," Morris told him.

"Great. Come on," Elliot responded.

Last week they had heard rumor that the new ADA was going to be the nephew of the Commissioner. He wondered how the he would fit in with the crew and remember how difficult it had been for Casey to come in behind Alex. Of course, it was a whole different situation, but he had to admit they did not make it easy for Casey. He should apologize to her for that.

Elliot stepped out of his office and called out to the squad room, "Everybody. Listen, up. Commissioner Morris is on the way over with our new ADA. Let's be professional in our welcome to him and not make any comments about our former ADA."

He caught Olivia's eye and she quickly looked away. Him. Wonder what he will be like, she thought. Hmmm. Is he married or single? Get a grip, Benson! He's probably fresh out of law school and still wet behind the ears. Who cares? If he's male, he can be used to make Elliot jealous. What was she thinking? Did she _try_ to make Elliot jealous? She didn't think she did. Maybe she did. She was still thinking along these lines when there was a commotion at the squad room entrance. Turning she saw Commissioner Morris with District Attorney Jack McCoy, two more NYPD officials and whom she realized must be the new ADA. She felt her mouth drop to the floor.

Walking in with the men was a very blond, very tall, very beautiful woman. She exuded confidence and grace. Her smile was blinding and she laughed easily with the men. They all seemed to hang on her every word. The Commissioner walked over to Elliot and they all shook hands. She tried to read his face as they were introduced but all she could see was his smile. They talked a minute and then Elliot turned and got the attention of the squad room. Everyone gathered around and then the Commissioner stepped forward.

"I know you have been eagerly awaiting this announcement and introduction. I take pleasure in presenting the 16th Precinct with your new ADA, Ms. Jessica McDaniel. ADA McDaniel is a graduate of Bryn Mawr College and New England School of Law. She worked for four years an associate with Craig & Jenkins and, then as six years as an associate with Gill, Letterman & Brown before becoming a partner the last five years. She comes highly recommend and we believe she will be a tremendous asset to the New York County District Attorney's office."

Everyone applauded and she began meeting everyone. Olivia mentally calculated how old she must be. She had to be early forties judging from how long she had worked. Ms. He had clearly said 'Ms.' Not 'Mrs.' She must be single or the high-powered career woman. Olivia kept her eye on Elliot. He had said 'him' so he thought it was the Commissioner's nephew, too. But now, he seemed just as enthralled with her as the other men did. She was blond. He did seem to prefer blonds. Kathy was blond. Dani was blond. She felt her blood pressure rise at the mere thought of Dani Beck. She took a deep breath and steadied herself, because ADA Jessica McDaniel was extending her hand to Olivia.

"This is Detective Olivia Benson, my former partner. Detective, this is our new ADA Jessica McDaniel," Elliot nodded toward Olivia and smiled at Jessica.

Former partner. Former partner. Is that all she is to him? Is that all he sees her as? She was suddenly finding it hard to get enough air.

"Pleased to meet you, ADA McDaniel," Olivia returned her smile.

"The pleasure is mine and please, call me Jessica," she replied.

Olivia just stared at Elliot as Munch introduced himself and the new ADA continued down the line.

He stared back, his lips curling in a smirk, and he leaned toward her, "I think she will do just fine, don't you, Detective."

The introductions over, Commissioner Morris and District Attorney McCoy left her in the care of Elliot. "Captain Stabler has some things to go over with you and he will then see you back to the office when you are finished," McCoy told her.

"Come to my office, ADA McDaniel, it will be private and quieter," Elliot smiled as he pointed the way with his hand.

"Please call me Jess, Captain," she smiled, looking over her shoulder at him.

He grinned his infamous Stabler smile, and told her, "Then you _must_ call me Elliot."

Olivia heard the conversation and she heard the ADA and Elliot's as well. What were all these strange feelings, bodings of things to come that she suddenly had flashing before her? She felt more confused than ever. Things were definitely back to complicated

eoeoeoeoeo


	5. Complicated

**_A/N: First, let me apologize for taking so long to post. Just a lot of issues I am dealing with right now. My car is still in the shop for the transmission...two weeks today and they just started it. Have the home office involved...for what good that did. I have an MRI Friday and start physical therapy next week because I still have tightness in my neck and shoulders and tingling in my left hand and foot. We did settle w/insurance for Mom's car...but now we have to find her another one! Plus I have to inventory all of our electronic gadgets at work and this is taking several days that I do NOT want to work!! Anyway, thanks for hanging with me and a very special 'THANK YOU' to XOC for beta-ing on such short notice and doing so quickly! " ) Bensler_**

**_--_**

M**atters of the Heart**

**by Bensler**

**Chapter 5 Complicated**

**SVU Squad Room ****• Monday Morning, August, 25****th****• 11:57 a.m.**

Olivia could not quit looking into Elliot's office. The blinds were open and he was sitting at his desk. The new ADA…'Jess'…had a chair pulled up next to him and they were going over something. Olivia could not imagine that he would have much to explain to her since he was new on the job. Looking away, she straightened some files on her desk and took a couple to a nearby file cabinet.

Returning to her desk, she glanced again at the office and saw Elliot was now sitting on the edge of Cragen's desk and the ADA was still sitting in the chair though it had been pushed back from the desk. Turning her glare to her computer screen, she raked her hands through her hair, sighed and flopped heavily into her chair. As she began typing a report, pounding the keys quite hard, her antics caught the curiosity and attention of her new partner.

"Hey, hey…what's going on? You pretending those keys are somebody's head or what?" Jake laughingly asked.

"What?" She looked at him with a puzzled frown, then down at her hands. "Oh, sorry…just got a little carried away," she told him.

Hearing muffled laughter, she turned toward the office just in time to see Elliot and the ADA stand,and Jess put her hand on Elliot's arm. Jake noticed the look on Olivia's face and frowned himself. She seemed…jealous. Was Olivia Benson jealous over that new ADA or was she jealous that she was in there laughing with Elliot Stabler? The NYPD was bursting with rumors**,** and he had heard them all,and he had barely been there a week.

Elliot held the door for Jessica, and they walked out together. He stopped near Fin's desk and looked at the detectives. "Jess and I are going to get lunch, and then I'll take her back to her office. Anyone care to join us?" He looked straight at Olivia when he asked the question.

Munch spoke up, "I need to meet Fin at the M.E.'s so I'll walk out with you, but I'll pass on lunch."

Jake waited to see what Olivia would say before deciding if he would take them up on the offer. He watched her closely, but it seemed she had drawn the curtain on her emotions. She glanced up from her typing and smiled. Like nothing was wrong. Maybe there wasn't any thing wrong. Maybe he was imagining things. No, he was not.

"Appreciate the invite, but I really need to finish up this report. The Captain said he needed it by one o'clock," Olivia smiled at Jessica and then turned her eyes to Elliot. "Besides this will give you time to get to know each other."

He knew instantly that her eyes did not reflect the smile. He knew instantly that she was upset. He knew the shoe was now on the other foot. Olivia was jealous of Jess. He could not help it as the smirk began at the corner of his lips and spread across his face.

"I'd like the chance to get to know all of you," Jessica countered, still smiling.

"Maybe sometime next week when you have settled in," Olivia suggested, tapping her pen against the note pad on her desk.

"Yea…we could all go for drinks or dinner or something," Jake quickly added, sensing Olivia's discomfort and hoping to help her out of the situation. After all, he was her partner now.

"That would be great…I'll hold you to it," she smiled and turned to Elliot.

"Be back in a couple of hours," Elliot told them, taking the new ADA by the elbow to lead her. He glanced at Olivia, and she held his eyes just long enough for him to see the hurt. The smirk died as a sharp pain shredded his heart.

When they were out of sight, Olivia let out the breath she had not even been aware she was holding and threw her pen down so hard it skittered across the desk stopping against the picture of the crew at the Christmas party two years ago. She and Elliot looked so happy. They had their heads leaning toward one another, his arm draped loosely around her shoulder. Fin and Cragen flanked them on one side, Munch and Casey on the other. It was the Christmas before he went back to Kathy in May. Sighing, she picked up the picture, opened the top left drawer of her desk and slipped the picture in, turning it face down. Jake pretended to be busy with something on his desk, but he saw what she did and it caused even more questions to pop up on his radar screen.

"Hey, Liv?" Jake continued to look busy as he spoke to Olivia.

"Hmm…" She glanced at him but kept on typing.

"Why didn't you want to go to lunch with them?" For some reason he felt like he was treading on thin ice, but that did not stop him.

"Told you…got to get this report done. Elli…uh…the Captain wants it by one," she reminded him, knowing he was trying to confirm his suspicions.

"I'm sure the captain would have cut you some slack. Seemed to me like he wanted us to come along**,** and Jessica surely seemed like she did," her countered, watching her closely.

"I think they will be just fine without company," she replied icily. "There will be plenty of time to get to know her later."

"Okay," he paused, then folded his arms on the desktop and leaned toward her. **"**You…uh…just seemed a little on edge, that's all."

Olivia quit typing. Raising her head slightly, her chin jutting out, her eyes narrowed as she inhaled a deep, sharp breath through her nose. She pushed herself away from her desk and slowly stood up. She gripped the edge of her desk with both hands and leaned across toward Jake, glaring at him.

"You and I met a week ago, Zoumberis. And you think I am on edge? What makes you think you know me well enough to make any judgment about my state of mind?" She was livid. If he weren't her new partner, she thought she could knock him into tomorrow.

"You don't have to know someone at all to sense when something is off…and well, you seemed upset or something, and I just…" he trailed off as she abruptly cut him off.

She leaned a bit closer to him as she spoke, " I told you why I passed on lunch…if you insist on making more out of it…then you and I are going to be 'off'." She made air quotes. "You got that? Partner!"

Pure shock filled his expression and he simply stared at her as he leaned against the back of his chair. Her brown eyes had amazingly turned jet black and yet they were jumping with fire. He realized he had just experienced the wrath of Olivia Benson,and lucky for him it was only the mere beginning of rage. Her eyes pierced his for a moment longer and then she turned and took off for the elevator. She pressed the 'R' button and then the one that said 'close'. She hit it repeatedly knowing the only purpose it served was to relieve some of her stress.

**SVU Locker Room ****• Monday, August, 25****th**** • 12:20 p.m.**

Olivia had gone up to the roof to get away from everything and everybody. It was a sanctuary of sorts; a shelter from the hardships and dangers that lurked in her job. A place of safety to which she could run when she was overwhelmed and needed time to sort out her thoughts, calm her fears, agonize over hers and Elliot's relationship. Because most of the time, when she came up here, it was because she and Elliot had argued, had a knock down drag out fight or one of them was upset. She was either up here waiting, knowing Elliot would come looking for her sooner or later, or she had come up to try to soothe or make amends with him. That was what they did. No matter how horrific the case, how intense the fight, how complicated their emotions, how deep the chasm between them, they came back for each other. Always. They could not go on without the other. Somehow in their own twisted way they fixed each other.

Today she just wanted out of that squad room and away from everything that reminded her of Elliot Stabler. Leaning over the concrete barrier to the edge of the roof, she looked out over the city. The sun bore down relentlessly. It was hot and humid, the air stagnant. She was so engrossed in her own world of anger, confusion and jealousy that the scraping of the door against the rooftop barely registered.

She heard his tentative footsteps - not the familiar footsteps she longed to hear - but new ones. Heavier, uncertain. Turning before he got too close, her eyes connected with his and he looked away and out over the city. He knew she was still angry, but he just wanted to somehow make her understand it was never his intention to cross some invisible line he was unaware existed.

"Forgot how hot and sticky August can be in the city," he spoke evenly, hoping for idle chitchat before actually trying to talk to her.

He glanced at her long enough to see her roll her eyes and shake her head. When she offered no words, he took a deep breath and spoke again. "Listen…Olivia…I didn't mean to cause friction between us earlier," he looked out over the city and then back at her.

Still she did not speak. She continued her silent surveillance of the city, squinting in the bright sunshine. He noticed sweat glistening on her forehead and chin and that her cheeks were flushed.

"I just want to understand what's going on with you…what makes you tick and I think you need to know the same about me…if we are going to be partners, you know," he explained as he now leaned against the concrete barrier forcing her to face him.

She was silent a moment longer. Taking a deep breath, she turned and looked at him through narrowed eyes, "The only thing you need to know about me is that I know my job. I am in the top 5 in marksmanship in the NYPD; I can take down a man twice my size; I believe in trusting my partner implicitly, and I will do every thing in my power to be there for you, to protect you, to have your back. But, my private life is just that…private." She snapped at him. "We clear?"

He lifted his chin, just a bit, his eyes searched her face and then he slowly nodded. "Crystal," he said, as he turned to go back downstairs.

When she heard the door shut, she stretched her hands to grip the concrete before her, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. Why did she do that? Why was she so hateful to Jake? He was only looking out for her…like a good partner should do. A good partner. She sighed heavily and ran her hands through her hair, which was quickly becoming damp with perspiration. The only good partner she wanted was Elliot. No matter how much he incensed, riled or exasperated her. _He_ was _her _partner. For better or worse. Still, there was no need to be so nasty to Jake. He was just temporary until Captain Cragen came back. She was starting to get a headache from the intensity of the heat and probably because she had not eaten lunch. Eating was not even on her radar screen, but she decided to head back to the bullpen and see if she could catch up with Jake. He had just logged off and was standing up at his desk, cell phone in hand, when she came back into the squad room.

"Hey," she spoke softly, a guilty look on her face. Jake looked up, his green eyes piercing hers as he simply stared at her.

"Want to get some lunch?" She smiled, tentatively, knowing he was uncertain how to react.

He hesitated before answering. "I don't know. This your way of trying to make things right between us?" He asked cautiously.

Looking down at her feet, she chewed on her bottom lip. He had noticed she did that when she was upset, nervous, deep in concentration or just at a loss as to what to say. Slowly, her eyes met his. She had gorgeous, liquid brown eyes. You could get lost staring into them, he thought. How was it that such a beautiful woman was not attached, he wondered?

"I'm…uh…not very good with apologies…and I was pretty snappy a while ago…so, yea," her smile spread across her face.

Breaking into a disarming grin, he nodded his head, "I get to pick."

**Adrianna's Cafe ****• Monday, August, 25****th****• 12:45 p.m.**

Elliot had learned quite a bit about ADA Jessica McDaniels during lunch. She was a devout Catholic, just like him and her family roots were in Ireland, just like his. They talked at length about their faith and upbringing in loud, brash Irish families. He told her about his kids and mentioned his divorce but no details. She had resigned her partnership two and half years ago to care for her terminally ill husband, Bryan, who was also an attorney. He had passed away ten months ago from colon cancer. They had been married almost twenty-one years and had one child together, Bryanna, now 19, a journalism student at Hudson. He briefly wondered if Kathleen and she might know one another.

Leaning back in his chair, he watched her dig in her purse. Her long blond hair fell forward, momentarily hiding her face, before she quickly poked the errant strands behind her left ear. She was extremely attractive. She was blond like Casey and Alex before her and he vaguely wondered if the District Attorney had a thing for blonds and made that a job requirement. Elliot used to think he preferred blonds but that was way before a certain chestnut brown haired detective with eyes like warm chocolate had entered his life. His mind. His heart. He grinned to himself just thinking about her.

Not realizing he was staring at her, but not really seeing her, he was startled by her voice. "Care to let me know what is so amusing, Captain?" Jess was grinning at him.

"Huh? Oh…uh…sorry…just thinking," he spoke quietly.

"About?" She goaded him, still smiling.

He laughed, "Nothing."

"Nothing? Or nothing you are willing to tell me about?" She leaned closer, speaking conspiratorially. "You know I am bound by code and honor to keep your confidence."

"Yea…right. Maybe one day, counselor. Maybe one day." Realizing she had been digging for her credit or debit card, he snatched the bill off the table before she did, "Lunch is on me today," he smiled.

"Only if you let me take you to dinner one evening," she placed her hand over his as her eyes held his.

He stared back, his mind racing with thoughts, wondering if this was a come on or if she just really meant dinner. He had been out of the dating game so long he was truly naïve about these things. Furthermore, he was not interested in anyone. At least not anyone that was not Olivia Benson. Instead of answering, he stood, held her chair and then led her to the cash register.

**SVU Squad Room ****• Monday, August, 25****th**** • 2:50 p.m.**

Elliot was in his office when she and Jake came back from lunch. They were laughing about something, and suddenly she felt him. Before she saw him, she knew he was there. Sure enough when she looked up their eyes locked. Jake kept talking, oblivious to the staring contest going on right under his nose. Finally, she turned back to him and laughed at his joke. She could still feel Elliot's eyes, drilling, burning into her as though accusing her. Of what, she had no idea.

Why did he do this to himself? Every time a guy, any guy was near Olivia, showed her any kind of attention, he wanted to pummel him into a pile of bloody pulp and snatch her away. He had to come to terms with Zoumberis. He was Olivia's partner. No! He, Elliot, was her partner. Zoumberis was only temporary. Like Dani had been. Like Dani? Suddenly, visions of Dani filled his mind. He remembered her slim, lithe body; her curly blond tresses; her perfume and he remembered the night that he kissed her. He had kissed Dani. He had tried to force something that was not there. Tried to convince himself he did not miss Olivia; that he could fill the void she left with someone else, because it was not really her he needed. But the void would not go away; it could not be filled. Not with work, not with alcohol, not with another woman. The hole she left in him seemed to grow larger with each passing day. So he kissed Dani. It was mistake. Then he pictured Olivia kissing Zoumberis. His hands fisted at his side, and he felt his heart quicken and his breathing rate increase. Why did he do this? Thoughts like this served only to complicate his already complicated life!

The shrill ringing of his phone abruptly pulled him back to the present. "Stabler," he spoke without even thinking.

Listening, he frowned. "We're on it." He hung up and stared at his hand still upon the receiver.

Munch and Fin were still at the medical examiner's office so by default this case would go to Olivia and Jake.

He walked out of the office and toward the two detectives. "Benson, Zoumberis! Got a case."

Olivia stood and faced him as Jake looked up and leaned forward, his arms folded on the desktop. As soon as she met his eyes, he looked away and met Jake's eyes instead.

"Two kids missing from their home…armed intruders…gunshots…Loisaida Avenue," he said as he handed Olivia a scrap of paper with the address and names. Their fingers brushed as she reached for it, and both of them instantly pulled away, looking at each other uncomfortably.

"Alphabet City," she whispered, knowing it was not a very good part of town.

"Loisaida…isn't that Avenue C?" Jake asked, unsure of his memories of New York City.

In recognition of the Puerto Rican heritage of the neighborhood, Avenue C was designated Loisaida Avenue. Loisaida is Spanglish and is pronounced "LO-EES-EYE-DAH" (Lower East Side). Traditionally an immigrant, working class neighborhood, the Lower East Side is a neighborhood in the southeastern part of the New York City borough of Manhattan. In recent years it has become increasingly populated by young professionals and students and has begun to price out many longtime residents as it becomes more upscale.

"Yea…lot of people still consider it part of the Lower East Side…still a lot of gang activity," Elliot explained as he looked from Jake to Olivia.

"It's still pretty much a Latino neighborhood," Olivia added. "This all we know about the case?" She turned from Jake to Elliot, locking eyes with him. His eyes…so blue…so gorgeous…so knowing.

His eyes searched hers before he slowly nodded, "That's all I know."

She nodded, grabbed her cell phone and keys and turned to Jake. "Let's go," she headed out, Jake right beside her.

Just as they got to the squad room door, Elliot called out to her. "Benson," he sounded gruff, angry even.

She stopped and turned around. He tipped his head at her indicating he wanted her to come to him. She looked back at Jake, tossed him the keys and said, "Get the car…I'll meet you downstairs."

She walked back to Elliot and stood before him. He opened his mouth to speak but words would not come. She folded her arms beneath her breasts and waited, her eyes never leaving his.

"Liv…I…uh…listen…be careful…I just…be careful, okay?" He stammered, then closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm _always_ careful, Captain," she spoke quietly but sarcastically and turned to leave.

He caught her arm, whirling her around to face him. He pulled her closer and was surprised when she offered no resistance. He looked deep into her eyes, his voice low, "Olivia...this is the first real case with Zoumberis…without me…I just don't want anything to happen to you…" he began, but she cut him off.

"Elliot, I _know_ how to do my job…with _or_ without you," she spoke in a clipped tone, obviously upset at his inference that she could not do her job unless he was with her. She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly.

"That's not what meant…not at all," his voice was full of emotion.

"Z knows his job, too. He'll have my back," she met his eyes, hers black with anger.

Her words sliced through him, straight to his heart, eviscerating every emotion that was swirling within him, threatening to swallow him.

"I know you know your job. I know Zoumberis is a good cop. But…I just…I…I need you to come back, Olivia…back to me," he barely got the word out around the lump in his throat.

Before she could protest, he pulled her close to him and held her. Hugged her. He buried his face in her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of her conditioner and her cologne. He was sure she would pull away, but instead he felt her bury her face in his chest and her arms come around his waist and lock together behind him. It seemed to last forever, but was in reality only seconds. There were too many others around, though no one seemed to be paying any attention to them.

She pulled away and as they both dropped their arms to their sides, she spoke softly, "I'll come back. I'll always come back to you, El."

Eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo


	6. Custody

**Police Cruiser ****• Monday, August, 25****th****• 3:00 p.m.**

Olivia slid into the seat, grabbing the belt on her way, clicking it in place as she looked up at Jake and smiled. Her head was spinning with thoughts of the hug Elliot had pulled her into and the way his voice was so full of emotion when he spoke to her. That man confused her to no end.

"What did the captain want?" He cranked the car and pulled out from the curb.

"Just had a question about something," she answered, turning to look out her window hoping he would not ask any more questions. No such luck.

"About the case?" He sounded very professional, glancing at her and then back at the road.

"No," she smiled though she wanted to tell him to shut up.

"If we are going to be partners, Olivia, you have got to trust me," he glanced at her, then checked the rear-view mirror before settling his eyes on the road before them.

"Trust doesn't happen overnight, Z. Give it some time," she smiled and hoped that was enough to end this line of conversation.

Grinning, he shrugged his shoulders like he understood, but his mind was in overdrive trying to figure out what the captain had to ask that did not pertain to the case. Then he decided it really was of no consequence because she and Elliot had been partners so long it could be about anything. His gut, however, told him it was personal. Very personal.

She replayed the exchange with Elliot, turning it over and over in her mind. Examining each action, each word. She could still feel the warmth of his body against her as he pulled her into a hug. Why couldn't they just be together, she asked herself? It was obvious he cared about her, and she sure as heck cared about him. She loved him. Deeply. Why couldn't he make the move to alter their relationship? The thought that flashed in answer caused her to frown. Maybe he did not want that type of relationship. At least not with _her_. Maybe he wanted to be a player for a while and explore his new freedom. She shook her head. No. That was not Elliot. Was it? He'd been divorced for months and as far as she knew, she was the only woman he had even spent time with except for his daughters. There had been no one. But now there was that new ADA and she sure had her eye on Elliot. Olivia had not missed the way she looked him up and down when she thought no one was watching. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed it nervously.

Jake had seen the frown and almost commented. Even through the headshake he had managed to hold his tongue. However, the lip biting was more than he could take and remain quiet. "Hey, got something you need to share with me?"

Her head snapped up and her eyes met his, "What?" She seemed startled, confused.

"Well, you're over there frowning, then shaking your head, then biting on your lip…makes a guy really nervous. _And_ curious," he waggled his eyebrows and she could not help but smile at him.

She stared at him, taking in his long, curly hair and bright smile. He doesn't miss a thing, she thought. Popping him on the arm with her hand, she laughed.

"I promise to share any and all things that I deem necessary for you to know. Deal?" She extended her right hand and he just looked at it.

Squinting, he looked her over and slowly shook his head. "No…no deal. Cause I already know you well enough to know that you will _never_ 'deem it necessary for me to know' _anything_!" He kept both hands securely gripping the steering wheel.

She rolled her eyes, shoved his shoulder playfully and they both broke out in laughter. Olivia watched his green eyes sparkle with amusement and was sure she and Z were going to be just fine as partners no matter how long Cragen was out.

"The second street after the light is Loisaida Avenue," Olivia pointed to his left.

"Yea…it's coming back to me now," he answered as he stopped and waited for traffic to clear before turning.

"Sorry, forgot you used to live here," she smiled and made a face at him.

**Loisaida Avenue ****• Monday, August, 25****th****• 3:25 p.m.**

He simply smiled and turned onto the street. It wasn't hard to find the residence. A large crowd of neighbors had gathered and was being held back by two uniformed officers. Nearby were four police cars, two unmarked cars and an ambulance. Jake and Olivia traded looks, both thinking the same thing. Elliot had mentioned gunshots but not any injuries, but then again he did not know much of what happened.

Pulling up behind one of the police cars, Jake had to park in the middle of the road. They got out and headed for the residence, a three-story middle class brownstone, showing their badges to several officers along the way, they were intercepted by detectives from the Major Case Squad.

"Benson," a male voice called out and she turned toward it. Olivia knew him and his partner. She was puzzled as to why they were called in on this case. As they got closer, she smiled at them, "Bobby, Alex…why are you guys here?"

Detectives Bobby Goren and Alexandra Eames were partners,and over the years their paths had crossed with SVU a few times during various cases. They attended several classes and seminars together and were friendly acquaintances. Bobby had once asked Olivia out but she turned him down. He was nice enough but simply not her type. Actually, no one was her type because no one was Elliot.

She and Alex got along well and if they worked together, Olivia could see them becoming good friends. At that thought, she remembered another friend named Alex, their former ADA Alexandra Cabot and how she lost that friendship when Alex had to go into the Witness Protection Program after prosecuting a major drug lord.

Bobby nodded at her, smiling, "Hostage negotiator has already established contact." He tipped his head toward a group of officers near the front of the crowd. We were told it was a hostage situation but not that it was kids that were being held. That's your department, Olivia."

"How many?" She looked toward the house, wondering what made people do the things they do.

"Two. Sisters, eleven and fourteen," he took in a deep breath and continued. "It's their father. Nasty divorce, custody battle. Says if he can't have the girls, he would make sure the mother would not either."

"How can a father do that?" Jake asked out loud.

Bobby, Alex and Olivia all turned toward him. Olivia realized she had not introduced them. "I'm sorry. This is my partner, Jake Zoumberis. Jake, this is Alex Eames and her partner Bobby Goren. They're from the Major Case Squad."

Jake and Alex shook hands and exchanged greetings. "Good to meet you, Jake," Alex smiled at him, thinking he sure was nice looking and that Elliot could not possible be okay with this partnership. She turned to Olivia and pulled her aside.

"He's really good looking, Liv," she whispered. "How's Elliot dealing with this?"

"Dealing with this? Dealing with what? He's captain and I needed a partner," Olivia explained, rolling her eyes.

"Yea…but did he have to be so _good_ looking. What a job to have to look into those gorgeous green eyes, huh?" Alex glanced at Jake and Bobby and then heard what Bobby was saying and forgot about Olivia.

"So, _you're_ Olivia's new partner. Heard about Stabler playing captain." Bobby smirked; looked Jake up and down, then nodded his head. "I guess it would be a pretty fair fight."

Jake was confused and laughed nervously, "What are you talking about? Me and Liv? I would never…"

"Bobby..." Alex's tone held warning. She glanced at Olivia long enough to see the shocked looked on her face.

Olivia knew where this was going,and she hoped that Bobby would not say what she knew he was going to say. She was caught off guard and could not decide if it would be more damaging to stop him or to try and explain away what she was sure would be some implication about her and Elliot. Before she could make up her mind, Goren was speaking again.

"You and _Liv_ fight?" Looking down from his six foot four frame at Jake, he laughed. "She'd pound you into the ground. I was talking about Stabler."

Jake looked at Olivia, realized she was becoming upset and tried to salvage the situation. "Captain Stabler has been nothing but professional. Why would we want to fight one another?"

Goren slapped Jake on the back and laughing he said, "Any guy that gets in Olivia's zip code is fair game for the unStabler. And you're a _lot_ closer than that, pal!"

"That's enough, Bobby. Let's go. Now that SVU is here, we can get back to the house," Alex said as she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him away. He grinned at Olivia over Alex's head, not seeming to care that she was upset by his words.

UnStabler? Jake looked at Olivia asking unspoken questions with his eyes. She just shook her head and turned back to the scene.

After watching for a few moments, Jake seemed to be fidgety and asked, "So, what do we do? Just stand around and wait? I'm not good at doing nothing."

"Let's see what the negotiator has to say," Olivia started walking toward the group huddled around one of the police cars.

Ducking under yet another line of police tape, she held up her shield and identified herself and Jake, "Detective Benson, SVU. My partner, Jake Zoumberis."

They met several officers and other detectives before meeting the negotiator. "Joe Mancini," he shook hands with them.

He was of average height and weight, very trim. His gray hair was cut short and his posture was ramrod straight and he exuded confidence that was usually found in people with a military background. He appeared to be in his early fifties. "Any contact, yet?" Olivia asked.

"Brief phone call with the perpetrator. He has apparently cut the phone line, " Mancini answered as he jammed his hands in his pockets.

"Only one perp? We were told there were two and gunshots were fired," Olivia asked looking at the house. She thought she saw a curtain move in the upstairs window on the left. "What did he say?"

"Just one and there haven't been any gunshots. He said he wasn't going to lose his girls and if he couldn't have 'em, then no one else would either," Mancini sighed.

"So, the perp is their father. I'd call that a viable threat. We got names?" Olivia shook her head and sighed deeply herself. The only name on the paper that Elliot gave her was of the name of the person who called in the 911 – Elena Vasquez.

"Dante Delgado, the father, thirty-nine…the girls, Sierra, eleven and Jade, fourteen," Mancini answered as he was interrupted by one of the officers. Olivia wrote in her note pad, as did Jake.

"That looks like the mother over there," Jake pointed to a crying woman shaking her head at the officer talking to her. Another woman had an arm around her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her. They were sitting on a bench on the sidewalk.

"I think you're right, Z. Let's go," Olivia took off for the woman, her strides long and purposeful. Jake wondered how she could walk so fast?

Once again she identified herself and Jake. She turned to the crying woman, taking her hand in both of hers, "Mrs. Delgado, I want you to know we are going to do everything we can to get your daughters out safely. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

Jake noticed that Olivia knelt down so she was eye level with the much shorter Mrs. Delgado. He wondered about that but then realized Olivia was trying to not seem so intimidating. The situation was bad enough without having to tell the story over and over to various law enforcement officials.

"Please…my name is Lupe," she sniffled and attempted a smile.

She looked to be mid-thirties and had her face not been swollen and streaked from crying she was probably a very pretty young woman. Her long dark hair was pulled back in sloppy ponytail, tendrils escaping all around her head.

Olivia smiled and looked into the woman's tear filled dark brown eyes. "You and your husband are going through a divorce, is that correct?"

"Yes…and we have not settled the custody," she wiped her eyes with a tissue and then looked away.

"He wants custody, too?" Olivia prodded and glanced at the woman next to Lupe.

"He says he does…but he really does not want them. He never spends time with them. He just wants to hurt me and he knows this is the worst thing to do to me. Please, get my girls away from him before he hurts them again!"

Olivia and Jake traded glances and he nodded, like he read her mind. For just a second, Olivia had a flashback to a similar situation between her and Elliot the first time he knew just what she wanted by the look she gave him. Is it possible to have that same kind of connection with someone else, she wondered? Jake pulled out his cell and walked a short distance from them.

"Mrs. Del…uh…Lupe, how has he hurt the girls before?" Olivia's voice was soft and her eyes narrowed as she awaited the answer she already feared was coming.

Lupe looked from Olivia to the woman still next to her with her arm around her. "He…he…" she opened her mouth but could not get any more words to form. She looked down at the now shredded tissue that she was fingering and shook her head rapidly from side to side. Tears spurted from her eyes and she wiped at them, looking once again at the woman beside her.

The woman hugged Lupe close, then raised her eyes to meet Olivia's, "I am Elena Vasquez, Lupe's sister. Dante…he…uh…" she swallowed hard, looked away and then back. "Jade came to Lupe six months ago…and told her that he…he…that Dante had…her fa-father…had…" she shook her head also unable to put in words what Dante had done.

"Hit her," Lupe now looked up at her sister. "Many, many times." Olivia did not miss the look between the two. She was immediately suspicious, sensing they were withholding the complete truth.

"Hit her? Is that all he did?" She asked, as Jake came to stand behind her.

"Yes," Lupe quickly retorted.

Nodding her head once, Olivia held up her finger, "Just a moment, please."

She took a step back toward Jake and bending near, he whispered in her ear, "Three 911 calls in the last year…most recently before today was a month ago. All of them domestic…between he and the wife. DUI four years ago. Other than that he's clean."

She nodded, her brown eyes now looking into his, "No mention of hurting the girls? No sexual abuse?"

"No. Why?" Jake frowned still standing close to her, their voices lowered, words whispered.

"My gut tells me she's lying, Z. Or at least not telling us everything." Running her hands through her hair, she looked at the two women. "Okay. Okay. Thanks for checking," she smiled and returned to the women.

This time she sat beside Lupe Delgado on the bench. When Lupe mentioned custody again, Olivia thought about Elliot and his kids and the emotional trauma he went through because of the custody issues. Then she thought about her feelings for him and realized that she had custody issues with him as well. Though she did not remember ever relinquishing it to him, he had custody of her heart and doubted she would ever get it back. She just wanted him to know he had it and treat her differently. She did not really want it back, but she needed to protect before it was irreparably damaged. It was probably already too late. She pushed those thoughts from her mind, and forced herself to focus on the conversation with Lupe. They had talked for about ten minutes when someone called her name.

"Detective Benson?" Turning toward the voice, she saw Joe Mancini, the negotiator.

"Excuse me," Olivia said to the women as she stood, ran her hand down the sides of her slacks, and turned to him. "Yea…what's up?"

"Got Delgado on a cell phone…one of the girls had it. He wants to talk to the police lady who is talking to his wife." He raised his eyebrows at her. "That would be you."

Her mouth fell open; her eyes widened in surprise and then she shrugged, "Give me the phone." She held out her hand.

"The phone is wirelessly linked to a sound system in my car and in three other phones. We are recording everything being said and two officers and myself are listening as you speak," Mancini explained as he placed the phone in her hand.

She nodded and seconds after it was in her grip it rang. "This is Detective Benson. You wanted to talk to me?" Olivia looked up at the window where she had seen the curtain move earlier. It again parted slightly for just a second.

"Ahhh…_Detective_? So…you are not just a señora del policía. I should have known by the way you were flashing your badge around," Delgado's tone was sarcastic and he laughed lightly.

"Got something against detectives, Delgado?" Sarcasm dripped from her words as well.

He chuckled again, "You think you are something, don't you, Detective Benson?"

"This isn't about me. It's about why your daughters are being held against their will," she countered, still looking up at the window.

"My daughters love me. Why would you think they are here involuntarily? Lupe must have told you that! Ella esta mintiendo!" He was nearly shouting and the anger in his voice was clear.

Slipping into his native tongue was indicative of the stress he was under. It had now been nearly three and a half hours since the 911 call and just over two and half since Jake and Olivia had arrived. She was fairly fluent in Spanish and knew his last statement was Spanish for 'she is lying'. Olivia was determined to talk him down, but he was resistant.

"How do I know that you are not the mentiroso? You have hurt your daughters in the past, Mr. Delgado," Olivia wished she could see the girls to know they were all right. "How do I know they are okay? Let us see them."

"_I_ am not the liar! And I have _not_ hurt my girls! Ever! Is that what Lupe telling you, huh? Whatever it is, she is lying! She will do and say anything to keep me from my girls! Anything!" He shouted and broke the connection.

Olivia pulled the phone away from her ear and just stared at it. She looked around and saw Mancini come running over.

He started talking before he even reached her and Jake, "We gotta keep things calm a bit longer. It's been over three hours and the first hours of negotiations, hostage-takers can be extremely volatile. Delgado is angry about the perceived injustice of the custody battle which led him to take his girls hostages. The adrenaline is high…not good. Right now he's still angry…may take some more time for him to calm down enough for us to get anywhere with him. Electric company is cutting the electricity. Won't take long for that place to become a furnace," he told her. "Now, we wait."

"How long?" Jake asked looking up at the window.

"Long as it takes. Listen, Detective Benson…I have a feeling Delgado is going to want to talk only to you. I used to be a detective in the Major Case Squad so I know you have had some experience with talking perps down, but this is a bit different. How about I fill you in on how to handle him?"

Jake winked at her when she looked at him. She turned back to Mancini, "Yea…sure. That would be good."

"All right. The number one priority of a hostage negotiator is to prolong the situation…" he started.

"Prolong? Why's that?" Jake interrupted, frowning as he folded his arms across his chest.

"The longer the situation lasts the more likely it is to end peacefully," Mancini told him.

"How do you prolong it? Looks like _he's_ charge," Olivia jerked her thumb toward the residence.

"To some degree he is, but not nearly as much as you may think. Keep him talking, ask him open-ended questions rather than yes/no questions. If he makes demands, we stall him by telling him we have to consult with someone with more authority. Whatever he asks for, ask for explicit details about whatever it is. Anything to stall and keep him talking," Mancini took a sip of coffee long grown cold.

"I can do that," Olivia assured him, twisting her watch around and around her wrist.

"I know you can. You must also get him to believe that you understand the reasons for his actions but still come across as in charge -- not just eager to please him to get the hostages released. You have to form a trusting relationship with him…you know, create a sense of mutual interest, make him think you are concerned about him or something he is concerned about," Mancini explain his hands moving everywhere as he talked.

Olivia was intent on his words, mulling over what he had said. She shifted from one foot to the other and spoke quietly, "You mean like play on his concern for his daughters? Whether he has any or not, play like he does and that might show him that we have the same goal in mind?"

"Exactly. If you can get him talking about his daughters and then turn any concern he has, whether it is real or what he thinks you perceive from him, he might be willing to let them go," Mancini patted her on the shoulder.

"Hey, Joe…we got food!" Someone hollered out.

"Our crew sent out for sandwiches - should be more than enough for you two. My guess is it will be a while before we hear from Delgado."

They followed him about a block from the residence where someone was passing out sandwiches, coffee and sodas. Olivia took a turkey on whole wheat and Jake grabbed a roast beef. They took the sandwiches and drinks, crossed the street and sat side by side on a stoop to eat. They talked as they ate, a sense of ease settling between them. Olivia was surprised at how many things they found to talk about other than the case or police work. Jake liked the same music she did; he had just finished reading a book she had been trying to finish reading and they had a long discussion about it; they even traded jokes and funny stories. He really was a good guy, Olivia decided.

**SVU Squadroom ****• Monday, August, 25****th****• 7:27 p.m.**

Fin stepped through the door to Elliot's office and tossed the DD5s from the two cases he and Munch had covered that day on the desk. Munch had written his preliminary statements and then gone home sick with nausea, leaving Fin to compile the reports.

"Here's the last of the paperwork on that school assault and that child abuse accusation at the daycare," Fin quickly scanned the pile of papers and reports before Elliot and wondered how much longer it would be before he got to home.

"Great. You heard from Munch?" Elliot leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms over his head, then bringing his hands down to run over his face before he looked up at Fin.

"Yea…he may be out for a couple of days…went to a clinic…said it was food poisoning and he needed to take it easy for a few days. Said he see how it was in the morning and give you call." Fin nodded toward the overloaded desk, "How much longer you gonna be here?"

Elliot laughed, "I could stay here 'til Cragen comes back and I'd still never finish all this." He waved his hands over the piles of papers and folders.

"I b'lieve that, man," nodding in agreement, Fin laughed, too. "You wanna go for dinner or maybe a drink?"

"Thanks for asking, but I was thinking about putting this aside and riding out to Loisaida Avenue," he turned his watch over checking the time. "Haven't heard from Liv or Jake and I haven't had time to call them. Been monitoring it on the scanner. Pretty quiet right now. You want to ride out with me?"

"Naw…I'm gonna call it a day," he turned and headed out the door. "Later, man."

"Yea…later," Elliot watched him go, then swiveled around and logged off the computer. As he watched it shut down he thought about Olivia. He knew they needed to clear the air about Saturday morning and he dreaded that conversation. What he really wanted was to just order Chinese take-out, go to his or her place, watch a movie while they ate and just be together. He wanted to talk to her; spend time with her. Though she utterly and completely confused him, he just wanted to be near her. He sighed, walked to the door, locking it and closing it behind him.

**Loisaida Avenue ****• Monday, August, 25****th****• 8:03p.m.**

Nearly two hours later, Olivia lifted her head from where she was leaning against something, apparently having drifted off to sleep. As she stretched, she turned and looked straight into the green eyes of Jake who happened to be grinning from ear to ear. She jumped up, knocking over her uncapped bottle of water which now dribbled down the steps of the stoop.

"I…uh…I…I'm…I'm sorry. I didn't…" she stammered, raking her hands through her hair repeatedly, her eyes wide in surprise, embarrassment and perhaps, fear.

"Liv, it's okay…you must have been exhausted, that's all," Jake stood now and stretched as well. "We're both stressed and tired. I think I dozed, too. It was only for about ten to fifteen minutes…it's no big deal, okay?" He smiled, thinking she was upset about falling asleep.

She tried to smile, but was sure it was not what anyone would call a smile. What was she doing? Falling asleep on the job and on her partner's shoulder at that. Her _new_ partner's shoulder. That was not good thing. In fact, it was bad. Falling asleep was bad enough, but on Jake's shoulder? She looked around at the various people milling about and wondered how many had seen them. The were secluded a bit by being across the street from the main gathering and no one seemed to be paying them any attention at all.

She looked at her watch as the last bit of sun disappeared behind the skyscrapers of the city, taking with it the light but leaving behind the hot, humid air to remind them of its presence and power. It was now 8:03 p.m.

Choosing to ignore Jake's last comment, she looked toward the Delgado residence. "We should check with Mancini," she glanced at Jake, unable to hold his gaze.

He stood, gathering the sandwich wrappers and drinks, "Probably a good idea." He deposited the waste in a nearby trashcan and ran to catch up with her.

Nearing the group surrounding Mancini, Olivia heard a familiar voice. Every fiber of her being was instantly on high alert. Looking around she quickly spotted him and realized he was talking to Mancini. He had ditched his suit and tie for a red tee shirt and those black jeans she loved on him. The shirt was either two sizes too small or he had been spending some extra time in the gym that she had not known about. It was pulled tightly across his chest and his arms seemed to be on the verge of bursting the seams of the sleeves. His shield was clipped to his belt opposite his cell phone. Looking fine, she thought, very fine.

Catching sight of Olivia and Jake, Mancini lightly punched Elliot, "There they are. Hey, come on over." Joe motioned for the two as Elliot turned, nodded at Jake, then locked eyes with Olivia.

He smiled at them but his eyes belied his emotional state. It was clear he was troubled about something. At least it was clear to Olivia. Jake seemed oblivious.

"Hey, Captain. Coming to check on us?" Jake asked, his hand on the small of Olivia's back as they walked up.

"Actually…yes. Been keeping tabs on the scanner and thought I would run by before I head home," he managed to tear his eyes from Olivia long enough to answer Jake.

"Benson did pretty good with Delgado earlier. I'm betting she is the only one he will talk to when he decides to talk," Mancini was nodded his head and grinning. "You should be proud of your detective, Captain Stabler."

Elliot just stared at Olivia as the smirk spread across his face, "Oh, I'm very proud of her."

"Joe…can I see you over here?" It was one of the sound technicians.

"Excuse me," Joe said and went to the van with the recording system.

A police officer tapped Jake on the shoulder, "Jake? Jake Zoumberis?"

Turning around Jake saw an old friend from the police academy and started talking with him. The officer pulled him toward two other officers and they all shook his hand and talked excitedly. Olivia watched the interaction because it was easier than facing Elliot now that they were alone. Elliot watched her. No matter how angry he was at her, with her, or she with him, he wanted to be with her. He _needed_ to be with her.

"Liv," he spoke softly to get her attention.

She gave him a tentative look but said nothing. He continued, "Sounds like you've made some new friends."

Though on the surface the statement seemed innocuous, she knew it had some underlying meaning that she was not going to like and was not going to bode well for their relationship. Whatever that happened to be at the moment, she was not certain.

"What's that suppose mean?" She cut him a warning look hoping he did not start something now, here in the middle of a case. She knew he would.

"Nothing...Joe seems real impressed with you; you got the perp's attention...and you and Jake...oh, excuse me..._Z_...sure are cozy." That muscle in his jaw was doing that jumping thing it always did when he was upset, mad or was about to explode.

Cozy? What the heck did he mean by that? Cozy? No sooner had the thought entered her mind than she wondered exactly how long Elliot had been on the scene. She looked around for his car and noticed it was parked about a block and half down the street. He would have had to walk past where she and Jake had eaten those sandwiches. Even though he would have been across the street, they were easily in view and he could have seen them. Question was, if he did, _when_ did he see them? The look on his face when she glanced back at his lips drawn into a thin line, his blue eyes drilling into her with an icy glare told her he had seen exactly what she hoped he had not. In all the minutes of the day, Elliot had picked that ten-minute span of time that she had fallen asleep on Jake's shoulder to enter the scene. She knew it.

"Elliot..." Just as she started to respond, she heard the distinct sound of a phone ringing. Almost instantaneously, she heard Mancini answer.

"This is Joe." Pause. "Talk to me a bit." Pause. "Come on, Dante." Pause. "Okay...okay. Hang on." Mancini motioned for Olivia to come to him.

He covered the mouthpiece and held it by his side, "He wants you. Remember what we talked about...prolong the situation, show understanding, get him to trust you."

Nodding her head, she took the extended phone, glanced at Jake, then Elliot, took a deep breath and answered, "This is Detective Benson."

eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo


	7. Calculated

Chapter 7 –

**Chapter 7 Calculated**

**Loisaida Avenue • Monday, August, 25th • 8:48 p.m.**

Olivia found she was holding her breath as she waited for Delgado's response. It had now been almost six hours since Dante Delgado had waited for his girls to come home from school and then barricaded them in the family home.

"Detective Benson, you _are_ still here. I could not see you earlier. Where did you go?"

Her gut reaction was to tell him her whereabouts were none of his business, and her face must have registered that thought because a shake of the head from Joe caused her to remember what he had told her about dealing with Delgado.

"Oh…my partner and I took a break. Got something to eat," she looked toward the window and could see the curtain pulled aside. She felt a slight shiver run through her at the thought of this man watching her when she could not see him.

Elliot was standing about six feet away and could hear every thing Olivia said. When she said 'my partner' his stomach involuntarily flip-flopped at the same time he felt the cinching in his heart. He took a deep breath and let his eyes wander to Jake, standing beside her, in silent support, encouraging her. Standing where Elliot should be standing, doing what he should be doing.

"Hmmm…what did you have?" Delgado asked quietly.

"I had a turkey on wheat and my partner had roast beef. Have you and the girls eaten? It's way past dinner time," Olivia was concerned for the girls.

"Of course we've eaten. Couldn't cook without electricity, but we managed," Delgado sounded indignant.

"What did you eat then?" She asked, glancing around at the men around her.

"Cereal," he told her. In the background she could hear one of the girls talking and crying.

"Someone's crying…what's wrong?" Olivia frowned and looked up at the window.

"Nothing is wrong," Delgado snapped just as one of the girls whined again.

"Daddy, it's hot in here and I'm tired…I want Mama…please," the child's voice was high with frustration, and it surely sounded as though she were crying.

"Sierra, go! We have talked about this. You are staying here," his voice was firm but not necessarily unkind.

"Hey, she's just a little girl who wants her Mama. Why don't you let the girls come out and see her, huh? Then you and I can talk," Olivia quietly suggested.

"No! I am not giving up my girls!" He was adamant about it.

"Listen…Dante…I understand your frustration at the court system…they always seem to give the kids to the mother. I can see why you did what you did…I mean you love your girls, and you want to be with them," she played up her sympathy for him.

"You _understand_ why I did this?" He seemed incredulous at her words.

"Yes, I do. But, I gotta tell you, no judge is going to take kindly to you holding your girls like this, Dante. How about you let them come down, you and I will talk, and I'll have a word with the judge and make sure they know you meant no harm and cooperated with me," she smiled as she looked up to the window, and the curtain pulled back again this time revealing just a short peak at Dante Delgado.

"We'll talk? Just you and me?" He was beginning to break, and Olivia sensed it in his tone.

"Just you and me. Come on, Dante, you have to think of their wellbeing…you won't be giving them up. In fact, a friend of mine sees his kids more now that he is divorced than he did before," she told him, wondering if Elliot would be upset that she referred to him even though not by name.

Mancini leaned over, whispering in her ear, "You're doing great…keep it up."

"You keep calling me by my first name…I don't even know yours," Dante stated, though the question was understood.

Olivia looked around at the men, "Tell him," Joe whispered.

Looking at Elliot for his answer, he shrugged and nodded his head.

Running a hand through her hair, she told Dante, "My name is Olivia."

"Ahh…a very beautiful name for a very beautiful woman," his voice was soft almost seductive.

She was suddenly uncomfortable in this role and stretched her head side to side to release some of the tension she just now became aware had settled upon her.

"Daddy…please," Sierra whined again.

"Dad… it's too hot …I feel sick…and we have to get up for school. We need rest…please let us go?" Another voice sounded. By process of elimination, it had to be Jade.

Olivia heard her and seized the opportunity, "Dante, I heard you worked your way through college when you came to the U.S. That is quite commendable, especially when English is not your native language. So, I know you know the importance of education; especially today. Jade is right. She and Sierra need proper rest to do well. I know you would do nothing to jeopardize their schoolwork, would you?'

There was a long and tension filled pause. At last he answered, "No…I would not."

"It's after nine, Dante. Send the girls out, okay? That way you and I can talk," she was certain he was going to do as she asked.

No answer. They waited almost ten minutes, while unintelligible voices could be heard in the background in the house. Then what sounded like a series of thumps and bumps.

This struck fear in Olivia and she called out, "Dante?" She drew a deep breath. "Dante? Talk to me."

Suddenly, the front door opened. Rifles and handguns were quickly drawn and trained on the door. At last Dante spoke again, "Don't shoot. The girls are coming out…don't…don't shoot, please."

First Sierra appeared, wearing white jeans and a multi-colored tie-dyed tee shirt, a pink and sliver backpack clutched in her hands. Jade was behind her in faded blue jeans and a red tank top over a white lacier one, her arms laden with books.

Lupe screamed out, "My babies!" She tried to run to them, but two officers held her back.

One of the S.W.A.T. officers brought the girls to Lupe and Elena. They fell into a group hug, crying as books and backpacks fell to the ground. Olivia started to walk toward them. She wanted to talk to the girls, assure them everything would be all right. She had momentarily forgotten about Dante Delgado.

Elliot came up beside her, stopping her as he took hold of her elbow. He knew what she wanted. Her heart had always been for the victim and she needed to talk with these young girls. She turned slowly almost in a daze, her eyes glistening with tears.

"Liv…I think you are needed more here right now. You can talk with the girls later," Elliot's blue eyes told her he understood what she wanted. She looked away from him and back to the girls before looking back to Elliot.

Simply nodding, she had no verbal response. Joe Mancini was watching and she caught his eyes and he smiled. When she got back to where he stood, he handed her the phone again. "He's still going to want to talk to you."

Jake just stared at her and Elliot. When they got closer he asked Elliot, "Captain Stabler, you want me to talk to the girls?"

"No. That's Olivia's job," Elliot responded sharply, dismissing him.

"Well, she's got her hands full, and I have experience in cases like this, and I don't feel like I've done much to help and…" Jake tried to explain.

Turning quickly toward the detective, glaring at Jake this time, Elliot growled, "You got a problem listening to orders, Zoumberis? I said _Liv_ would take care of it."

Caught off guard and somewhat embarrassed by Elliot's response, he awkwardly looked around, "No. No problem…Sir."

Elliot's glare remained latched onto Jake as he moved away. Fading into the background, Jake still remained close to Olivia. One thing you could be sure of…he had his partner's back. He may not have done much here tonight, but he would protect his partner at all cost. Suddenly, a voice split the air.

"Olivia? You still there? Olivia?" Delgado asked, this time from the front door, where he remained after allowing the girls to leave.

Taking a deep breath, she responded, "I'm here."

"You said we would talk…come slowly up the walk and up the stoop," he instructed calmly.

Raising her left eyebrow in surprise, Olivia looked around at Joe, Jake and Elliot. Joe just nodded; Jake stared at her, afraid to make a suggestion with Elliot standing right there and Elliot? He looked at Joe in absolute disbelief.

"Are you crazy, Mancini? She is _not_ going in there! How _long_ you been doing this? She goes in there, he's just got a new hostage!" Elliot's words hissed through his clench teeth.

"Elli…Captain, I can do this," Olivia's face had that look that dared him to say anything else. He was not one to back down from anyone's dares. Not even hers.

"Stay out of this, Benson!" He snapped, the vein in his neck pulsating with his anger.

Mancini jumped back in, "I know, Captain Stabler. And in most situations, I would agree. But she has developed a rapport with Delgado. He won't hurt her. I think he knows he has messed up and is looking for an out. _Olivia_ is his out."

Elliot's face was red with rage, "No. _My_ detective is _not_ going in there!"

"Elliot!" Olivia's head snapped toward him.

"My decision, Benson. If you choose to do this, you will be disobeying a direct order and there _will_ be consequences!" His voice lowered to a menacing rumble, and his eyes blazed with the fiery rage that now threatened to consume him.

"Do what you can on the phone without going inside, Detective," Mancini told her, conceding to Elliot.

Her eyes, now black as coal, were full of their own fire, as she fixed them on Elliot. "Can I at least walk closer to the door? I told him we would talk…he thinks privately."

Elliot's hands were on his hips, his legs apart, his back ramrod straight and he looked down his nose at her with narrowed blue eyes. This stance was classic angry Stabler and it exuded superiority, and she hated it when it was all directed at her. He brought his right hand up to his forehead and massaged it with his thumb and fingers.

Finally exhaling loudly, he told her, "Just to the stoop. You are _not_ to go inside. That clear?"

"Olivia…you coming up or not?" Delgado called out from the front door. He was no longer on the phone.

Elliot was ready to go up to the stoop himself and deck the guy. He hated the sound of her name rolling off the tongue of this creep. Intuitively he sensed Delgado was attracted to her,and it served only to irritate him all the more.

"Just a second," she called out as Mancini slipped her a small mic.

"We can still hear everything that goes on…put it in your pocket. Be careful. Go," he tipped his head toward the building.

She and Elliot locked eyes one more time, the daggers hurtling back and forth between them. Walking slowly, she made her way up the concrete walk to the edge of the stoop.

"Dante, I'm sorry, but my captain won't let me come in," she shrugged and raised her eyebrows at him, hoping to gain his sympathy rather than his wrath.

"I thought we were going to talk privately?" He was halfway behind the front door as he talked.

She could see that he was a decent looking man. Clean-cut, wearing gray dress slacks and a light pink button down Oxford. A businessman.

"This is private. We are not on the phone…no one can hear us," she held up her empty hands.

Staring at her for a long minute, he stepped out a bit more from behind the door. "You are much prettier up close…I could tell you were pretty even from a distance," he smiled slightly at her.

Smiling back, she tucked her bangs behind her right ear, "Thank you. Listen, how about you just come on out, we'll go to my office and talk, and I'll see what I can do about making sure everyone understands why you did this and that you want to make it right."

"You'll do that…for me?" He asked, not sure what to believe.

"Yes, Dante. Come on out, okay?" She smiled.

"You married?" This question came out of left field and put her off kilter a bit.

Surprised, she stammered, "No, I'm not."

"Boyfriend?" He tilted his head and then looked out toward the street.

Briefly, she wondered was there any way to qualify Elliot as her boyfriend. Biting her lip, she released it and answered, "Uh…no."

"I'm about to be divorced…can I call you sometime?"

"Um…well…I don't think…"

"We could go for a drink, dinner," he laughed, "dancing? You like to dance?"

"Actually, I don't have much time for a social life," she hated saying that because it was so close to the truth.

"If I come out, will you go have a drink with me at least?" His voice was hopeful and Olivia had to bite her tongue to keep from laughing. Did he really think she would even think about going out with him?

She debated over blatantly lying, but she wanted this all to be over. She was exhausted and knew everyone else was as well. The girls were safe now, and she needed to wrap this up.

"You come out, give yourself up and I'll think about it," she told him, deciding that was not really a lie. She could think about it and then say no.

He stared at her for a very long time, then slowly came from behind the door and opened the screened storm door, letting it close behind him. He now stood at the top of the stoop and as soon as he took the first step down, the S.W.A.T. moved in closer and he realized they had guns trained on him.

"Keep your hands where the policemen can see them, Delgado," Olivia's voice was now pure, cool professionalism. He lifted his empty hands in front of his body.

"I am unarmed," he gave the armed officers a nervous look.

Descending the remaining stairs at an excruciatingly slow pace, his eyes bored into hers. When he reached the bottom step and was nearly in front of her, she reached up, took his right hand and snapped the handcuff on him. Pulling the left hand behind his back, she completed the cuffing. He put up no resistance.

"I thought we were going to talk," he spoke quietly, his voice filled with the betrayal he felt.

"Dante Delgado, you have the right to remain silent…" She read his rights as she walked him to the awaiting squad car.

As she handed him off to two uniformed officers, Delgado looked at Olivia, his face almost sad. "I thought I could trust you. You said we would talk," his gaze intense, locking with her eyes.

"And we will…at the precinct," she spoke brusquely and watched as they placed him in the back of the police car.

Joe Mancini approached Olivia and patted her on the back, "You are a natural at this, Detective Benson. If you ever decide you want out of SVU, I'm sure NYPD could find a spot for you as a negotiator. You'd have to pick up a few courses, but it could be good move if you are ever looking for a change."

"Thanks, Joe. I'll keep that mind," she smiled and looked around for Jake and Elliot.

"That was something, Liv. I'm real proud of you," Jake grinned as threw his arm around her shoulder and gave her a sideways hug.

She put her arm around his waist and hugged him back, "Thanks, Z."

"We need to go celebrate. That new coffee house is open 24/7. What'd you say?" Jake squeezed her shoulder a couple of times.

"I say sounds great!" She laughed and leaned into him.

The fact that her new partner hugged her after knowing her just a week did not go unnoticed. By her, nor by Elliot. It had taken, what, over eight years for Elliot to hug her. And then it was because of something horrific - the car accident that nearly claimed Kathy's and their unborn child's lives. He had pulled her into a hug that almost seemed to be merely an afterthought, having run past her as she stood in the hospital corridor, covered in _his_ son's blood from the birth. He had not even stopped to see if she was hurt; he had not even asked her if she was okay.

Elliot was incensed at how effortlessly Jake pulled Olivia into that hug even though he knew it was simply congratulatory. Jealous that she simply responded by slipping her arm around him and hugging him back, he felt the beginnings of headache. Elliot inhaled sharply through his nose and then let out the huge breath through his mouth. He took a step toward them, and they released each other.

"I'll meet you back at the precinct. You can start on your reports about what happened," Elliot told them.

Surprised at the order, Jake and Olivia whirled to look at him, shock covering their faces.

"Captain, can't it wait until morning?" Jake knew the minute the words ran past his mouth he had made mistake. The frown on Elliot's face deepened as his whole countenance darkened.

"Didn't you tell me you don't have a problem listening to orders, Zoumberis?" Elliot fixed him with a steely glare.

"El…come on. We've been on the job since seven this morning…over fifteen hours. It'll take a couple of hours to process him, and we'll all be rested and fresh in the morning…" Olivia looked him in the eyes knowing she was going to pay for this.

"I gave an order, Benson, _not_ a suggestion," he turned and left them standing there.

Jake and Olivia traded looks, she rolled her eyes, and they headed for the car.

**SVU Squad Room • Monday, August, 25th • 10:07 p.m.**

Elliot watched as Jake and Olivia made their way into the squad room to settle at their desks. Jake had looked at him as they walked by, but not Olivia. She kept her eyes focused straight ahead, and he knew she would not look his way. He knew her like the back of his hand, and he knew he was in for the silent treatment. He should not have insisted they come back to the precinct. They had done a good job, and it _was_ late. If he had not heard Jake ask her out for a drink, it would never have crossed his mind. It was still stupid of him to do so because it would serve nothing in the long run. It would not keep them apart during the day nor preclude Jake asking her again when Elliot was not around.

After about thirty minutes, Jake got up and went to the file room. Elliot noticed and took this opportunity to call Olivia into his office. She turned and leveled her still angry gaze on him, but finally stood up and headed toward him.

The slight scent of her perfume wafted in the air as she brushed past him. He inhaled it and suddenly had to stifle the desire to grab her and pull her to him. Closing the door behind them he went and sat on the corner of the desk. Olivia stood staring straight ahead.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Elliot motioned to one of the chairs

"I'm good," she replied testily.

He nodded, releasing a heavy sigh. "Look, this is new territory for us…me being captain…and us having been partners for so long and so familiar with each other…but, Liv, you can't be questioning every order I give…you just…can't," his eyes held a silent plea for her to understand.

Squinting her eyes at him, she responded, "That a suggestion or an order?"

"Don't be a smart aleck, Liv," he frowned and crossed his arms over his broad chest.

Her eyes traveled his body…that red tee shirt was so tight she could see his muscles flexing beneath the material. She wanted to ask when he had found time to work out so much. And those jeans…

Forcing herself to look him in the eyes, she spoke again, "I don't question every order."

Laughter erupted from deep within, and he shook his head, "You're kidding me, right?"

"No, I'm not," she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"Liv, come on. I gave two orders tonight, and you bucked at both. It's one thing to disagree with me in private, but not in front of other officers and detectives. Help me out, okay?" His smile was tentative, waiting for her response.

His eyes met hers, and she felt herself wanting to just lean over and kiss him even though she was still upset with him. What is wrong with her, she wondered? He has totally messed her up. Again. She kept looking at him, thinking how it would be to feel his lips upon hers again.

She waited so long, he spoke again, "Liv, I can't do this job without your help…please."

Those cerulean blue eyes dancing over her face, silently pleading with her, coupled with that half smile of his was no match for her annoyance, irritation or anger. She felt herself giving into him as a slow smile broke across her face. Uncrossing her arms, she held her hands up in front of her in surrender.

"Okay, okay. You're right. I shouldn't have second-guessed you in front of Z or the others," she said as she took two steps toward him and whispered into his left ear. "From now on I'll be sure to take care of you in _private." _She turned to leave.

Nearly coming undone at her hot breath in his ear, Elliot grabbed her wrist, holding her in place close to him. Looking at his hand around her, she slowly raised her head to meet his stare. Their eyes locked, both of them intensely aware of the other and the innuendo of her last remark.

Movement in the squad room caught Elliot's eye, and he glanced out to see Jake coming back to his desk and looking into the office. Elliot released her and stood up. "Your partner's back. Make sure you don't get too _cozy_. You're dismissed."

Staring at him for a long moment, she finally left, shaken by the feel of his hand upon her wrist, yet newly irritated by his words. He seemed to have an innate ability for saying the wrong things and pushing her buttons with virtually no effort. It was almost as though he carefully calculated words and actions to specifically hurt her. But then he could turn around in almost the same breath and totally redeem himself and rectify the situation by more words or actions. And if he touched her, no matter how innocently, he threw her completely off guard, leaving her totally bewildered. One minute she wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and kiss him and the next, like right now, smacking him would provide her immense pleasure. Walking away, she rolled her eyes, wondering if she would ever figure out what he wanted from her.

eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo


	8. Conversation

Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 Conversation**

**Benson Residence • Monday, August, 25th • 11:43 p.m.**

Stepping out of the shower, Olivia grabbed the oversized, fluffy, beige towel lying on the closed seat of the toilet and wrapped it around her. As she began to remove the remainder of her makeup, she could not quit thinking about Elliot and how he had made her and Jake come in and do their DD5s tonight. She was aware of why he did it and it made no sense to her. She was not interested in Jake. She wanted to be with Elliot. If he weren't so thick headed he would realize it.

It wasn't long before she was running over the events of the morning remembering the new ADA. She seemed very friendly…too friendly with Elliot. She wasn't sure what bothered her most…Jessica McDaniel's friendliness and ease with which she laid her hand on Elliot's arm or the fact that Elliot was apparently just fine with it. _And_ 'Jess'. Rolling her eyes at her reflection, she finished brushing her teeth, dried her hair, and put lotion on her arms and legs. As she pulled on a tank top and a pair of shorts to sleep in, her cell phone began ringing.

Glancing at the screen, she sighed and pleaded silently for it not to be a case. Flipping it open, she answered, "Benson."

"Hey…did I wake you?" his voice was low and soft.

"Would you care if you did?"

He chuckled softly, "No…I just needed to hear your voice."

An incredulous look covered her face as she pulled the phone away and stared at it a second before replying, "What?"

"Look, I'm really sorry about tonight…I shouldn't have made you guys come back to the house so late…and well…I'm sorry."

"Okay. So, why did you?"

"Uh…I…I…don't know…it's…it's…"

"Complicated?"

He could hear the smile in her voice, "Yea…that's it. Complicated."

"Hmmm…"

"Liv?"

"Yea?"

"I…I've…uh…really missed you this last week…could we plan to get together tomorrow evening?"

He missed her. Smiling, she fell back onto the bed her feet hanging off the side, "What did you have in mind?

"Nothing fancy…pizza, Chinese, maybe pick up a movie and take it to your place or mine…doesn't matter…as long as it's just you and me, okay?"

She paused just long enough to not seem too eager, "Mmmm…okay."

"Great…well, listen, I'll let you go…I know it's been a long day."

"It has."

"By the way, I was real proud of how you handled Delgado."

"Thanks," she spoke quietly as a smile spread across her features.

"Well…goodnight, Liv."

"El?"

"Yea."

"I've missed you, too." Before he could respond, she flipped the phone closed and disconnected the call. She pulled it to her chest as though hugging it and jumped when it rang again almost immediately. Her heart pounding, she knew it was Elliot calling back as she flipped it open once again.

"Benson."

"You didn't say goodnight," he told her, his voice now lower almost rumbling.

She imagined him lying there in his bed, the pillows propped behind him, his chest bare as he held the phone close to him, one arm crooked behind his head, his blue eyes half shut, thinking about…her.

"Goodnight, El," she whispered.

"Goodnight, Liv."

Disconnecting once more, she could not quit grinning. He missed her. He was proud of her. He wanted to spend time with her…just her. It almost sounded like a date. She should have called him on it; asked him was this date. It was beginning to look like that if they were to ever change the nature of their relationship she was going to have to be the one to push it. She really did not want to do that because she wanted to give him all the time he needed to adjust to being divorced, to figure out how to juggle the kids and work and just get used to his new status of being alone. More than anything she wanted 'them' to be his idea, his move, not hers. She didn't know why, but she just felt like it would mean more if he were the one who initiated it. Guess she was not the liberated woman she thought she was.

**Stabler Residence • Monday, August, 25th • 11:48 p.m.**

Still not believing what he had heard, Elliot lay there staring at the ceiling and replayed the conversation over and over in his head. She said she would spend the evening with him. He didn't know if he could wait that long to be with her. Alone. In fact, tomorrow would be a week since they had done anything together. A lot had happened. He was acting captain; she had a new partner; she even had that date last Friday night. Of course, this reminded him of Saturday morning and he began getting irritated again so he made himself go back to their conversation. She said she had missed him. He could not quit grinning at the memory of her voice saying those four words, _'I've missed you, too.'_

If she had any idea how much he truly had missed her, she would sign up for another stint in Oregon. He just knew she could not possibly care about him the same way he did her. Yawning, he turned on his side, punched his pillow a few times and settled in, pulling the sheet up around his shoulder. Sleep claimed him as thoughts of Olivia and how much he loved her and wanted to tell her how he felt paraded through his mind. He _would_ tell her. One day. Soon.

**SVU Squad Room • Tuesday, August, 26th • 10:30 a.m.**

Files returned to the file room, she had one more thing to go over and sign and the pile of paperwork would be finished. She could actually see a good portion of her desktop. Jake's desk was pretty clean, too. She glanced up and saw he was intent on reading something on his computer screen. He was handsome in a rugged way. She liked his longer, curly hair. He must have sensed her staring at him because he turned his eyes toward her and smiled.

"Want to grab an early lunch. I'm already hungry?" he asked, turning back to the screen.

Opening her bottom left drawer, she rummaged around, "I have an almond crunch breakfast bar and half of a Snickers bar."

**"**Half?" he asked, a puzzled look on his face.

"I like sweets but they don't settle well on my stomach, so I only eat a little at a time," she explained.

"Oh…okay. Well, I think I'll pass and take an early lunch. So, you in or not?"

"In. Where do you want to go?" she asked.

"How about that Greek place the next block over?"

"Sure," she smiled and started going over the last report as Jake turned back to his work.

Several minutes later she signed the report, stacked it with some other papers, slipped it into a brown envelope, sealed it and wrote 'Delgado – Captain Stabler – SVU' across the top. 'Captain Stabler'. She grinned at the title before Elliot's name. She was so proud of him. Looking his way, she could see him on the phone through the blinds of the office. They had talked briefly this morning and the friction that had been there the last few days was gone. It never ceased to amaze her how quickly her emotions concerning him could change. With just a few words or actions he could send her frustrations and anger soaring to new levels, yet turn around and bring her back to wanting nothing more than to be near him.

Knocking quietly on the doorframe of the office, she held the envelope in her hand and waited for Elliot's response.

He looked up and grinned, "Hey, Liv. All finished?"

Leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head, he quickly scanned her from head to toe. She had on tan slacks with a white tank trimmed with tan filigree or something. It really brought out the bronze of her tanned skin. She looked as though she had gotten sun over the weekend and he wondered when, where and with whom she had done so.

"Yep. Delgado, signed, sealed and delivered," she threw the envelope on his desk.

He sat straight up and pulled the envelop toward him then picked it up and put it in a pile to his right.

"Good."

"Jake and I are going to catch an early lunch…you want to go with us?"

Instantly he felt the stab of jealousy, but he managed to hold it in check. She _did_ asked him to go with them. Jake was her partner and he needed to get used to it and get over it. He looked down at his desk and then back up to meet her coffee brown eyes, "Thanks for the invite, but, no. Got a few things to take care of and then I have a meeting at 11:30."

"Okay…well, we're heading out around eleven," she smiled and turned to leave.

"Hey…pizza or Chinese tonight?" he asked, wanting to confirm that they were still on for this evening, and perhaps remind her that she was going to be with him, not Jake, not some stranger named Peter or anyone else.

"My-Ling's?" she mentioned their favorite Chinese restaurant.

"You got it, sunshine!" he smiled, she smiled back and he watched her until she got to her desk and his ringing phone demanded his attention.

'Sunshine'. It was one of his pet names for her and she smiled as she realized she could not remember the last time he called her that. It had to be a good thing that he even thought to call her 'sunshine'.

**Milo's • Monday, August, 26th • 11:59 a.m.**

Thankfully, the outdoor table was in the shade and a ceiling fan hanging from the arbor above them put off a decent breeze. It was hot and humid, but the only seats available were outside on the sidewalk. Olivia finished the rest of her horiatiki, basically a Greek salad consisting of tomatoes, greek olives, green bell pepper, red onions, Feta cheese crumbled or sliced on top with extra virgin olive oil and oregno topping it off.

Jake had already eaten his spanakopita, which is an individual spinach pie with crispy filo and feta cheese served with mixed greens, and was working on dessert - some galaktobouriko, a citrus custard wrapped in filo and drizzled with orange honey.

She was watching him enjoy his dessert as she finished the last of her salad.

"Mmmm…Liv…you gotta try some of this," he cut apiece off, stabbed it with his fork and held it toward her.

"I was just thinking that myself," she leaned over and took the proffered bite.

This seemed strange and comfortable at the same time. She was used to eating from Elliot's plate and taking bites of his food whether he offered it or not. Especially his French fries, which she would never order.

"Well…? He asked, grinning at her.

"Different…but good," she smiled, wiping her mouth with a napkin. She leaned back and scanned the lunch crowd, noticing an attorney that was familiar but she could not remember his name.

"Glad you liked it," he looked around and summoned the waiter for their bill. "You got plans for Saturday?"

Caught off guard, her head snapped back toward him, surprise filling her voice, "Should I?"

He laughed, "Relax…I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go riding with me, not marry me."

She laughed too, though she was still a bit shaken by his question. "I haven't been on a horse in years…though I used to ride some with a college friend, " she answered.

Laughing again, he replied, "Well…actually I was thinking more along the lines of a hog."

Her forehead crinkled in puzzlement, "What?" She certainly had never ridden, nor did she intend to ride, a hog. Then at almost the same time he laughed again, it dawned on her.

"You mean a motorcycle, don't you?" she leaned over the table, now interested.

"Yes. I have a Harley. If you want, we can ride upstate a ways. There's a small private lake I used to like to fish in…we could take a picnic lunch…what'd you say?" his green eyes were full of hope.

She thought of Elliot, of 'them'. She would much rather spend time with him and the kids, but he hadn't asked, and this _was_ totally innocent, and she did _not_ want to spend the weekend alone, waiting, just in case he did ask her to do something. She was not interested in Jake as a potential suitor and after all, he _is_ her partner, she reasoned, and this would be a great way to get to know him better.

Eyes narrowing as she bit her lower lip in deep thought, she answered him with a smile, "Sounds like a lot of fun. What time are you going to pick me up?"

"Eight-thirty?" his grin covered his face from ear to ear

"Okay," she looked at her watch. "We better be getting back."

**SVU Squad Room • Tuesday, August, 26th • 12:10 p.m.**

Jake held the elevator door open for Olivia and then they walked in together to the squad room. Jake was talking and almost ran right into Olivia as she suddenly stopped, astonished at the sight before her. Elliot was sitting at her desk and ADA Jessica McDaniel was sitting on the edge of it leaning close, way too close, to him. Her navy blue skirt was nearly half way up her thigh and the way she was leaning over him, even Olivia could see the lace of her camisole. At least she thought it was her camisole. Her face was nearly touching his as he talked and pointed at something on the computer screen. And her hand, her hand _was_ touching him. His shoulder, his forearm, even his hand as she covered it and moved the mouse telling him to go back to the previous page.

Where the heck was Munch and Fin, she wondered? This hussy would not be doing these things in front of them. Would she? Then Olivia remembered she and Jake had gone to lunch early, so everyone else was still at lunch now. She felt the anger…the…the...okay…she could admit it…the jealousy running through her veins as though it had replaced her blood. She wanted to snatch out every long, blond hair on ADA Jessica McDaniel's head and then drag her outside and go a couple of rounds with her. Who was she kidding? A couple of rounds? It would only take one good punch. Straight to that beautiful face. She felt a smirk coming on at the thought of how satisfying she would feel to see a broken, swollen, discolored nose on the ADA's face.

Consciously, making herself breathe deeply and slowly, she was shocked at the thoughts of violence running through her mind toward someone she did not even really know. She could not remember _ever_ feeling like this toward another woman whom she perceived to be a threat to a relationship. She could not remember ever feeling like someone was stepping into _her_ territory in a situation like this. And she certainly could not remember wanting to do something about it. Especially something brutal, probably involving blood.

The reason she had never experienced this loomed before her, as a voice in her not too distant past haunted her, now screaming in her ears: _'I'm the longest relationship you've ever had with man.'_ Elliot's voice rang loud and clear. No joke. Heck, if she didn't count Serena…and what exactly was a 'relationship' with an emotionally absent, physically abusive, alcoholic mother…he was the longest relationship she had ever had with _anyone_, let alone a man.

Her breathing in check, she now realized her lunch was swirling and threatening to find it's way up her throat. Just as she thought she would lose it completely, Jake, who had been silently watching her face contort with all the emotions rampaging through her heart, placed a hand on her left shoulder and squeezed it slightly. She gave him a quick glance and he spoke.

"Captain, ADA McDaniel…how's it going?" He started toward his desk, hoping to draw attention to himself and give Olivia a few seconds more to compose herself. She was visibly shaken, upset or something and he wanted to do whatever he could to help her out even though he was not entirely sure just what was going on.

At the sound of his voice, Jessica quickly straightened and stood up and Elliot turned around far enough to catch Olivia's eyes before looking back at Jake to answer. Words were unnecessary for him to know something was wrong. What, he was sure he did not know.

"Hey, Jake. You know Jess is new to the criminal side of law and had never seen how AFIS works, so I was showing her," he chanced another look at Olivia who was now standing with her arms across her chest and her brown eyes black as the darkest unlit sky and cold as ice. He was even more puzzled now.

"It's amazing the things that can be done on computer now. And Elliot was sweet enough to show me," Jess smiled at him and laid her hand on his shoulder again.

Olivia blinked rapidly and ground her teeth together, trying desperately not to do or say anything she would regret. Before she realized it was happening, she opened her mouth but before she could say anything, Jake interrupted.

"Liv and I ate at Milo's. It was really good. We'll have to take you there sometime," he suggested.

"Greek? I love Greek food. Bryan and I went to Greece for vacation…" Jess started.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to go to the ladies' room," Olivia gestured toward the hallway and had turned and gone before anyone had a chance to respond.

Elliot looked at Jake questioningly, but Jake just turned to his computer and logged in. What was going on, he wondered. Jess was still standing there beside him, so he stood and pushed the chair back under Olivia's desk.

"Well, I guess you need to get back. I'll fill in my detectives on the Delgado case," Elliot smiled at her. Jake cut his eyes up at him without moving his head or stopping the run of his fingers over the keyboard. He thought Elliot seemed anxious for some reason.

"Oh…we haven't had lunch. Why don't we go to…Jake, what was that place? Milo's?" she turned to him.

"Uh…yea…Milo's. Two blocks east," he told her thinking what a piece of work she was.

"You wouldn't mind if El and I go without you, would you?"

He snorted, "Why would I mind?"

"Captain?" her smile was like a Cheshire cat, Jake thought.

"Yea…sure," he smiled but it was clear he was not enthusiastic about going. He kept looking toward the hallway and like a light going on Jake now thought he knew why.

"Great. Just give me a minute…ladies' room…and I'll be right with you," she winked at him and he ran his finger along the collar of his shirt and stretched his head one way and then the other.

**SVU Ladies' Room • Tuesday, August, 26th • 12:20 p.m.**

Olivia had gone into the restroom thinking she had to throw up, but it never got to that point. Instead, she patted cool water on her face and took a damp paper towel dragging it over her neck and across her chest. Freshening her eyeliner and lip gloss, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. What was wrong with her? She was an attractive woman; she was interested in her very attractive best friend, partner, ex-partner-captain; she knew what she wanted and yet, here she was hiding in the little girls room like this was middle school all over again. To frightened to tell the boy she liked exactly how she felt. Leaning over the sink, her hands gripping the counter, she sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

At that very moment she heard the door squeak as someone else entered. Looking up she halfway expected it to be Elliot. She knew he was aware something was askew and normally, he would come looking for at times like this. However, it was none other than Jessica McDaniel. Quickly, Olivia stood and began washing her hands, mentally gauging how long it would take her to get out of that restroom and do it without having to talk to the ADA. No such luck.

Jessica came right up to the sink next to Olivia and pulled a small makeup bag from her pocketbook. She glanced at Olivia in the mirror, "So, what's the deal with the Captain?"

Olivia could not believe this woman. She thought she was referring to the relationship between she and Elliot. Her left eyebrow raised in questioning disbelief, "Excuse me."

"Captain Stabler…I hear he's divorced…_and _unattached _and_ that he is interested in someone. Is he?" she applied more mascara.

Olivia froze, her heart pounding so hard she just knew McDaniel could hear it. "Uh…I…"

"Well, I heard you were his partner before, so I assumed you would know. I haven't dated much since I lost my husband, haven't seen much that interested me…but Elliot…mmm-mmm-mmm. He is fine and he seems really nice," she said as she turned her lipstick tube between her fingers.

Olivia dried her hands and just stared at Jessica, unable to say anything. She could not believe this conversation. When there was no response, Jessica spoke again. "So, does he have someone or is he available? Hard to imagine a man that built and sexy would be alone."

"You know what? El's real private. You'll have to ask him. Excuse me," she made a beeline for the door and as soon as she exited, she leaned against the hallway and took several deep breaths. The urge to throw up was back full force and somehow she did not think this time it was going away.

Walking briskly, she made her way through the squad room and managed to tell Jake she was going up to the crib to lie down for a bit. That Greek salad must not have settled well with her, but she would be back in ten to fifteen minutes, she told him.

He tried to tell her what Elliot had said, "Liv, the Captain wants us to…"

But she brushed him off, "Thanks for covering for me, Jake. Be back in a bit."

She was gone before he had the chance to tell her that Elliot wanted them to get Lupe Delgado's statement and see if they could talk with the girls. He had just found out they did not go to school today. He looked toward the office and saw Elliot hang up the phone and come back toward his and Olivia's desks.

"Liv's not back, yet?" Elliot frowned as he looked around the squad room.

"She said she wasn't feeling well…went up to the crib to lie down for a few," Jake told him.

"What?" Elliot seemed both incredulous as well as troubled by this announcement. Liv lie down? Of her _own_ accord? Without someone _making_ her? Cuffing her to the bed? Every internal alarm he had was going off. He had to go to her. Something must be bad wrong. He _needed_ to go to her.

At that very moment, Jess came back from the ladies' room. "Are you ready, Captain?"

Elliot looked at her as though he did not really even see her. "I'm…I'm sorry, Jess. We'll have to make it another time. Something has come up. You'll have to excuse me," he said as he turned and headed up to the crib, taking the steps two at a time.

Jess looked at Jake and he shrugged. She picked up her attaché case and left. Jake wondered what the heck he had just seen go on here this afternoon.

**SVU Crib • Tuesday, August, 26th • 12:32 p.m.**

Staring at the wires on the bunk above her, she alternated between counting how many rectangles the wires made as they crisscrossed from one side of the frame to the other, and thinking about Elliot and Jessica McDaniel. Then she thought about herself and questioned who she thought she was to think that she would ever have a chance with Elliot. She was not blond and he sure seemed to favor blonds. In fact, she was nothing like Kathy. She would never fit into his middle-class life; full of neighborhood parties and cookouts…she didn't even like to cook, school meetings and soccer games. She could never be the wife that was patiently waiting for him to come home to the full course dinner she had prepared while making sure the bills were paid, the house clean and the laundry done. That was what he wanted and she was not that women. Or he wanted some blond bombshell like the new ADA.

Shaking her head, the hot tears made their way down the sides of her face and tickled her ears as they made their own trail inside. Reaching up to wipe them away, she sniffled and turned on her side away from the door, pulling her knees up toward her chest. At least her stomach had calmed down a good bit.

Then she heard the door open and a few footsteps upon the worn linoleum floor. His footsteps. Yes, she knew they were his by just the resonance of the three or four steps. She knew without even looking. They were the footsteps that hers had been in perfect sync with for over six years before everything starting falling apart, crumbling beneath them, before the near dissolution of their relationship. Before things became complicated. And besides the footsteps, she sensed _him_. Or rather, that connection, that bond, that live wire that had been between them from the beginning.

Her eyes slammed shut as her whole body tensed. The racing of her heart caused dizziness to wash over her and she was grateful that she was already lying down.

"Liv? Liv? It's me," Elliot spoke softly as he came closer to the bunk, closer to her.

She counted the footsteps as each one erased the space that fell between them. Ten, eleven, twelve…then he was there. Beside her. How could she ignore him?

"Liv? Olivia…you okay?" he asked gently.

She did not answer. She felt the heat from his body even though he was not touching her and she wondered did she just imagine it. Please don't touch me, she thought. If you touch me, I cannot resist. I cannot ignore.

"Liv?" He sat on the bunk at the crook of her knees and leaned in, resting most of his weight on his right hand as it came down near her left shoulder. With his left hand he brushed the bangs from her face and tucked them behind her right ear.

No response. He sensed she was not asleep, but he let her pretend. And he saw the trail across her cheek left behind by salty tears, as a lone tear glistened half way between her eye and ear. He gently wiped it away, leaned over and kissed her temple.

"Liv…whatever's wrong, we can talk later," he smoothed her hair back once again and walked to the door.

Just as he started to open it, he heard the bed springs groan as Olivia turned toward him, "El, don't leave."

eoeoeoeoeoeo

A/N: I have been so bad…at least in my eyes…about updating. I promise to do better. Hope everyone that may have been affected by Gustav fared well. Let me know what you are thinking about this story. Appreciate you all! " ) Bensler


	9. Cadence

**Chapter 9 – Cadence**

**SVU Crib • Tuesday, August, 26th • 12:32 p.m.**

Elliot smiled to himself when she called his name. He had known she was not asleep. He also knew he shouldn't force her to talk right now…not while she was noticeably distressed. Any talking needed to be in her time, even if his curiosity was killing him in the meantime. He closed the door, turned around and faced her as she sat up and then stood. Her hand went to her stomach, which was still rolling and churning though not quite as bad. He was at her side in a split second.

His left arm around her, his right hand covered her hand at her stomach, "Maybe you should lie back down."

"No. No, I'm…I'm fine. Just a little nauseous," she pulled back from him a little though she did not break the contact.

"At least sit down. I'll get you a sprite…it'll help settle your stomach," he turned to leave, but she grabbed his wrist and held him there.

"Thanks, but I don't want a sprite," she let go of him and ran her hands through her hair.

"Jake said you didn't feel well…I knew it had to be pretty bad if you came up here on your own to lay down," his eyes scrutinized every twitch and movement of her facial features, trying to read her.

"Must have been that Greek food," she smiled and leaned her right elbow on the top bunk.

His eyes narrowed and he took a minute to mull over her statement, before responding, "That all?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" the irritation rose in her voice and she stood up straight, frowning.

He shrugged and mimicked her previous stance, his left elbow on the bunk. "I don't know…when you first came in you seemed…kind of…I don't know…upset or something…like something was wrong…Jake do something? 'Cause if he did, I'll…" he trailed off as he held her gaze and she interrupted him.

She should have known she could not hide her feelings from Elliot. He read her like a book. Most of the time…except when it came to 'them'. Or he would know that she wanted 'them'. She wanted to be with him. Be a couple.

The slight shake of her head and small smile made him wonder. "Jake didn't do anything…nothing's wrong…my stomach is just a little unsettled," she looked down at the floor and then lifted her eyes to his again.

That's right, just a little unsettled from seeing a beautiful, blond sitting on _my_ desk, hanging all over _you_. Yep, just a little unsettled from all that drooling McDaniel was doing. Nauseated from the way she touched you, hit on you. That's all it is.

"Okay." He gave her a hard stare and then continued, "Well, if you are feeling up to it, I need you and Jake to interview the Delgado girls as soon as possible…this afternoon. Their mother kept them home from school today."

"Sure. We'll get right on it," she followed him toward the door of the crib, still holding her stomach.

Just as he started to open it, she took a deep breath, "Next time you want to show McDaniel something…do it on _your_ computer."

He slammed the door shut, caught her arm and turned her to him, "I knew it! I knew it! Are you jealous, Benson?"

The smirk tugged at the corner of his lips but he held it back. She wanted to kiss it away. Dragging her eyes from his lips she retorted, "Not jealous, Stabler. Just not too keen on other women sitting on my desk, hanging all over my best friend."

Covering the doorknob with her hand, she attempted to open it, but Elliot put his shoulder to it, closing it again. He put his right hand over hers on the doorknob and when he touched her, he wondered did she feel the electricity shoot through her like he did. She took a very deep breath…almost a gasp and he had his answer.

Pulling her hand to his mouth, he kissed her fingers, "Sounds like jealousy to me."

Attempting to brush off his comment about jealousy, she rolled her eyes. The feelings she had for him were about to overwhelm her, especially as he stood so close, his breath hot on her fingers, kissing them. If she did not get away from him soon she would not be accountable for any of her actions.

Leaning closer to her, he whispered, "Olivia, I am not interested in Jessica McDaniel or anyone else. Okay?"

He pulled back to see her staring at him unblinking…her bangs nearly covering her right eye. He could get lost in those liquid brown eyes and he felt himself being pulled into their unfathomable depths. Just as he reached to brush her hair from her face, she leaned up and quickly kissed him softly on the lips.

His eyes widened in surprise, but before he could react, someone tried to open the door. Jumping aside and apart, they both watched as Munch leaned in and eyed them suspiciously.

"Private meeting, huh?" he grinned and waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he peered over his glasses at the end of his nose. He knew there was something between these two. Heck, everyone knew it. He just wished they would admit it already.

Olivia knew she was blushing and she tried not to look at him straight on. Elliot simply ignored the wisecrack, "There a reason you came all the way up here, Munch?"

Looking back and forth between the two, he nodded, "Kathy is downstairs…"

**SVU Squad Room • Tuesday, August, 26th • 12:52 p.m.**

Elliot came down just ahead of Munch to find Kathy waiting near his old desk. She seemed very distraught and of course, his first thought was that something had happened to one of the kids. He motioned her into his office and shut the door.

Just a few minutes later Olivia came down glancing toward Elliot's office as she did. She could see Kathy standing in front of Elliot as he leaned against the desk, his arms folded across his chest. Surprisingly they seemed to be carrying on a civil conversation. Very unusual. She headed for her desk and as she reached it Jake lifted his head from his paperwork.

"Feeling better?" he asked as he smiled up at her.

"Yes. Thanks. El…uh…the captain wants us to see the Delgado sisters," she continued to stand and he took it that she was ready to go.

"Yea, I tried to tell you earlier…so…you ready?" he asked.

She picked up the keys and dangled them as her answer.

He laughed, "Okay. Give me a sec to log off and hit the head," he began typing.

She nodded and looked again toward the office just in time to see Elliot push off from the desk and reach for Kathy. He took her face in his hands and appeared to stroke her cheeks several times with his thumbs. Olivia's stomach was suddenly churning violently once again. Get a grip, Benson, she told herself. She is his ex-wife. They have a lot of history. You have no claim on him. Yet. He's allowed to touch her. Not like that, he's not, she argued with herself. Then as she was watching, he drew Kathy to him and held her. For a long time. A very long time. Too long.

Her heart pounding, stomach tightening with each flip-flop it made, she decided to wait for Z out in the hallway. At least that way she would not have to keep looking at Elliot and Kathy. Not that she _had_ to keep looking at them. She didn't. All she had to do was quit looking. All she had to do was tear her eyes away. All she had to do was not turn in that direction. If she could quit looking; if she could tear her eyes from them; if she could not look in that direction, she would not see them. If.

Laughing at herself, she looked _one_ more time as she exited the squad room. _One_ more time. _One_ more time and she saw Elliot kiss Kathy on the cheek. Just the cheek. Just one kiss. One kiss. But, a kiss, nonetheless. She was going to go insane with this jealously thing. For the first time in her life, she was becoming familiar with the dynamics of jealousy. And she did not like it. At all. Something had to change between them before long. She could not take much more.

**Delgado Residence • Tuesday, August, 26th • 1:45 p.m.**

The living room was spacious and decorated in good taste. A computer sat on a desk along one wall, its geometric screen saver filling the screen with a variation of colored pipes. Next to it was a bookshelf that reached to the ceiling and was jammed full of books. Most in Spanish, Olivia noted. A longhaired, black cat sat in the window over a lamp table, blinking its green eyes at them. The furnishings were very fairly new and quite comfortable. Olivia sat on the end of the sofa while Sierra sat about two feet from her and Jade sat in the chair that sat perpendicular to the sofa, putting Olivia between the two girls.

For the most part Jade and Sierra were very quiet. They answered the questions Olivia had for them with as few words as possible. Lupe had sat quietly on the opposite end of the living room, Jake near her. The girls would look over at their mother nearly every time before they answered. Olivia felt like they had been coached about what to say and what not say. Neither of them said anything definitive about their father and his treatment of them, but neither did they express a desire to live with him as the custodial parent. It was apparent that they deeply loved their mother and she them.

Finishing the interview, Olivia smiled at the two girls and gave each of them one of her cards. "If you remember anything you think I should know, or if you just want to talk, call me. Anytime…day or night."

She watched as Jade fingered the card, read it and then looked up at her. She smiled again and Jade returned it with one of her own. She put the card in the back right pocket of her cut off jeans. The sisters headed upstairs and Olivia moved closer to Lupe and Jake.

"How did they do last night?" Jake asked Lupe.

"They were upset, crying," Lupe looked at him through tear-filled eyes.

"Did they sleep at all?" Olivia asked as she glanced at Jake.

"They slept with me. We all tossed and turned. Jumped at every creak and sound," the tears spilled over and she wiped them away.

"Lupe…is there anything else we should know…I get the feeling you are holding back something and we just…" Olivia's voice was soft and she hoped non-accusatory.

"No! There is nothing! I tell you already! No hay nada decir! Nothing!" standing up from her seat she vehemently protested that she was withholding information.

Jake and Olivia both drew back at her outburst and shot glances at one another.

"Okay…all right…I didn't mean to upset you," Olivia held her hands up in a calming gesture.

"My attorney says he will be out on bond soon," Lupe now spoke quietly, almost whispering as she twisted the fringe of a blue throw pillow that was next to her.

"Unfortunately, your attorney is right, Mrs. Delgado," Jake confirmed.

"He will come back for us," the look on her face as she turned to Jake and then Olivia was that of terror and her voice was fraught with the same.

Olivia knew she was not telling them everything, but was at a loss as to how to get her to come clean. "If there is something else, Lupe, you need to tell us. Now. _Before_ they let him out."

"Why won't they keep him in jail?" she asked, staring at Jake.

"There's not enough room. He didn't hurt the girls…or you…physically. So, they figure it will be okay to release him until it's time for his trial," Jake explained.

"But he _did_ hurt us!" Jade hollered from the stairway.

"Jade! Ahora vaya a su sitio! Usted no debe hablar a la policía otra vez! Vaya!" Lupe bolted from her seat and headed toward the young girl.

"Mama! Por favor! Dígales la verdad. Por favor, Mama!" Jade retorted, tears streaming down her face as she retreated from her mother's threatening presence on the stairwell.

She cast a pleading look at Olivia as Olivia's heart clenched in sympathy for the child. She knew she shouldn't but she could not help it and found herself heading toward Jade.

"Jade, sweetheart…" her eyes never left Jade's as she called out to her.

"Leave! Now. You leave my home. You leave us alone!" Lupe hollered as she turned a scathing look upon Olivia.

"Lupe…just let me talk to Jade…please…" she begged.

Jake stepped in front of her and took her by the shoulders, "Olivia…"

"Get out of my way. It's obvious she has something else to say," she glared at him, pulling away.

He held her tightly. "I know…but we can't talk to her without her mother's permission…and she has told us to leave. Come on. Maybe Lupe will change her mind later. Let's not cause a scene right now. Come on, Liv," he pulled her with him toward the door. Reluctantly, she let him, looking over her shoulder as Lupe closed and locked the door.

Slamming the car door with all her might, Olivia flung herself against the back of the car seat. She knew Jake was right but that did not keep her from being angry with him. If Elliot had been there…if Elliot was her partner on this he would…he would…he would have done the _same_ blasted thing. Kept her in check. Kept her from making emotionally tainted decisions rather than professional ones. Dragged her out of there just like Jake had. Only he would have had some smart aleck comments or chewed her out as well.

Still, she leaned against the door on her side of the car as far away as it were possible to get from Jake in the confines of the vehicle. She did not say a word. Not one single word. And she did not look his way.

Jake knew she was bent out of shape over him pulling her out of that situation, but he really did not care. He was doing what a good partner should do…keeping his partner out of trouble. He was _not_ going to be manipulated by her juvenile response of the silent treatment just because he did his job.

He let her stew in her own anger and sense of injustice for about ten minutes. Glancing over at her, he smiled to himself. She was a beauty, this one. And a live wire. "What did they say to each other in Spanish?"

She shrugged and remained silent. He looked her way again and she shifted in her seat, but still would not meet his gaze. He would let the question hang in the air for a bit and see if she could continue her self-imposed silence. She did.

Several minutes passed before he spoke again. "It's a shame Lupe won't let the girls talk about it if Delgado really did hurt them," he said aloud as though talking to himself.

Olivia rolled her eyes, sighed and turned toward him. "If? If? Lupe told her to go to her room and not talk to the police anymore and Jade asked her to please tell us the truth. He hurt them, alright," she huffed.

He nodded his head, "Hmmm…well, maybe when Lupe has had time to think she'll call us."

Olivia shook her head and fell back against the seat, silence engulfing her once more as her mind played through scenarios of what might have happened to the two young sisters. None of them were good.

Jake decided to change the subject for the remainder of the drive back to the precinct. "I take it that the blond woman and baby were the Captain's ex and kid," he asked, popping a piece of gum in his mouth and then offering a stick to Olivia.

Taking one, she looked puzzled, "Baby? I didn't see Eli."

"Had him in a stroller…couldn't see him once they went into the office," he told her.

"Oh…" she wondered now what Kathy was doing in the city and with Eli.

"So, that was his ex, huh? She's pretty…in a girl next-door kind of way. How long were they married?" he asked. From the look on her face he was beginning to see this may not be a much better subject.

"Yea…uh…twenty-three years…" she answered woodenly. He thinks Kathy is pretty. The girl next-door. She is pretty, she thought. And nice. She cooks and manages a home, five children and all their schedules. And she works. She's everything I'm not. Everything I will never be. Everything that Elliot wanted. Wants. Everything that I am not.

If she and Elliot ever did get together, it would not take long before he would compare her to Kathy. He would compare her to his wife and find her lacking. Always lacking. In every thing. He would find out she was unworthy of his love. Then he would leave her, too. She would be alone. Again. She sighed heavily and turned to her side of the car once again. Jake left her alone this time.

**SVU Squad Room • Tuesday, August, 26th • 4:45 p.m.**

Jake and Olivia had filled Elliot in on their visit to the Delgado's and as they started to file out of his office, Elliot stopped her.

"Olivia. I need to talk to you a minute, please," he nodded at Jake that he was dismissed.

She hung back, standing there waiting. He looked out in the squad room and then back at her, "Listen, I know we had plans, but I'm going to have Eli tonight. Kathy's Dad was taken to the hospital this afternoon…heart attack. Maureen's working…Kathleen's got a class until eight…and Dickie and Lizzie both have some kind of mandatory meeting at school. She didn't want to tell them about her dad until she knew how he was and if he could even have visitors."

"You trying to get out this date, Stabler?" she teased. So that was why he hugged and kissed Kathy.

"No…no, I just…" he started.

"If you don't want me to come over, just say it, but don't use Eli as an excuse," she stepped closer to him and straightened his tie, sliding her hands down his chest as she smoothed it.

"Liv…I…I…of course, I want you to come over…I just…uh…just wanted you to know that we wouldn't be alone…that's all," grabbing her right hand, he grinned. "Oh and they will probably all show up before the evening is over."

"Fine with me. Where's Eli now?"

"Kathleen picked him up and took him to my place." He turned his wrist over to see the time. "Her class starts at six. I need to get going…gotta get the food…"

"I'll take care of the food," she said.

"That'll be great, Liv."

"Pizza or Chinese?" she asked as she went to the door.

Turning back to face her, he shrugged. "Surprise me." His phone rang and she went back to her desk.

**Stabler Apartment • Tuesday, August, 26th • 6:10 p.m.**

Deciding on pizza because she knew all the kids loved it, she had called in the order before she left the precinct and got to Elliot's just as he was paying the delivery boy.

"I thought you said you'd 'take care' of the food," Elliot held four large pizzas in his hands as he held the door open with his body.

Taking a quick glance of him head to toe, she saw he was wearing a frayed, holy tee shirt, cut-off shorts and was barefoot. She was glad she had run home and put on shorts and tee shirt herself. She kicked her flip-flops off by the door as she entered.

"I did. I made sure to get pepperoni for Dickie and Kathleen, double cheese for Lizzie, meat lovers' special for you, and veggie for me and Maureen," she grinned and closed the door.

Making his way to the kitchen, he grumbled over his shoulder, "Then how'd I get stuck paying for it all?"

"Well, I figure since you have five kids, you must have learned to make a dollar stretch…so you probably have piles stashed everywhere," she reached for the paper plates and napkins, pulling them from the cabinet as she playfully elbowed him.

They took turns feeding Eli his baby food as they ate their pizza. He was between them and kept reaching for the pizza. "Can he have some?" she asked Elliot, unsure of just what a nine month old could eat.

"Sure…just cut the pieces really small," he nodded.

He watched Olivia as she painstakingly cut tiny, tiny pieces of pizza and gave them to Eli. He picked them up and put them in his mouth quicker than she could cut them.

"Well, you can tell he's a Stabler. He loves the pizza," she glanced at Elliot.

He loved watching her interact with his kids and he loved that she got along so well with them. He couldn't help but think what a great mother she would be one day. One day. He hoped one day she would get that chance. That he could give her that chance. He wanted to see her be a mother. Of _his_ child. _Their_ child. He pictured her heavy with his baby and a huge smile spread across his face.

Olivia noticed and reached over to smack him. "What are you grinning about, Stabler?"

"Ahh…just one of my top ten fantasies," he teased, reaching for her hand.

"Never mind, I don't want to know," she slapped his hand away, laughed and started wiping Eli's hands.

"Here, let me have him. It's time for his bath." Elliot stood and reached for his son.

Olivia looked at him and then back at Eli, "Do you mind if I bathe him?"

He grinned that grin again, "No…have at it. I'll take care of this mess." He waved his hands at the table and started picking up their napkins and empty plates.

"Come on, big guy. We're gonna go play and splash and make the biggest mess for your Daddy to clean up," she took Eli in her arms as he gurgled and squealed.

A short time later Elliot's kitchen was spotless and he leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom watching and listening to his partner and youngest son having a grand old time. Olivia was soaked but the look on her face…he was not sure he had ever seen her look that way…she was absolutely radiant. Absolutely beautiful.

She did not know how long Elliot had been there and probably would not have known still if Eli hadn't looked up and started saying 'Dadadadadada'. She never turned to look at him but she felt his presence.

Ten minutes later Eli was fast asleep and Elliot had turned on the TV. "You want to watch a movie?" he asked her.

"Whatever you want will be fine…isn't there a Yankees game on?" she curled up into the corner of his couch.

"You want Yankees? You got it!" This was another thing he loved about Olivia. She loved her home sports teams.

He sat down in the middle of the couch, near her but not so close as to cause her to be uncomfortable, he thought. He still was not sure what exactly their relationship was or what she expected from him. If anything. He knew he wanted more. Much more. He loved her…was _in_ love with her. Plain and simple. He laughed to himself. No, there was nothing plain and simple about Olivia Benson. About them. And he was purely terrified at even the prospect of losing her friendship, her partnership, and their camaraderie in order to test making their relationship more. So, he tested it slowly. Cautiously. With a guarded eye, backing off the second she seemed poised to run. He would not survive her leaving him again.

Stretching his legs out to prop his feet on the coffee table, his bare thigh bumped hers and he froze. Afraid of her reaction to his innocent movement, he forced his body to still. From the corner of his eye she did not seem to have a reaction. At all. Then slowly, she shifted and moved closer to him. He was not positive but he thought he quit breathing. Then she leaned into him, taking his right arm and wrapping it around her shoulder so she could put her head against his chest. And then? Then he felt his heart hammering within him. He knew she had to hear it and he breathed deeply hoping to quiet it down. To no avail. Then just as slowly as she had shifted, she turned her body toward him, reaching her left arm behind him and her right across him to place her hand over his heart.

It began beating even more ferociously. For just a minute. Then as the heat from her hand seeped through the thin material separating his skin form hers, his heart slowed as it began to beat with a normal cadence. She laid her head back upon his chest, fitting against him. Naturally. Like she had always been there. Been a part of him. She _had_ been a part of him for nearly nine years. She _was_ him. He _was _her. Intertwined.

He had never felt so content. Just to have her near. Just to be with her. He could sit here forever. Dropping his right arm he settled his hand at her waist and brought his left around to encompass her in his arms, pulling her closer as he kissed the top of her head. Settling into one another, they finally began watching the game. Olivia loved sitting like this with him. Their arms around one another…just being together. Being with Elliot. Why couldn't matters of the heart be as simple as sitting next to one another? Being held. Being loved. Just being. This was all she had ever wanted. Him. Elliot. She snuggled closer and felt her eyelids growing heavy from the lulling effect of his even breathing. His steady heartbeat. The cadence of his body as he wrapped around her holding her to him.

eoeoeoeoeoeoeoeo


	10. Cacophony

Chapter 10 – Cacophony

**A/N: Read, enjoy…I hope, review. Let me know what you think! " ) Bensler**

**Chapter 10 – C****acophony**

**Stabler Apartment • Tuesday, August 26th • 8:40 p.m.**

Something woke him. He opened his eyes and looked around the apartment. He must not have dozed that long because the Yankees' game was still on. They were trailing 5-3 in the bottom of the fourth. Olivia was heavy against him in her sleep. He smiled, placing several kisses upon her head. Hearing the door open, he realized the noise had been someone turning the lock. He looked up to see Maureen coming in. She froze in her tracks when she saw her Dad sitting with Olivia, his arms around her, she sidled up to him as close as she could get, fast asleep.

How could _she_ do that? How could _he _let her? Had he forgotten Olivia had a date just a few nights ago? Probably sat just this way with another man? Maybe he didn't think it was a big a deal, but Maureen sure did. She was not surprised to see them like this together. They had actually become quite affectionate with one another and that was a big reason why she thought there was a lot more to this relationship.

She really liked Olivia. She might even venture to say she loved her. She had become her confidante in matters of the heart and other things she could not discuss with her parents. She also knew Olivia was good for Elliot. He was a different man when she was around, settled, happier, always joking and kidding, smiling. That was why she felt betrayed that Olivia had gone out with another man, even if Elliot chose to overlook it. She did want to see Olivia right now, much less have to talk to her. Or her Dad either, for that matter.

Elliot gently released Olivia, gently slipping his arm from around her, trying not to wake her. "Hey, sweetheart," he met Maureen as she finally found her legs and shut the door behind her.

"Hey, Dad," she leaned up and kissed him, then fixed a glare toward Olivia who was now awake and standing up, stretching.

"Hey, Maur," she smiled coming to give her a hug which Maureen did not really return.

She noticed the puzzled looked on Olivia's face and decided to put some distance between them. "So, any pizza left? I'm starving," she headed for the kitchen.

"Plenty of pizza. Liv made sure to get all veggie for you and her…she only ate two slices," Elliot opened the frig and started looking in each box. On the third one he found the veggie.

"How's school?" Olivia asked as she handed a paper plate to Maureen.

"Fine," she replied, icily, and then turned to Elliot. "Have you heard from Mom?"

Giving Olivia a quick glance, he looked back at Maureen, "Not since when she first got there…said Gramps was stable and now they aren't sure if it was a heart attack."

"That's great! Right? I mean, it couldn't be something else that would be as bad?" she wanted Elliot's reassurance.

"Well…they're doing a catherization in the morning…checking for blockages," he handed her a Dr. Pepper and a napkin.

"But I thought you said…he didn't have a heart attack?" she popped the top of the soda can.

"Well, something caused enough chest pain for the ER to _think_ he was having a heart attack. If they find blockages, then they can take care of them before he does have an attack." Elliot explained.

"And if it comes to that, they do wonders these days with heart surgery…look at Captain Cragen," smiling, Olivia pushed a strand of Maureen's dark blond hair behind her ear.

Maureen jerked away from her and pulled the hair out from behind her ear, leaving Olivia with an open-mouthed gape as the hurt flashed across her face. Elliot frowned as he wondered what was going on with his oldest daughter.

"Yea…that's why Dad is acting as Captain…they did _wonders_ for him," she snapped.

"Maureen…that's not fair. You know it takes time to recuperate from an operation like that, but Don's doing great. And Gramps will, too, if he has to have surgery," Elliot tried to pull her into a hug to comfort her, but she pulled away from him.

The way he flinched when she pulled away from him made her realize she was being rude and she tried to make amends.

"You're right…I'm sorry I snapped…it's been a long day and I…I'm worried about Gramps…and my new job is stressful…" she explained.

"New job?" Olivia decided to try again to be a part of the conversation.

Maureen looked over at her and then back to her pizza, "I signed up for a program through the psych department at school. It's sort of a cross between being a Big Sister and mentor…this was my third time," she explained.

"They paying you for this?" Elliot wondered. He knew these types of programs were generally volunteer.

"The city gives a small mileage allowance, and I get 3 elective credits," she told him.

"Sounds interesting. What do you do exactly?" Olivia took a seat across at the table from Maureen.

"Liv…you want something to drink?" Elliot asked her.

"Water, please," she smiled and he brought her a bottle of water as he came and sat beside her.

Maureen rolled her eyes as he twisted the cap off for her. Usually, she would have found this gesture sweet, but not tonight. Not when Olivia had been out with another man just days ago.

"Thanks," she smiled at him and turned back to Maureen. "So, tell us about your job."

"Well, they hook us up with kids that are considered high risk…you know, single parent or divorced families, alcoholic or drug addicted parents, new students from other cities or countries, kids that aren't doing so well in school," she explained.

"What do you do with them?" Elliot leaned back in his chair and yawned.

Olivia popped his mouth, "You getting old on me, Stabler? It's barely nine o'clock."

He grabbed her hand and held onto it, "_You_ wanna talk about getting old, Benson? _You're_ the one who fell asleep watching the game!"

Their laughter came easily and she pulled her hand from his, turning back to Maureen who was watching them stone faced. "What exactly do you do with these kids?"

Maureen looked down at the greasy napkin in her hand, wiped her mouth with it, wadded it up and dropped it onto her plate. "Depends on what the kid needs. The ones I have right now have some family issues and just need some help building their confidence. They are immigrants and they speak English pretty well, but we still go over some of the language basics and I get them to read to me so I can help with pronunciation and word meanings…I help them with homework…talk to them about things that bother them, if they want…you know that kind of stuff."

"Another slice?" Elliot asked. She nodded her head. "Can you take them to do fun things…like Big Brothers Big Sisters?"

"Yes…if it's okay with their parents. In fact, next time…I am taking them to the mall," she looked at Elliot and wiggled her raised eyebrows.

He laughed, sliding another slice of pizza on her plate, "Figures. Just leave my credit card out of it!"

A knock at the door as it opened, revealed the twins. "Hey, you better have left some pizza for us!" Dickie hollered.

"Don't worry…there's plenty left, pal," Elliot stood up and hugged his son.

Dickie scooped the remaining slice of pizza from Maureen's plate and stuffed half of it in his mouth as she popped him. "Hey! Get your own!"

He then turned to Olivia and gave her a quick hug. "Mmmph…hey, Lif," he mumbled around his full mouth.

"Hey, Dickie," she hugged him back, laughing at him.

"Hey, Daddy," Lizzie came to kiss Elliot on the cheek.

"Hey, sweetheart," Elliot pulled her close.

She stepped around her Dad and hugged Liv, "Hey, Liv."

"Hey. Got you double-cheese," she told her.

"Great! Thanks!" Lizzie went to the stack of boxes Dickie had pulled from the fridge.

The door opened again and Kathleen entered. She said her hellos and before long was seated with her siblings chomping on pepperoni pizza and guzzling Mountain Dew.

Olivia watched as Elliot and his children talked while the kids ate. She added a comment every now and then and answered questions but for the most part she just watched and listened. This was Elliot. The caring father. His children were his world and she loved being able to see him in this world. See his lips smiling, his eyes lit up with joy and love and pride.

Nearly two hours later they had finished up their second round of Scrabble, Olivia having won the first time and Kathleen this time. The girls were cleaning up the kitchen and Dickie had taken out the trash.

Olivia and Elliot had returned the letter squares to the bag, put the pieces and board in their place and put the lid on the Scrabble box. They sat side by side again on the couch, close but not touching.

Knocking her leg into his as she leaned over toward Elliot, and whispered, "That was fun."

"It was lots of fun," he agreed, moving his leg to knock into hers.

She looked at her watch, "Well, guess I need to get going."

"I'll take you," he stood and pulled her to her feet.

"I drove, remember?" She smiled as he pulled her against him. For just a second.

The sound of the girls talking and Dickie entering the apartment caused them to pull away from each other.

"That's right…well, I'll still walk you out," he went into his bedroom and came back with his running shoes on.

"Do you mind?" She motioned toward the hallway. "I…uh…I need to use your bathroom," she laid her keys and cell phone on the kitchen counter and went down the hall.

Eli's soft crying could be heard and Elliot started to go see about him. "Dad, I'll check on him," Kathleen told him and headed to Eli's room.

Elliot and Dickie were sitting at the table and talking when Liv's cell began to vibrate. The vibration caused it to begin to move and slide toward the end of the counter. Lizzie caught it just before it slipped over the edge.

Glancing at the lit up screen, she asked, "Who's Peter?"

Elliot stopped talking and Maureen looked up from the counter she was wiping but no one said a word. Maureen and Elliot traded looks and she saw the hurt pass across his face.

"Probably Olivia's _boyfriend_," Maureen hissed, emphasizing 'boyfriend'.

Lizzie and Dickie just looked at her. "Maureen…" Elliot said in a voice full of warning.

Olivia came into the kitchen about that time but she did not hear what was said.

"All right, gang. It's been fun and good to see all of you guys, but I'm heading home," Olivia smiled and looked around the room, realizing suddenly how quiet it had become.

Lizzie handed her the cell phone. "Peter called."

Olivia took the phone, her eyes narrowing as she looked at her and then shifted her eyes quickly to Elliot and back, "You answered my phone?"

"No! It was…uh…vibrating and about to fall off the counter and I caught it…the I.D. showed his name when the screen lit up," Lizzie explained.

"Oh…uh…thanks." Olivia looked at the phone again and then stuffed it into the front pocket of her shorts.

"Is he your boyfriend? I didn't know you had a boyfriend," Lizzie said innocently.

"What? Peter? No! He's not…uh…he's not my boyfriend," she rolled her eyes. Even If he were, it certainly was no one's business but hers.

"Was he your date last Friday?" Maureen glared at Olivia as her father shot her a look that said he would deal with her later.

"Maureen!" Elliot snapped angrily at his oldest child.

Olivia stared at the beautiful young woman before her. She snorted, "You know what? That's really none of your business, is it?" It was no one's business but hers. Yet somehow she got the feeling they all thought it was and she was trying hard not to let it anger her.

"Oh, so it was him," Maureen stated triumphantly, nodding her head.

"Maureen! That's enough!" Elliot now took a step toward Maureen and she knew she needed to zip it.

She stared at Elliot, then gave Olivia the eye before turning back to finish wiping the counters.

Olivia said her goodbyes to the kids then she and Elliot headed for her car. The walk downstairs was quiet. She knew Elliot was upset about the phone call, but she was not about to broach that subject. Besides there was no reason for him to be upset and even if there were, he had no claims on her. And she was mad that he had told Maureen she had a date. Why would he have done that, she wondered?

As she opened the door to her car, she turned to Elliot, "Tonight was a lot of fun. I'm glad you invited me."

"Sure. Anytime," he searched her face with his eyes, the blue darkened in…not anger…hurt.

He was hurt and it bothered Olivia to know she was the reason, but she didn't know what to say or do about it. And really, she had done nothing wrong. Yea. Well, if she had done nothing wrong, why did she feel so guilty?

He waited for her to bring up the phone call, but she did not. He kept thinking about her going out with Peter last Friday. He wondered why he had her cell number. She usually did not give out her phone number to new 'boyfriends' until she got to know them better. He wondered why she had his number and even programmed it into her cell phone already. Peter. Peter called, Lizzie had said. And Elliot's heart stopped.

Liv waited to see if he would kiss her or maybe at least hug her, but he made no move. Neither did she. Neither did they talk. After what seemed like an eternity, she broke the silence, she sighed, "Well…I guess this is good night then."

"Yea, I guess…good night, Liv," he held the door open for her.

She stared at him for a moment then slid into the seat, "Good night, El," she said and he closed the door behind her.

He turned and ran up the steps of his stoop. She cranked the car and looked up at him standing by the door to his building. He waved, she waved back and he turned and entered the building. She sat there a few moments gripping the wheel so hard her knuckles were white. Her stomach was in knots and she wasn't even sure why she felt like this.

Elliot stood, leaning against the wall just inside the door. He could still see her, just sitting there, gripping the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. He felt like someone had punched him in the gut. His stomach hurt and he wanted to hit someone. Peter. He wanted to hit Peter. He shook his head. What was wrong with him? He and Olivia had just had a perfectly good evening together and then one phone call screwed up everything. One lousy phone call. Not even a real call because she didn't even talk to the jerk. Why didn't he just tell her he didn't want Peter to call her? He didn't want her to date Peter. Or anyone else.

Why couldn't he get the nerve to just out and out tell her how he felt about her? Even if she turned him down, could it possibly be any worse than this not knowing? This agony he endured every time she went out on a date? This sharing her with other men? Nerve? He couldn't even find the nerve to ask her if she was seeing the jerk again, let alone spill his guts to her. She had acted jealous about Jessica this morning. That had to mean something. Didn't it? Maybe she was just trying to protect him. Like a good _partner_. Sighing deeply as he ran his hands over his face, he slowly climbed the steps to the fourth floor.

Entering his apartment he saw that the blankets and pillows were already piled on the pulled out sofa bed and Dickie was in his sleeping bag on the floor watching ESPN. Lizzie had changed into her pajamas and was leaning on the archway between the living room and dining room. Maureen was absently flipping through the pages of a magazine.

"I wanted to say goodnight before going to bed, Daddy," Lizzie told him as he came in.

He hugged her and kissed the top of her head, "Goodnight, baby."

"Can I ask you something?" Lizzie asked him while he still held her.

"You know you can," he murmured into her hair.

"I thought you and Liv kind of…you know…kind of…uh…had a…thing…so…why is this Peter guy calling her?" she stammered.

"Olivia's a grown woman, Lizzie. She's allowed to have anyone she wants call her. And we don't have a thing…we're best friends," he explained. Or at least he hoped he explained.

"Best friends!" Lizzie, Dickie, Maureen and Kathleen, who was just coming into the kitchen, all exclaimed at the same time that Elliot said it.

"You only call her 'Olivia' when you are upset or mad at her," Maureen quietly pointed out, not bothering to look up from her perusal of the magazine.

He looked at his children, eyes widened in complete and absolute shock. "You know what? I think it's time for bed," he told them resulting in a clamor of resistance from them.

"Not _you_ guys. Me. _I'm_ going to bed," he headed toward his room. He needed to be alone. Away from prying eyes and questions. Maureen noticed that he only called Liv 'Olivia' when he was upset with her? Was he really that transparent to his children?

Kathleen stopped him at the doorway, "You need to doing _something_, Dad. _Soon_."

"What are you talking about?" he frowned at his daughter.

"She means about Liv, Dad," Dickie said as he shut the bathroom door.

"She's not just gonna keep hanging around forever if you don't," Kathleen kissed his cheek, shook her head and joined her sisters in the living room leaving Elliot standing at the bedroom door.

He lay awake nearly the entire night thinking about the situation with him and Olivia and Peter. Even his kids knew how he felt about her. How come she could not see it, he wondered? She must _not_ feel the same. But, she put her arms around him tonight. She fell asleep against him. _Did_ she do that with every guy she knew? Dated? He was driving himself insane with these thoughts of her with other men. He had to get some sleep. Seven a.m. came early and it was nearly three-thirty now.

**Benson Residence • Wednesday, August 27th • 1:45 a.m.**

After tossing and turning for two hours, Olivia got up and made her way to the kitchen to brew some tea. She now sat on the fire escape of her apartment, mug in hand, sipping the tea and staring at the lights of the city around her. She liked to come out here to think, but lately she found less and less time to do so. The sounds of horns blowing, vehicles passing in the street, people talking and laughing were soothing to her in an odd sort of way. The breeze was still warm yet cool enough to be bearable in her tank top and shorts she had been sleeping, or rather _not_ sleeping, in.

What did he want from her? _Did_ he want anything from her? Or was he content with things as there were between them. It had been over four months since the divorce was final. She was sure Elliot had not dated anyone else. She was sure things between the two of them had shifted. But she was not positive what that meant. She desperately wanted to believe it meant that he was interested in her romantically, but the signals he gave her were mixed. Mixed up. Just like she was.

I mean, one minute he's telling her he is not interested in the new ADA or anyone else, but then he totally ignores the phone call from Peter as though he could care less if she went out with him. That was not true. He may not have said anything about the call, but she knew he was upset by it. She just knew. Tipping the mug to finish off her tea, she stood, looking out one more time at the scene around her before going inside. She loved the city, but she wondered if she could be happy somewhere else. If things didn't change soon, maybe she would find out…maybe she would leave. Again.

**SVU Squad Room • Thursday, August 28th • 4:40 p.m.**

Yawning had become nearly second nature for Olivia over the last two days. She gotten very little sleep last night or the previous night after the missed phone call from Peter when she had been at Elliot's. The little sleep she _had_ gotten had been sporadic. Her only consolation was that Elliot appeared to be in the same boat. Some consolation when that boat was sinking. Fast. They had not had the opportunity to talk much since that night because Elliot had been at 1PP most of the day Wednesday and on the phone and in meetings today.

Jake watched her eyes tear from the yawn as she covered her mouth only to have a second and then a third yawn escape. "Must have been some night. What'd you do?"

"Or should we ask 'who'?" Munch added, grinning suggestively.

"Shut up, John!" Olivia hiss gave him a look to match her menacing voice.

"Ooooh…touchy, too, huh?" Munch continued.

"Just having a little trouble sleeping, that's all," she mumbled as yet another yawn built.

"Hmmph…looks like Stabler got the _same_ problem," Fin nodded toward Elliot's office and they all turned in time to see him yawning wide and stretching, then shaking his head in an effort to shake free of the fog his sleeplessness had induced.

Olivia felt the heat of the blush as it crawled up her chest and neck to cover her face. Trying to hide it, she busied herself in a file in which the words held no comprehension for her exhausted mind. Thankfully, it had been a quiet day in the squad room. A rarity, to be sure.

"Uh-oh. Here comes trouble," Jake's eyes flitted to the double-doors of the squad room as Jessica McDaniel entered looking around.

Wearing a navy, pin-stripped suit, the skirt just above her knees, her long blond hair flowing in soft ringlets around her shoulders, she was stunning. "Hi, everybody," she smiled, still looking around. "Is Elliot…uh…Captain Stabler here?"

Apparently, he had stepped out of his office unnoticed because he was not in there now, Olivia noted. "Did I hear my name?" his voice sounded as he came from the hallway with a canned soda in hand.

"How are you, Captain Stabler?" McDaniel asked as she smiled broadly and flirtatiously.

"Fine. You?" Elliot grinned, looking her over quickly and he hoped discreetly.

"Well, I have to say you are _looking_ fine," she smiled again. She had her back to the group, but Olivia's viewpoint allowed for her to see Jessica's eyes travel his body.

Elliot laughed somewhat embarrassedly, clearly enjoying her attention. If anyone should be embarrassed, Olivia thought, it was Jessica McDaniel. Had she no pride?

"I was fine until just a bit ago. Dante Delgado made bail. Probably already out. I knew you would want to know," the ADA informed him and the group.

Olivia's head snapped up and she was suddenly focused on what McDaniel had to say. "Has Lupe been informed?"

Olivia's concern for Lupe Delgado and her girls overtook any jealousy or discomfort she was presently suffering at the hands of the ADA and Elliot.

"No. That's why I'm here. I thought the SVU would want to do the honors," she looked at Olivia sympathetically.

"Yea…thanks," she looked at Elliot and then Jake.

"You two get on it," he said to Olivia, then turned to Jessica. "Restraining order in place?"

"Of course…" she answered indignantly, frowning at him.

"For what good that will do," Jake muttered, as he turned to log off his computer. "Let's go, Liv."

"Yea," she began logging off, too. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jessica step closer to Elliot. Her stomach was suddenly filled with knots twisting and tying around one another.

"So, I was thinking…if you're free this evening…how about us grabbing dinner?" she asked quietly, but not quiet enough because Olivia heard every single syllable. _And_ saw how she smiled up at Elliot.

Elliot looked at her for several seconds, bit his lower lip, caught Olivia's eyes and stared at her through his narrowed eyes even longer before turning back to Jessica, "Sure, why not?"

Right. Why not? Peter had called Olivia last night and she probably had a date with him this weekend. Well, two could play this game. And he had to admit, Jessica McDaniel was a knock-out. So, why wasn't he more excited over the prospect of dinner with her? He laughed to himself. Like he didn't know why?

Fin and Munch quietly stood by, realizing the under currents flowing between Elliot and Olivia were capable of pulling all them under in a matter of seconds. Drowning them in the swirl of emotions thickening the air. Realizing that McDaniel was treading on thin ice and in doing so endangered not only herself but the whole squad, they collectively held their breaths.

Olivia was simply caught off guard at Jessica's very public invitation and more so at Elliot's acceptance. She wanted to get in Jessica's face and tell her to get away from him. That he was off limits. Wouldn't that be a spectacle to behold? Instead, the look she gave Elliot, though she intended it to be an 'eat crap and die' look, she knew was more likely a 'how could you do this to me?' look and she could not get out of the squad room quick enough.

Grabbing Z by the arm, she practically dragged him from the precinct and out of the presence of Jessica McDaniel and Elliot Stabler. "Come on, Z."

Almost immediately Elliot wished he could take back his answer to Jessica. The look on Olivia's face would haunt him during the dinner and most likely for a very long time to come. Perhaps forever. He sighed deeply and ran his hands over his head. Jessica was staring at him, so he conjured up a smile.

"Around six? Meet you outside?" Jessica asked him

"Yea, whatever," he agreed and went back to his office.

**Police Cruiser • Thursday, August 28th • 4:55 p.m.**

"Hey, I know you're uh…ticked off…but, I'd…uh…really like to live to give old age a try," Jake halfway joked about Olivia's maniacal driving.

"What? Ticked off? I'm _not_ ticked off," she responded between clenched teeth. Her hands wrapped around the steering wheel in a death grip as she sped around a slow moving vehicle and slipped back into the flow of traffic, braking hard not to rear-end the car in front of her.

"Hmmm…okay. Well, could you at least slow down then…just a little?" Jake's right hand was on the overhead strap above the passenger window, the left was flat-palmed, braced against the dashboard.

A short laugh devoid of humor rose from her throat. "You ride a motorcycle and my driving shakes you up? You're a wimp, Z," she rolled her eyes at him and snorted though she was not amused.

"Yea? Well, I'd like to one day be an _old_ wimp. Besides, when I'm riding, I know what _I'm_ doing and I don't trust…" he began but she quickly cut him off.

"You saying I don't know what I'm doing? You don't trust me? Doesn't say much for our partnership!" She hissed, gunning the car as she hit a straight stretch of highway.

"Come on, Olivia. We both know you're upset and shouldn't be driving in this mental state!" he countered, hanging on for dear life.

"Mental state? Now, I'm a _mental_ case?" She swerved the car to the side of the road, tires squealing as she brought it to an abrupt halt.

The sudden jerk of the car almost caused Jake to fall into her lap. "Olivia! That's not what I meant and you know it!"

She shut off the engine, undid her seatbelt and was out of the car slamming the door with all her might before Jake could even begin to figure out what was going on. Realizing she was _not_ coming back to the car, he got out.

Pacing the side of the road, her hands were everywhere. On her hips, rifling through her hair, scrubbing her face, crossing over her chest and then back to her hips. These actions were interspersed with deep sighs and mutterings about smacking someone. Her breaths were uneven, and she kept shaking her head as she bit her lower lip.

Jake leaned against the car and quietly watched her, somehow sensing that she needed to work this, whatever it was, out in her own mind. And she did not need, nor want, his input. After roughly ten minutes, she leaned over and put her hands on her knees, head down and then straightened up, stretching. Walking toward him, she dug the keys from the front pocket of her black slacks and tossed them to Jake. He reacted in a timely fashion, smoothly catching them midair.

"You're right, Z. I shouldn't be driving," she gave him a slight, apologetic, thin-lipped smile and a lift of her eyebrow, opened the passenger door and slid across the seat into the vehicle.

With a deep release of the breath he had been unaware of holding he sprinted around to the driver's side thankful for an extension of his life.

**Delgado Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 5:40 p.m.**

"Yes, Lupe, the girls need to know he's out. There is a restraining order, but, he may not heed it and the girls should know to be on the lookout just in case," Olivia seated beside the Hispanic woman, spoke softly.

"Mrs. Delgado, if you see him or get any kind of harassing calls or contact from him, call 911. They will come immediately. Also, mention our names, Benson and Zoumberis, so they can let us know," Jake told her.

"You still have our cards?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Lupe nodded her head.

"Okay…you can call us directly if you want, but 911 will most likely be quicker. And remember, you can call me anytime of the day or night. _Anytime,_ Lupe," Olivia emphasized the word. "I mean it."

"Yes…thank you, Detective Benson," her fear was evident in her eyes and her voice.

Olivia and Jake left the Delgado residence. Jake knew she was still upset and he struggled with whether or not to ask her if she wanted to get something to eat, unsure if she would be up for eating at all.

"You hungry?" she asked him.

Surprised that she had seemed to read his thoughts, he looked over at her, shifting his eyes from the road to her and back, "I am. You?"

"I could go for something…not sure what," she replied, meeting his eyes and smiling at him.

"How about that diner we passed on the way here…wide variety of food," he suggested.

"That'll work," she turned to look out the window again.

**All American Diner • Thursday, August, 28th • 6:30 p.m.**

Thirty minutes after leaving the Delgado's, Jake had inhaled a double cheeseburger, a plate of home fries, a huge piece of apple pie, downed two sprites and a cup of coffee. Olivia had spent the thirty minutes picking at her Caesar salad, eating only a few bites but she had drank nearly a whole bottle of water.

"Thought you were hungry?" Jake asked as he put the last forkful of pie in his mouth and dragged his napkin across his lips.

Laughing lightly, she told him "Guess I wasn't."

Jake looked at her then out across the diner. Turning back to her, he leaned across the table, "Listen, Liv…if you want to talk…I'm a good listener. I may not have any answers, but I can listen. Or you can just tell me to shut up and mind my own business, but I just want you to know…I'm…uh…here for you. I want to be here for you…if you'll let me."

She nodded, rearranging the romaine lettuce leaves still on her plate. "There are no answers," she looked up and smiled into his green eyes and for a moment was taken aback by the concern she saw in them.

Her smile. It was such a sad smile, Jake thought. He wished he knew what to do to help her, but before he could, she had to tell him what was wrong. He was not stupid and was fairly sure he knew exactly what was wrong…how obvious can you be? But for whatever reason, she did not want to admit to being jealous or let anyone else know she was even if her actions proved otherwise.

"Well, if you talk about it maybe…"

"Z…shut up, okay?" she smiled, hoping that took the edge off of her words.

His eyes widened in surprise just a bit for just a second then he smiled, too, and nodded.

**Spinner's Steak House • Thursday, August, 28th • 7:48 p.m.**

Elliot had been unusually quiet during dinner. He found that although he had been very hungry, he could not barely tolerate the food. He had eaten maybe a third of the steak and only a few bites of his baked potato but it was heavy on his stomach and he was concerned that he may not be able to hold it down.

Elliot wanted to be anywhere but here and he kept asking himself why he agreed to come to dinner. He knew why and now he was reproving himself for his attempt to make Olivia jealous. It was obvious she did not care or _Peter_ would not have her number and be calling her.

Jessica kept trying to keep a conversation going but was not having much luck. "You know, it's rather difficult to carry on polite chitter chatter by myself," she leaned across the table and placed her hand on top of his.

He stared at the hand. Her hand. It was so pale in comparison to Olivia's. More like the color of his complexion and that his children. She had said she was Irish. And Catholic. Not that being Catholic had anything to do with skin tone. He couldn't quit looking at her hand. Her fingers were shorter than Olivia's and she obviously had the nails done. They were long and painted. Bright red. Olivia's nails, though well manicured, were shorter, the polish more conservative. The more practical length was suitable for snapping cuffs on a perp, aiming and shooting a gun, and bare fisting a suspect. The polish was more a protective coat than for looks.

And her fingers? They were long, slender fingers. Tan. Naturally tan from her olive complexion. Even though her hands could ball into a tight fist capable of taking down a man twice her size, her hands were soft. Gentle. He had always wondered but never thought they would be. Now he knew they were. He had felt their softness and gentleness in his hands, against his face, on his skin. He wished the hand upon his now was tan. Was Olivia's. Suddenly, he snatched it from under Jessica's touch, grasping it with his other hand, rubbing it as though wiping her touch from his skin.

She was startled by his sudden movement and he was shocked at himself as well. "Uh…I…uh…look, it's been a long day, Jess. Mind if we call it a night?"

Bewildered at his actions, she simply nodded her head. He motioned for the waiter to bring the check. Ten minutes later they were standing on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant, and Elliot was hailing a cab for Jessica.

"You could come with me. I'll make us some coffee…or if you would rather get a drink somewhere…" she suggested, not one to give up easily when she wanted something.

"Sorry, Jessica, but what I want is to get home, take a hot shower and go to bed," Elliot told her as a cab pulled along side them.

She smoothed her hands around his shoulders then trailed them down his tie, taking it in her hand and pulling him a bit closer to her. "Well, that's moving a little quicker than I wanted, but with a little persuasion…"

Pulling her hands from him, he shook his head, "No. I'm going home. Alone." He opened the cab door holding while she got in. "Good night, Jessica."

Narrowed eyes searched his face before she slightly nodded her head and smiled, "Good night, Captain."

Though he knew he was unnecessarily short with her, the sense of relief he felt when that cab pulled off felt like a newly discovered freedom. He stared at its diminishing taillights, sighed heavily and turned to walk the eight blocks to his place.

**Manhattan Apartment Building • Thursday, August, 28th • 8:47 p.m.**

Seventeen blocks in the opposite direction of his apartment, he stopped across the street from the building to which he had subconsciously been drawn. Not even heading in the direction of his apartment, he instead had turned the opposite way as though led by an unseen hand. Now, his eyes scanned the windows until he found the right one. It was darkened. No lights. Not even the wax and wane of dim lights from the television. Looking at his watch he knew it was too early for her to have already gone to bed. He situated himself on the stoop directly in front of her building and began his wait.

Jake had talked Olivia into stopping by an antique bookstore he noticed across the street from the diner. They spent nearly an hour browsing and reading. Sitting at small round table with plush, upholstered chairs she felt content as Jake read a paragraph or a line from what he was reading. She shared a couple of things from one of the books she had. She really liked the ambiance and decided that the next time she had some time on her hands, she would come back.

He insisted on dropping her off at her place before taking the cruiser back to the precinct and catching a cab home. He also insisted on walking her up to her apartment and making sure she was safely inside before leaving.

Elliot was lost in his thoughts when the familiar cruiser pulled into an empty space barely fifty feet from where he was sitting. He watched as they got out of the car at the same time then crossed the street. He could hear Olivia's laughter and their voices but could not make out any words. At the bottom of the stoop, they stood for a moment, close but not touching, then made their way up and into the building. He felt his heart skip and his breath hitch. She invited Zoumberis up? She invited her partner into her apartment? She had known him less than two weeks. He felt like someone was twisting a knife in his gut. It hurt that bad. Literally. Physically.

Once the building swallowed them, his eyes shifted again to her window. He counted the seconds until he saw the light appear. Almost simultaneously with its emergence upon the sheer lace curtain in Olivia's apartment, came a sound that stopped his heart from beating, his lungs from expanding and the blood from flowing within his body. The riveting, echoing sound rocked his very core, blasting him completely off center. Gunshots. And the glass from her window fell to the sidewalk, the shattered pieces tinkling an eerie, haunting melody, creating a cacophony of terror that sliced through his being.

eoeoeoeoeo

**Okay...click that little button on the bottom left and review Bensler looks over her shoulder at the small, purplish button and nods " ) Bensler**


	11. Connection

**Chapter 11 – Connection**

**Benson Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 8:57 p.m. **

Jake was telling Olivia all about the route he had planned for them to ride on Saturday and telling her about all the fish they would catch at the lake. He asked if she had ever fished with bamboo poles? She was laughing as she told him she had never fished with _any_ kind of pole and she did not find the thought of touching slimy, wiggling, worms appealing in the least. He laughed and told her he would bait her hook.

"_If_ I catch anything, you'll have to take the fish _off_ the hook, too," she informed him teasingly.

He laughed again, "You gonna make me _hold_ your pole for you, too, huh?"

"Maybe," rolling her eyes, she laughed with him.

Turning the key in the second lock, she pushed open the door to her apartment and flipped the light switch by the entrance. They remained in darkness.

"Hmmm…bulb must be blown," she looked up at the foyer light fixture.

Jake stepped in behind her and closed the door as she went to turn on the lamp on an end table about fifteen feet away. The lamplight filled the room with a soft, dim glow as she straightened from leaning over to reach the lamp. Hearing a scuffle and a dull thud, she spun around just as she heard Jake shout her name.

"Olivia!" Jake's voice was filled with a frantic warning given as soon as he was aware of danger, yet it was too late to be heeded.

He was already falling to the floor, blocking the door with his body. Though her heart jumped to her throat and an intense, paralyzing panic rose within her immediately, her years of training kicked in and she was instantly in cop mode with her glock drawn and ready to defend, ready to shoot.

"NYPD! Freeze!" she demanded with much more confidence and authority than she felt at the moment, realizing she had no partner to watch her back.

Astonished to hear her voice sound so steady, so firm, she noted how she exuded outer calm while her insides were a mass of jumbled emotions. Her hands were steady as she aimed the gun she held. She was aware of its cool, metal contrasting with the rubber cushioned grip. She wondered if Jake had been able to draw his weapon at all. She worried that the perp had Jake's gun or one of his own.

Her eyes had not quite adjusted to the sudden brightness of going from near pitch black darkness to light and she could see only the shadow of a figure as it tried the door that would not open because of Jake's body. Barely able to make out Jake, she _could_ tell he was lying on his stomach, but she could _not _tell what his injuries were or if he were even breathing. Please. Let him be alive, she silently thought, prayed. In what seemed like a split second, the shadow then reached for her grabbing her right wrist trying to disarm her. They fell into the table, the lamp shattering as it struck the floor, plunging them into darkness once again. With a grip of iron, she held onto her service weapon.

Apparently, this angered the shadow and the figure became much more aggressive. She frantically crawled away, grabbing onto the coffee table, scattering magazines and a grouping of five candles across the floor as she tried to stand up before facing her enemy. Strong hands circled her waist, flipping her over. The next thing she knew she was on the floor again, her gun discharging as her arm was forced over her head as she fell, smacking the back of her head against the hard surface. The deafening shot rang in her ear as she heard the crash of glass behind as her window shattered.

The figure began to backhand her once, twice, three times and the coppery taste of blood filled her mouth, streaming down her chin. For what good it did she managed to get in two solid blows herself as she tried to get away again. Easily pulling her back as though she were a rag doll, he held her in place. Still struggling with the shadow, she was surprised she managed to maintain a grasp on her gun. Not for long. Though it seemed forever, it was only seconds after the first shot that a second shot was discharged as the gun was yanked from her hold. This one aimed toward the direction of Jakc.

It was amazing how many things could run through your mind in a very short span. She wished she had told Elliot how she really felt about him. He irritated her to no end and he would probably be her demise even if she lived through this, but all she wanted at this very moment was to see him, to touch him, to look into his bright blue eyes, to hear his voice. She hoped that bullet hit the perpetrator and not Jake. She hoped no one was standing or walking on the sidewalk below when the window broke.

Then her thoughts were forced to focus on her own welfare as the shadow, the dark figure with a dark ski mask, straddled her. Eyes now adjusting to the dark, she saw his arm as it lifted over his head and powerfully fell, her gun now in his hands, crashing against her skull. Desperately she fought against the fingers of blackness that pulled her into unconsciousness as a deluge of pain flooded through her being.

Elliot! Silently, she screamed for him. Silent screams. Elliot! Elliot!

The second blow ushered her into the soundless darkness waiting in the periphery of her consciousness.

**Manhattan Apartment Building • Thursday, August, 28th • 8:58 p.m.**

Elliot was not certain how long he remained frozen after the sound of gunshots filled his ears, his mind, his heart. It could not have been that long. Mere seconds. He vaguely thought about the fact that he should wait outside for a moment to see who might come running out of the building. To see if he could catch the person responsible for those shots. Then another fear implanted itself upon his mind. What if _Jake_ shot her? What did they really know about this guy anyway? He _used_ to be NYPD. A long time ago. Things change. People change. How well he knew that. If it were Jake then Elliot needed to get up there as quickly as possible. He didn't have time to wait for a suspect to come running out of the building. Finally, his senses kicked in and he did what he had been trained to do. He called the dispatch and started for the building.

His voice was gruff and shaky, "This is Captain Elliot Stabler of the NYPD one-six, SVU. Badge number 6313. Gunshots have been fired at an officer's residence…3786 Lexington Avenue, Apartment 3B, Manhattan. Possibility of two officers down and/or other victims. Request backup and a bus. Hurry, please!"

"Officers' names?" the dispatcher asked.

"What?" he asked, incredulous that the dispatcher was using precious seconds to ask questions that could be answered later.

"Name of the officers," the dispatcher asked again, with a hint of impatience in his voice.

"Look, I don't know who the heck you are, but you better have a bus and backup on the way already!" Elliot was furious as he disconnected and then called Munch. He snapped the cell phone shut and ran the rest of the way to the building, wondering how he would gain entry to the locked door.

Apparently, the building supervisor had called 911 and sirens could already be heard in the distance, becoming louder and louder. As Elliot reached the top of the steps, building tenants began streaming out of the door, pushing him back to the sidewalk with them. Even if he had waited, the perp probably blended in with the crowd unnoticed and impossible to be found that way.

He pulled his badge out and flashed it, "Police! Let me through! Police! Out of the way! Coming through!"

**Benson Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 9:05 p.m.**

Like Moses and the rod, Elliot and his shield parted the sea of people and he quickly made his way in and bounded up the three flights of stairs to Olivia's apartment. The super and two other men were already checking out Jake and Olivia when Elliot reached her apartment. He wanted to barrel in right over them and rush to Olivia but he knew he had to appear professional especially now that he was acting captain and especially in front of witnesses. It took every ounce of strength he could muster not to scoop her into his arms and hold her close.

"Police! Don't touch anything!" He commanded, his loud voice still somewhat shaky, as he flashed his badge.

The three men stopped what they were doing and looked up at Elliot.

"I'm Captain Stabler, NYPD. These are two of my detectives." And the woman I love more than life, he thought to himself. "Careful. You might hurt them more if you move them! Please, be careful. EMS has been called. "

He looked down at Jake who was now moaning, and not seeing any visible bleeding wounds, figured he was going to be okay, so he stepped over him and went to kneel beside Olivia. The man crouching beside her, looked like he didn't trust Elliot at all.

"You sure you're NYPD?" he asked, squinting suspiciously at him.

Elliot flashed his badge again, scowling at the man, as he reached out and gently touched first Olivia's split lip. Her lips were so soft. His hand trailed along the purplish shadow beginning to stain her jaw and cheek. She was beautiful. Then he noticed the egg sized knot at the hairline just above her left temple, a trickle of blood upon it, and he felt the fire of rage building within him. He would kill the s.o.b. who did this to her. Kill him. Bare hands. That's _all_ he would need. He felt like he was going to completely lose it. Taking several deep breaths, he rapidly blinked to hold back the tears burning for release.

The man looked at him then the badge, now clipped at his waist, and back at Elliot. "Looks like someone did a pretty good number on Liv, but at least she's not shot and her vitals seem fine," he offered, his voice quieter now that he saw the concern in Elliot's eyes and actions.

"How do you know?" Elliot questioned him without ever taking his eyes off of Olivia's still form.

"Was a medic in the army. No major bleeding…she's probably got a concussion, but I think she's gonna be okay. She's strong," he smiled a half smile at Elliot as he stood up and looked down now at Elliot.

"What do you mean 'she's strong'? What do you know about Olivia? You date her or something?" The words were coated in anger and he knew he did not sound like her captain.

But he couldn't help it. He was already stressed over the whole situation and now her physical injuries. Jealousy was easy to succumb to and it just sucked him right into its swirl of emotions. He sounded more like her boyfriend. A _jealous_ boyfriend. Well, he was. Jealous, that is. And if he ever got the guts to talk to her, he might just become her boyfriend. This man definitely had a military bearing and build. He was probably a few years younger than her, but age had never been an issue with her and her dates. She would give Elliot pure grief if she heard what he was saying to this guy.

"No, man, I don't date her. Not that I haven't tried…but she's got someone. I live across the hall from her…a couple of years now," the man replied with an edge as he seemed to size Elliot up as though he expected him to take a swing at him.

"Yea…yea…sorry…I just…uh…don't like seeing her like this…because she…she _is_ so strong," Elliot tried to explain, his jaw clenching.

She's got someone.

The words pierced his heart, ricocheting against the walls of mind, bringing with them a sickening heaviness in his stomach.

She's got someone.

Was she seeing someone and he didn't know about it? Would she do that to him again? He never knew about Kurt Moss until Sergeant Tucker threw it in his face that she was sleeping with the paperboy. He would never forget how he felt at that revelation. Like he had been kicked in the stomach, betrayed by his best friend. And though he did not want to admit it…jealous. He was so jealous. He wanted to beat the crap out of Tucker and if Cragen had not been there, who knows what would have happened. And he wanted to shake Olivia and yell at her for not telling him about this relationship. As it were, he went to find Moss and ask him to help Olivia. If he had not needed Moss's cooperation, he most likely would have introduced Moss to his fists right after he introduced himself.

She's got someone.

"Vic DiSano," he held his hand out to Elliot. "Captain Stabler, you say?"

Snapping back to the present, he replied, "Call me Elliot."

"Elliot? Ahh…Liv's p_artner_," Vic stated, a smile beginning at the corner of his lips.

He didn't like the way the man said 'partner' as though it held implications of more. "_That's_ her…partner," he hesitated as he pointed to Jake. "I used to be, but right now I'm acting as captain."

Irritation that this man…Vic…apparently knew about him while he had never heard Olivia mention this jerk…was the emotion of the moment and he had to struggle to remain in control. All he needed was to beat the crap out of one of Liv's neighbors…that would just about seal his fate as far as she would be concerned.

Jake groaned again, becoming somewhat combative, so Vic went to help with Jake.

Finally alone with her, sort of, Elliot leaned down, bringing his lips close to Olivia's left ear, "Liv? Olivia? It's me. Do you hear me, babe? You're going to be fine. I'll make sure you're taken care of, Liv. I've got you."

"EMS! Clear the area please," a woman's voice boomed into the apartment as she peeled off commands. "The male appears to be regaining consciousness. You and Len take care of him," she spoke to a young man who looked to be in his early twenties. Then she knelt beside Olivia, placing two fingers at her wrist, "How long has she been unconscious?" She looked up at Elliot.

Elliot glanced at his watch, "Not sure. I heard gunshots and the window break eleven minutes ago."

"Artie! Take care of the female vic. She's still unconscious. Pulse is strong. Check her vitals. Get a line going."

"Her name is Olivia," Elliot glared at the woman, his words clipped. He did not like her being referred to as 'the female' and especially not as a 'vic'.

"You her husband or something," she asked realizing by the look in his eyes and his demeanor that there was an out of the ordinary connection between he and the female lying here. She lifted Olivia's eyelids one at a time, flashing a penlight into a blank stare of brown eyes.

He swallowed hard, disconcerted by the emptiness of her normally shining brown eyes. "No. Her captain. She's one of my detectives. Olivia Benson." He tilted his head toward Jake. "And that's Detective Jake Zoumberis, her…her…uh…partner."

He still hated referring to someone else as Olivia's partner. That was _his_ job. _He_ was her partner.

The woman slowly nodded, taking in the expression on Elliot's face. She may be your detective, she thought, but that's not _all _she is to you. She narrowed her eyes, asking, "You are…?"

"Elliot Stabler, Captain at the one six. SVU," he looked back down at Olivia as the EMT threaded an IV into the needle now taped to her left arm.

"Amanda Consuelez." She extended her hand and they shook. "Well, Captain Stabler, it looks like someone cold cocked her…I mean, Detective Benson, with a gun and her holster is empty." They stood back as Artie and a tech with nametag that said 'Jim', gently moved Olivia to a stretcher and strapped her to it, hanging the IV bag on the pole attached to the stretcher.

Elliot scanned the room looking for her gun. He did not see it. More voices at the door garnered his attention and he saw Munch and Fin entering the apartment with CSU close behind them.

"Jake seems okay…what about Liv?" Munch walked to the stretcher and brushed a strand of hair from her face.

"Fine…both gonna be fine," Elliot's worried filled eyes shifted to meet John's.

"Man! Whatever happened, looks like they put up a decent fight or at least Liv did," Fin turned a complete circle looking at the usually neat apartment now in disarray.

"Yea…some fight. Listen, you two see what you can find out stick around until CSU is done. I'll be at the hospital," Elliot told them as he noticed Jake about to be taken out.

He walked over to talk with Jake's EMTs for a moment, telling them he was going to ride with his detectives. Munch and Fin had followed him and he turned to them discussing what appeared to have happened, what they know happened and how to proceed with this case. Minutes later the familiar arguing voice had the three men turning their heads toward it.

"No! I am _not_ going!" Olivia seethed, fixing her fierce glare on the two men and woman trying to calm her.

Having already pulled the oxygen tubing from her nose, she now pulled at the tape holding the IV in her arm even though she was only half awake. "And get this off of me! Now!"

Becoming more agitated, she fought the tech trying to stop her, narrowly missing him with her balled fist. "You _can't_ make me go if I don't want to and I don't need this thing in my arm," she hollered, swatting away the hands that tried to hold her as she jerked the tape off and then grabbed at the needle.

Artie and Jim then took hold of her arms, each trapping one against the stretcher as she began to writhe and kick in an attempt to gain freedom. "Get off me! Let me go!" She was screaming now, her agitation growing by the second.

"Let her go," Elliot demanded firmly as he reached her side and took her hand that was once again trying to pull out the IV.

"Elliot! Tell them they can't make me go!" She pleaded and he wanted nothing more than to give in. Nothing more than to pull her to him and hold her until she quieted, knowing she was safe in his arms.

"They can't. But I can. You _are _going to the hospital, Olivia. You've been beat up and knocked unconscious. You need to be checked out," he leaned close to whisper.

Placing her hands against his shoulders, she roughly shoved him away, "No, I am not going! I'm fine!" She struggled to sit upright and when she did she suddenly grabbed her head, groaning and falling back. Elliot and one of the men caught her and eased her down again.

"Liv…" he pushed her hair from her forehead, his fingers massaging her temples for a fleeting moment.

"El…I…I th-think…I'm…I'm going to…" she stuttered unable to finish as her left hand flew to her mouth and she tried to sit up again.

Realizing what she was trying to say, Elliot had snatched up the wastebasket behind the end table and turned her to the side of the stretcher holding the container to her just as she began retching. After several minutes, the vomiting ceased, and a shaky and newly subdued Olivia allowed Elliot to gently lay her back on the stretcher. Artie wiped the perspiration from her pale face as Jim placed the oxygen tube back in its place.

The fight gone, she spoke weakly, looking at Elliot for forgiveness, "I guess maybe I do need to be checked out." She reached out her hand toward him. " El? Don't leave me?" She whimpered and then promptly passed out.

Elliot took her hand again and said more to himself than her, "Not a chance, Liv. Not a chance."

eoeoeoeoeo

**A/N: I sure appreciate you guys taking time to review. It is the staple of life for writer within me! You are faithful readers and I love you all! " ) Bensler**


	12. Concussions

Chapter 12 – Cruising

**A/N: Okay…don't get too used to this quick update. I just happened to finish the next chapter and figured I'd make some of you happy and post it even though I just posted a few days ago. Like I said, don't get too used to it! Although, I might add…reviews help. " ) Bensler**

**Chapter 12 – Concussions**

**New York Presbyterian Hospital - Manhattan • Thursday, August, 28th • 11:58 p.m. **

**Elliot looked at his watch again. They had been at the hospital almost two and half-hours. Olivia had already had a CAT scan, and after glancing at the results of it, the doctor ordered an MRI. Elliot was a bit worried about that because the doctor would not tell him anything other than he would know more when he got the results. When the technician took her for the prcedure, he went to check on Jake who was several curtained sections down the hallway.**

**Jake, now awake, was waiting for the doctor to talk to him. He had also had a CAT scan and sported seven stitches in the crown of his head. He was lying back on the bed, his eyes closed when he heard the curtain pulled aside. Opening his eyes, he saw Elliot's grim face and tried to sit up a bit.**

**"Liv? She okay? Is she awake?" he asked, his face lined with worry and guilt.**

**"Still drifting in and out. Took her for an MRI. Doc says he'll know more after that," Elliot hands ran through over his head to clasp his neck as he stretched a bit. "How you feeling?" **

**"Other than a headache, all right," he sighed. "Listen, Captain…I'm really sorry about…"**

**With the wave of his hand, Elliot cut him off, "We'll talk about it later." **

**They had not been on duty when the attack took place so there was really no protocol for Elliot dressing him down for what happened, but he sure wanted to get in his face. Some partner he was, Elliot thought condescendingly. If Zoumberis insisted on discussing it now, he knew he might very well tell the jerk exactly what he thought in a very loud voice and quite possible with his fists.**

**"You probably should take the day off tomorrow," Elliot told him, as his eyes shifted around the room.**

**"Probably. But if the doc clears me I'll be at work. I want to help with the investigation," Jake met his stare with unblinking eyes. **

**He spoke with conviction and a look of determination that Elliot knew would not be changed. Well, at least he was like the rest of the crew in that aspect. Elliot just nodded in affirmation and understanding.**

**"Well, glad you're okay. I…uh…I'm going to see if they've finished with Liv. I'll come back when I know something and check on you," he was already pulling the curtain away as Jake closed his eyes once again.**

**Jake kept replaying the events that had unfolded after stepping into Olivia's apartment looking for something he missed. Something he should have noticed that would have spared them, her, from this situation. Anything. There was nothing; nothing that should or would have earned the attention of two veteran detectives. He had watched as she unlocked both the lock on the doorknob and then the deadbolt. He even remembered hearing the click as the metal slipped out of place to allow entrance. **

**So, the intruder had gained access to her place somehow and then locked the door to wait for his prey. What would have happened if he had not insisted on seeing her in? Was it just a random burglary? Somehow he did not think so. Aside from the normal clutter one would expect in a home, the apartment was in order. No, whoever it was had a single purpose in mind. Olivia. Jake's stomach turned at the thought. He had to help find this pervert. Captain Stabler's refusal to discuss what happened and the tight look on his face left no question that he blamed Jake for Olivia being hurt. Intuitively, Jake knew there was going to be price to pay for that blame. **

**Reaching Olivia's curtained off area in the ER, Elliot saw she was still not back. Taking a seat in the small, blue, hard, plastic chair by the bed, he leaned his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands and sighed deeply. Exhaustion swept over him. Precious little sleep had been had the last couple of nights, this being the third, and it was beginning to catch up with him. A squeak of wheels and low voices had him raising his head just as the curtain was pulled to one side and Olivia was wheeled in. He was immediately on his feet. The doctor, bald with a neatly trimmed reddish beard, was right behind and he looked up from the file in his hands to meet Elliot's expectant eyes. He was sixtyish, a couple of inches shorter and bit heavier than Elliot.**

**"How is she? Is it normal to be unconscious so long?" he was really beginning to worry about her.**

**"She awoke on the way down and was a bit of a handful. Gave her a very mild sedative. Tell me again how you are related to Ms. Benson," the doctor asked, never breaking eye contact.**

**"Detective Benson. She's my partner…I mean, I'm her captain…she…we used to be partners…I'm…uh…acting captain of our squad," he stammered. Technically she was not related to him in anyway yet she was more a part of him than anyone else. In a way, even more so than his kids. **

**"Well, I really should not be discussing this with you, Captain. Do you know her next of kin?" Doctor Rinaldi, according to his nametag, asked quietly.**

**"Me. I'm her next of kin," Elliot snapped, barely containing his resentment. "She has no family. No real family…I…we…the squad…we're her family," he answered, wondering if his word would be good enough for the doctor.**

**The doctor took a minute to ponder Elliot's response before snapping an x-ray in place on the lighted panel and pointing to a spot on the film. "Here. This is what made me want the MRI." There was a prominent uneven line on the right front portion of her skull. "I thought she had a sustained a fractured skull from the injuries tonight," he looked at Elliot who had a sudden intake of breath at the words.**

**"Fractured skull?" staring at the obvious fracture, he swallowed hard, then glanced at Olivia lying peacefully just a few feet away.**

**Doctor Rinaldi pulled the film down and replaced it with another one. "**CAT scans are a specialized type of x-ray that are very good for imaging bone structures. **The MRI, as you can see, is much more detailed. **These images look similar to a CAT scan but they have much higher detail of the soft tissues. There is no bleeding in the brain, the soft tissue in this case, that would be evident if this were a new fracture. There is no current outside trauma at the site. T**his fracture has healed. It's an old injury. I'd say she was a very young child when this happened."**

**"What?" Stepping closer to scrutinize the picture, Elliot squinted disbelievingly at the doctor. **

**Olivia had never told him about anything like that. He knew her childhood had been rough, her mother a drunk, but this? His eyes now captured the jagged scar on her forehead that extended beneath her right eyebrow. He had always wondered about those scars but never asked for fear of making her think that since he noticed them they somehow marred her physical beauty, which they did not. By the same token, she had never offered any information about them. Surely she would have told him if Serena had abused her like that? Right? He felt the unexpected need to hold her, to make things good for her.**

**"The important thing is that there is no sign of new fractures and no bleeding on the brain. She has sustained two somewhat severe blows to the head with a blunt object, presumably her gun, and the other injuries consistent with backhanded blows to her jaws, chin and cheeks. From her exhibits of aggression and intermittent consciousness, it is clear that she has, at least, a moderate head injury…or concussion, if you will," the doctor switched the light off, pulled the second film from the panel placing it in the large folder he held under his arm.**

**Elliot turned back to Olivia, staring down at her. Silent as he pictured what she had endured. As a child as well as tonight. Of its own volition, he found his hand gently tracing those scars from long ago, wishing he had been there to comfort then even though he, too, would have been a mere child.**

**The doctor took in the scene before him sensing that Elliot deeply cared for his 'detective'. "I'm admitting her for overnight observation. If there are no complications, she should be out of here by early afternoon," he extended his hand to Elliot. "Do you have any questions?"**

**Elliot shook his hand absent mindedly, "Yea…what kind of complications?"**

"Well, things like continued or sudden unconsciousness; altered mental status; convulsions; severe, persistent headache; extremity weakness; persistent vomiting; or new bleeding or deafness in either or both ears. I doubt she will experience anything like this. You just need to be aware of the normal symptoms," he smiled at Elliot.

"Normal symptoms?" Elliot's brows knit together in a frown.

**"Headache is the most common. Other symptoms are dizziness, vomiting, nausea, lack of motor coordination, difficulty balancing, and problems with movement or sensation. There may be visual symptoms like light sensitivity, seeing bright lights, blurred or double vision, ringing in the ears.****Cognitive symptoms include confusion, disorientation, and difficulty focusing attention. These early symptoms usually subside within few days or weeks. The number and type of symptoms a person suffers varies widely. I'll provide you with a list of symptoms to look for when she is dismissed. Just be aware of anything out of the ordinary," he pulled the curtain back and started to leave. "Oh, and she should not work or drive for a couple of days. And desk duty at least through next Thursday."**

**"You better put that in writing," Elliot mumbled, shaking his head. **

**"Will do. Take care of your…uh…detective, Captain," smiling, he winked and was gone. **

**Elliot stepped closer to her bedside and just stood there, staring. The purplish, blue-black of the bruises were the only color on her face. A pallor had replaced the natural tan, making her lashes and eyebrows seem much darker against the now light color of her skin. Even her full lips, devoid of her trademark lip gloss, were nearly colorless. The bottom left split and swollen from the intruder's hand. Brushing a strand of hair from her face, he noticed the faint scar on the left side of her neck. A constant reminder of how life can be completely and devastatingly altered in a matter of seconds. His hand fell from her soft hair, his right index lightly caressing the thin white line. He had almost lost her that day. Just a millimeter and she would have bled out before anyone could have helped her. And in his guilt for not protecting her, and Ryan, the young boy whose throat was slashed by Gitano, he laid the blame at her feet, pushing her away and reacting to her with misplaced anger. That was the first time he had finally admitted to himself that he loved her. Not as his partner or best friend, but as a woman. And he almost lost her the very same day. **

**His heart constricted at the thought. He ****_did_**** lose her the next day…to computer crimes. She came back but things between them were even worse. Then he lost her again. To Oregon, because of Dani, to Porter and Simon, to Kathy and Eli. But for some reason she came back…she ****_always_**** came back to him. In spite of all the crappy things he did to her, he somehow he managed to keep her in his life. But it was never permanent. Once again tonight…he could have lost her tonight. Oh, dear God. What would he do without her? What would his life be apart from this woman? He already knew. He had almost completely unraveled when she was in Oregon. He needed her. He took her hand in both of his and brought it to his lips, then leaned over her still, quiet form placing a gentle kiss upon her forehead.**

**Quickly stepping back behind the curtain, Elliot never saw Jake watching. He had not meant to watch them. The doctor released him and he had come to see how Olivia was doing. He never dreamed he would intrude on Captain Stabler during what should have been a private moment. He never dreamed what he saw would answer so many questions while creating so many more.**

**This time he made more noise as he pulled the curtain aside. "Hey, Captain. How is she?" Jake kept his eyes on Olivia.**

**Elliot pulled back from the bed and turned to Jake looking him up and down head to toe, "Keeping her overnight for observation since she keeps drifting in and out. What'd the doc tell you?"**

**"Slight concussion. CAT checked out fine. Said it was up to me about work. To just see how I felt. Just a bit of headache now. Of course, that's after the pain meds they gave me," he explained, his eyes still on Olivia. He moved closer to the bed and reached for her hand.**

**Elliot had to will himself to stay in place and not snatch him up and pummel him for touching her, for even being near her after he had failed to protect her. When all of this was his fault for not being the partner, the man he should have been and kept her from harm. He was aware of his hands fisting by his side and knew Olivia would be doing her best to settle him if she were awake. He took several slow, deep breaths and scrubbed at his face with both hands.**

**"Liv? Can you hear me? It's me…Z. I'm really sorry about this…I should have…I…uh...I hope you're better soon. Liv?" he leaned over her, his eyes searching her face.**

**"You should get on home. She needs to rest and so do you," Elliot suggested though it was a lightly veiled command. He wanted Zoumberis out. Away from Olivia.**

**Jake straightened, releasing Olivia's hand and faced Elliot. "Yes, sir. You're right. Will you keep me posted on her?"**

**Elliot nodded silently, chewing his bottom lip.**

**"See you tomorrow, Captain," he left, pulling the curtain and enveloping Elliot and Olivia in privacy once again.**

**New York Presbyterian Hospital - Manhattan • Thursday, August, 28th • 2:52 a.m.**

**Restless thrashing and moaning awoke him. His back was stiff from sleeping, if you could call it that, in the hard plastic chair. His neck hurt from the crick in it from where he had slumped over his chin resting on his chest. Opening gritty, red-rimmed eyes, he saw Olivia moving about as though fighting an imaginary adversary. Or perhaps, reliving the trauma of the night before. He wasn't sure whether to wake her, or calm her down and just keep an eye on her. His decision was made for him when she called out in the semi-darkness.**

**"El? Elliot? You…you…El? El?" she moaned, her head turning from side to side.**

**Shooting up from the chair he was at her side in a split second grasping her hand in one of his while the other stroked her face. "I'm right here, Liv. Shhh…I'm right here," he whispered soothingly. **

**She quieted right away then turned her head to him. Her eyes opened slowly as though the lids were weighted down, fluttering open and then closing again several times before finally opening and locking with his eyes.**

**"You…you said…you w-w-wouldn't…leave…leave me," she mumbled accusingly, her eyes closing once again.**

**She ****_had_**** heard him. He thought she had passed out, but she had heard him before the EMTs took her away. **

**"I didn't leave you, babe. I've been here the whole time," he assured her, placing a soft kiss at her left temple. It was so good to look into those huge brown eyes again.**

**Reaching for his hand, she pulled him into a hug, "Don't…don't leave me, El. I…want you…here."**

**"I'm not leaving you, baby. I'll be right here for as long as you want," he held her tightly, breathing in her scent, memorizing her warmth and the feel of her arms around him.**

**Slowly, she pulled out of the hug. "El…I have a really bad headache," she put a hand to her forehead and massaged it with her thumb and fingers. "Actually…my…uh…my whole head hurts," her fingers lightly felt the knot above her temple and the butterfly bandage across it. Then slid higher to a larger knot and the rough feel of stitches.**

**"Yea…with good reason," he pulled her hand down and replaced it with both of his, massaging her forehead and temples taking care to miss the bump.**

**"Mmmm…that feels so…so good. Do I have…stitches? What happened? Am I…am I in a hospital?" she asked, giving into his strong fingers easing the pain in her head. "Mmmm…"**

**Recalling what the doctor said about confusion, he turned it back to her to see what she remembered. "Yea…New York Presbyterian. Three stitches. What do you remember about last night, Liv?"**

**Staring at him for several long minutes, he could almost see the wheels turning in her mind as she tried to summon up the events that led to her being in a hospital. She broke eye contact. He was amazed at the display of emotions that crossed her features. Bringing her gaze back to him, her eyes widened, as a flash of something - realization? hurt? - filled her face, she shook her head and looked away.**

**"Liv, its okay. The doc said it could take some time to remember," he explained. He knew it upset her that she could not remember and he wanted to help her out but didn't know what to do.**

**Thing was, she ****_did_**** remember. That was the whole problem. She remembered eating with Jake at a diner. She remembered talking to Lupe Delgado, letting her know her husband was out of jail. She remembered arguing with Jake about her driving. She remembered hearing that Dante Delgado had made bail and a restraining order had been issued against him. And she remembered something else, too. She remembered Jessica McDaniel gushing all over Elliot. She remembered the way Jessica looked at him and the way he had looked at her. She remembered Jessica asking him to dinner. She remembered Elliot looking past Jessica straight into her eyes. And she remembered he smiled and said 'Sure, why not?'**

**The sudden pressure behind her eyes was causing her headache to increase exponentially in intensity. He went out with Jessica. She felt nauseated but she was not going to toss her cookies in front of him. And she was ****_not_**** going to cry. She would not shed tears in front of Elliot Stabler. Especially, not ****_over_**** Elliot Stabler. Trying to sit up a bit straighter as though that would help her regain some scrap of her dignity, she turned back to Elliot, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. **

**"Liv…what's wrong?" he asked, alarmed at the tears in her eyes and the look on her face.**

**"Get out," she said quietly, but in such a low, menacing voice that Elliot was completely caught off guard.**

**His mouth fell open as his blue eyes widened in astonishment. "What?" he asked, the bewilderment in his voice matching the confusion on his face.**

**"You deaf, Stabler? I said get out!" she spoke louder now, her voice bordering on hollering.**

**"Liv? What's going on?" he started toward her reaching out his hand.**

**She slapped at his hand and reached for the first thing she could grab…a cup of melting ice chips on the small table by the bed. She pulled back, catapulting the cup into space between them hitting him squarely in the chest. Ice chips flew in every direction, landing on the bed, skittering across the floor beyond the curtain walls of her room.**

**"Get out, Elliot! Go! I want you out!" her shrill voice filled the air as her quiet request turned to screaming.**

**"Liv? Olivia!" he was as perplexed and baffled as he had ever been with her. He was hurt, too.**

**"Is there a problem here?" Dr. Rinaldi and two nurses appeared out of nowhere. They all looked back and forth between Elliot and Olivia with wary eyes.**

**"No…everything's fine…just a little misunderstanding…" Elliot began, hoping he could get Olivia to explain what was going on. His eyes never left Olivia as he silently pleaded for her to talk to him, to make him understand what was going on.**

**"Everything is ****_not _****fine! I want him out! Please, doctor, make him leave! Please!" Olivia looked past Elliot standing in shock, to plead with the doctor.**

**"Captain Stabler, I'm sorry, but you are going to have to leave…" Dr. Rinaldi told him.**

**"No. No, she said she wanted me here…it's the concussion. Something's wrong," he countered, his eyes huge and wild with worry.**

**"Something's wrong all right! I want you to leave, Elliot! Now!" she screamed from her bed, turning her face away from him.**

**"Liv?" he called her name, as Dr. Rinaldi took his arm and pushed him out. "Olivia!"**

**"Perhaps later, Captain. We don't want her to become too distressed right now. Please. I will call you with periodic updates."**

**Elliot was ushered into the ER waiting room where he watched helplessly as the heavy, swinging doors shut and automatically locked providing a barrier between he and Olivia. Another wall between them to scale. "Liv…Liv…" he whispered, his stomach roiling. What the heck had just happened in there?**

**eoeoeoeoeoeo**


	13. Credence

Chapter 13 – Cruising

**Chapter 13 – Credence**

**New York Presbyterian Hospital - Manhattan • Thursday, August, 28th • 3:07 a.m.**

Banished from Olivia's presence, Elliot waited until he saw Dr. Rinaldi leaving her area. He ran to catch him.

"Doc! Hey, Dr. Rinaldi! Wait up!" He halfway jogged down the corridor.

Stopping at the call of his name, Dr. Rinaldi turned toward Elliot and shook his head.

"Doc what is going on with Liv? Just minutes before that outburst, she begged me not leave her. She asked me to stay with her…and then…she completely changed and started yelling at me to get out. Doc something's not right…you gotta believe me," Elliot pleaded with him.

Taking Elliot by the left elbow, he pulled him away from the main path of the hall, "It's classic head injury. Sudden emotional and mood swings. She's just going to need some rest…and time. She's about to moved to a private room. I suggest you get some rest as well. I will keep you apprised of any changes," he smiled and started on his way again.

Elliot reluctantly left the hospital. Standing lost in thought on the sidewalk, he flipped open his cell to see several missed calls. He had to turn it off while in the hospital. Kathleen, Lizzie, Munch, Cragen had left messages. Cragen? His call was at 2:38 a.m. He must have heard about Olivia. He dialed voicemail and waited. "Dad, you said to let you know when Mom got home. She's here. Grandpa is okay. And we are all back at the house. Love you." He was relieved to hear from Kathleen and know the kids were back with Kathy. He couldn't deal with them and this with Olivia and work, too. "Daddy…are you coming to my softball game Saturday? It's at 6:00 at Hutchinson Field. Bye! Oh, I love you!" He should write it down. He missed Lizzie's last two games. "El…we're back at the house going over CSU's findings. We'd sure like an update on Olivia," Munch told him. "Elliot! I just got a call about Olivia from Braun at the 85th! You should have let me know! Call me when you get this no matter what time!" Cragen may not technically be captain, but he still exuded the authority and respect. Elliot would gladly give him back his position, if he could just be with Olivia and figure out what was going on.

Hitting the autodial, he didn't have to wait but half a ring tone before the call was answered. "Elliot? Why didn't you call me?" Captain Cragen barked.

Cragen's fury did not escape Elliot, but hearing the familiar voice of his mentor, even drenched in wrath, stirred up the emotions that had been welling just below the surface. He had suppressed them all evening but now he found himself with a lump the size of a baseball in his throat, his breathing restricted and no coherent sentences to be found in his mind. He opened and then closed his mouth. Nothing.

"Elliot?" the captain said his name quieter, softer this time as he realized his detective was close to having a meltdown.

Silence.

Cragen listened hard but heard nothing. His gut told him that Elliot was in trouble. "Son, talk to me…" he begged him to answer.

A single, choked sob broke from Elliot against his will. "Elliot…is she…oh, God…" Thinking the worst, Cragen was on the verge of losing it, too. "Olivia…is she…?" He could not bring himself to say the word.

"No, sir…she's…" Elliot sniffled. "She's going to be fine. Cap…I could…have lost her, Cap," the lump returned silencing him again.

"Where are you? I'll come to you," Cragen told him.

"No. No, I'm heading to the precinct. But…" he let out a long, deep breath and sniffled again. "Captain, if you could come to the hospital and stay with her…that would be good…she…uh…doesn't want me up there…but…I don't…she shouldn't…I don't want her...to be alone."

"I'm on the way. Elliot…call me if you need me. Okay?" Cragen's voice was full of the concern he had for the younger man.

He knew the relationship between the two partners was close. In fact, over two years ago Dr. Rebecca Hendrix had told him they were too close. He would be lying if he said he had not already known that. If anything happened to Olivia, they would lose Elliot, too. And vice versa.

"Thanks, Cap'n," Elliot sounded stronger now. He was stronger now just knowing that Olivia would not be alone.

**New York Presbyterian Hospital - Manhattan • Thursday, August, 28th • 5:30 a.m.**

Don Cragen had been in silent vigil over his detective for just under two hours. He must have dozed a bit because Law & Order: SVU had been about three quarters of the way through the last he remembered, and now the credits were rolling. He was not one to watch much television, preferring instead to read, but he had caught this show a few times and thought it was among the most realistic of any of the innumerable police procedurals. No movie or television show could ever show the true depth of evil and debauchery that people were capable of inflicting on others. Forty years of law enforcement, and the wickedness and depravity of the human mind was still beyond his comprehension. This line of thought made him remember a Bible verse he had memorized in Sunday school as a child. _'The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?'_ Jeremiah17:9.

The movement of Olivia's legs kicking at the cover, her soft moans reaching his ears, snapped him back to the present and why he was sitting in a hospital room at five-thirty in the morning. The chair scraped on the floor as he pulled it a bit closer to her bedside. He watched to see if she would continue waking up. Her left hand reach toward her head but the blood pressure cuff around her bicep began filling and the IV pulled and she lowered it back to her side. Bringing her right hand up she slowly massaged her head between her fingers and thumbs for a couple of minutes before sliding her hand down to gently feel the bruises on her jaw and cheek.

Groaning, her eyes fluttered a few times before opening and looking briefly at the ceiling before closing again. She shifted a bit and then opened her eyes again, this time looking around the room and spotting the captain as he now stood up from his post.

"Don," she whispered, her throat hoarse from the dryness.

"Olivia. How are you feeling?" he leaned over her and took her hand in his.

"Shouldn't that be my line?" she smiled looking him over.

He chuckled; pleased that at least her long-term memory was intact, since she was evidently referring to his recent heart surgery. "I'm fine, Olivia. I have more energy than I've had in years. Doc says my heart is like a thirty year old. So, enough about me. How are _you _feeling?"

"Like someone used my head as a punching bag," she smiled slightly, raising her hear to resituate causing another groan to escape.

"From what I hear, that's a pretty accurate account," he nodded, smiling down at her.

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes. "Elliot make you come up here? I don't need anyone…"

"No. Elliot did not _make_ me come up here. When I heard what happened I _wanted_ to be here. To make sure you were all right. And maybe you don't need anyone, Olivia, but sometimes it's not about what _you_ need. Sometimes it's about others and their need to take care of you for themselves," he told her in that voice that she called his 'father' voice.

"Why would anyone need to do that?" she asked sarcastically, looking puzzled at his words.

Her unasked question hung heavy between them. He heard it. He knew her nearly as well as Elliot did. He knew she thought she was unworthy of that care; of someone loving her enough to want to be concerned about her. And he knew she desperately needed to believe she was wrong.

"Because they care about you, Olivia," he smiled, his sad eyes shining with his love for her, as he placed his other hand on top of her encompassing it in both of his.

She looked at him and then away as she pondered what he had said. His underlying meaning was not lost on her. He was telling her she _did_ deserve to be loved; she _was_ worthy. She knew he and Elliot had talked. She just knew it. And she knew he was talking about the fact that Elliot cared about her, too. Something else she already knew. But right now she was so upset with him she didn't want Elliot to care. No matter how relieved it made her feel.

She turned her head toward him and squeezed his hand that was still holding hers. "Don…thank you," she wiped at the tears that fell upon her cheek.

**SVU Crib • Thursday, August, 28th • 7:00 a.m.**

Elliot had lain down around 5:00 in the morning. Exhausted, sleep still never came. He lay awake replaying the entire night. He worried about Olivia; he fretted over the little evidence they had; he wondered if Jake were all right. He, Fin and Munch had gone over and over what they knew had happened from what Jake had been able to tell them. Which was not really a much of anything. They needed to talk to Olivia. She was the one who saw the intruder and fought with him. Hopefully, she could tell them something.

CSU had found a partial fingerprint on the light bulb in the foyer that did not belong to Olivia. But without being able to talk to her for all they knew someone, a date perhaps, had replaced it for her. There was, however, no mistaking the fact that it had been loosened to render the light useless. Whoever had been in her apartment had, indeed, been waiting for her.

Other prints found throughout the apartment belonged to various people in her life who had prints on file. Elliot, Kurt Moss, Dean Porter, Andy Eckerson, Simon, Casey. When Elliot read over the list of men that had been in her apartment, he cringed. These were just recent friends or lovers or whatever she would say they were. It made no difference to him, because he was jealous of them all. Jealous that any of them shared any part of Olivia's life. Of course, there were other prints as well…repairmen, the superintendent, friends that did not have a reason to have been fingerprinted. They would all have to be tediously checked out.

Finally giving up on getting any sleep, he got up, showered, shaved and headed down to his office. On his way out, he saw Fin who was just getting up and heading for the shower.

"You look like crap. Couldn't sleep?" Fin asked as they came upon each other.

"No. You?" Elliot put a hand to his mouth as a yawn engulfed him.

"Enough. Munch is making coffee…that oughta give us a kick," he deadpanned.

Downstairs Elliot stopped at the coffee table and poured the thick, black sludge that was Munch's infamous coffee. He poured plenty of cream and sugar into, stirring it sloppily causing some of it to splash over the edge of the mug. No napkins. He wiped it off with his right hand and then wiped his hand on his slacks, the same ones he had worn yesterday. He did not have a change of clothes in his locker because he had taken them home to launder and forgotten to replace them. Maybe he could run by his place before lunch to change.

Sitting down at his desk, he downed about half of the coffee in two huge gulps. He rubbed his eyes, stretched and then picked up the report from last night and began reading it again. The phone rang as he stifled yet another yawn.

"Stabler," he mumbled.

"Good morning, Captain," the Chief of Detectives said.

Straightening as if at attention, Elliot gripped the receiver tightly, "Good morning, Chief Morris. What can I do for you, sir?"

"Heard about Detectives Benson and Zoumberis being attacked. How are they?" he asked.

"Oh…they…uh…well, Zoumberis was treated and released last night…six or seven stitches…concussion. Liv…uh…Benson went a few rounds with the perp and…uh…sustained several blows to the head…has a couple of stitches and they…uh…kept her overnight for observation. But, they were doing all right last night," he told the Chief, worrying that he had said too much and the Chief would insist they take time off and Olivia would be even more upset with him.

"Well, glad to hear that. Any leads?"

"No, sir. Not yet. Zoumberis was jumped and knocked out…he didn't see anything. Benson was unable to give a statement last night…we're hoping to get one first thing this morning," he explained, hoping that perhaps she had talked to Cragen.

"Technically, this is not an SVU case, but since it involves your detectives, I'm leaving it in your hands. If you need any help from the other units, let me know."

"Uh…yes, sir. Thank you, sir," Elliot was surprised that the Chief was this accommodating.

"Keep me apprised of your progress, Captain," he told him.

"Yes, sir, I will," he held the receiver away from his ear as the dial tone replaced the Chief's voice.

He placed it in the cradle and picked up his cell phone. Punching the phone number of the hospital, he settled back in his chair and waited.

"New York Presbyterian Hospital. May I help you?"

"This is Captain Elliot Stabler, NYPD, Special Victims Unit. One of my detectives, Olivia Benson, was brought in last night. I need to be connected with the nurses' station nearest her room, please.

"Just a moment."

Once connected, he explained again who he was and then asked to speak to Captain Cragen who was sitting with the patient. Several minutes later, he once again heard Cragen's familiar and oddly, comforting voice.

"Cragen."

"Don…how is she?"

"Good."

"Awake, then?

"Yes…and talking some."

"Great. They gonna let her out soon?"

"Should have her sprung by noon."

"Good, good. Listen, if she's up to it, can you get her statement?"

"Shouldn't be a problem."

"That would really help us out. Listen, I know you must be exhausted…hospitals are tiring enough, but with your surgery and all…well, you need your rest, too."

"Actually, I feel pretty good. In fact, I think it helped me to have someone else to worry about…took my mind of me. I'll be glad to stay as long as you need me."

"Well, I still think you should take it easy, so I'm going to send Fin over as soon as he and I get finished talking with Delgado. CSU should be finished with her apartment by mid morning. He can see that she gets settled at home."

"Why Fin?"

"Excuse me?"

"I just assumed you would be the one to take her home…"

"She…uh…doesn't want to…uh…see me…she…I…I don't know what happened when I was there, but trust me…she does not want me any where near her for some reason."

"Hmmm…"

"Yea…anyway, let me know what she says about last night, okay, Captain?"

"Yes, sir, _Captain _Stabler, sir_._"

The conversation finished, he looked at his watch noting it was nearly eight o'clock. Glancing out into the squad room, he saw Zoumberis just coming in. Since every one was here, he figured now was as good a time as any to have a briefing about the case. He picked up a folder and stepped out of his office.

"You sure you up to this, Zoumberis?" he nodded at Jake.

"Yes, sir. I'm fine. Just a dull headache. Ready to find the creep that attacked us," he steadily held Elliot's stare.

"All right, then…the Chief of Ds called…said he was leaving this case with SVU and if we needed any of the other units to let him know. So since we have the clear go ahead on it, this is what I want the three of you to do," he looked around at the men. "Munch, Zoumberis, check with CSU, find out what progress they've made on the other prints and the skin they got from under Olivia's nails and any other evidence they may have found."

"Got it, cap'n. Anything else?" Jake nodded his head.

"Yea. When you get back, run a check on all the perps Liv was involved in putting away that have been paroled in the last three months," Elliot turned to Munch who was peering at him over his dark tinted glasses that had slipped to the end of his nose.

"Shouldn't someone talk to Dante Delgado since he would seem to be the prime suspect," Munch pushed his glasses back in place.

"Fin and I are going to do that," Elliot looked over at Jake.

"What about Olivia? Somebody's got to check on her and get her statement," Fin was leaning back in his chair, one foot propped against his desktop.

"Captain Cragen's with Olivia. He'll take care of that," he told them.

"Cragen?" they all said in unison, looking at him in surprise.

"He stayed with her after I left this morning. He'll let us know when he gets it," Elliot stood, their clue that the briefing was over. "Let's a get a move on."

**Benson Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 10:20 a.m.**

Dante Delgado was not at work, nor was he at the friend's apartment where he was supposedly staying, so Elliot and Fin came by Olivia's place to see what else CSU may have found.

He really wanted to see Olivia, but was still unsure about approaching her right now. Maybe she needed a little longer to cool off. He sure wished he knew what had made her change her attitude about him so quickly.

"You guys find anything else?" Elliot asked the tech who seemed to be the lead. He did not know him and vaguely wondered why O'Halloran wasn't there.

As if on cue, Ryan O'Halloran walked out of Olivia's bedroom. Just that he had been in there, in the room where Olivia slept, flew all over Elliot and he had to take a deep breath to regain enough control to not say anything.

"Detective Stabler…we've got a couple of things…not sure if they mean anything or not…but we missed them last night."

"Fill us in," Elliot crossed his arms over his chest and tipped his head toward Fin.

Ryan held up an evidence bag with a small dark thread in it. "This was taken from the door jamb of the front door. Looks like someone caught their jacket or sweatshirt on it. May or may not belong to our perp."

"Hoodie?"

"Possibly," O'Halloran decided.

"Could be Liv's," Fin pointed out.

"Could be…except that it was found above where Olivia's shoulder would reach, so I'm thinking it's not," he pointed to the area where it was found.

Elliot frowned. "What's the other thing?"

Ryan walked across the room to the small table that held Olivia's combination phone, caller ID and answering machine, and hit the play button.

'This Dr. Chipley's office.' He fast-forwarded it. "Just calling to reschedule an appointment," Ryan told them. The next one is the one in question. 'Olivia, hi. It's Peter. I enjoyed lunch yesterday and I was wondering if you still wanted to go out for dinner this weekend. Give me a call and let me know.' Beep.

"We have been unable to find out who Peter is…the phone number is marked private on caller ID. It will take a couple of hours to get the phone company to give us a list of incoming and outgoing calls on the line. Either of you know who he is?" he asked Elliot and Fin.

Elliot felt the anger immediately flood through him. Anger that she had seen Peter again and he did not know it. Anger that she had apparently planned another date with him for the weekend. Anger that she had not told him. And anger that he did not really know who Peter was. He only knew he was a blind date she met through her friend Marie. He didn't even know Marie. How much more about Olivia was there that he did not have know, he wondered.

"A friend set her up on a blind date last Friday. I don't know the friend's name except for Marie and I don't know anything about Peter," Elliot scrubbed his hands over his face, expelling a loud breath of air.

"Okay…well, I'll see if we can get a rush on the phone records." Ryan ejected the mini-tape from the recorder and put it in an evidence bag. Opening the drawer below the phone, he found another tape and put it in the recorder.

Elliot glanced at the time on the microwave and turned to Fin, "Hey, why don't you go ahead to the hospital. I'll hang around and clean up a bit."

"On my way," Fin headed out the door.

Elliot watched as the remaining CSU techs finished up and packed their equipment. When the last one was gone, he closed and locked the door. His eyes made a quick sweep of the apartment. Glass was still strewn everywhere although the superintendent had covered the shattered window with ply board. He found a broom and dustpan and swept up the glass. Then he ran the vacuum over the living room. He straightened the few things he saw out of place, putting the magazines and candles back on the table.

For some reason he found himself standing in Olivia's bedroom. He had been in there a handful of times over the years, but not for any length of time. Once she was sick and he had let himself in to check on her; another time he helped her to bed when she had one too many drinks; and the other times were when he had been over and needed to use the bathroom. The only way to it was through the bedroom.

The picture on her nightstand mesmerized him. Picking it up, he held it in his hands, bringing it close to his face. It was of the two of them. They were at Moretti's Pizza where the crew had gone after work one night. He was leaning toward her and had his arm around her shoulder, his hand curled around her arm. She had his jaw between her fingers squishing his mouth and they were both laughing. It was not a particularly good picture of either of them. But there was no mistaking the fact that they were having a great time. They were happy. With each other.

He snorted, a mocking laugh coming from deep within. Their recent interactions certainly lent no credence to the intrinsic bond between them that seemed so very evident in the picture. Shaking his head, he put it back in its place on the nightstand and wondered if she was as confused about 'them' as he was at that very moment.

Somehow, he had to get up the nerve to talk to her about how the feelings he had for her. He was just about to leave the apartment, when her phone rang. Hand upon the doorknob, he waited. One ring. Two. Three. Four. 'This is Peter. Olivia…are you okay? Between your home and cell phones, this is the fifth or sixth call. Please just let me know if you are okay…even if you don't want to do dinner. Bye.'

Elliot stared at the machine until it beeped, the message done. His jaw clenched and he opened the door and left.

eoeoeoeoeo


	14. Corroborate

**A/N: A/N: Hi, everybody. Hope you are still with me! Thought I'd give you something to do besides watch TV! Let me know what you think! I appreciate all you guys so much!! " ) Bensler**

***********

**Chapter 14 – Corroborate**

**Benson Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 12:32 p.m.**

Fumbling with her keys, Olivia dropped them to the hardwood floor with a loud thud that echoed in the empty corridor. Fin bent over, picked them up, and held them out to her but she shook her head once, giving the unspoken signal for him to unlock the door. He did and stepped back to wait for her to enter. She hesitated as the door swung open, her eyes rapidly flitting first to the left and then the right. Noticing the increase in her heart rate, her shallow breathing, and the knot in her stomach, she realized she was afraid to go into her apartment, her own home.

"Liv?" Fin asked slowly, aware of her hesitancy and pretty sure of what she was feeling.

She looked at him and then her eyes went back to dart around the apartment. "Fin, would you…uh…" she tilted her head toward the inside.

"How 'bout you stay here and I'll check the place out, okay?" Fin offered, hoping to allow her to salvage some of the dignity he knew she thought she would lose by asking him to make sure the place was secure.

Instead of a verbal response, she simply nodded her head and gave him a tense smile. Standing just inside the open doorway, she waited for Fin to complete his search. Looking toward her living room window, she saw the thick plywood that now obscured her view to the outside world. In a strange way, she was glad she could not see outside, because that meant no one could see _inside_. Had the person that attacked them been watching her? Did he know her what she did on her days off or in the evenings? Had he been watching her while she thought she was safe within the confines of privacy in her own home? A cold shiver ran through her and she wrapped her arms around her body and looked over her shoulder to be certain no danger lurked in the hallway. Instinctively her right hand went to her hip in search of her glock. It was not there and she wondered who had it.

"All clear," Fin walked back into the entrance area.

She smiled at him, "Thanks…and thanks for bringing me home, Fin," she gave him a quick hug.

"No problem…you want me to stay awhile?" he asked, searching her face to see if the fear was still there. It was, but he knew she wanted him to think she had it under control.

"I appreciate it, but no. You have an investigation to work on…I'm counting on you to find out who attacked us," she ran a somewhat shaky hand through her hair, expelling her breath with a hiss.

He nodded, "You'll call if you need somethin', right?"

"Yes. I promise," she smiled and watched as he closed the door behind him.

"Fin!" she called out.

The door quickly opened and Fin was back inside in a split second. "What is it?"

"My…uh…my gun…do you know where it is?" her voice was very quiet, as though she did not really want to know the answer.

"Uh…it wasn't found at the crime sce…uh…CSU didn't find it. We think he used it to hit you and must have taken it with him," he explained, mentally kicking himself for referring to her apartment as a crime scene.

"Do you remember anything about the gun? About last night at all? The doc said you'd probably remember eventually…" he was worried about her and hoped that last line encouraged her a little.

Shaking her head, her eyes fell from his to the floor, her brows knit in a frown. Biting on her bottom lip, she seemed really nervous, Fin thought.

"You got another gun, right?" he asked, knowing that she had several personal guns.

She looked up at him as though in a daze, and finally nodded, "Yea…a sig and a small .22." She wanted her glock.

"Good. Sure you don't want me stay?" he asked again.

She smiled and looked up at him, "No. I'll…uh…be fine. I'll call if I need anything."

This time he really left.

Alone. She was alone. She locked all of the locks, sliding the safety chain on as well. Leaning against the door, she felt her heart step up a notch or two in its rhythm. If she was this frightened in the middle of the day, what was she going to be like when darkness fell and she was alone? She pushed off from the door, bringing her left hand to curve around the back of her neck and the other to her hip as she looked around the apartment. Someone had cleaned it up. She knew it wasn't CSU. They were careful not to disturb things but she had never known them to straighten a crime scene. Had to have been Elliot. Briefly, she wondered what he was doing, but quickly decided she did not need to know because she was still angry about him going out with Jessica.

She went straight to her bedroom and rummaged through the bottom drawer of her dresser to find the case with her Sig. She checked it out, loaded it, and aimed it, getting used to the feel. It was a bit heavier than the glock. Making her own personal sweep of the apartment, she checked the locks again. Satisfied, she tucked the gun in the waist of her jeans, grabbed a spare blanket and pillow from the linen closet, and laid them on the couch.

Her head was killing her. Remembering the pain medication Dr. Rinaldi had prescribed, that Fin had insisted on getting before bringing her home, she reached into her jacket pocket. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Making her way to the couch, she sat down, and opened the prescription bottle and the water bottle. She stared at the small, round, white pill with the number three stamped on it, lying in her hand. Tylenol 3 with codeine. She hated taking medication. It would make her drowsy. She should be alert in case someone tried to break in, but her head was throbbing with pain, so she popped the pill, took several swallows of water. She sat there a moment before standing to remove her jacket. Her discharge papers were sticking out of one of the pockets. Laying the jacket across the back of the couch, she pulled the papers out, sat down with her head leaning on the back of the couch and began to read:

_The signs and symptoms of a concussion can be subtle and may not appear immediately. Symptoms can last for days, weeks or longer._

_The two most common concussion symptoms are confusion and amnesia. The amnesia, which may or may not be preceded by a loss of consciousness, almost always involves the loss of memory of the impact that caused the concussion._

_Other immediate signs and symptoms of a concussion may include:_

_Headaches - may continue for a couple of weeks, if not longer_

_Dizziness _

_Ringing in the ears _

_Nausea or vomiting _

_Slurred speech _

'This sounded like she had felt the few times she had been drunk, which was exactly why she rarely had more than one drink, and _never_ got drunk.'

_Some symptoms of concussions don't appear until hours or days later. They include:_

_Mood and cognitive disturbances_

_Sensitivity to light and noise _

_Sleep disturbances - Inability to sleep; or sleeping too much_

'Nothing new here. Except for the sensitivity to light, this was what happened to her after a really tough case.'

_Remember, these side effects are temporary. Take a couple of days off. Report any abnormal symptoms or if your headaches become worse call your doctor immediately!_

'Take a couple of days off!!??' Groaning, she threw the paper on the coffee table and hoped Cragen or Elliot had not seen this or talked to the doctor. She was off today, but she intended to be at her desk by 7:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. But right now, her head was really killing her. She lay down, gun in hand at her side, and pulled the thin, pink, cotton blanket over her lower body, and promptly fell asleep.

SVU Squad Room • Thursday, August, 28th • 3:05 p.m.

"Hey, Captain," Jake called out as he came into Elliot's office, "TARU just called. They got the phone logs from Olivia's house and cell phone. Marie is Marie Carrelli, Victims Specialist at the U.S. Attorneys' Office. Peter is Peter Harman…not sure what he does…but his family owns a restaurant and several other businesses. Got numbers, addresses. You want us to go talk to them?"

Elliot squinted at him, then got up and went into the squad room. "Munch, Fin. Pay a visit to Marie Carrelli, Jake's got her number and address. Jake and I going to pay a visit to Peter Harman. I want a full report when you get back. Then you can knock off for the evening," he handed them a slip of paper that Jake had written the information on.

All four headed out at the same time. Elliot told Jake he would drive and caught the keys as Jake tossed them to him. An hour later, they had been to Peter's condo and talked with a neighbor who told them he was the head of the financial operations for his family's businesses. Checking the addresses Jake had found for everything the family owned, they saw one called Enman Incorporated and guessed that was the would be the parent company of their holdings.

**Enman, Inc. – Office of Peter Harman • Thursday, August, 28th • 4:15 p.m.**

Pulling up in front of the massive building, Elliot parked and they got out. "Think they own the building, too?" Jake wondered aloud, his head tilted to look up at the huge structure. "Must be fifty floors."

"We're about to find out," Elliot left him behind.

Enman, Inc. was located on the 45th floor. The halls were a rose colored marble and the thick, ornate wood trim was stained a dark cherry. Chandeliers hung every eight feet or so. The overall atmosphere exuded wealth bordering on obscene. When the elevator opened, they stepped into a reception area that was decorated in a more modest manner.

The young man behind the desk, looked up at Elliot and Jake. "May I help you?"

Elliot nodded once at Jake who then stepped forward and spoke. "Yes. We'd like to speak with Peter Harman?"

"Which Peter Harman?"

"Uh…how many are there?"

"Three."

Jake and Elliot looked at each other and Elliot shrugged and answered, "The one who is fortyish and single."

The young man checked a calendar on his desk. "Mr. Harman has no appointments listed at this time, I'm afraid you won't be able to see him today."

At this point Jake pulled out his shield and showed it to him, "Oh, I don't think Mr. Harman will mind seeing us today…I'm Detective Zoumberis," he nodded toward Elliot, "and this is Captain Stabler, NYPD.

The young man paled and immediately began apologizing, "Oh…I'm so…s-sorry…I didn't…I…uh…"

"Look, kid, just get Mr. Harman out here, okay?" Elliot snapped.

He was wound tighter than a watch spring and he knew it was because this man had been out with Olivia. He ate lunch with her this week. He had called asking her out for the weekend. He rarely saw her dates over the years and he like it that way. If he never saw them, he could pretend they were wimpy and unattractive or that they didn't really exist. Now, he was about to meet one and he had to remind himself to keep his temper in check. Just like Cragen told him.

"Yes, sir!" He took off for the double-door to his right and disappeared.

Jake picked up a magazine and thumbed through it. Elliot's mind began creating more images of the man he was about to meet. Probably some skinny, nerd type guy if he ran the family business finances. Yea, that's right. Probably always sitting in front of a computer running audits and checking the profit margins. A skinny, wimpy, bald-headed jerk with coke bottle glasses. He smirked just a bit at this image.

Just then the double doors opened and the young man reappeared. "Mr. Harman will see you. Please follow me."

They walked a short distance down the inner corridor to the office of Peter Harman III, according to the nameplate to the side of the door. Elliot and Jake walked in and Peter, sitting with his back to them, was at his desk checking something on the computer. Elliot almost laughed out loud that his image of Harman was playing out.

Then Peter turned around, rose from the chair. And rose. And rose. Elliot nearly choked. The man was easily six and half feet tall. With a full head of hair and piercing green eyes. Definitely not skinny. Or a wimp. Or a nerd.

He stepped toward them with his hand extended, "Peter Harman. What can I do for you, detectives?"

"Captain Stabler," Elliot shook his hand and turned to Jake.

"Detective Zoumberis," Jake pumped his hand, too.

"Who's 'Enman'? I thought this was your family's business," Elliot looked around Peter's office. It was spacious and had shelves upon shelves of books.

"My great-grandfather, David Ennis, had a small restaurant back in the twenties. My grandfather, Peter Harman, Sr., was his assistant manager. His daughter, Patricia Ennis, helped out from time and time and ended up marrying Peter. By 1928 they had opened two more restaurants and decided to incorporate. So, En from Ennis and man from 'Harman'. Later my father joined the company and then my brother, sister and me," he explained. Then turning to Jake, he asked, "What division are you from?"

"SVU," Jake answered.

"SVU? Special Victims?" Peter seemed puzzled now.

"Yea…something you need to tell us, Mr. Harman?" Elliot's voice bordered on sarcastic.

"No…just…you must be Elliot…and you have to be 'Z'," he grinned at them. "Olivia told me all about you two."

Before either could respond, a look of concern erased his smile and shadowed Peter's face. It was just then that Elliot noticed he had a scrape and bruise across his lower right jaw.

"Is Olivia okay? Why are you here? Has something happened?" he asked quickly, his eyes jumping back and forth between the two men.

"Where were you last night between the hours of seven and nine p.m.?" Jake asked, pulling a notepad and pen from his jacket.

He looked worried and upset. "I…I…was…is Olivia okay? Tell me!" he demanded.

"She's okay. Just answer the question," Elliot managed to grind out as he grit his teeth. He thought Peter was stalling for time to make up an alibi.

"I was in Phillie. A conference," he told them as he sat back down in his chair.

"Yea…and what conference would that be," Elliot leaned over the desk and glared at Peter.

"The Restaurant Finance & Development Conference. It's held every year…different city each time. Something's happened to Olivia. I want to know. Please," he pleaded.

Ignoring him, Jake asked, "How long were you at this conference and can anyone attest to your presence there during the hours of seven to nine last night?"

"I left New York around two on Wednesday, Olivia and I had lunch, and returned this afternoon around two. The main session lasted until two-thirty and then I attended a mergers and acquisitions workshop that ran from three until six. I ate dinner with several other attendees, worked out and then went to my room about nine-thirty or so. Please tell me what this is about," he asked again, this time more forcefully.

"My detectives, Benson and Zoumberis, were attacked last night in Detective Benson's apartment. They both suffered concussions and have a few stitches as well. I have to tell ya…I don't like anyone messing with my people," Elliot spoke the last words in a low, menacing tone, leaving no question as to what he was insinuating.

"And you think I did this?" Peter now stood, towering over Elliot. "I would never do anything to hurt Olivia or anybody!"

"How would we know that, Mr. Harman? We don't know a thing about you, now do we?" Elliot knew he needed to back off. He was just having trouble doing so because he kept picturing Peter with Olivia. He kept remembering her coming home the morning after their blind date. He could not quit replaying the fight they had.

"Do I need my attorney?" Peter's eyes never left Elliot as Jake answered.

"Not if you're innocent. We're just covering all our bases, Mr. Harman. You left a message on Detective Benson's phone and we're checking out everyone in her life that might have had a motive in harming her or know someone that might have a grudge. We don't mean to suggest we are implicating you," Jake tried to minimize the damage that Elliot and his irrational thinking had done.

"What did Olivia tell you? Seems like she would be the best person to ask," his loosely contained anger was quite apparent.

"She doesn't remember anything about the attack yet. She's still a bit confused from the head injuries. And she can't think of anyone that would be suspicious hanging around lately," Jake said.

"By the way, how'd you get that bruise and cut on your jaw?" Elliot asked him, reigning in his own simmering rage.

Putting a hand to his jaw, he answered, "In the gym…a buddy and I went a couple of rounds with the gloves."

"We're going to need any credit card receipts in connection with your trip as well as the names of the hotel, the people you had dinner with to corroborate your story," Jake raised his eyebrows at him and waited.

"And the name of the buddy you boxed with, pal," his eyes narrowed in an icy glare as he crossed his arms over his chest and stared at Peter Harman until the tall man sat down at his desk and started writing names.

eoeoeoeoeo


	15. Convince

**Chapter 15 – Convince**

**Benson Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 5:15 p.m.**

Olivia had slept soundly for nearly five hours. According to the clock it was now 5:15 p.m. She was surprised how long it had been since she had lain down. Her head ached but not nearly as much. The gun was still gripped in her hand when she awoke, her fingers cramped from holding it so tightly.

The first thing she did was to check the locks to be sure they were still secure. Then, even though logically she knew no one had gotten into her apartment, she went around and made certain no one was hiding in a closet or under her bed or in the tub. She felt foolish whipping the shower curtain to one side as her hand held the gun ready to shoot. Sagging to the edge of the tub in relief, she decided the next order of business was long, hot shower. She'd not had one since yesterday morning.

Her security checks had done nothing to convince her that she was safe. While showering she kept an ear out for any unusual noises and the gun was within easy reach on a towel just outside the shower. The hot water coursing over her head and body felt so good. Lathering her hair with shampoo, she gingerly washed over the stitches. Her head began spinning, not just from the concussion but also from all the thoughts battering her mind. Remembering the attack last night caused her mind to wander to another attack nearly a year ago.

SVU had been investigating the rapes and murders of two women in which the prime suspect was a comic book writer. He based his work on the murders committed by imprisoned notorious serial killer Robert Morton, so it appeared that a copycat had continued the reign of terror. One of Morton's fans had broken into Olivia's apartment and assaulted her, and she had barely blinked an eye at staying in the apartment afterwards. In spite of him catching her off guard and managing to slice her arm with a knife, she still beat the crap out of him with a huge hardback book.

She had taken that attack in stride; it just came with the job; it was not a big deal. The fact of the matter was that she had been preoccupied with Elliot's reaction to what had happened to her. Or rather, his _lack_ of reaction. He had arrived at the scene just as the EMTs were taking the perp away while another EMT attended to Olivia. All he had said was 'you sure beat the crap out of him'. He had barely looked at her, much less asked how badly she was injured or how she was doing after being attacked in her own home. He acted like it was of no concern to him that his partner's life had been in jeopardy. That, in itself, nearly killed her.

So, why was she so out of sorts over this attack? Was it because her injuries were worse? It was almost the same scenario. Someone was waiting in her apartment for her. Waiting to hurt or perhaps, even kill her. Why was this different? Why was she so frightened at the prospect of staying here, in her own home, alone? Why did she fear that at any moment her assailant would return to finish the job? Interspersed with the few vague images she recalled from last night's attack, came other images, disturbing memories four months old. Memories she was just beginning to lay to rest through intensive counseling.

Memories and images of being handcuffed and led to a dark, dank basement area battered her mind. Pulling her back to that terrifying place. To where she had volunteered to go; to where she never wanted to go ever again. But the memories had a will of their own as they dragged her back into the recesses of her mind against her will.

They were tight. The cuffs - cutting off the circulation in her hands, rubbing her skin raw, bruising her wrists. She realized they were not going to where he told he was taking her. The conversation between them played in her head, continuously looping as though it was a recording jammed on repeat.

"_The hole is over in C-block. What are we doing down here?" she asked nervously._

"_Shut up." Captain Lowell Harris growled as he pushed her down the stairway. _

"_Captain, I'm sorry. I freaked because of the outbreak, I apologize."_

"_Oh, we're way past apologies now. Now shut up and do what you're told."_

_Seeing the filthy bare mattress lying on the floor, stained with heaven only knows what, she tried to bargain with him, "No. Don't. What do you want?"_

"_What every guys wants." He grabbed her cheeks between his fingers contorting her face._

_Her voice was barely a whisper, "Oh, no, no, no, no…_

"_And you're gonna give it to me."_

She begged; she pleaded; she reasoned; all to no avail. She felt herself freefalling through the air as she was shoved and thrown facedown onto the nasty mattress. When she bounced from the force, she used the momentum to struggle to stand up even though her hands and arms were useless, restrained behind her. She kicked and screamed and fought against the rough hands that jerked her up and slammed her against the cold concrete wall as he pushed against her from behind. Screaming like she had never screamed before, she still couldn't drown out the cold, evil voice that hissed into her ear.

The sudden flow of ice cold water running over her body, snapped her back to the here and now. Shivering, she reached to turn the shower off, grabbed a fluffy white towel and wrapped it around her dripping body and another one around her head. Her heart was racing and she had to consciously slow her breathing in order to avoid hyperventilating.

The air conditioner vent was just above her, blowing on her wet, damp body and she was freezing, so she hurriedly dried off and dressed. Opting for long light blue track pants and a navy blue NYPD tee shirt, she dried her hair. Looking into the mirror she noticed the bruises along her jaw and the knot at her temple that had a slight cut in the middle of it. Her left eye was slightly blue beneath it and she hoped it didn't spread or get any darker. Pulling her hair up she saw the small shaved area where they had stitched the wound just below the part of her hair on the left side. She was glad it wasn't that noticeable with the longer strands hanging over it. Sighing, she straightened the bathroom counter and then picked up her dirty clothing and wet towels.

After checking the locks yet again, she wandered aimlessly through the apartment, looking in the frig four or five times before talking out loud to herself. "Come on, Benson. What? You think something is going to magically appear if you keep opening the door?" She shook her head and sighed, grabbing a bottle of water.

She put the load of laundry that had been sitting on top of the washer for days in the machine and folded the load of towels and cloths in the dryer. Her head was beginning to hurt worse and she knew she should rest, but she just didn't do 'nothing' very well and resting constituted nothing in her book. She made a horrible patient. She needed to stay busy.

Maybe a glass of wine would relax her enough to rest, she thought, but when she looked in the cabinet, she remembered she had used the last of it when she made that homemade spaghetti sauce two weeks ago for Elliot and the kids. She never cooked and had no idea what had possessed her to do that. Maybe she was trying to be like Kathy. It was pretty good and everyone complimented her on it. She smiled thinking about that night and how she loved being a part of a family, even if it were only for a little while. Okay, enough of this. It would only serve to depress her.

She checked the time constraints on the prescription and found that she could take another pill if she wanted. It also said that Tylenol with Codeine should be taken with meals or with milk, but not with alcohol. Guess it was a good thing that wine was gone. But she really didn't have anything to cook and wasn't hungry at all. She knew she should eat something. That was probably part of why her head was hurting so bad. Maybe she could call for take-out. She decided instead to drink her bottle of water and listen to some music. That might relax her and ease the pain in her head even without the medication.

Her CD collection varied widely from classic rock like the Beatles and Stones, to pop like Peter, Paul and Mary, John Denver to the Eagles, REO Speedwagon and Bread to Josh Groban, Reba McEntire and Vince Gill. She pulled out Anne Murray's Greatest Hits, deciding she was in the mood for wallowing in her misery over her relationship, or lack thereof, with Elliot and Anne Murray had plenty of songs about relationships gone south.

Hitting the play button, she padded to the couch, grabbed her blanket and settled back to listen. The first words from 'You Needed Me' were barely out of Anne Murray's mouth before Olivia felt hot tears burning her eyelids.

_I cried a tear_

_You wiped it dry_

_I was confused_

_You cleared my mind_

_I sold my soul_

_You bought it back for me_

_And held me up and gave me dignity_

_Somehow you needed me._

She wiped the tears from her face and took a swig of water from the bottle. This was what Elliot had done for her…that is before he started confusing her…or she confused herself with all these feelings she had for him. The song continued.

_You gave me strength_

_To stand alone again_

_To face the world_

_Out on my own again_

She had put the song on repeat and during the third time around she thought she heard something. Even as low as it was turned, the music almost drowned out the soft knock at the door. She paused, wiped her eyes again and listened hard.

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

She jumped up to the hammering of her heart. She knew who was at the door. She had no doubt. Looking through the security glass proved her intuition was correct. Elliot. Running a shaky hand through her hair, she wished she had put on makeup and something a little less sloppy. Oh, what did it matter? He's seen her at her very worst. Probably worse than her worst. She unlatched all the locks and opened the door.

_You put me high upon a pedestal_

_So high that I could almost see eternity_

_You needed me_

_You needed me_

There stood Elliot in light colored jeans full of holes and ragged at the hem. His lime green tee shirt molded snuggly against his check. In his hands, he held two plastic sacks and judging from the aroma, they contained Italian food.

"Hey," he smiled a closed lip smile. He seemed nervous and unsure of himself. Totally not Elliot.

"Hey," her voice was quiet and she couldn't hold his gaze. She wondered what he was doing there after she had told him to get out of her hospital room and that she did not want to see him.

_And I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true_

_I needed you and you were there_

_And I'll never leave, why should I leave_

_I'd be a fool_

_'Cause I've finally found someone who really cares_

The words of the song drifted from the living room and Elliot made a note of them. "Uh…thought you might be up for a decent meal by now, he held the bags up and motioned toward the apartment with his head.

"And you don't think I'm capable of making myself a decent meal? Is that what you're saying?" she bit her cheeks to keep from smiling.

The anger she still held slipped away at the crushed look on his face and she decided she would deal with it later. Right now she was going to enjoy a meal with her best friend.

"Smell's like Moretti's. Is it? You _know_ how I love Moretti's," she took h old of one of the bags and pulled it open.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he dared to grin now that he realized she had been teasing him, "Yea…it's Moretti's and yes, I _do_ know you love Moretti's."

"Well, you are in luck…Moretti's is your ticket in," she threw the door open and held it for him to come inside.

_You held my hand_

_When it was cold_

_When I was lost_

_You took me home_

_You gave me hope_

_When I was at the end_

"I got you that grilled chicken breast stuffed with the chesses that you like," he pulled a Styrofoam container form the bag and opened it.

"Pollo Rosa Maria. Mmmm…smells so good. I wasn't even hungry but now I think I could eat all of this!" she opened the other contain and found it was not the chicken. Then she noticed the handwriting on the side of the box – 'Sirloin Marsala'. "This is yours, " she poked him with her elbow.

"And I got those zucchini things…zucchini fritte," he spoke with an exaggerated Italian accent and she smiled at him, "and the grilled bruschette."

"What, no dessert?" she pouted.

He laughed out loud. "You think you really need a dessert, Liv?"

"Hey, watch it, buster. You're treading on thin ice," she shook her index finger at him.

"That's about the only _thin_ thing around her," he teased.

At this her eyes went wide, her mouth fell open and she playfully pulled his right arm up behind his back "Take it back, Stabler! Take it back!"

"Owww! Hey, hey, hey! Is that anyway to treat someone who brought you Sogno di Cioccolata a.k.a. the 'Chocolate Dream'," he made air quotes with his free hand and looked over his shoulder at her.

He knew Olivia's weakness was chocolate and this was a rich fudge brownie brushed with Kahlua, crowned with chocolate mousse, whipped cream and chocolate sauce. He also hoped it would give him an edge in acquiring some extra points toward getting back in her good graces. He wished he could just tell her whatever she needed to hear to convince her how much he cared…okay…how much loved her. But, for now, the chocolate would have to suffice.

"Oh, Elliot! I might have to eat that first! I can't believe you thought of it," she laughed, looking at him with wonder that he did know her so well.

"Couldn't forget the sweets for my sweet, now could I?" The words were out of his mouth before he had time to think about them.

Suddenly, the easygoing banter and relaxed atmosphere changed so quickly, his head spun. They looked at each other, neither knowing what to say, so they said nothing. And Anne Murray continued singing as though everything were normal.

_And turned my lies_

_Back into truth again_

_You even called me friend_

_You needed me_

_You needed me_

Finally, Olivia found her voice, "Uh…will you get the plates down, please? I'll be right back."

She breathed a sigh of relief to be away from him for just a moment. He had called her 'my sweet'. She nearly fell over at the shock that shot through her. She needed space and it was kind of hard to get in her small living quarters. So, she had come into the living room to turn off the stereo and that stupid song that she had playing over and over. You needed me? Obviously, he did not need her. She took several minutes going through her CD collection before she found a violin and piano instrumental CD and put it in the player. At least that would be innocuous. No words to stir up fragile emotions. She headed back to the kitchen where she found Elliot had set out two plates, silverware and poured some wine, which he had also brought.

The meal started off in an uncomfortable silence, but then Elliot made some smart comment about now he remembered why he hated junior high. Olivia had started laughing and then they shared some of their junior high experiences and before long they were talking and laughing like the good friends they were.

They had moved into the living room and were sitting on the couch, sipping wine. Olivia had curled up on the end and Elliot took a seat in the middle, beside her, but not touching. He filled her in on the investigation, expect for his and Jake's visit to Peter. He knew she would know about it sooner or later, but things were going good between them and he didn't want to ruin their dinner. He didn't want her to know just yet that her date was a suspect. She told him what she had begun to remember about the attack. To their amazement two and half hours had passed.

Looking at his watch, Elliot asked, "Are you tired? Do you want to rest…I probably should leave…" he started.

"No!" Olivia exclaimed then tried to cover the outburst. "I mean, it's not that late…and I…I slept five hours this afternoon…don't leave…not yet…please," she asked, her voice lowering at the last phrase.

Elliot looked into her dark brown eyes, reading what she was trying not to say. She looked away but he saw it. The fear. She was afraid. He would stay for as long as she wanted.

"Okay…" he stretched, cocking his head from one side to the other then settling with his left arm around Olivia.

She leaned into him, "Want to watch something? I can put on a DVD or we can just watch TV," she looked up at him.

"It's ten o'clock…you mind if I check the score for the ball game?" he asked even as he leaned across her and picked up the remote.

"Playing the Braves, right? We should have been watching it," she told him.

They caught the last two innings and by the time the game was over, he thought Olivia was asleep because she was leaning heavily on him her head on his shoulder. He gently tried to extricate himself from her and she moved.

"Where are you going?" she asked, smiling at him.

"It's almost midnight, Liv. I need to go," he brushed her hair from her face, taking in her beauty.

"Oh…well, if you have to go…" she trailed off, looking away from him.

"Listen, Liv…if you're afraid to stay…" the minute he said it he knew his choice of words was wrong.

"I'm not afraid, Elliot," she snapped.

"I…I didn't mean…I just…if you'd feel better with me staying, I will…I mean…gosh, Liv, you were attacked in your own home and…"

"Elliot, I'm fine. Come on," she stood and headed for the door.

"Okay…" he kissed her temple where the knot was and hugged her to him. "Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, El," she kissed his cheek and started to close the door.

He turned back, his hand holding the door open, and leaning close to her, he whispered, "Liv…I _still_ need you. I always will."

Midnight. He thought the man would never leave. Dropping the cigarette butt, he ground it out as he leaned back into the darkness of the doorway and watched as the man left the building. He had expected it to be her partner, not the captain spending time with her. And he _really_ thought there would have been a protective detail on her apartment but apparently the NYPD did not think he was much of a danger. He chuckled to himself. The NYPD didn't know him very well at all. Not at all.

eoeoeoeo


	16. Cautiously

**Chapter 16 – Cautiously**

**Street Outside of Benson Residence • Thursday, August, 28th • 11:55 p.m.**

Elliot stood by the door of his car with both hands resting on the top of it as he leaned over, his head hanging between his arms arguing with himself over whether or not to march back up to Olivia's and insist that she let him sleep on the couch, in the recliner or even the floor. He wouldn't care where he slept or _if_ he slept as long as he could be close at hand for her if she needed him. He knew she was scared…no, not scared. She was terrified. He saw it in her eyes; fear so strong, so thick it permeated the air around them. Even if he had not been able to read it in her face, he saw the gun she had on the end table. Then when she thought he was not looking, she quickly moved it out of sight, slipping it under the cushion of the couch. But the fact that she had it out in close proximity was simply proof of what he already knew. She was afraid.

Slowly, he turned and looked up at her window. It was dark and for a moment he thought she had turned out the lights and gone to bed, but then remembered the plywood covering the missing glass. He doubted she had turned off any of the lights, let alone all of them. Releasing a heavy sigh, he wiped the sweat from his forehead and shook his head at his thoughts. She would never allow him back up there, if for no other reason than she was unwilling to admit her fear or be seen as actually needing someone. She would especially not want to be seen as weak or needy to him.

He knew what she would be thinking. She's a cop, sworn to uphold laws and protect the citizens of this city. No way did she need protection. Yea, that was exactly what she was thinking, but he also knew she was wrong. He looked up at the window again, opened his car door and slid into the seat. He cranked the car and sat there another long moment still contemplating whether or not to go back up there and demand to be let in. No. He should just go home. It was late. He pulled out and headed up the street

The man crossed over to the adjoining building careful to be well behind Elliot's car when he did. Pretending to enter that building he waited in the darkness of the doorway. When would this guy leave, he wondered? It seemed to take forever but at last he heard the engine come to life. As soon as Elliot pulled off, he made his way to Olivia's building. Stopping at some bushes between the two buildings, he reached in and pulled out a small zippered tool bag. It took only seconds to pick the lock and enter. Making his way up the stairs, he patted the sides of his light jacket, feeling that the other items he would need were still secure in his pockets.

**Benson Residence • Friday, August, 29th • 12:01 a.m.**

Olivia really did not want Elliot to leave. She tried not to show her disappointment when he walked to the door with barely a fight at all. For once she wished he would be his stubborn, insistent, arrogant self and just tell her he was staying and she would just have to get over it. She saw the hesitation in his eyes and she knew he knew she was afraid. She also sensed that for some reason he was trying to let her make the call in this situation.

Knowing it was the only way she would get any sleep, she decided to take her pain meds. There was no use staying up all night waiting for an intruder who was most likely not about to strike two nights in a row. Not many people would be that stupid.

Just as she was about to take the medicine she noticed her cell phone on the kitchen counter showed four missed calls. Checking it she saw one from Cragen and three from Jake, two earlier in the evening and the last one being just a few minutes ago. His message asked her to please call him no matter what time.

"Zoumberis."

"Hey, it's me."

"Liv. Hey. How are you feeling?"

"Uh…okay. Still have a headache. Tired. I was about to take a pain med and hit the sack. How about you?"

"I'm good…made it to work today. I was starting to get worried when I didn't hear from you."

"I'm sorry. I had the phone on vibrate when I was sleeping this afternoon. Later I left it in the kitchen and never heard it."

"Want to hear about the investigation?"

"I already know. Elliot filled me on everything."

"Oh…when did you talk with him?"

"He came by with dinner and hung out for awhile."

"That's good. I mean that…he…uh…brought you dinner. Guess he had to stick around to make sure you ate, too, huh?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She felt anger creeping up on her that he was trying to insinuate something else.

"Nothing…I don't know…I just figured he'd want to make sure you ate and didn't just chuck it in the frig or the trash." There had to be something more going on between her and the captain.

"Believe me, I ate. It was Moretti's." She decided it was too late to get mad and start an argument over nothing.

He laughed. "I've only known you a short time yet I know you'd never pass that up." Yea…definitely more here than meets the eye. He just knew it. Captains don't normally cater to their charges like this.

She chuckled quietly, "Never, is right. Well, I'm gonna go. Glad you're better, too, Jake. We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, 'night, Liv."

"Goodnight, Jake."

Closing the phone, she laid it on the counter again and picked up the prescription bottle. The pill slid down her throat with a swig of water before she remembered it should not be taken with alcohol. Well, she only had three glasses of wine and the last one was nearly two hours ago. Should be fine, she thought. Checking the locks again, she turned out all the lights except for the small reading lamp in the living room, took the handgun from underneath the couch cushion and went to her bedroom.

The gun gripped tightly in her right hand, she pulled the covers up to her waist and closed her eyes. Lying there she thought of the evening again and how much she enjoyed just being with Elliot. Then the thought of him with Jessica popped into her head. She did her best to push it to the back of her mind. He had told her before that he was not interested in Jessica. Right. Okay. So, why did he go to dinner with her? She forced herself to quit thinking along that line and instead remembered how sweet it was of him to bring her dinner. And from Moretti's. She could hear him calling her 'my sweet' and she found herself smiling at the memory. She wished he would make a move to take their relationship to a new level. She wished she knew for sure he wanted to, that she knew for sure how he felt about her. About them. If there even was a 'them'. How she wished he had stayed. She would feel so much better knowing he was out there on the couch ready to defend her if necessary. Glancing at her alarm clock right before she dozed off, she saw it was 12:10 a.m. Eyes heavy with fatigue, wine and medication she finally gave in to the beckoning of sleep.

Positioning himself several feet from her door, he waited. He would give her another fifteen minutes before he attempted to enter. He stood outside of her apartment and listened. No sound. No movement. A soft light streamed from under the door. Satisfied that she had gone to bed, he began to pick the two locks, slowly, quietly. Once the two locks were undone, he was still for several minutes to be certain there was no indication that he had been heard. Cautiously opening the door, he saw that the chain was indeed latched. He pulled two washcloths and a now flattened roll of duct tape from his jacket taping one cloth to the doorjamb just below the chain and the other to the door just below the chain. He hoped the washcloths would provide a decent buffer to the metal chain falling against the door and jamb when he cut it.

**Streets of Manhattan • Friday, August, 29th • 12:22 a.m.**

Unable to shake the feeling of unease at leaving her alone, Elliot turned the vehicle around and started back for Olivia's. He was almost to his apartment when he realized he simply could not leave her alone to spend the rest of the night with fear gnawing at her. The same parking place he had left less than thirty minutes ago was still empty and he slipped the car into the space. Heading for the building he realized he had no way in unless someone else came out. He was not about to call Olivia to have her buzz him up. If he could make it as far as her door, she would be more likely to let him in and if not, then he fully intended to take up guard outside of it. In frustration, he pulled at the door, amazed when it opened. Frowning as he wondered about it, he shrugged and headed for the third floor.

**Benson Residence • Friday, August, 29th • 12:25 a.m.**

The snap of the metal as the cutters easily went through the chain of the door was not as loud as he feared. The cloths also cut the sound of the falling pieces of chain. Still, he paused long enough to be sure it was safe to proceed inside. Pushing the door to but not closing it completely, he stepped into her apartment.

He reached for the gun in his jacket pocket. This time there wouldn't be a struggle. This time he would make sure he finished what he came to do last night. This time he would pick up where he left off nine years ago.

Looming above her, he grabbed her biceps and jerked her up bringing her close to his face. 'You're gonna give me what I want,' his voice was evil, menacing and sent shivers of panic rushing down her spine.

His hands were rough, bruising, sliding over her in places she never gave him permission to touch and she could do nothing, absolutely nothing to stop him. The fear that she, Detective Olivia Benson, was helpless, totally defenseless against this man, overwhelmed her. Slamming her against the wall, he laughed as she screamed. And screamed and screamed.

Elliot had just reached her door and saw that it was not closed. His heart pounding ferociously, he pulled his gun from his side and cautiously began to enter the apartment. Every nerve in his body was on high alert, teetering on edge, waiting. Just as he took his first step he heard her scream. It took only seconds to reach her bedroom. From the moonlight shining through the lace window curtains, he could make out two forms. She was on her knees in the bed, her arms extended in front of her. The second form was standing near the foot of her bed with arms also extended. It was then that he realized that Olivia and the other person both held guns.

"NYPD! Freeze!" Elliot shouted, surprised that he was able to make a sound.

The standing form turned filling the silence with a shot and barreled toward Elliot. Olivia fired toward the form as it moved away from her. Crashing against the wall by the door, Elliot never got off a shot as the form ran past him and out of the apartment. Realizing his arm just below his right shoulder was stinging he reached up to touch it. Warm, wet stickiness clung to his hand. Shot? He'd been shot before and it hurt a whole lot more than this. He didn't have time to process this just yet. He needed to take care of Olivia.

He jumped to his feet, the gun still in his hand as he felt for the wall switch and turned on the bedroom light. Should he go after the intruder? Should he check on Olivia first? Who was he kidding? He knew he was going to see if she was all right before he did anything. After those bloodcurdling screams he was sure she must be injured.

She was still on her knees, gun extended, and eyes wide and unseeing as though she were in a deep trance. She did not move.

"Liv?" he called her name quietly as he cautiously took a step toward her. He realized she was traumatized and was uncertain what she might do if she thought he were the intruder. He needed to get that gun from her.

She stared straight ahead, her eyes glued to the doorway through which her assailant had disappeared. Elliot took another hesitant step toward her. "Liv? It's me, babe. Give me the gun, okay? Just give it to me."

If she heard him, she gave absolutely no indication that she comprehended what he said. Then it began, slowly, almost unnoticeably, the shaking of her head. Intensifying, it became faster as she began to cry out, "No. No. No. No."

Just 'give it to me'. No. She was not going to give it to him. She was not going to give into Lowell Harris's demands. Her mind was in overload. How did he find her? How did he get out of prison? Swallowing hard, she took in the room around her. The bedroom window was still closed. How did he get in? The figure she saw in her bedroom was taller than Harris. Thinner. She was going crazy. She was losing her mind.

Scrutinizing her from a distance, Elliot could see no outward sign of physical injury. Nothing new anyway. No blood. Taking yet another step closer, he watched her carefully, ready for any sudden move.

Deciding to close the distance and attempt to take the gun from her, he took another step. She whipped toward him, gun aimed straight at chest. "Don't come any closer! I'm not giving you anything! You have no right!" her eyes were wild and he could see the sheen of perspiration upon her cheeks and chin.

Elliot's eyes were wide now, with surprise, concern and maybe a touch of fear, "Okay, okay, Liv." He held his hands up in surrender. "Look…I'm laying my gun down, okay." He slowly lowered his right hand, squatted and laid the gun on the floor.

Confused by her words as well as her behavior, Elliot took a minute to regroup and decide what his next course of action should be. He truly had no idea what was going on in her mind.

"Okay…I put my gun down," he gradually stood and stepped away from the gun. "Now it's your turn, Liv. Put the gun down, okay?"

She stared at him for a long time before shaking her head and then readjusted the grip she had on the gun in her hand.

Eyes never leaving hers, he spoke again. "Liv…I need to call 911 and SVU. I'm going to unclip my cell phone from my belt." He moved at a snail's pace to reach the phone. He flipped it open. "I'm calling Munch first, okay?" Dialing the speed number for John, he held the phone in clear view so she would not think he was doing something that might cause her to pull the trigger.

He was beginning to realize this was much more than shock. She was mixing up the traumatic events that had interrupted her life in the last few months.

"Munch?" She frowned and her eyes narrowed, but her hand never wavered, the gun trained upon him.

"Yea, Munch," Elliot saw the flicker of recognition in her eyes. "Munch and Fin." Pick up the phone, he shouted silently at Munch.

"Fin?" She broke her gaze with him, just for a few seconds.

"Munch…I need you and Fin to get over to Olivia's ASAP. No…no…she's…uh…she's not hurt. I'll explain when you get here. Call Jake and CSU and get a bus." Elliot's eyes stayed on Olivia as he spoke with Munch in a very subdued voice.

Flipping the phone closed, he clipped it back on his belt, taking care to move easily, he spoke so softly it was barely more than a whisper. "Liv…baby, please put the gun down, okay?"

"Munch and Fin?" He spoke so softly. "Jake?" This man standing in her bedroom had called her 'baby'. Her arms began to shake uncontrollably and at last she lowered the gun until it fell and bounced on the bed. She fell to her knees sitting back on her heels as tears began streaming down her face.

"Elliot? Elliot!" Her voice cracked as it whispered his name. Oh, God! I almost shot you! I almost…I…I…could have…"

"No, Liv! You didn't shoot me!" He was at her side in a split second, catching her as she threw herself into his arms, clinging to him.

He held her for a long time, rocking her, placing gentle kisses on the top of her head, her temple, her forehead.

"El?"

"Yea, babe."

"I…I thought…I thought you were…Harris…I thought you were…were going to…r-ra…"

"Shh, shh…we'll talk later, okay. Just know you are safe now, Olivia. You are safe."

He felt her release a heavy breath against him as she relaxed and molded herself to him. He was now completely and officially worried about her and her state of mind.

She never wanted to leave the safety of his arms or the warmth of his body against hers. Wanting to look into his eyes, she finally pulled away and at almost the same time they heard Munch call out.

"Elliot? Olivia?"

"In here," Elliot held her at arms length looking at her to be sure she was okay.

Looking down at her sticky left hand she was horrified to see it was covered in blood. For the first time she noticed Elliot. His shirt was torn just below the right shoulder and it was saturated in blood.

Her voice trembling, she reached out and pulled him to her, "El, I did shoot you. Oh, El…I'm…I'm sorry…is it bad? Munch! Elliot needs a doctor!"

"The jerk shot me…not you, Liv. Not you. I'm fine. It's just a flesh wound…barely stings," he assured her.

Munch was beside them now, Fin right behind him. Munch pulled at the fabric of Elliot's shirt to see the wound. "That needs to be looked at, Captain." He motioned an EMT from the living room.

Turning to Olivia he asked how she was doing. She told him fine. He knew otherwise but squeezed her shoulder and shifted his attention to questioning Elliot while the tech began assessing his injury.

CSU had arrived and they began to process the scene. Fin knelt beside Olivia as she sat on the end of the bed watching Elliot in the chair by the wall as the EMT cleaned his wound. "You okay, girl?" he asked gently, concern filling his dark features.

She looked away from Elliot into Fin's deep brown eyes searching hers and shook her head. "I…I thought El…was…was Harris," she whispered to him, tears pooling in her eyes.

Nodding slowly, he patted her right knee and wondered what on earth they were going to do to get Olivia back to normal. He wasn't even sure any of them had any idea what normal entailed anymore.

Looking back at Elliot, he lifted his head and their eyes met. He smiled at her…that beautiful smile of his, and the tears spilled out and over the edges and began their way down her face. She could not believe she almost shot him. She would never have been able to live with herself if she had. The guilt she felt right now at _almost_ hurting him was suffocating. She needed space. Distance. She needed to get away for a while. She was so confused.

eoeoeoeoeoeo


	17. Crushed

**A/N: A/N: Hope you guys are still with me...I know I have been slow about updating. ****Last week my two indoor cats got out and I spent hours searching the fields, woods and close by neighborhoods for them. One of them came back two days later but the other one was gone for almost a week! A neighbor about a half mile away recognized him from the flyers we put out. We just got him back and I am so thankful!! So, I have been able to concentrate on writing again! I must admit I am wondering if the audience for this story is still there. I haven't gotten as many reviews as I normally do. I do rely on you guys to let me know whether or not I am writing a decent story or getting off track. Thanks to those of you who are so faithful to review. Hope everyone has a truly wonderful Thanksgving! " ) Bensler**

**-----------**

**Chapter 17 – Crushed**

**Stabler Residence • Friday, August, 29th • 2:05 a.m.**

Gripping a small duffle bag in her hands, she stood undecidedly at the doorway. "Elliot, I shouldn't even be here, let alone displacing you from your own bed," her voice was quiet, yet pleading.

"Liv, you are not staying alone. Not tonight, not any night until we catch the creep that attacked you," Elliot keyed into his apartment and held the door open for Olivia.

"Okay, but let me take the couch…" she argued still standing in the hallway.

"You are taking my bed. End of discussion. I sleep on the couch more often than not, so, I don't want to hear any more about it," he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the apartment.

Her eyes went wide and her mouth fell open. He realized too late that given her state of mind and the trauma she had just experienced, he probably needed to be very careful about how he touched her, "Sorry. Try to relax, okay? It's just me, Liv. It's just me."

She nodded slightly, speaking so softly he had to strain to hear her, "Okay."

He closed and locked the door behind them. He watched her for a moment, wishing he had something profound to say.

"I'll just be a minute. Make yourself at home. You know where everything is, if you want a drink or something," he crossed the room to the hall linen closet and found a clean set of sheets and proceeded to the bedroom.

She stood in the living room still clutching her bag, looking around at the familiar surroundings. There were pictures of the kids adorning the walls – school pictures, family vacations, a grouping of black and white portraits that Lizzie had shot while taking a photography class. A blue and green plaid blanket was piled at one end of Elliot's brown couch, a bed pillow beside it. He _did_ sleep on the couch, she thought. His gray and navy blue Nike running shoes were beside the beige recliner. A bowl with leftover popcorn sat on the end table with two soda cans. She vaguely wondered if he drank both or did one belong to someone else.

"Liv?" He could not believe she was still just standing there holding her bag.

Elliot's voice broke into her thoughts and she turned to face him, but said nothing. He smiled and she tried to return it with one of her own, but she knew it was plastic and she knew he knew it, too.

"You…uh…want some tea…it'll only take a minute…" he motioned toward the kitchen.

Shaking her head, she declined the offer, "No. Thank you, but it's really late and I just want to go to bed."

Taking the bag from her, he led her to his bedroom. He placed the bag on the freshly made bed at the foot of it, "The bathroom is right there," he pointed to the door on the other side of the bed. "The towels and washcloths are in the linen closet behind the door."

She stood quietly, nodding her head. She had never been in his bedroom. An unexplained awkwardness filled the air. Was it because they were standing in his bedroom and she was about to crawl into his bed? Even it was without him? Was it because she was suddenly afraid of him simply because he was a man, the same species as her attacker and would be rapist or possibly even worse?

"Well…I'll let you get some rest. I'll be just right out there on the couch if you need anything, okay?" he squeezed her shoulder lightly as he searched her eyes.

Nodding her head, she just stood there. "Okay…well, goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, El," she whispered.

He smiled, closing the bedroom door as he went out of it. "Elliot!"

The door quickly opened again, "What is it?" he asked, alarm filling his features.

"Uh…would…you…uh…leave the door opened a little…please?" she asked as she twirled a strand of hair between her fingers.

"Oh…uh…sure. Sure, no problem," he was surprised, but then again she had been through an awful lot the last two nights.

Stabler Residence • Friday, August, 29th • 4:17 a.m.

If she knew how often he really did sleep on the couch and why, she would find him utterly pathetic, he thought as he lay there. But he found the king sized bed to be overkill for one person serving only to remind him he was alone and of his lack of a meaningful relationship with a woman. Not just any woman, but Olivia. Besides, on the outside chance that this creep knew she was with him and was determined to get to her, he would have to get through Elliot first.

Sleep eluded him at first, and when he did doze, it was lightly, his ears perking up at every unusual sound, just waiting for Olivia to cry out, scream or something. The last time he remembered looking at the digital clock on the DVR, it was 3:11 a.m. In his dream someone had come to sit on the floor by the side of the couch, draping their arm across him and laying their head against his side. He could not see her face but he knew it was Olivia. He would know her anywhere.

Shifting and trying to pull the cover further up his body, he realized someone _was_ nearby and the cover would not budge. The clock now read 4:03 a.m. Looking down he was now aware that his dream was not a dream after all. Olivia was seated on the floor, her right arm wrapped around his waist, her head against the side of his bare chest. She could not possibly be comfortable like this. He gently nudged her.

"Liv…Liv, wake up," he brushed away her hair that was tickling his chest and ran his fingers over her left cheek.

Stirring at last, she mumbled incoherently at first, "Mmmm…Elliot…don't…leave…"

"I'm right here. Come on, get up here," he sat up, tenderly pulling at her to sit beside him.

Wiping the sleep from her eyes, she covered a yawn with the back of her hand, "Oh, El…I'm sorry. I…I didn't mean to wake you…I just…I was…I…uh…I didn't…" She tried to get up. "I'll go back to the bed…"

He held her tight, "No. You came in here for a reason. Come on, just lay back against me."

Because he knew Olivia Benson better than himself, he knew something had frightened her whether it was a noise, a thought, a dream. There was no way he could or would send her back to the bedroom to fend for herself against her adversaries, real or imagined. Especially, since there was apparently a very real one lurking out there somewhere who seemed hell bent on harming her. Or worse.

Propping the pillow in the corner, he stretched his left leg along the length of the couch, the right resting on the floor and pulled her between his legs, her back to his chest. Offering no resistance, she stretched out and snuggled against him. Wrapping his arms around her, she put hers over them and held him to her, linking her fingers with his. He brought his right leg over hers and before he could think of anything else to say, he felt her relax, heard her soft breathing and knew she was asleep. If he never moved from this position, he would die a happy man with her lying in his arms. Kissing the top of her head, he breathed in the scent of her conditioner, reveling in awe that she was allowing him to hold her in his arms, comfort her and just be near her.

**SVU Squad Room • Friday, August, 29th • 11:45 a.m.**

Elliot had called in a protective detail to sit on his apartment before he left for work. Managing to extricate himself from Olivia, he eased her to the couch without waking her. He had already told her she would obey the doctor's orders to take a few days off. Monday was a holiday and though she and Jake were scheduled off the weekend and then on call for the holiday, Elliot had Munch and Fin take the holiday, too. Astonishingly, she had not resisted his order, so he was surprised when she showed up at the precinct.

"Thanks for letting me crash at your place, but I'm going back home…" she had come into his office to talk to him and let him know what she had decided.

Looking her over, he noticed the navy stripes in her tee shirt matched the dark denim of her jeans. Her hair was still slightly damp so he knew she was not long out of the shower. She appeared rested and he was glad she was able to sleep at least a little bit.

"No. You don't need to be alone and I…" he began but she cut him off.

"I saw the detail, Elliot. Put them at my place. It's no different. You weren't with me today; you trusted them. You can't baby-sit me 24/7. I want to be at my own home, okay?" she looked at him with those huge brown eyes and there was no way to resist. And she did make sense.

Wanting to ask her _why_ he couldn't be with her 24/7, he thought better of it, looked her over and then nodded his head, "Okay…if that's what you want. But, I'd feel a lot better if you stayed with me."

"You've got the kids and I want to go home," she pointed out. "I'll be over some this weekend…that is…if you want me to…but I'll feel better in my own home, okay?"

"Okay. Okay, I'll switch the detail," he smiled. "And of course, I want you to come over."

"Thanks," she smiled back and headed out.

Stopping by Jake's desk on the way out, she leaned against it as they talked. Elliot watched through the blinds, the stab of jealously quick and sharp as he saw her smile and laugh with her partner. _He_ was her partner. He would _always_ be her partner. Not Jake. He shook his head and forced himself to look away.

"How are you feeling?" she touched her own head where Jake's had been injured.

"Like I was hanging upside down on the roller-coaster at Coney Island while it was in motion," he joked and they both laughed.

She was still laughing when she told him, "I know exactly what you mean."

"Actually, I feel pretty good…still a little sore, but the headache is gone," he smiled.

"That's good to hear," she smiled back and sighed.

"So, you doing all right?" Jake asked, looking up at her.

She glanced at him but then her eyes fell to the floor as she nodded, "Yea…I'm okay. It's been a rough couple of nights…but I'm okay."

"I should have had your back, Liv…I'm sor…" he was interrupted before he could say it.

Turning quickly to face him while shaking her head, she put her fingers to his lips, "No. Don't say it. This was _not_ your fault, Jake."

"But I should have…"

"What? What should you have done? We were attacked from behind in my apartment. There's nothing either of us could have done, okay?" she leaned over his desk, both arms extended to hold her up as she bored holes in his eyes. "It's not your fault."

Their eyes locked for several long seconds, green and brown, before he finally nodded and looked away, bending and unbending a paperclip on his desk. She pushed off from the desk and now stood beside it looking down at his fingers playing with the clip.

"CSU found a tool bag with some metal cutters in it. We're hoping for a print or something," his voice was tentative, yet eager to give her some hope about them catching this guy.

"Really? Yea…maybe they will find something," she nodded, but he could tell her mind was running ninety to nothing wondering about this piece of evidence.

"You think it could be Delgado?" Jake held the paperclip in midair and looked up at her.

"Mmmm…I really don't think so…I mean, he just doesn't seem the type to do something like this, you know?" Her thoughts turned to the Delgado girls and all that she suspected Delgado _was_ guilty of doing. Involuntarily, she shuddered as a chill swept over her.

They talked a bit longer and before she left she made a fleeting look toward Elliot's office. His eyes met hers and they both smiled. She threw him a slight wave before leaving.

Olivia had not been gone long when Fin came into the squad room waving a report, "Hey, that tool bag that CSU found outside of Olivia's apartment building? The metal cutters have some kind of number engraved on them. Turns out they sort of a brand that some companies put on their tools to keep employees from stealin' 'em."

Elliot was at the coffee table getting a refill and asked, "Know what company?"

"Yea…Commercial & Industrial Fencing & Cable in Albany," he told them as he looked at Jake and the others turned their eyes upon him as well.

"Albany?" Jake frowned, wondering if this was somehow related to him instead of Olivia. That this _was_ his fault. But the assailant had attempted to attack her again last night, so she was clearly the target. Wasn't she?

"You know someone who works there, Z?" With raised eyebrows, Munch peered over his glasses.

Still puzzled over this information, Jake slowly lifted his head to face Munch, "No. No one I can think of…"

"Could be a coincidence, but I want it checked out." Elliot turned to Jake, "Feel like visiting your old stomping grounds? You and Fin take a trip…see if the company can link these particular cutters to a specific employee."

"It's a good three hour drive…I'll call to let the head honcho know we're comin' and what we need," folding the report, Fin slipped it into his jacket's inside pocket.

"We should get copies of the pictures of the cutters from CSU, too," Jake suggested.

"Good idea." Elliot looked at Munch. "You and I will keep checking for perps in Olivia's past that have made any threats."

**Commercial & Industrial Fencing & Cable, Albany NY Friday, August, 29th • 3:00 p.m**

Jake and Fin met with the general manager and the inventory control specialist of Commercial & Industrial Fencing & Cable. It only took about twenty minutes for them to run the number on the metal cutter through the inventory database and get a match.

"This cutter was issued to David Mawr, one of the installers in the cable division," Len Johnson, the inventory control specialist, informed them.

Turning to the, George Haynes, the general manager, Jake told him, "What can you tell us about him?"

Haynes pulled up a new screen on the computer at his desk and typed in Mawr's name. "He's worked for us for eleven years this November. Solid worker, no problems, good evals."

"We need to talk to Mr. Mawr." Fin was leaning against a file cabinet, his arms folded across his chest.

Haynes typed a few more things into the computer, "He's not here…works third shift."

"Then we need his home address, phone numbers," Jake met his stare.

Haynes looked back and forth between the two detectives, seeming unsure of honoring their request. Finally he nodded, hit a few more keys and the printer behind him noisily came to life and spewed the information they needed.

"You don't know this guy?" Fin threw Jake the keys to the car. Since Jake was from Albany he knew the town.

"Never heard of him," Jake told him as he cranked the car.

Twenty minutes they were pulling up to David Mawr's residence. "Decent neighborhood," Fin noted.

"Yea…looks like that might be him," Jake tipped his head toward a man on the side of the house trimming hedges with hand held shears.

The man heard the car doors slam shut and turned toward them. He was not very tall, perhaps 5'8" but he was built like a bulldog. Appeared to be in his late thirties. He was sweaty, dirty, apparently having been doing quite a bit of yard work in the hot summer sun.

Approaching him, Jake held out his badge, "Excuse me, sir. We're looking for David Mawr."

"Yea? Whatcha want?" he frowned at them, the clippers held up ready to continue their work.

"A tool that your employer says was issued to you, was used during the commission of crime in Manhattan," Jake's eyes never left Mawr's.

"Ain't been to Manhattan in years. Don't know nothin' 'bout no crime. Got a family, a good job and good home. I ain't done nothin' to mess any of that up," his voice was firm, the frown deepening.

Fin stood nodding his head, "Haynes said all employees are issued their own toolbox and tools. Mind showing us yours?"

Glaring at them, Mawr grumbled, "In my truck." He put the hedges down and went toward the beat up green truck in the driveway.

He opened the storage compartment on the truck and pulled out his toolbox. "Here you go."

Jake and Fin put on latex gloves and quickly sorted through the tools. Jake looked up at Fin and they both turned to look at Mawr.

"There are no metal cutters in here," Fin told him.

"What?" he pushed them aside and looked through the box for himself. Finding none, he scratched his head. "I don't know where they are. I used them Tuesday on a job and I know I put them back. If we loose any tools we gotta pay for them ourselves. Nearly eleven years and I ain't never lost no tool."

"Mr. Mawr, can you account for your whereabouts late Thursday evening into early Friday morning?" Jake asked.

Staring at Jake, he snorted, "Yea, I was at work. The wife's gonna kill me when she finds out I gotta buy new cutters," he slammed the lid closed on the tool box.

**Stabler Residence • Friday, August, 29th • 7:48 p.m.**

Elliot's cell rang on the kitchen counter. Lizzie picked it up and looked at the caller ID. "It says Z-o-m-b-e-r-i-s," she spelled out.

Tossing it to her dad, he caught it and answered, "Stabler."

"Hey, Captain. Just wanted to fill you in on what we found out on the trip to Albany."

Elliot listened as Jake told him about Mawr and that he was at work during the time the assault took place. He also told him that he was missing his company issued metal cutters and was not happy about it.

"Okay…well, take it easy the next couple of days. Fin and Munch are covering through Monday. Then you and Liv will be back on the streets Tuesday. Let me know if CSU comes up with anything on the case."

He closed the phone, discouraged that the lead had given them nothing. Wondering what Olivia was doing he opened the phone again. It rang and rang before going to voice mail. He left a message, just slightly concerned that she did not answer. Probably in the shower or drying her hair or something he told himself.

Lizzie had cleaned up after cooking tacos for them while Dickie and Elliot played with Eli. After dinner, Dickie had given Eli a bath and read a bedtime story to him. Now Dickie was out with some friends and Kathleen was at work until nine. Elliot saw that Dickie had forgotten to take the trash with him on his way out.

He grabbed the two overstuffed bags and headed out, "Lizzie, I'm taking the trash down…come lock the door behind me."

"Dad…you'll only be gone for a couple of minutes," Lizzie whined. She had just sat down in front of the television.

"Sweetheart, please…just humor your old man," he wrinkled his nose at her as she rolled her eyes and did as he asked.

He groaned when he rounded the corner and saw the trash chute was stuffed and several bags sitting beside it. He would have to go all the way downstairs and out back to the dumpsters. On his way back into the building he heard someone call his name.

"Elliot? Is that you?"

His head snapped toward the voice and he looked straight into the eyes of Jessica McDaniel as she and a younger version of herself came up the stoop.

"Jessica? What are you doing here?" he asked as his mind raced trying to figure out why she was at his building.

"We moved in today," she smiled.

"Moved in?" he was incredulous. How could she move into his building without him knowing about it? He opened and held the door for them.

"Yea…we're in 3G," she informed him.

"Oh…uh…4D," he replied in total shock.

"I know…saw your name on the mailbox. Figured there couldn't be that many E. Stablers in New York City," she grinned.

He stood there looking at her. "Oh, this is my daughter, Bryanna. Bry, this is Captain Stabler," Jessica smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Captain," Bryanna took Elliot's extended hand.

Elliot grinned at her, "Pleasure is mine, Byranna. Your Mom said you go to Hudson. My daughter, Kathleen, goes there. You know her?"

"No, sir, I don't think I have met her," she shook her head.

"Well, living here I'm sure the two of you will eventually meet," he smiled again at the two McDaniels. "I better be getting back upstairs." He headed for the stairway.

"You don't ride the elevator?" Jessica asked looking disappointed.

"It only works about half the time, so most of the time I just use the stairs…gives me a little bit more of a workout," he explained.

Bryanna had stepped onto the elevator and was holding it as Jessica laughed, "Yes…I can see how much of a workout you need…Captain." She winked and slipped off toward her daughter.

Her very obvious flirting unnerved Elliot. He had dated a few women when he and Kathy were separated the first time, but he was still uncomfortable with how forward a lot of them were these days. Since his divorce he simply was not interested in dating. There was only woman who held his interest. He only wanted to be with Olivia. He just wished he could muster the guts to tell her how he felt. Jessica knocked him off kilter even though he had no interest in pursuing a relationship with her.

Back in his apartment, he watched a bit of the movie Lizzie was watching. Bored with the chick flick, he called Olivia again. This time she answered on the first ring.

"Hey."

He thought she sounded glad to hear from him. "Hey. I called earlier. Was a bit worried when you didn't answer."

"Oh? Yea…I see it now. Two missed calls. Must have been when I was letting Jake in. And don't worry…your detail is still sitting right outside."

"Jake?" Jealous flooded his being as he ignored her comment about the detail.

"He came by with dinner…fried chicken. Said he had just talked with you."

"Oh…yea. I guess he told you about the trip?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"So…how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. A little tired. Thought I'd turn in soon," she told him.

Chuckling softly, he teased her, "Must be getting old, Benson. Turning in alone on a Friday night and its not even nine o'clock."

She answered him with her own chuckle, "Who said I was alone?"

"Oh…uh…well, I guess I should let you go then, huh?"

"Yea…I _really_ am tired."

"Good night, Liv."

"G'night, El."

Though he was relatively sure she was paying him back for the joke about her age, he could not help the crushed feeling that swept over him. If she were to be with someone else, it would completely devastate him. She might sleep tonight, but he doubted he would with his brain now in overdrive.

eoeoeoeo


	18. Change

**A/N: More twists and turns with more to come. I hope I am at the very least keeping you entertained enough not to spend all your time watching TV. That is, until, 10 p.m. EST...then you have my permission to pause in your reading and watch SVU's PTSD! The previews look awesome...but then again, they are always a big tease!! " ) Bensler**

**Chapter 18 – Change**

**Benson Residence • Saturday, August, 30th • 4:48 p.m.**

Olivia searched her wardrobe again trying to decide what to wear. She had not done laundry all week so her choices were limited. Elliot had called earlier to ask her to come eat with him and the kids. He said the kids kept asking about her and really wanted to see her. She had pretty much spent the day in bed, resting, just as the doctor told her to do. There had only been one dream where she fleetingly saw Harris following her in the corner grocer. She had awakened to her heart hammering violently and it took almost an hour to completely calm down and get her breathing back to normal. And that was after she checked and rechecked the locks and made sure the officers were still on guard. She had slept the rest of the afternoon without another visit from the images she had tried so hard to erase from her memory.

She still had a bit of headache but was feeling much better over all. Peaking outside her bedroom window, she saw the detail car sitting where it had been for the last two days. She knew the other officer was posted out in her hallway and though she hated the idea of them looking after her, she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of relief.

Deciding on a pair of Khaki shorts that came mid-thigh and red v-neck tee that had a beige design around the neck, she pulled them out and headed for the shower. Fifteen minutes later she was ready to go. The officer in the hallway, Lewis, according to his badge, insisted on walking her down and waiting until she hailed a cab. He checked the driver's credentials and called them in before okaying her to ride with him. She rolled her eyes at his thoroughness as she slid into the back seat. Twenty minutes later she was standing in front of Elliot's building. Dickie was sitting on the stoop waiting for her. Once again she rolled her eyes at the protectiveness she was experiencing.

"Hey, Liv!" he jumped up from his place, coming to give her a big hug.

"Your Dad making you keep guard?" she hugged him back and took his arm.

Laughing, he told her, "Well, you know Dad and well, we don't want anything else to happen to you, Liv." His voice had grown serious.

"Thanks," she smiled as they entered the building.

**Stabler Residence • Saturday, August, 30th • 5:30 p.m.**

The aroma of Chinese food filled the apartment as the kids all piled on Olivia, hugging her, laughing and talking all at once. It was the first time they had seen her since the attacks and they all wanted reassurance that she was going to be all right. Even Eli stood in his playpen squealing at her arrival.

"Okay, okay, guys. Give Liv room to breathe how about it," Elliot grinned at his kids pulling them away from Olivia one by one. He gave her a fast once over, thinking how good she looked in the red tee shirt and khaki shorts. He pulled her into a hug, "You okay?"

"Yea, I'm good," she hugged him back, disappointed when he released her so quickly.

She went to pick up Eli and he bounced excitedly as she came near. He held his chubby hands up toward her, and she picked him up, holding him close, taking in the sweet baby smell that clung to him. Elliot watched her as he opened the cartons of food. What he wouldn't give to see her with a child of her own. She would make such a fantastic mother, he thought. She was murmuring in Eli's ear and he was laughing and burying his head in her neck. Elliot wished he could take some cues from his youngest son. He grinned as he thought of her round with a child. His child. Well, before that could happen, he had to find the nerve to tell her how he really felt about her. The thought that she did not feel the same and would reject him, ruining the relationship they did have, simply immobilized him for making any kind of move or suggestion that they take it to the next level. He had to have her in his life, even if it were only as partner and best friend.

After they finished eating, Lizzie pulled out the dominoes and they spent and hour and half playing Mexican dominoes. They laughed and ragged each other and had the best time. Olivia simply loved these times with Elliot and his kids. She had never had a family growing up and she enjoyed being part of a real family, even it were only for a few hours. She loved these kids like they were her own and she knew they cared about her, too.

It was almost nine and she was getting tired and the headache was coming back a bit stronger. She leaned over to Elliot and whispered, "I'm really tired. I'm going to head home, okay?"

"I'll take you," he told her as he stood and pulled her up.

"I can just catch a cab…"

"No. I'm taking you," he insisted. "Hey, guys, I'm taking Liv home. How about you get this place in order and get Eli to bed. It's past his bedtime. Okay, gang?"

"You're coming for lunch tomorrow, right, Liv?" Kathleen asked and the others clamored about her coming, too.

"Oh…well, if it's okay with your Dad…" she looked at Elliot.

He rolled his eyes, "Like you don't already know it is more than okay with me."

The kids all hugged Olivia goodbye and she and Elliot left.

**Benson Residence • Saturday, August, 30th • 9:20 p.m.**

Elliot walked her up to her apartment. Officer Lewis was dozing, his head leaning against the wall as they approached him. Elliot kicked his chair, startling him.

"That any way to be keeping an eye on my detective, Officer Lewis?" he demanded brusquely.

Lewis jumped up, knocking the chair over, "I'm sorry, Captain, sir. I…just…I…I'm sorry. Won't happen again, sir." He stood at attention, saluting.

"El…" Olivia chided, her hand on his arm.

He gave the young officer a glare, and followed Olivia into her apartment as the officer righted the chair.

"You didn't have to shake him up like that, El," she closed the door behind them.

"Hmmph…sleeping like that? What if I'd been the guy that attacked you? He would have sailed right on by that sorry excuse for a police officer!" Elliot stormed.

"He knew I wasn't here, Elliot. I'm sure he would not have been sleeping if I had been at home," she assured him. "I've seen them several times and they have never been asleep and they check in with me every two hours like you told them."

"Well, just the same, I'm gonna call them both in for a little chat when their shift changes," he told her.

"Just don't be too hard on them, okay?" she smiled at him.

They stood just inside the door staring at each other. "I suppose I need to head on. Don't want to start any rumors about me being at your place," he grinned at her.

"Yea. Especially now that you have alienated the detail guys," she teased him.

"Right. So, you'll come for lunch tomorrow? We'll hit the eleven o'clock mass and be home by noon. So, around 1:00?" he asked.

"Sounds good," she nodded.

"Okay. See you then," he gave her a quick hug and kissed the top of her head. "Call me if you need anything, Liv…"

"I won't need anything…" she protested.

"Well, you know…if you just want to talk or something…anytime…okay?" he interrupted.

He wanted to say 'if you have a bad dream or something scares you' but he knew that would just make her mad.

She couldn't help but smile at his offer, his so apparent concern. "Okay," she agreed.

**Mawr Residence • Saturday, August, 30th • 11:15 p.m.**

David Mawr lay in bed staring at the shadows created from cars passing on the street playing across the ceiling. Something was gnawing at him and he couldn't quite place what it was. The cops showing up at his place of work and then his home had really unnerved him. He knew he had not done anything wrong, but the fact that his metal cutters were missing and had been used to commit a crime deeply bothered him.

Even though Mr. Haynes had assured him they believed him when he said he had nothing to do with the missing cutters, and they had video of him entering work at 10:45 p.m. the night of the crime, he still felt as though his reputation had been sullied and he would do whatever he could to clear his name. He kept trying to remember when he could have possibly left his tool box unsecured but simply could not remember leaving it unattended. He was extremely careful with it because the tools were so expensive. He worried about coming up with the nearly $700 for a new pair of cutters. He wondered if he could find a used a pair.

One of the detectives told him that his cutters would have to remain as evidence until they caught the suspect and the trial was over. That could be a very long time, so he knew he had to buy another pair because his job required that particular tool on a very regular basis. He would just have to tell his wife they were going to have to take the money from their Christmas savings at the credit union. He dreaded that conversation. As he drifted off to sleep, the nagging, gnawing feeling continued to pull at his mind.

**St. Cecilia's Catholic Church • Sunday, August, 31st • 12:07 p.m.**

The Stabler family having just attended mass, was leaving the church talking about what they would have for lunch and which chore each of them would be responsible for overseeing.

"I'll do anything, except don't make me brown the beef," Kathleen begged. "I hate the smell of it cooking!"

"Good, then you get to do clean up," Maureen told her.

"I'll cook the meat. That's the man's job anyway, right Dad?" Dickie asked as Elliot grinned at his son.

"Well, I will get all the stuff together for the sandwiches," Lizzie informed them all.

"Sounds like everyone is willing to chip in and do what is necessary. You guys make me proud," he smiled as he shifted Eli to his other hip.

They were having homemade chili and club sandwiches. A simple enough meal, but fulfilling. They were still bantering back and forth about who would do what when they heard someone call out to their father.

"Elliot! Elliot!"

They all turned to see a tall, beautiful, blond woman and another younger woman with her, making their way toward them. Inwardly, Elliot groaned. As they approached, she smiled and waved at them.

"Elliot, hi. What a coincidence! I didn't know you attended St. Cecelia's," she smiled.

"Hi, Jessica. Been coming here for years," he smiled back. Looking around at his children, he was more than aware of the looks that his children…or rather his girls…were giving him. Dickie seemed entranced by the beautiful woman standing in front of his father.

"Let me introduce you to my kids," he turned to them, "Guys, this is Jessica McDaniel, SVU's new ADA, and her daughter, Bryanna, who goes to Hudson." Shifting Eli again, he hugged Maureen to him, "This is Maureen, my oldest, then Kathleen," he touched her shoulder, "she goes to Hudson, too. Bryanna, I told you about her."

Kathleen glared at her father. He had told these people about her and she did not even know them? And she did not like the way the woman was looking at her father. Not at all.

"Lizzie and Dickie, the twins, and my youngest, Eli," he grinned like the proud father he was.

They all shook hands and exchanged pleasantries before settling back to scrutinize each other.

"My goodness. I didn't realize you had so many children, Elliot," the smile was plastered on her face.

"Yep. All mine," he grinned.

"Well, listen…since we live in the same complex, would you be interested in sharing lunch with us? I left the crock pot going with some homemade chicken and rice soup," Jessica offered.

"Oh…uh…well…we…uh…" he stammered, thinking about Olivia coming over.

"We are cooking chili and making sandwiches," Kathleen piped up, not wanting this woman to charm her way into taking part in their meal time.

"Oh, well, the soup would go wonderfully with the sandwiches," she smiled at Elliot. "It will give us a chance to get to know our new neighbors, too."

She was quite pushy and Elliot just did not know how to discourage her without seeming downright rude. He stood there with his mouth open but no words coming out. He didn't know what to say.

"I'll bring the soup up around one, okay?" Jessica McDaniel smiled and turned with Bryanna and walked away.

When she was gone, the girls all began their verbal chastisement of their father. "Dad! What about Olivia?" "How could you invite that floozie to lunch?" "Daddy, I don't know how you are going to explain this Liv?" "We don't even know them!" "Did you see how she was looking at you?" "She can't wait to get her hooks in you!" "Liv is going to be really upset!" "Yea, Dad, Liv's gonna go ballistic when she sees that hot woman at your place!" Even Dickie could not resist the reprimand. "Dumb move, Dad. Real dumb."

Elliot felt so sick to his stomach, he could not even think of one single comeback to any of their questions and statements. The time he had looked forward to spending with Olivia and his kids now loomed before him like a sentence; a punishment for an unworthy deed. Now he dreaded the clock striking one o'clock.

**Stabler Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 12:57 p.m.**

Dickie was waiting on the stoop to escort Liv up again. He kept thinking he should warn her about Jessica, but he could not think of a good way to do it. Besides, it was his Dad's mess. Still, he really like Olivia and he just could not bear the thought of her walking into the apartment and being totally blindsided.

"Hey, Liv!"

"Hey, Dickie!" She paid the cabbie and he drove off.

Dickie held the door to the building for her. "Uh…Liv…did Dad call you?" He heard his Dad tell Maureen he would call Liv.

"No. Why?" she asked, puzzled.

"Uh…well…we…uh…sort of have some extra company for lunch," he stammered, unable to meet her eyes.

Looking at him quizzically, she smiled, "Who?"

He opened the door to the apartment as Olivia turned to him and asked again, "Who?"

They stepped in and it took only seconds for her eyes to find Jessica McDaniel standing in Elliot's kitchen, a spoon in her hand, stirring something in a crock pot as she laughed at something Elliot had said that was apparently irresistibly funny. She felt the smile freeze on her face as her stomach plummeted and her heart began to race. The smell of chili and something else assaulted her senses bringing with it a sudden queasiness. A silence fell upon the apartment as the girls all turned and saw Olivia just standing there. Elliot, aware of the change in the ambiance of the room, looked up and seeing her, quickly made his way to Liv's side.

"Liv, hey. Right on time, like always." He took her arm and led her into the living room. He nodded toward the kitchen over the bar separating the two rooms. "You know Jessica. And this is her daughter, Bryanna," he was talking much faster than normal and he knew Olivia sensed his discomfort at the situation as he sensed her confusion and simmering anger.

She wanted to help him out, but she could not. All she could think of was that she needed to get out of there as soon as possible. She wanted, no, she _needed_ to get away. To run. Run. That was it. Run. Run from all the turmoil that was enveloping her mind, her heart, her emotions. She needed quite, solitude. She needed to be away from here so could breathe again and think clearly. But before she could gather her wits, Jessica had come into the living room.

"Olivia, it's so good to see you again. When Elliot told me you would be joining us, I was simply thrilled," she smiled as she extended her hand.

Olivia blinked at her then shifting her eyes to Elliot, gave him a questioning stare, before turning back to take Jessica's hand. 'Joining us'? She said that as though Olivia was merely an afterthought and it infuriated her to no end; as though Jessica saw she and Elliot as the hostess and host and Olivia the invited guest. She was incensed that Elliot had not called and let her know about this change in his plans. Had she known Jessica would be here, she would have found a valid excuse for not coming. As far as she was concerned, the fact that Jessica was here _was_ a valid excuse. Olivia knew Jessica was interested in Elliot and she was not about to be pitted against her when she was the one who had been invited for lunch. Well, it seems that they had _both_ been invited.

Maureen deciding that Olivia needed a friend, stepped toward her, "Hey, Liv. Come sit with me. I want to show the pictures from my whitewater rafting trip." She took Olivia by the hand and pulled her into the living room.

Flanked by Maureen and Lizzie, as they looked through at least a hundred photos, and after showing what she hoped was the right amount of interest and enthusiasm, Olivia excused herself to the restroom.

She was so angry with Elliot she could barely see straight. And she was hurt. How could he do this to her? He had invited her for lunch with him and the kids. Not with some hot-to-trot drop-dead gorgeous ADA that had her eye on him. She splashed cool water on her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror. How was she going to get out of this gracefully, she wondered? Maybe she would get a call. No, she was out until Tuesday. But that didn't mean she couldn't run down a lead or two, did it? She whipped out her phone and made a call.

"Jake, this is Liv. Don't ask questions, okay? Just give me a call in a couple of minutes, okay?" She rolled her eyes. "I said don't ask questions!" she whispered into the phone as she flushed the toilet.

"Are you in the bathroom?" he asked, incredulous.

"Just call me!" She flipped the phone closed and ran the water like she was washing her hands.

When she came out of the bathroom, she saw that the table was set and everyone was standing around it like they were waiting to be seated. She stood there willing Jake to call her.

"Everyone good and hungry? We got plenty of food," Elliot motioned for everyone to sit down.

Olivia just stood there. Please, she silently pleaded. Call. Elliot looked at her and was starting toward her when Jessica caught his arm.

"Elliot, why don't you go ahead and sit here? Olivia, you sit across from him and that way we can all talk," Jessica motioned as she took the seat beside the one she motioned toward Elliot to take.

Elliot did not sit. Instead, he pulled away from Jessica and continued toward Olivia. Well, bless him, Olivia thought as her phone rang, but he is a day late and dollar short on action. Just as Elliot stepped up to her and took her arm, her phone rang and she flipped it open.

"Benson."

Pause.

"Yea…sure. I'll be right there," she closed the phone and looked around the room.

"Sorry…but I've got to go. Enjoy your lunch," she clipped the phone back on her belt and headed for the door among the bids of goodbye from the kids. And Jessica.

Elliot followed her out and down the hallway to the stairs. "Liv, come on. I know you're not going to work. You're off until Tuesday. Doctor's _and _Captain's order," he took hold of her right arm.

She jerked her arm from his grip hissing at him, "Don't touch me."

"Liv…" he pleaded, his hands still outstretched.

"Why didn't you call and let me know _she_ was going to be here?" she demanded, her anger flaring.

"I did! It went to voice mail!" he hollered in defense.

"How convenient!" she snapped.

"Olivia…"

"How dare you invite me for lunch and then invite the blond bimbo, too!"

"Liv…I-I didn't invite her…not exactly…I mean…"

"What do you think I am, Elliot? An idiot? Did you really expect me to sit in there and have a civil meal with her after she made it look like _I_ was the one intruding? And what do you mean you didn't invite her 'exactly'"

"We…saw…she…we ran into each other at church…"

"At church? So, now she goes to your church? Wow. Is she stalking you?"

"She happens to be Catholic, too…and well, she just sort of invited herself to lunch…"

"Invited herself? What? Did she follow you home or just stumble into your place by accident?"

He scraped his hands over his face, "She…uh…moved in yesterday…3G…"

"Moved in? She _lives_ in your building?" She snorted and shook her head, her hands landing on her hips. "When were you going to tell me this?"

A door opened and man in a wife beater and jeans holding a TV remote growled at them, "Hey, hold it down, how's about it or I'll call the cops!"

"We _are_ the cops!" Olivia snapped at him. He stared at them for a moment and then slammed the door.

Elliot lowered his voice, "Look…I didn't think about it, okay? I just found out last night. And what's the big deal anyway, huh? Lots of people live in my building."

"You know what, Elliot. It's not a big deal. Not at all. So, go enjoy your lunch with Jessica. I've got to go." She started down the steps.

He was confused, angry, hurt. He wanted to spend this time with Olivia and his kids. He didn't want to have lunch with Jessica anymore than Olivia did and he was livid that she was walking out and leaving him with her but he was not about to let Olivia know that.

"You know what? I'm gonna do just that! I am gonna enjoy lunch with Jessica! At least I know where I stand with her!" he barked.

"What do you mean by that?" She stopped on the second step and looked up at him.

"You're acting like you're jealous, Olivia. And you have no right to be because you don't have any claims on me!" he arrogantly informed her as though it were something she didn't already know.

"No claims? Yea? Well, just remember, Stabler, that goes _both_ ways!" She snarled at him, turned and bounded down the stairs. A few steps later, she stopped again and looked back up at him. "By the way, I never said I was going to _work_!"

He leaned over the railing for several minutes after he heard the echo of her footsteps running out of the building. "What just happened here?" he spoke out loud to himself, running his hands over his head and then slowly massaging his neck. Shaking his head, he slowly turned and headed back to his apartment and the lunch from hell.

Eoeoeoeo


	19. Caught

**Chapter 19 - Caught**

**Zoumberis Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 1:55 p.m.**

Standing outside of Jake's building, Olivia twisted her watch to check the time again. She had been standing there for fifteen minutes trying to decide whether or not to push the buzzer. She knew if she did, he was going to question her about why she wanted him to call her. She would either have to come up with a lie, brush him off, or tell him the truth. She didn't want to lie, but she didn't think he would be easily brushed off and she wasn't quite up for divulging her secrets to her new partner. Not just yet. If ever.

Actually, she was still digesting the surprise she felt when Elliot let her go. Without a fight. In the past, she would have bet her paycheck that he would come after her. Or at least have given her a much better fight than he did. Convincing herself that he must not care, she pushed all thoughts of him away. At least she did her very best to push all thoughts of him away.

Finger poised over the buzzer of Jake's apartment, she stared at the row of names on the apartment wall. Though it had not been her purposeful intention, she had ditched her detail and now took one last look around to be sure there was nothing suspicious, drew a deep breath, pushed the button and waited. She knew Elliot would be furious that she was no longer under the auspice of the detail. Well, he would have been furious a few hours ago, but now she was not so sure. After the humdinger of an argument they just had, he may not give a flip what she did or what happened to her, she thought.

Not too long after she rang, she heard Jake's deep voice, "Who's there?"

"It's me. Can I come up?"

"Liv?"

"Yea."

A short pause. "Sure. 4E."

Minutes later she was standing before the door with '4E' on it. She knocked and it opened almost immediately. She had remembered where Jake had told her he lived and hoped he was not upset about her showing up without calling first.

"Liv. Everything okay?" Jake leaned against the door, looking worried.

He was wearing black running shorts and a black and gray tank top, the hair on his chest curling over the neck of the material. He was shoeless but had on short white sport socks. His curly dark brown hair glistened as though he had just showered yet the shadow on his face was evidence he had not shaved. Olivia had never seen him dressed in so little attire and could not help but notice he must work out regularly. His physique was more muscular than even Elliot's and Elliot was in superb physical condition. He was also very tan whereas Elliot was much fairer skinned though he would tan if he got a lot of sun. She could not help but think her new partner was awfully attractive. Not that she was attracted. To him, that is.

She nodded and stepped in as he stood aside for her to enter. Her eyes took in the apartment. Boxes were still stacked along one wall and in the corner of the dining area. It reminded her of her place when she first moved out of the flat she and a roommate had shared before she became a detective. With the odd and excessive hours she worked it had taken her over a year to get things completely unpacked and probably another year to make the apartment look like someone actually lived there.

"Still not unpacked, huh?"

"Yea…well…not much motivation. No one ever comes over," he raised his eyebrows.

"I know what you mean," she agreed, nodding her head.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment looking around and at each other. Jake finally thought about being a good host.

"Want something to drink? I got beer, water and orange juice," he offered.

"Uh…" she knew she shouldn't but she was in a 'don't care' state of mind, "beer would be good."

He disappeared and she heard the refrigerator door open and the clinking of glass bottles. He returned holding the two beers in one hand. He held them out and she took one. "Make yourself at home," he nodded toward the living room.

"Thanks." She sat on the end of the blue couch as she wiped the top of the bottle with her hand then tilted it up. She drank nearly half of it in one long swig.

"Thirsty? Or ticked off?" He asked, knowing something was not right. He didn't know Olivia that well, but he had not seen her drink much and doubted it was something she did very often.

Her laugh was throaty, deep, almost seductive, he thought. His eyes narrowed in puzzlement as she raised the bottle to her lips once again nearly finishing it off. "Would you believe me if I said 'thirsty'?"

"That what you want me to believe?" he smirked at her, his green eyes sparkling in amusement.

She cocked her head at him, a slow smile playing across her lips, "Yea…it is."

Her smile was absolutely beautiful, straight, white teeth hidden behind those full lips. He had seen her smile but not quite like this.

"Okay. Looks like you're gonna need another one," he grinned and made his way back to the kitchen.

This time she heard ice being poured into a container and when he returned he had a small cooler with seven or eight beers on ice that he set on the table in front of her. She chuckled as she handed him her empty bottle and took the new one he offered. He threw it in the trash and sat down beside her on the couch. Maybe tonight would be the night he would get to know his new partner a little better.

**Stabler Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 3:45 p.m.**

It had taken Elliot two and half hours to get Jessica to leave. The kids were quiet, for the most part refusing to really converse with her or Bryanna. Kathleen did talk to her enough to find out they were not in the same field of study and most likely would never cross paths in classes at Hudson. Elliot kept hinting that he wanted to spend some time with the kids before it was time for them to go back home and to their dorms. It was Dickie that finally said something that made Jessica leave.

"Dad…you promised you would watch the Yankees game with Lizzie and me," Dickie told him and pulled him by the arm to the couch sitting him by Lizzie and then plopping down beside him.

Jessica finally got the hint and gathered her crock pot and Bryanna and left. She was barely out the door when Dickie asked him, "Are you going to go find Liv?"

"Yea, Dad…you need to go apologize to her," Kathleen told him.

"_Me_ apologize? She's the one that went storming out of here!" he grumbled.

"But _you're_ the one who invited another woman to lunch and didn't even let her know! I would be furious if a guy did that to me!" Maureen stood with her hands on her hips glaring at him.

"But, I…"

"Dad, that _was _pretty awful what you did," Lizzie agreed.

"I didn't do anything…she invited herself…"

"Yea, but you should have been man enough to tell her you had other plans, Dad," Dickie retorted. "Even _I_ know that!"

"Man enough?" He looked at Dickie with disbelief.

Four sets of blue eyes just stared…or glared at him.

"Okay, okay. I'll call her," he conceded, throwing his hands in the air.

"No!" the chorus was unanimous. "You need to go after her!" All the kids shouted at once.

On his way to Olivia's, he called her cell phone several times, but it went straight to voicemail. It was obvious she was not answering her calls. Or at least any from him. He tried the home phone and got the answering machine. When he arrived at her apartment, he saw the detail car across the street. He pushed the buzzer but she did not acknowledge it. He was starting to get mad, when someone came out and he slipped in. At her door, Officer Lewis was wide-awake at his post.

"Sir." He stood up, saluting.

"What time did Detective Benson get home?" Elliot asked.

"Sir?" he sounded confused. "She…uh…isn't home, sir," fear implanted itself in his expression.

"What do you mean she isn't home?" he demanded.

"She…uh…I put…uh…I put her in a cab around…uh…12:30, sir. I checked the cabbie out before allowing her to ride. She hasn't been home since." He was visible shaken.

It was then that Elliot remembered he did not go out with her to be sure she had gotten safely in a cab headed to where ever it was she had intended to go. It was then that he realized she had ditched the detail and was on her own. Fear washed over him like water in a shower as he silently blamed himself for even letting her go.

He spent the next several hours checking out the precinct, the crib, all the bars and restaurants he knew she liked, but to no avail. Then he went to them all again. He called Munch and Fin who were out on a case to see if they had heard from her. They had not. On his second trip to the precinct, he had looked up Jake's address. His calls to him were going unanswered as well.

Olivia's departing words played over and over in his head like summer reruns. 'Well, just remember, Stabler, that goes _both_ ways!' She had snapped at him when he told her she had no claims on him and shouldn't be acting jealous. He could still see the defiant look on her face when she stopped on the stairs and looked up at him. 'By the way, I never said I was going to _work_!'

If she wasn't going to work and she wasn't at home or the precinct or any of her regular bars or restaurants, then where else would she be if not with an old boyfriend…or someone new she picked up. Or even Peter. Peter was still not beyond being a suspect in Elliot's book. He shook his head trying to dispel that scenario from his mind. If anything happened to her, he would never forgive himself. He would never be able to survive without her. That, he already knew. But if he were the reason something happened to her…he shook his head again not even wanting to go there.

**Zoumberis Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 6:10 p.m.**

"You feel like taking that motorcycle trip tomorrow? It's our last day off for awhile since we will be catching next weekend," Jake stretched out on the couch and propped his feet on the coffee table.

"Actually, yea. I haven't even had a headache today. And the doctor said I could do anything I felt up to doing," she smiled.

"Great. I'll pick you up around…say…8:30 in the morning," he popped her leg and leaned back.

"That's sounds good. I think it will do me good to get away from the city for a while. Do I need to bring anything? Food?" she wondered aloud.

"Nah…I'll take care of everything. But, bring a towel and a swimsuit. There's a beach on one end of the lake," he told her.

"Sounds like a lot fun," she nodded and twisted another top from another bottle.

Jake had seen Olivia's caller ID light up at least a half dozen times and each time 'Elliot' flashed on the screen. It dawned on him that his phone was in his bedroom charging and that maybe he should go get it, but it was quickly forgotten in his curiosity about Olivia not answering hers. He wanted to ask why she would not answer, but he was pretty sure he already knew. Elliot was the reason she was sitting here beside him on his couch well on her way to being drunk. He lost count at four beers. She did not want to talk about what ever had prompted her to call him, and he was not one to push. They had talked about a lot of things that probably would have taken months or perhaps years for her to divulge though none were of a very personal nature, and not one word had been said about Elliot Stabler.

By her silence on that subject, more was loudly spoken than any amount of words could ever reveal. They were watching a DVD now and he startled just a bit when he felt her move closer to him and lay her head on his shoulder. Uncertain what to do, he froze. If she were any woman other than his partner, he would have no trouble making a move. I mean here was a beautiful woman sitting next to him on his couch apparently making a move on _him_. He would be an idiot not to take advantage of the situation. But, she was his partner and partners having relationships like this were highly frowned upon by the brass. At first he thought that perhaps his imagination was running wild, but then she reached up and pulled his arm around her. Oh, what could holding her hurt, he asked himself, as he pulled her closer and wrapped both his arms around her.

He held his breath as she snuggled even closer to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. She smelled wonderful, he realized as his face nuzzled her hair. They sat that way for several minutes and then he became aware that she was caressing his chest and slowly working her way up to his neck and then his jaw. All sorts of thought crossed his mind, but he did nothing about them. He just let her make the moves. He felt her fingers on his face and then her lips on his neck and jaw as she turned into him for better access. She was kissing his cheek now and running her fingers across his lips.

Jake was so solid, she thought. Just like Elliot. She felt the stubble of his beard as her hand stroked his face. He had a full, rough beard just like Elliot, too. Slipping a hand behind his head, she tangled her fingers in the soft curls of his hair. This was not at all like Elliot whose thinning hair was kept closely cropped. She heard Jake's heartbeat begin to race and knew she was having the effect she wanted on him. She wanted to be held, to be kissed, to be wanted. She didn't want to compete with some leggy, flirtatious blond. She just needed to know that someone wanted to be with her, near her. And no, she was not looking for gratuitous sex. She just wanted to be close to someone, be held and kissed a little. That's all. If she kept her eyes closed she could almost make herself believe she was with Elliot instead of Jake. Elliot. Why did things between them have to be so…so complicated? She loved him and she thought he felt the same about her yet they both seemed intent on pushing the other away with both hands.

She pulled Jake's face toward her and kissed him fully and properly on the lips. Against his better judgment, he began kissing her back. She was so responsive he nearly became lost in what they were doing. It had been a long time since he had had a date. When he opened his eyes to look at her as they kissed, the light of her phone caught his eye as the name 'Elliot' flashed on the screen. Again. This had to make eight or nine times he had called. Pulling away from her, he broke breaking the kiss. She pulled at him to bring him back to her. He couldn't do this. It was not right. On so many levels. She was his partner. He didn't know her that well, but he knew she cared about someone and this would be something she would eventually regret.

"Mmmm…Z…where you goin'?" she struggled to kiss him again.

"Liv…" he held her at bay.

"Come on…Z…doncha like it…I'm not good enough for you…what? I've been told I _am _good…really good…don't you think so…come on. We're just kissing," she kissed his neck and tried to pull him back to her.

He gently pushed her away and held her by the shoulders, "Liv…I won't be a stand-in for the person you really want."

She looked at him like he was crazy, "What?"

"And you've had a lot to drink…you're not thinking clearly," he added, still holding her away from him.

"You sayin' I'm drunk and don't know what I'm doing? Huh?" she was starting to get mad now, her eyes gleaming with the slow burn at his insinuation that she was drunk.

"I'm saying I think your judgment is impaired by the alcohol and by whatever…or whoever…had you running over here in the first place. That's all, Liv," he brushed the hair from her face.

She pushed his hands away and tried to stand up but nearly fell back onto the couch. He stood and caught her before she fell.

"Let go of me," she hissed, pulling away and promptly falling to the couch, in a sitting position. She ran her hands through her hair and down her face.

"Olivia, please…" he reached out to help her up.

She pushed his hands away, "I don't need help and certainly not yours!" She swayed again as she attempted to stand.

"Come on, Liv. Let me help you," he placed his hands her shoulders, both to steady her and reassure her.

"Get your hands off of me!" she hollered.

A knock at the door caught their attention. "Thought you said no one ever comes over?" she taunted, thinking of Elliot with Jessica.

When he released her to answer the door, she nearly fell over, grasping at the archway between the kitchen and living room to regain her balance.

Jake opened the door without bothering to look through the security glass and was completely unprepared for who stood before him when he opened the door.

"Captain," he whispered as his mouth fell open.

Though dressed in light blue jeans and a navy blue tee shirt, his badge and gun fastened at his waist, Elliot appeared to be all business. His face was stern, no emotion, yet his voice edged with concern belied his stoic facade.

"Zoumberis. Don't any of my detectives answer calls? Have you seen Olivia? Seems she's…uh…ditched her detail. I can't get her on her cell and I'm a bit worried about her," Elliot asked his blue eyes piercing as he attempted to read Jake's face.

Before Jake could respond, her voice came from behind him. "Who is it, Z?" a somewhat slurred but still very recognizable voice called out.

Elliot would recognize that voice, her voice, anywhere, anytime, under any circumstance. He felt his blood instantly begin to boil because she was here. With Jake. And there was no mistaking it was the voice of someone who had a few drinks too many.

Jake felt like a teenager caught by his girlfriend's father. He had no idea whether he opened the door to allow him in or if Elliot simply pushed his way through it, but Captain Stabler was now in his apartment and Jake knew things were about to get rough.

Elliot now stood before Olivia, glaring. If she were surprised at his presence, she covered it very well, showing no emotion whatsoever. They stood there silently. Elliot glaring. She, tucking her red tee shirt into her shorts, then raking her hands through her disheveled hair with a half-smile playing at the corners of her lips. She _looked_ like she had just been making out, Jake thought to himself. He rubbed his forehead with his fingers, worrying a bit for his own well-being. Intuitively, this was not good, he knew. He sensed it with every fiber within him. He was standing in the middle of the room as the third point of what he was positive Elliot viewed as a love triangle and he wanted no part of it. Olivia was a beautiful woman and in another time in another place he'd be game. But he was reasonably sure that these two had something going on and he was not about to step into the middle of it. He like his life just fine, thank you. Jake stepped closer to them just in case he needed to referee the fight he felt in the air. When he came closer, Olivia came to him, hooked her arm through his and taunted Elliot.

"Whassa matter, Stabler? Jess go home and leave you frustrated?" she began to laugh that deep, throaty laugh again then, without warning, turned to Jake and kissed him on the cheek. "_We _don't have that problem, do we, Z?" she turned and smirked at Elliot as she leaned into Jake.

Jake pulled away from her as much as possible and tried not to look at Elliot. He could feel the rage emanating from him and did not want to attract any more of it that he knew was already warranted in Elliot's eyes. Jake could now smell the beer on her breath and only then did he realize she was not on the way to being drunk…she was already there. For the first time since he had come to SVU, he saw the infamous legendary rage he had only heard about as it descended upon Elliot Stabler.

He watched in mortified fascination as Elliot's stance changed to widen the distance between his feet; his hands began to make powerful fists that clenched and unclenched at his side. He noticed as his blue eyes changed from a cerulean blue to a stormy midnight and narrowed in anger as the muscle in his jaw began to shudder as though jolts of electricity were wired through it. His lips thinned and he saw the huge veins on the sides of his massive neck begin to pulsate with fury as his face turned red and then nearly purple as the blistering rage within him took hold of his being.

Elliot had no idea how he did it, how he managed to preserve any control when all he wanted to do was beat the ever loving crap out of Zoumberis and holler at Olivia. All he wanted to do was jerk her up to him and tell her that she belonged to him whether she knew or not, whether she liked it or not. He had no idea how he was able to speak with even a modicum of control though he was certain his voice did not sound at all like his normal voice. He kept hearing Cragen's words playing in his head… 'Just keep a hold on that temper of yours'. If it weren't for disappointing Don and most likely losing his badge, he didn't think he _would_ be able to control himself.

He took short, choppy breaths through his nose. They caught in his chest almost like someone hammering a wooden spike in his lungs with each inhalation and exhalation. Those piercing blue eyes found their way to her anger darkened brown ones and the smirk that gnawed at his insides.

"Detective Benson. You are supposed to be under the protection of a police detail. The fact that you have apparently ditched that detail means you have failed to obey a direct order. You will accompany me back to your apartment where I will make certain you are safely situated before leaving you for the evening," the anger in his voice left no room for argument.

Had it been anyone other than Olivia Benson he was talking to, they would _not_ have argued. His demeanor would have intimidated them into complying. However, Olivia Benson was not one to be intimidated. And especially not by Elliot Stabler, captain or no captain.

So, she simply grinned at him and asked with sarcasm dripping from each and every word, "What? Is it too late to for me to be at a boy's house on a school night, Dad?" she snorted as she tilted her head to one side, defiance hardening her features.

"Detective Benson," he warned, clenching his teeth so tightly he thought they would crack.

"Liv, you need to listen to him," Jake told her, unable to believe how she was bucking Elliot's authority.

She looked at her watch, "It's not even seven o'clock, Daddy, and tomorrow is a holiday." She laughed again, her eyes locked with Elliot's daring him to make a move.

That was it. All it took was her laugh, that look. He had taken all he could. He knew she was daring him and he was not about to back down from a dare. All it took was three long strides to get rid of the space between them, and Elliot was suddenly in her face. He grabbed her arm and jerked her toward the door, she struggling the whole way to free herself from him.

"Let go of me, Elliot!" She dug her heels in but he simply dragged her along. "Z!! Help me out here, how 'bout it! Jake! I'm your partner! Elliot! Let go!" she hollered as she tried to pull away from Elliot. She even tried to pry his fingers off of her arm with hers, but his fingers may as well have been iron shackles.

"And he's my captain and I think he's right. You need to go with him, Olivia," Jake told her quietly.

Turning her glare on Jake now, she shook her head before looking back to Elliot. "_You_ let go of me!" she hissed at Elliot still struggling to wrench herself from the iron grip of his hands around her wrists.

He jerked her up into his face, millimeters separating them, saliva spraying from his mouth and hitting her in the face. "If you don't shut up and come peacefully, I swear, I will cuff you and take you to the station and throw you in a cell for the night for insubordination. You got that, Benson?" he gritted out between clenched teeth, his voice so low, so menacing and his eyes so dark, so full of rage, she knew he was not kidding. She also knew she had never seen him this angry. Never. Not in all the years they had been partners.

Still she glared at him for the longest time before she gave him a partial nod of surrender. He then half pushed half dragged her out of Jake's apartment. Jake closed the door behind them, locked it and leaned against it knowing he had not heard the last from Captain Elliot Stabler about what had happened here tonight.

**eoeoeoeo**


	20. Cruising

**Chapter 20 - Cruising**

**Benson Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 7:18 p.m.**

Silence was the last thing Olivia expected from Elliot after the scene in Jake's apartment. There was no mistaking how angry he was and at this point she was not about to do or say anything else to unleash the fury she knew was brewing and sitting just under his skin. If closing up shop, brewing in his own imaginations and subjecting her to his cold shoulder was how he wanted to play it, then far be it from her to further stir things up. She knew when he was ready she would be the recipient of his full-blown rage. Good fortune never seemed to follow her around, so she knew she would never escape without a scathing, verbal lashing from him.

The entire ride home was ensconced in an uncomfortable silence, tension thickening the air, suffocating her as it settled around them. Still, she could not help but steal a few sideways glances at him. Hands tightly gripping the steering wheel, he stared straight ahead with narrowed eyes, his lips still set in a thin line, his jaw clenching. She noticed he was breathing faster than normal and assumed his heart was beating more rapidly, too. The stubble on his face was now present. The thick, rough beard that shadowed his features caused him to have to shave again if he was going anywhere in the evening that required a clean, professional look. In the enclosed confines of his jeep, she could catch slight whiffs of his cologne and she closed her eyes as she secretly savored the familiar scent of him.

Part of her wanted to reach out and slap him for showing up at Jake's and embarrassing her like she was one of his daughters he had to drag away from some unworthy boyfriend he detested. She wanted to slap him for being so attractive, for smelling so good, for making her fall in love with him. The tight tee shirt and jeans didn't help much either. Another part of her wanted to feel the stubble of his cheek and jaw in her palm as she placed a soft kiss upon his lips. Feel it scraping against her cheek as their lips met in a fiery kiss. That part was pleased that he had come looking for her. Pleased that even though he made it seem like it was because she had ditched the detail, which had not even crossed her mind when she left his place, she knew that was not the whole issue.

He knew she was upset over Jessica and he had come looking for her, she hoped, to make things right. She also knew she had paid him back ten-fold for Jessica. She watched him struggle to maintain control of his quickly changing emotions when she kissed Jake. Honestly, she did not know what she was hoping for by doing that, but it sure seemed like the thing to do at the moment. Just another reason why she rarely drank. Now she realized it was probably one of the stupidest things she had ever done. She wasn't interested in Jake. Not at all and she knew it was just one more thing Elliot would hold against her.

They had turned onto her street and he pulled the car into an empty space about thirty yards from building. He got out and waited while she got out of the car then he followed a step or two behind. When they got to her apartment, he spoke briefly and quietly with Officer Suarez who was now on duty, handed him one of his cards and then followed her into her apartment. She stood at the door, her arms folded, waiting. Waiting for him to start questioning her, start yelling and hollering. Waiting for his anger to burst forth and claim her as its victim. But so far there was nothing. Nothing except more silence. Bracing herself, she was certain this was the calm before the storm.

Elliot never said a word as he began to do a perfunctory check of all the rooms, looking in closets and under the bed. He checked the window in the bedroom and the tub in the bathroom then stopped just outside her bedroom, his eyes taking her in and finally locking with hers. She was still standing just inside the entrance where he had left her. Dropping his gaze, he made his way across the room brushing past her to leave.

"Lock the door," he instructed her curtly as he opened it to leave.

Shocked, she turned to him, barely a foot away, unprepared for him to just leave without any discussion, any yelling, without a knockdown drag-out. Anything. "Elliot?" questioning his departure. Her voice sounded shrill to her, not at all like her normally deeper timbre.

Hand still on the doorknob, he stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. Silently, locking eyes, his jaw jumped. She felt the knot that was in her stomach, turn, twist and tighten as she took in his hard, icy glare. Feeling herself wither and wilt under the cold blue eyes that drilled into her, she wished she had just let him go. Yet she could not.

"You just going…to leave? Without…saying anything?" she asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to hear anything he would have to say right now, yet needing something, anything to reassure her that he still cared. About her. That he cared enough to fight. For her. For them.

Elliot continued to stare at her while daggers of steel from his eyes imbedded themselves in her heart. He shook his head ever so slowly, chewed his bottom lip, released it, leaned closer to her, "I got nothing to say."

His voice was quiet and so low it produced a rumbling in her ear with a sense of finality to it that made her blood run cold. He turned from her and she watched mutely as he disappeared behind the closing door.

**Stabler Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 11:50 p.m.**

It had been hours since Elliot had gone to Jake's, found Olivia and taken her home. Hours that he had to calm down and think rationally about what the events of the day. He was still furious about Jessica wheedling her way into having lunch with him and his kids. Still furious that she had been the reason Olivia left and furious that Olivia didn't stay and put Jessica in her place. And then Jake. He was more than furious over Olivia kissing Jake right there in front of him. He knew she was putting on a show but that still did not help soothe any of the jealousy or fury he felt as he witnessed it.

He knew if he said anything to her in the state of mind he was in, it would not be good. Not for him, her, their partnership, their friendship or any other thing that may or may not be between them. So he went with keeping his mouth shut. It seemed like a good idea earlier and now it was seeming like the best thing to do period. He was getting too old to play these kind of games. If she wanted to date every guy in the five boroughs, then let her. He simply was not up to competing anymore. Maybe he should just let her get it all out of her system and then maybe, maybe they could have a real relationship one day. Maybe they just needed a break from each other. Then again, maybe they _were _too complicated. Maybe, this time, _he_ would be the one to run.

Flipping through the channels on the television for what had to the fiftieth time, he hit the power button and turned it off. Darkness fell across the room and the silence was deafening. The one thing he never quite got used to was when the apartment was empty. When he was alone. Over twenty years he had spent with other people in his habitat. He was used to noise and clatter, arguing and laughing, kids running up and down the stairs and in and out of rooms. He was used to no clean towels and empty milk jugs left in the frig. He hated the silence. Other times like this he would call Olivia and they would talk, laugh, joke. Or meet for coffee. After talking with her, he was able to deal with the silence. Not tonight. He couldn't deal with it and he couldn't call her. Could he?

Picking up his cell phone, he turned it end over end, the desire to call her, to just hear her voice was suddenly overwhelming, crushing his better judgment. Opening the phone, the backlight illuminated the dark around him. Instead of hitting the memory dial, he dialed her number…all except the last digit. He stared at the numbers highlighted in multi-colors, thanks to Lizzie, and his thoughts pushed back to their argument on the stairwell and then to her kissing Jake. Laughter rang out in the silent room. His laughter. He shook his head thinking how he must be close to losing his mind. She wasn't interested in him. Not like that or she wouldn't have run to Jake. Shutting the phone, he chucked it on the coffee table, stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes.

**Benson Residence • Sunday, August, 31st • 11:45 p.m.**

The cell phone vibrating startled Olivia. For a few short seconds she hoped it was Elliot. She just knew he could not go without talking with her. Turning it over in her palm, she sighed as disappointment swept over her. Jake.

"Benson."

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Every thing all right?"

"Yea."

"You still want to go tomorrow?"

"Wouldn't miss it for anything."

"Okay. See you around 8:30."

"Uh…Jake?"

"Yea."

"About tonight…you know…the kissing…"

"Yea…"

"I…uh…it was…uh…we really shouldn't…"

"Liv…it's okay. I agree."

"You do?"

"Yea. I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

"Okay. Goodnight, Jake."

"Goodnight, Liv."

**Cruising • Monday, September 1st • 8:30 a.m. - 9:45 p.m.**

Jake arrived at Olivia's apartment right on time. She had been putting her breakfast dishes in the dishwasher when the buzzer rang. She let him up and had opened the door for him minutes later.

"Good morning, Liv. You ready to ride?" he smiled as he entered and took in his surrounding.

"Mornin', Z. Make yourself at home…I'll be just a sec," she smiled as she disappeared into the bathroom.

He could hear her brushing her teeth. Having only been to her place the night they were attacked, he had never actually seen the inside of it. Now he looked around, noting the books on her shelves: 'The Diary of Anne Frank', 'Gone with the Wind', 'Works of Shakespeare', 'Pride and Prejudice', 'America Alone' along with 'The Mind of the Sexual Predator', 'Women in Law Enforcement' and 'The U.S. Justice Department's 21st Century Guide to the Violence Against Women' and a number of other literature, history, crime, and law enforcement books. Interesting. He didn't figure her to be one for an interest in history.

Checking out her CD and DVD collection he saw that they did, indeed, share a passion for the same music, and old movie classics such as 'Casablanca', 'To Kill a Mockingbird', '12 Angry Men'. Shifting his eyes to the top of the entertainment center he studied several pictures in frames. One was of Olivia, who looked to be around thirteen or fourteen, and an older woman, whom he assumed was her mother though they looked nothing alike. Must get her dark, exotic looks from her dad, he thought. The picture next to it was of Olivia and another woman, a striking blonde with horn-rimmed glasses, sitting at table in a restaurant, smiling at the camera.

There was a picture of the entire SVU squad apparently at some formal official function. Olivia, dressed to the nines, was flanked by Elliot, another blond woman and Munch on one side and Cragen and Fin on the other. They all looked like they were having a good time. The picture beside it garnered special attention. It was of Olivia and Elliot. His right arm was draped across her shoulder, his hand pulling her to him and she was leaning into him, looking up with eyes that twinkled even in the picture, as he looked down at her. The grins on both of their faces said it all. Questions began to run through Jake's mind. After what had happened last night his mind had run wild with thoughts about the exact nature of the relationship between his partner and Stabler. Perhaps the time they spend together today would answer some of them. He wondered what made Olivia Benson tick and he planned to find out as much as he could. He needed and wanted to know this woman who was now his partner as well as he possibly could.

"Okay…let's get going! I can't wait!" Olivia smiled, walking toward Jake as he turned from his perusal of the photographs.

She stood just behind him, reaching out to touch the first picture. "My mother and me…at a Columbia faculty picnic," she smiled wistfully, remembering the day.

"Columbia, huh?" he questioned.

"English prof," Olivia looked at him and smiled.

"Guess that explains all the books on so many subjects," he nodded.

"Made me read when I was little…then I fell in love with it. I used to be a voracious reader, but with this job…well, free time is not something I find very often," she shrugged.

"This one?" Jake pointed to the next picture.

Tears welled up in her eyes but she quickly blinked them back, "Alex, my good friend. Alex Cabot…she was our ADA before Casey."

"Oh…yea…I remember that…she was shot by a drug lord…big cartel…I'm sorry," he spoke quietly.

She wanted to tell him that Alex was alive and in the WPP, but she knew she couldn't.

"This is the gang at the NYPD Christmas party two years ago." She couldn't help but remember it was the Christmas before Elliot went back to Kathy in May. The Christmas when Olivia and Elliot had gone together to the party and had a blast. Like old times.

"Who's the baby you're holding?" Jake picked up the last picture and held it toward her.

She grinned and he saw that twinkling in her eyes, "Eli. Elliot's youngest. He's nine months old."

"You seem to have a special bond with him," Jake observed, watching her face and the emotions that ran across it.

"Yea…I helped deliver him after Kathy and I were in a bad car accident. I saw him and held him even before Elliot or Kathy did. So, yea…we have a special bond," she put the picture back and turned to smile at Jake.

He smiled back, "I meant you and Elliot."

She quickly spun to look at him, surprise filling her features, "Oh…uh…yea…yea, we're best friends."

He fixed his eyes on her, mulling over her statement. No, it's more than that, he thought. Much more. He saw it last night. There was an intrinsic bond; an essential connection between them upon which their entire functionality rested. Without the other, he doubted if either would be capable of truly carrying on, would know their purpose in life. That he felt this after knowing them only two weeks made him that much more certain he was right. He recognized it. He knew this. Whatever this thing between them, it was strong. Almost physically tangible. It was familiar and oddly comforting to know someone else has this awesome link.

He nodded and smiled reflectively, recalling something from his past life. "Well, we better get on the road."

Parked in front of her building was a beautiful royal blue 2008 Harley Davidson softail classic. "Wow. Great looking bike…uh…hog," Olivia walked around it casting an admiring eye.

Jake laughed, "Isn't it? It has a 1584cc twin cam 96B engine; six-speed cruise drive transmission; rockertail rear fenders; forward-mounted foot controls; hidden rear suspension and…and I can tell you have no idea what I'm talking about." He shook his head, smiling at how he got carried away describing his baby.

Now it was Olivia's turn to laugh. "Sorry, you lost me at '1584 cc' but I'm sure it's important if I am going to be trusting it with my life."

"You're not trusting it…you're trusting me…and I promise to take good care of you. After all, I need you around to watch my back…partner," he grinned and winked at her, handing her a helmet. Then he picked his up and put it on.

After she had hers secured, Jake motioned for her to get on, "Sit here and you will have a bit of a back to lean on. Your feet go right here." He waited until she was situated then he mounted the bike. "Ready?"

Olivia nodded; he revved up the engine and roared off. In less than fifteen minutes the city was falling behind them as the landscape of high rises gave way to open fields dotted with farmhouses, woods and blue skies.

It had been years since she had been on a motorcycle and she tried to think of a metaphor that would describe how she felt as they whipped along the highway. But none were appropriate. The feeling of her body being thrust back; the morning air cool even though it was August; the smell of fresh cut hay and wild flowers; the wind hugging her body…it was simply an overwhelming sense of freedom, of power. Cruising along the highways and byways. The cares of the world dissipated with each passing mile. Out here there were no child abusers, no rapists, no victims. There were no complicated feelings and mixed signals between she and Elliot. It was as though everything else going on in her life ceased to matter, to even exist. She wrapped her hands lightly around Jake's waist as they shot down the highway through the rolling hills.

The day passed swiftly. The owner of the lake had cane poles and Jake rented two. He laughed at Olivia's refusal to touch the worms, though she did finally put a minnow on her hook. They lay on the grassy bank of the lake shadowed by huge weeping willows, their poles in hand and talked quietly some, but mostly sat in companionable silence. It was so peaceful here. The sky was so blue. Like Elliot's eyes. She chided herself for thinking about him. Today was to get away from the city, the job, the complications of her life. She willed him out of her mind.

They caught nearly a dozen fish. Olivia had squealed with excitement when she caught the first one. She caught five more…one more than Jake…and grinned from ear to ear. The owner had a small diner and for a fee would clean and grill any fish that were caught. Jake and Olivia watched as he cleaned them and prepared them for cooking. It was an unexpected treat for Olivia, a city girl through and through.

After lunch they rode to the other end of the lake where the swimming area was located. Though it was crowded they managed to find a secluded area away from most of the others. Jake pulled a soft cooler from one of the side compartments of his bike and they spread their towels on the sand. They swam, sipped on bottled iced tea and snacked on slices of apple, cheese and Italian herb bread. And they talked. And talked. Olivia was surprised how easy it was to talk to Jake and she wasn't quite sure if it was him or the fact that the day had been so relaxing and the surroundings so different.

"You know, it's hard to believe someone like you has managed to not get married," Jake was on his stomach, his head resting on his hands folded under him.

Keeping her eyes closed as the sun beat down on her sunscreen-lathered face, Olivia breathed deeply, "Someone like me?"

"Liv, you are kind and compassionate, funny and sweet. You've got a job that makes a difference to people and you are a very beautiful woman. Not only that, but you have an awesome right hook and now you know how to fish!" he laughed as she elbowed him in the side.

"And what is your excuse? You've never been married either," she leaned over to take a sip of tea from the straw in the bottle at her side before lying down again.

"You don't know that," he countered still lying there.

"Sure, I do. You don't think I went out on the streets with you watching my back without checking you out, do ya?" she smiled feeling his eyes on her as she heard him shift his position.

"Really?" he was now propped on his left elbow staring at her.

She had on a bright yellow swimsuit that had a bandana top so there would be no shoulder strap tan lines and boy short bottoms. She looked better than a lot of women half her age in that two-piece, he thought. For some reason he found it amusing that she had checked him out with him knowing it.

"So?" She was still smiling and had opened one eye to look at him.

"So, what?" he smirked.

"How come you've never married? You're not half bad looking yourself," she opened her eyes and winked at him.

He chuckled, "Oh, I've got my reasons."

"Hmmm…" she wasn't going to push him because she hated when people did that to her.

"You believe in soul mates?" Jake laid down again this time on his back.

His unexpected question knocked off kilter just a bit. Did she? Did she believe in soul mates? The one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join; the thought that people are drawn together as soul mates by destiny or fate and that being with our soul mate is something we have no control over. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we are safe in the world we created. Our soul mate shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. Did she believe in that? Yes…because she had that with Elliot and she believed in him. He was all those things and more to her.

She was quiet for a long time before responding, " I don't know. I guess it depends on what you mean by soul mate?"

"Hmmm…well…someone we feel safe with, you know. Safe enough to be completely and honestly who we really are. We can be loved for who we are and whom we pretend to be, but a soul mate…we know a soul mate will love and accept us even when they know the very worst about us. Our soul mate makes our life make sense, completes us. They're the missing piece of the puzzle that is our being," Jake sighed deeply and shielded his eyes with his hands.

Someone who makes our life make sense. Elliot did that for her. He made life come to life for her. Before him, she simply existed.

Turning on her stomach, she propped herself on both elbows and twisted her watch around her wrist, "You mean like when someone seems to have all the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks?"

Jake turned on his side propping on his elbow again, nodding slowly as Olivia's eyes met his, "Yea…exactly."

His light blue swim trunks with huge white flowers contrasted sharply with his deep tan. He had a very nice physique. She looked away from him and a small smile played at the corner of her lips as she continued to twist the watch and thought about Elliot.

"You got someone with the right keys and locks?" Jake punched her shoulder playfully.

The smile played across her lips, but she did not verbally respond. A stray strand of hair fell from her hair clip and Jake pulled it behind her left ear. She looked over at him as his hand slid away.

"You should tell him, Olivia," his voice was softer and had taken on a serious tone, the look on his face one of friendly concern.

"Tell who what?" she asked as she immediately went on the defensive.

Jake sensed this but he plowed straight ahead. Someone needed to knock some sense into one of them or both of them before it was too late and they either destroyed their chances or each other.

"I always heard that when soul mates first meet, there is an immediate sense of being at ease and connected. Of feeling like you have always known them. That happen with you and Stabler?" he steeled himself for her response.

Yes. Yes! It happened with her and Elliot. The day she met him it wasn't like they had just been introduced. She felt like she had known him forever and she knew he would always be a part of her life. She knew his mark would always be upon her heart. She sensed that he had all the keys for her locks and all the locks for the keys she held and she knew intuitively that he felt that connection, too. That he was married and they were partners were simply boundaries they had learned to incorporate into their relationship that had come to defy all normal definitions of other relationships.

Yes, she wanted to shout, but instead responded with, "Excuse me?"

The sun was beginning to fall from the sky, somewhat hidden now behind the woods across the lake. Jake opened his eyes and sat up. She did the same. His eyes squinting in the remaining sun, he watched her face. She waited for him to explain what he meant.

"Liv, it's more than obvious that you and Stabler have some kind of connection. Why don't you just admit it? Does he even know how you feel?" he pressed her.

She pulled her sunglasses down on her face, wrapped her arms around her legs and looked away from him. "Why don't you just mind your own business?" her voice was laced with irritation as she snapped at him.

The sun could now be seen between the trunks of the trees and it sent a glow orange across the surface of the lake causing it to look as though the water was on fire. The gentle waves transformed into flames of fire lapping at each other. Olivia was mesmerized by the sight and kept thinking of how the flames reminded her of the way she felt when Elliot was near, when he brushed against by accident even and when he kissed her. Like he lit a fire within her. How his touch felt like fingers of fire etching a brand, his mark, wherever he touched her.

Jake was quiet beside her. Good. She didn't want to hear anymore about soul mates or locks and keys or someone that knows the worst about you and yet still loves you. She had pretty much ruined whatever was between her and Elliot with yesterday's actions. He had made it clear he was not going to fight for her. Heck, he was not even willing to talk to her. He must be through with her, with them, her mind screamed. She saw Jake stand a walk a few feet away. He returned with a log and sat down on it crossing his legs underneath him. He was facing toward the lake now and seemed caught up in the fiery water as well. Remaining quiet for long enough that Olivia breathed a sigh of relief, he looked over at her and saw that she was intent on the sunset.

"Her name was Anna."

Olivia bent her head ever so slightly toward him. She waited.

"Anna Riccardi. She had long brown hair that was full of natural waves and curls, but she straightened it more often than not. And because of her job, she kept it pulled back and piled on top of her head. Her eyes were a dark green with flecks of gold. When she smiled, she lit up my life. She was beautiful. I loved her. More than anyone or anything in my life. Ever. I loved her." He sighed heavily and Olivia could see that he raked his hands through his hair and scrunched his shoulders to release the tension in them.

Olivia didn't know what to say and she wasn't sure he expected her to say anything so didn't. Chewing on her bottom lip, she waited for him to continue.

"She was my soul mate, Liv. She understood completely. I could talk to her when there was no one else that I felt I could trust. She knew everything about me…the good, the bad, the ugly. She knew it all and yet she was still there for me. Still there to pick up the pieces and put me back together. We should have been together." His voice cracked and the breath he took was ragged, rough. "We should be growing old together."

The pain he was reliving or perhaps was still in, was palpable. Olivia felt sorry for him yet she was now curious about the rest of his story.

"Why aren't you together?" her whispered voice seemed loud as it floated over the nearly deserted beach.

Unprepared for the sniffling she heard, her head snapped in his direction and she saw him wipe tears from his eyes and then wipe at his nose with the back of his hand.

He snorted and the chuckle that fell from his lips was riddled with disdain, "Because I was afraid to tell her how I felt. And then…then it was…it was…" his voice trailed off.

Olivia looked over at him again. This time his head hung down and he wiped furiously at his eyes, the tears coming much too fast. She wanted to comfort him somehow but was frozen in place by fear that he would reject it.

She waited and when he didn't continue, she reached over, put her hand on his shoulder and asked softly, "It was what?"

Once again he sniffled, "It was…too late. She was murdered."

Before she could stop it, the gasp had punctuated the air around them. "Oh, Jake…I..I'm s-sorry…"

"Yea. Me, too. We had worked this case where this woman was using kids in the daycare she owned to run drugs for her. Her husband never could believe she was guilty. She was sentenced 25 to 30 for the drugs and contributing to the delinquency of minors and child endangerment. Ended up slitting her wrists with a shiv made from a plastic fork. Her husband came to the precinct…looking for us. He blamed us for her death. Before anyone realized what he was doing, that he was unhinged, he…he…uh…" Jake broke down and a strangled sob caught in his throat.

Olivia's hand moved to his neck and lightly caressed it. The minute he had said 'case' she thought she knew where this was going by the way her stomach had clenched. And she wished she were anywhere but here. She didn't know if she could take hearing the rest of the story.

Jake cleared his throat, wiped his eyes and continued. "He pulled a gun and shot Anna…point blank…in the chest. I held her in my arms as she died. And still…I never…I never…told her that I loved her. Even though she was dying…I didn't tell her…because…because it was against the rules. It was against the rules and our Captain was there…and our colleagues…and they would split us up if they knew how we felt. And I couldn't take being apart from her."

Olivia pulled Jake's head to her shoulder and held him. He let her. Then a few minutes later he pulled away from her. He took her hand and looked deep into her eyes. "Anna was my soul mate, Olivia. And my partner."

Olivia's eyes were wide and her mouth fell open but she had no words for him.

He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it quickly. "Don't make the same mistake I made, Liv. Don't wait until it's too late." He smiled at her as he released her hand.

She nodded slowly at him and was surprised to find her hands were shaking. In fact, her whole body trembled.

Jake stood and extended his hand to help her up. "We better get changed and packed up. It'll be completely dark soon.

The ride home was different than the ride out that morning. The stars were bright and she had forgotten how they covered the heavens…there were so many. She had learned a lot about her new partner tonight. Perhaps more than she wanted to know. She had also learned something about herself. She was not going to wait any longer. She was not going to take a chance and end up being too late. She would not find herself in the situation that Jake was in. She would not be too late.

eoeoeoeoeo


	21. Call

**Chapter 21 - Call**

**SVU Squad Room • Tuesday, September 2nd • 7:23 a.m.**

Jake arrived before Olivia, which was a rarity. He had coffee, tea and bagels for everyone. Munch eyed him as he crossed the room.

"Well, well, well. Got a little sun, did we?" Munch had to comment on Jake's tan and slightly red face.

"Yep. Spent the whole day riding, fishing, swimming and sunning. Perfect holiday," Jake grinned as he set the bag of bagels and tray of cups on his desk.

"Hear that?" Munch turned as he directed the question to Fin. "While we were running all around Manhattan, he's out soaking up the sun and having a grand old time."

The food had caught Fin's attention and he came around to Jake's desk. "Yea, I hear 'im. Perfect, huh? Ain't perfect unless you had a woman to hang wit' ya," Fin mumbled around the huge bite he had taken of a blueberry bagel.

"Fin's right. So spill. Who was your _date_, Zoumberis?" Munch questioned as he filled a cup of coffee with sugar and creamer.

Jake merely laughed as he sat down and logged into his computer. While he waited for it to boot up, he leaned over the desk and folded his arms, "Who said I had a date?"

Munch and Fin exchanged glances and then looked over Jake's head as Olivia entered the squad room. They both broke out in huge grins and started high five-ing each other.

"What?" Jake asked and then turned to see Olivia as she strode into the squad room.

"So, Olivia looks like you got quite a bit of sun. Tell me, how'd you like riding on a motorcycle?" Munch asked.

Fin's statement followed quickly behind it, "I ain't _never _heard of you fishing!"

Staring at the two men, her mouth fell open, she raised her left eyebrow and shifted her eyes to Jake, "You told them?"

Jake innocently held his hands out and shrugged, "No. You just did."

Rolling her eyes, her hands went to her hips as she glared teasingly at Munch and Fin.

"Olivia, you know there are no secrets in the SVU," Munch added, still grinning mischievously.

Elliot had come out of his office to refill his coffee mug and heard Munch's last declaration. "Secrets? Who's got secrets?" he asked as he poured the thick, brown sludge.

Munch twisted around to look at him, "Seems our colleagues spent their last day before returning to the grind, riding, fishing and swimming and as a bonus they now sport deep, golden tans."

"I ain't never figured out why white folks want to lay out in the hot sun, sweatin' and bein' miserable just to get darker," Fin shook his head.

Elliot's head felt like it would explode at this new information. "Riding?" His gaze swept from Jake to Olivia and back again.

"Motorcycle. I've got a Harley Davidson," Jake explained suddenly very uncomfortable under the glare of Elliot's narrowed eyes as the scene from Sunday night popped into his head.

"Hmmm…well, the two of you should be rested up enough then to jump right into work, huh?" Elliot's smirk was indicative of what he had in store for them.

He stared at Jake then slowly shifted his gaze to Olivia. Her already olive complexion was tanned a deep brown. The highlights in her hair seemed lighter. She simply glowed from her day in the sun. The woman was incredibly attractive. He wished he were not so angry with her. He wanted to talk to her, to be with her. Breathe her in. Realizing she would not hold his gaze, he pushed the thoughts away. She looked guilty. Guilty of what, he wondered, as his imagination began supplying possible answers?

She caught his eyes but then looked down at the floor as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. She then glanced up at Jake. He licked his lips and looked back at Elliot, "Uh…yes, Sir. I'd say we're ready to jump right back in, Sir."

"Good. You get started on file room two. Munch and Fin didn't have time to put files back and they've piled up since we were short two detectives," Elliot tilted his head in the direction of the file rooms. "Benson, you clear off all the files on the table in Interrogation room three and work on file room one. I'll expect everything to be in place by lunchtime."

The four detectives traded looks. They all knew this was punishment. And though no one said a word and no one would ever put it to words, they knew it was because Elliot was not happy about Jake and Olivia spending the day together. Now they were going to spend the day apart filing. Grunt work. Work that a student clerk took care of most days.

Olivia's head jerked up to meet Elliot's cool stare and managed to shoot him a heated glare. Elliot simply folded his arms across his chest and returned the look it with a sarcastic smirk. She continued eye contact with him as she huffed her way to the interrogation room. Jake saw the exchange between them and shook his head as he headed for file room number two.

Four hours and ten minutes later, Elliot was in his office when Olivia made her way to her desk after finishing her part of the filing. He was on the phone but he glanced up briefly as she came in. Reaching for something on his desk, he quickly turned away from her. She felt her stomach flip flop because she could tell just from those actions that he was not going to make this easy. He was still angry. She sighed and settled at her desk. She really wasn't hungry, but took a cinnamon and raisin bagel from the morning and spread cream cheese on half of it. She could not believe he had them putting away files all morning. Yes, she could. She knew it was his way of making sure she knew he had the upper hand. Well, he may think he has the upper hand, but she would show him a thing or two.

"You okay?" Jake asked as he sat down at his desk across from her. "Liv?"

"Hmmm?" His words finally registered with her, "Oh…yea. I'm fine. You finish?" She smiled and sat up straighter.

He nodded his head, "How about we get some real food, huh?" He looked at the bagel she was holding.

"Great idea. Just a second," she turned to her computer and quickly typed something. "Let's go," she answered and grabbed her cell and stood up.

Anything to get out of there, to put some distance between her and Elliot, even if she didn't feel like eating. Oh, there was already plenty of distance, but she wanted the physical distance, too. She was not sure how much longer she could bear to be this close to him and yet know things were anything but right with the two of them. Dropping the bagel in the trash, she followed Jake out the double doors.

******

Elliot was still on the phone when he glanced out and saw Olivia and Jake leaving. The blood rushed to his head and he wanted to run to the door and holler out to them, asking where they were going. Almost simultaneously his computer beeped to let him know he had a new email. He clicked on the icon of the letter and saw that Olivia had emailed him.

_Date:September 2_

_To: Stabler, Elliot (NYPD/MNSVU)_

_From:Benson, Olivia (NYPD/MNSVU)_

_Subject: Is it okay if we eat?_

_Finished filing. Jake and I are getting lunch._

He laughed as he read her email. It wasn't like she was really asking permission since she went on to _inform_ him that she and Jake were going to lunch. He knew she was being a smart…well, she was being sarcastic. Since there was no case they were involved in and they had a right to a break, she wasn't doing anything wrong. But he sure was ticked off. He knew she was also throwing it in his face that he could separate them at work and make them do any number of less than detective worthy duties, but he had no control over what they did off the clock.

"Captain?"

The voice at his door brought him out of his funk over Olivia and Jake being together. He looked up to see Jessica McDaniel standing there. Groaning inwardly, he rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers. The ADA was the last person he wanted see standing there. She had on a deep purple skirt suit with a lavender shell. Her long blond hair was straight today instead of flowing with its usual curls. She was a very attractive woman. One that Elliot did not want to deal with right now.

"Jessica…hi. What brings you to SVU?" he asked. They did not have anything pressing that she would need to discuss with him and he had no idea why she was there.

"Oh…I was just wondering…I have a few questions about the Delgado case…and I…uh…thought we could grab some lunch and talk…that is, if you don't have any plans…" she suggested uncertainly.

Must be getting old, Stabler, he thought to himself. A gorgeous woman is asking you to have lunch and you don't want to go.

Smiling, he stood and walked toward her, "Well, I have no plans and I am starving. Got somewhere in mind?"

"Oh…um…no…where ever you'd like to go will be fine with me," she smiled, clearly relieved that he had agreed to accompany her.

**Sid's Deli • Tuesday, September 2nd • 12:15 p.m.**

They walked three blocks to Sid's, a favorite lunchtime choice at the precinct. They both got sandwiches and a salad and found an empty table for two in front of the window. Once seated Jessica began asking Elliot some questions about Dante Delgado and if there had been anything new on the case. They had been talking for about fifteen minutes when a woman's laughter caught Elliot's attention. Not just any woman. Discreetly looking around for its source, he quickly found Olivia. And Jake. Immediately his blood pressure spiked and he felt the anger he had been nursing since Sunday wash over him like lava spewing from a long simmering volcano. He was aware of Jessica talking but he no longer was able to process her words or even pretend to pay any attention to her.

"Elliot? Elliot?" she called his name several times and finally turned to see what he was so intently staring at and then she understood. Or at least she thought she understood. Olivia must be the woman that he was 'interested' in.

Reaching over, she touched his arm, "Captain?"

His head jerked toward Jessica, "What?" His voice was brusque and he realized he had snapped at her. "I'm sorry…what did you say?"

"I said…are you ready to leave?" she asked. She had not really said that but realized she had lost his attention and was fairly certain she would not regain it again.

On their way out, Olivia saw Elliot and Jessica. While her heart constricted with something…a tightness…a dread…they waited in line to pay for their meal and she was able to watch them from the corner of her eye. Then to her to her dismay they stood and she knew they would be coming up to the register. She wanted to run. Instead she reminded herself that this was not seventh grade and as Elliot had so clearly reminded her, she had no claims on him. They were both acting like jilted lovers when neither one of them had the right. She hoped against hope that the line would move quickly and they could get out of there before having to face them.

Jake turned around and took her by the arm, "I got you covered. Let's go." He had paid for her lunch, too.

Breathing a sigh of relief she glanced one more time toward Elliot just as he turned toward her. Their eyes locked for several long seconds, but then Jessica said something and he looked away. Olivia and Jake left. The gnawing in her stomach made her glad that she had only eaten a small salad and drank water because she felt she might be seeing even that little bit again.

**SVU Squad Room • Tuesday, September 2nd • 3:15 p.m.**

Putting the last of their reports into an envelope, Olivia felt her cell phone vibrating against her hip. Looking at the caller ID, she frowned because it said 'unknown caller'. She hated answering those kinds of calls and most of the time did not, but with the two cases they had going on, it could be someone with information.

"Benson."

There was silence but she could hear someone breathing. Great. An obscene phone call on her cell phone. These pervs must dial numbers at random. She started to hang up but decided to give it one more try.

"This is Detective Benson. May I help you?"

"Detective?" the soft, uncertain voice asked.

Olivia sat up straight at the sound of a young girl's voice. "Yes. Who am I speaking with, please?"

"It's…it's Jade."

Jade Delgado. Drawing a deep breath, Olivia motioned for Jake and spoke again, "Jade, are you okay, sweetie?"

Jake came around to sit on the edge of Olivia's desk, their eyes meeting as Olivia spoke.

"Yes…no…I mean…I want to talk to you, but my Mom doesn't want me to," she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

"Honey, we can talk right now," Olivia told her. "Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

There was a long pause, "He…my Dad…" Another long pause and she changed the direction of the conversation. "Uh…can we talk in person?"

"Okay. Where are you? I'll come to you," Olivia told her as Jake shook his head rapidly from side to side. Her brows drew together in a frown at his action.

"No…I…I'm at home…uh…will you meet me at the bodega four blocks from my house?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed in thought as she tried to place the location, "You mean the one on the corner with the pharmacy? Near the bookstore?"

"Uh-huh…"

"When?"

"Thirty minutes?"

"Okay…I'll be there."

No sooner had she flipped her phone shut than Jake started in on her. "Liv, you know you can't do this."

"What am I supposed to do, Z? She called me for help! " She ran a hand through her hair stopping at her neck and rubbing at the tension gathering there.

"And what are we going to tell the Captain?" he nodded toward Elliot's office. A couple of unis were in there with him.

Olivia looked over at Elliot, then back at Jake and shrugged, "Nothing. At least not yet."

"Liv…" Jake's exasperation bled into his voice.

"She's a young girl, Jake! She wants help! She wants to talk!" her voice was getting dangerously close to calling unwanted attention to their argument.

"Yea? And her mother said we were not to talk to her! And so did Stabler. She's a minor. This won't end well, Olivia. We'll end up with out butts in a sling," Jake leaned closer to her taking care to keep his voice low as he warned her.

Olivia stared into his green eyes and noted the worry in his expression. "Oh, I get it, now," she snorted and shook her head, stood up and grabbed the keys to the sedan, "Don't worry. Stay here and finish the reports. I'll take care of this." In less time than it took for him to blink, she was headed for the door walking faster than she usually did and Jake knew she was mad.

Rolling his eyes and exhaling a sigh of surrender, he pushed off from the desk and ran to catch up with her. He slid into the passenger side of the brown sedan and pulled the seatbelt around his waist just as she turned the key in the ignition.

"What are you doing?" she snapped, glaring at him, her hands gripping the steering wheel.

"Watching my partner's back," he grinned at her, "What are you waiting for?"

Staring at him for a second, she asked, "You sure?" She couldn't help but show him a small smile.

"Yea, I'm sure. Nothing better to do. We finished the reports, remember?" he cocked an eyebrow at her, then looked out the window. "I trust you, Liv. I'll back your play." He looked back at her and tipped his head, "Let's go."

**Corner Bodega, Loisaida Avenue • Tuesday, September 2nd • 3:43 p.m.**

"There she is," Jake pointed toward Jade leaning against the brick wall of the pharmacy near the bodega. She wore fashionably tattered jeans, a red tank top and red flip-flops.

Olivia pulled the sedan over, parking across the street. "Hang close, but let me do the talking. I don't want her to be any more uncomfortable about this than she already is."

"Okay," Jake agreed although he was still convinced this was not a good idea. His gut told him this was going to come back to bite them in the butt.

Crossing the street a bit ahead of him, Jake watched Olivia go to Jade. Though he could hear their voices he could not make out what they were saying. He bought a couple of bottles of iced tea at the bodega and dutifully stood guard over the area.

"Jade? You okay?" Smiling, Olivia walked toward the young girl.

"Not here…can we…uh…talk over there?" she pointed toward a bench in a clump of trees outside the bodega.

"Sure," Olivia followed her and took a seat to her left. Close but not too close.

Jade nervously surveyed their surroundings as Olivia watched her and looked around, too. "Would you feel better if went to get a soda or something at the diner?"

Quickly bringing her eyes to meet Olivia's, Jade shook her head, "No. This way it looks more like a chance meeting, don't you think?"

Smiling slightly, Olivia had to admit the young girl was smart, and she agreed, "Yes, it does."

"Mom will kill me if she finds out I talked to you," she brushed her hair behind her ears and looked away.

"Jade…I don't want you to go against your Mom, but there are times when you know it is the right thing to do. This is one of those times," Olivia tried to provide a balance of assurance and support for her.

Jade looked at Olivia for a long moment, her dark brown eyes searching Olivia's and finally deciding she could trust her, she smiled and nodded. "Mom thinks if I tell these things, that it will ruin me and Sierra and our family, but I don't see it like that…because…because I…I haven't done anything wrong. So why would it ruin me?" Jade questioned as tears sprung to her eyes.

"Oh, sweetie…" reaching out, Olivia patted her shoulder in comfort.

"Jade Madeira Delgado! Cuáles son usted que hace?! Vaya a casa! Ahora! Vaya!" The angry voice of Lupe Delgado crackled in the air around them.

Jade jumped up from the bench just as Lupe grabbed her by the arm and shoved her in the direction from which she had just come.

"Mama! Déjeme por favor decir Benson detective. ¡Por favor, Mama!

"Lupe…please…let Jade talk to…" Olivia stood and held her hands out toward Lupe in a calming gesture.

Lupe turned to Jade who had stopped about ten feet from them, and told her again, "Vaya a casa!¡Vaya! ¡Ahora!" She then whirled toward Olivia, shaking her index finger at her, "I tell you not to talk to my daughter. I tell you to leave us alone." She was shaking with her anger.

"Mrs. Delgado, Detective Benson is only trying to help," Jake was suddenly at Olivia's side also attempting to calm Lupe.

"We do not need your help! I will speak to your superiors about this! You stay away from my daughter!" Lupe backed away from them, her eyes jumping with anger.

Olivia and Jake watched as she caught up with Jade, snatched her by the arm pushing her along as Jade looked over her shoulder at them. They could hear her chewing her out in Spanish all the way down the street.

"Well, that went real well," Jake said what he was thinking, dreading Lupe following through with her threat and wondering how they would explain this to Captain Stabler.

Dragging her hands through her hair, Olivia glared at him, "Shut up, Jake."

She headed for the sedan, Jake running once again to catch up with her.

**SVU Squad Room • Wednesday, September 3 • 10:07 a.m.**

The morning had been relatively calm. Jake had been holding his breath waiting for the Captain to call them into his office for a royal dressing down because Lupe Delgado had finally contacted him. Olivia didn't seem phased at the possibility of getting reamed out at all. They had talked to Elliot about CSI's preliminaries of the evidence found at the scene of the attack in her apartment. When they were finished, Jake left the office but Olivia hung back. She had decided to try again to talk to Elliot about Sunday.

"El?" she was standing and anxiously twisting the ring on her right ring finger. She bit her lower lip while she waited for his response.

"Yes, Detective?" he answered as he merely glanced up from the report he had gone back to reading and then quickly turned his attention back to it. She was so nervous, he thought. Not at all like the Olivia he was used to dealing with on a daily basis.

Detective. Okay, so he was still peeved. He answered his nickname with her formal title. She pulled a chair close to his desk and sat down, "Can we talk about Sunday?"

Laying the report down, his eyes met hers, his face was stone, his voice emotionless, "I got nothing to say."

Nodding her head, she looked down at the floor and then back at him, her eyes narrowed. She licked her lip as she released it from its hold between her teeth, "So, we just…never going to talk again?"

"We're talking now," he answered, chewing on he inside of his cheek.

Noting that this was a habit he did when he was extremely upset, she knew this was still bothering him whether he had 'nothing to say' or not.

"Elliot," she rolled her eyes, "that's not what I mean and you know it."

"Well, I already told you…I got nothing to say," he picked up the report and started reading it again.

She could not believe he was doing this but she got his message. Loud and clear. He was through with her. She sighed and stood up. She stared at him as he continued to read, ignoring her. Just two days ago she was ready to spill her guts to him about her feelings and now he was completely shutting her down. They were so screwed up it was a wonder that they had ever managed to stay partners so long. Maybe, just maybe she was through with him, too.

She left his office unaware that his eyes never left her as she made her way across the room and to her desk. He heard the heaviness of her sigh; saw the slump of her shoulders, and the listlessness of her walk. He knew she was hurt by the way he was acting. He knew they should talk it out and they would, but he was not ready just yet. He was still too hurt and angry to deal with her rationally.

The image in his mind that had played over and over since Sunday evening was now seared in his brain. It seemed every time he closed his eyes he would see her kiss Jake. He reminded himself it was just on the cheek. But then his alter ego reminded him that all he saw was when she kissed him on the cheek. He was not there for the real action. Bottom line…he was still too jealous over whatever it was going on between her and Zoumberis to be able to calmly discuss what had happened Sunday. That Olivia was at least as upset about Jessica, for some reason, never entered his mind.

The ringing of his phone demanded that he turn his attention away from Olivia and their relationship problems to answer the offender. Anything would be better than thinking about her right now. "Special Victims Unit. Captain Stabler."

eoeoeoeo


	22. Contention

**Chapter 22 – Contention**

**SVU Squad Room – Wednesday, September 3 – 10:45 a.m.**

Jake watched as Olivia came back to her desk. He could tell she was upset by the way she walked and the expression on her face. It was like she wasn't really there. He could only imagine what the conversation between she and Elliot was about, but whatever it was, it was clear that it had not turned out like she wanted it to. She shot him a half smile as she flopped down into her chair, sighing loudly. Yep, she was not in a good mood. He would leave her be and hope things brightened up by lunch.

On the other hand, Munch had been watching her as well and he was not of the mind to leave her alone. "Do I detect trouble in paradise?" he teased.

"What are you talking about?" Olivia looked up at the older detective.

"Seems like you and the captain are at odds. I thought all that would change when you got a new partner," he nodded toward Jake.

Adding his two bits, Fin snorted, "Only thing that changed is now he jealous of the new partner."

He and Munch laughed while Olivia glared at the two of them. "Cut it out guys. He's not jealous," she was trying not to completely blow up at them.

"Not jealous? Oh, please, Olivia. He's been jealous of every guy you have ever dated. What do you think all that filing was about?" Munch asked her as he came to sit on the corner of her desk.

Her eyes drifted to Jake who had so far remained silent. She could tell by the look on his face that he was well aware that Munch's reasoning was exactly on the mark as to why the two of them had spent a half-day filing.

"We're _not_ dating," she argued, her cheeks turning red.

"You and Jake or you and Elliot?" Fin asked and Munch leaned over and high fived him.

She rolled her eyes, "Neither. I'm not _dating_ either of them!"

She felt tears pooling in her eyes and if she cried in front of these jerks, she would transfer out of SVU. She was so distraught over Elliot's refusal to talk to her that her emotions were frayed and this teasing by her colleagues was about to be the proverbial straw on the camel's back.

Even though she turned away and started typing, Jake noticed her eyes glistening and had to come to her rescue. He knew she would never forgive herself if she fell apart in front of everyone. He was definitely right about whatever transpired between her and Elliot. It was personal and it did not turn out good at least not in Olivia's eyes.

"Lay off. Olivia and I are just friends," Jake began, but Munch interrupted.

"And we heard that from Elliot for how long?" he leaned over toward Fin. "Almost ten years?" The two laughed again.

Jake had had enough of this and was now standing and leaning over his desk, glaring at Munch and Fin, "Her personal life is her business, not yours. So leave her alone, how about it?"

"Jake, it's okay…" Olivia told him as she looked first at Munch and then Fin.

"A bit touchy about it, are we?" Munch waggled his eyebrows at Jake.

"Listen, Munch, if you don't shut up…" Jake growled.

The banging of a door, Elliot's door, as it flew open startled all four detectives as well as the rest of the squad room. All heads and eyes turned to see Captain Elliot Stabler in a full blown rage.

"Benson! Zoumberis! My office! Now!" Elliot seethed as his jaw clenched. Shades of Captain Cragen.

Jake and Olivia traded wide-eyed glances as they both rose from their desks and headed toward the fuming Elliot. Munch, Fin and the others tried not to watch as they quietly crossed the room silently almost like lambs to the slaughter.

Captain Stabler's Office – Wednesday, September 3 – 11:00 a.m.

Once in his office, Elliot closed the door, just shy of actually slamming it. The blinds jangled echoing loudly through the small room. He did not ask them to sit and when Jake started to, he glared at him until Jake stood upright again. Elliot stared at the two detectives then scratched his head, shook it and snorted.

"I just got off the phone with an extremely irate person. Care to venture a guess as to who it was?" He looked at both of them but settled his gaze on Olivia.

Olivia looked at Jake and he slightly shook his head once. He did not think it was wise to say one word because he really thought the answers were about to be supplied for them by the captain. But she answered anyway.

"Elliot, it's not what you think…" she was picking the cuticles of her thumbs with her index fingers.

"Did I ask you anything about what I _think_?" Leaning close to her, he snapped.

She flinched at his loud voice and looked down at the floor.

"Well, let me tell you who that was. Chief Morris! Seems he got a call from a very upset citizen. Any idea who that might be, Detective Benson?" Daring to look at him again she saw his blue eyes were the color of midnight and Olivia knew he was furious. This time she was not about to risk a response.

Morris? Why did Lupe call Morris, she wondered? It would have been bad enough for her to call Elliot. But Morris? Olivia looked down at the floor and shot Jake a sideways glance. He barely lifted his eyes to her, but Elliot did not miss it.

"What are you looking at _him_ for? I asked _you_ the question! Don't _you_ know the answer?" Elliot's face was red and that vein on the side of his neck was pulsating.

So, he _did _want an answer this time. "Uh…yes…Sir," she stammered as she felt the heat rush to her face. She hated saying 'sir' to him, but thought it might help in this current situation. She was getting furious now because he was dragging this out like he was having fun making her squirm and humiliating her in front of Jake.

"Well?" Elliot demanded, crossing her arms across his chest, his eyes narrowed.

"Lupe. Lupe Delgado," she finally answered, taking a deep breath and meeting his eyes, her head held high.

"Lupe Delgado," he nodded his head, "She told you not talk to her daughters without her permission. We discussed this." He pointed his finger at her, "Yet, you go behind my back and disobey a direct order. What were the two of you thinking?" he looked between them, his gaze clouded with his anger.

"It was my idea. I'm the one to blame. Jake didn't want to…" she started.

Jake jumped in before Olivia could finish, "I'm just as much to blame as Detective Benson, Sir. I made the choice to go with her."

Elliot's arms unfolded and his hands landed on his hips as his stance widened. "That so? Mind explaining why you would do something you had been told not to do, Zoumberis?"

Jake quickly looked over at Olivia, cleared his throat and met Elliot's stare straight on, "She's my partner. I trust her and she was doing what she thought had to be done. Sir."

This straightforward declaration infuriated Elliot more than he thought possible. 'She's my partner'. He realized the words held so much more meaning than the obvious statement would ever indicate. They meant that Olivia and Jake had jelled as partners. They had become cohesive…they would stick closely together and they would stick up for each other at all costs. They had become one. An entity apart from others. Partners. Jake trusted her enough to back her play even if it meant having to deal adversely with those in authority over them. And his trust in her would, in turn, foster Olivia's explicit trust in Jake. They had taken the first step in becoming partners in every sense of the word. The blue line that Cragen had always scolded them about was now being thrown in Elliot's face. By his partner. Correction. His _former _partner and her _new_ partner. He needed a locker before he punched Zoumberis out.

Elliot knew it was good for partners to have this kind of trust; it was necessary for a good partnership. Trust was the foundation of every relationship and much more important between partners because lives could depend on it. Their lives, as well others. Yes, it was good, but Elliot did not want Olivia to trust anyone else like that. Anyone other than him. He wanted to have her explicit trust. Jake was slowly taking his place and he did not like it. Not one little bit.

"Jade called me, Elliot…I didn't go looking for…" Olivia had gotten her confidence back but Elliot was not willing to listen to anything she had to say.

"The fact of the matter is you went against my orders, Benson…" his voice was low and rumbling with his irritation with her. "And since Morris is involved, I've got to write you up."

"Sir, please. At least give her a chance to explain," Jake asked as respectfully as possible.

Elliot narrowed his eyes at him, thinking. Breathing in slowly and sharply through his nose, he turned back to Olivia, "What happened?"

She looked at Jake and then Elliot, "Jade called me. She wanted me to meet her at the bodega near her house. What was I suppose to do, Elliot? She was asking me for help."

He searched her eyes and saw that she knew he _did_ understand. He would have been right there beside her. Just like Jake. But right now he was her superior commanding officer and he had to go with proper procedures, not his gut. Or hers. He nodded for her to continue.

Running her hands through her hair, she did a complete spin before speaking again, "We had barely sat down when Lupe found us. The only thing Jade was able to tell me was that her mom did not want her to tell these things because she felt it would ruin the girls and their family. Jade told me she did not see how they would be ruined because she had done nothing wrong. Then Lupe showed up."

"So, we still have nothing on Delgado." He finally sat down on the edge of this desk, relaxing somewhat.

Olivia shook her head, "No, but El, I know Delgado has abused Jade. I feel it."

Jake looked back and forth between them. "Isn't there something we can do to get a warrant for medical records on the girls or counselors' records at school or something?" he asked.

"It wouldn't matter…if either of them told a doctor or a counselor anything that was remotely suspicious of abuse, they would have reported it to authorities. There's nothing," Olivia told him.

"Yea, yea…I know that…I just wish there was something we _could_ do," Jake sighed.

"Well, gut feelings won't hold up in court. There is nothing until we have an accusation. In the meantime, you are to stay away from the Delgado girls. That clear?" Elliot looked at the two detectives.

Jake looked at Olivia and she shot him a quick fleeting look before looking away. There was no way she was going to agree because that would be out and out lying. And she didn't want to lie to Elliot. He was waiting and so was Jake.

"I'm sorry, but I can't say I won't talk to her again. If she calls me, I'll be there for her," she met Elliot's hardened gaze with one of her own. "Would you really want me to refuse to listen, Elliot?"

"Just so you are both clear that there will be repercussions for your actions…" he trailed off, finally calm again.

"Yes, Sir," Jake answered.

"Completely clear," Olivia acknowledged.

"Get out of here," he said grumpily and went around the desk to sit down.

**SVU Squad Room – Wednesday, September 3 – 11:50 a.m.**

"That went a lot better than I thought it would," Jake told her, relieved to finally be out of there.

"Yea…I guess it did," she agreed as a smile crossed her lips.

"Liv…if she calls you again…you know I'll go, right?" he asked her.

She grinned at him and nodded her head. "I know. Listen…I have a dental appointment. I'll see you after lunch," she gathered her cell phone and keys.

"Want me to meet you somewhere for lunch?" he asked her.

"Actually, I'm meeting a friend." She hadn't told Jake that Peter had called her yesterday and asked her to lunch.

"Okay…see you when you get back," he grinned, no questions asked. Elliot would have given her the third degree about her plans, but Jake just accepted them and let her go.

Peter had called her three or four times since the attack, asking about her, wanting to see her. At first, she hadn't been up to it, and then she thought she and Elliot were getting things back on track, but when Peter called yesterday she decided she had put him off long enough and agreed to have lunch with him. It was only lunch. Yesterday she had been ambivalent about it. After the exchange with Elliot she was glad she had agreed.

Elliot saw her say something to Jake and then pick up some things on her desk and leave. The curiosity of where she was going settled around him and he knew he would have to find a reason to go out there and ask Jake where she went.

Later Jake returned with a bag from a local deli as Elliot was pouring another cup of coffee. He nodded at Elliot as he tossed the bag on his desk and went around to Olivia's desk. He opened the bottom left drawer, pulled out a bottle of water and returned to his desk. This innocent action bothered Elliot. Jake knew where Olivia kept her food and beverages and felt comfortable enough to help himself and this bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

He walked over to Jake and casually asked, "Where's Liv?"

Jake had a mouthful of sandwich and mumbled, "Mmph…dennal apponment."

Elliot felt like a fool. Dental appointment. Now he remembered she mentioned it yesterday afternoon before she left. "That's right. Forgot about that."

He looked at his watch. It had been over two hours since she left. "Guess it ran long, huh?" he turned to go back to his office.

"Well, she was meeting someone for lunch afterwards," Jake told him as he took a swallow of water.

Elliot stopped and looked at Jake, frowning, he wondered who she was with but was not about to ask. It would be more than apparent that he cared too much about her private life. More than her captain should care. He continued toward his office as Jake continued with his explanation of Olivia's whereabouts.

"Didn't say who…just that she was meeting a friend," Jake offered, knowing that Elliot wanted to ask. What was he going to do with these two? It was clear that they cared for each other. A lot. Stubbornness and pride could be huge obstacles to overcome. He'd just have to help them out whenever he could without them knowing.

Elliot went back to his office and for all appearances seemed to be engrossed in his work. Nothing could be farther from his mind. Olivia filled every thought and he wished now he had swallowed his pride and anger and talked it out with her when he had the chance. After all his years as a detective, his instincts were finely honed and he did not like what his instincts were telling him about the 'friend' she was meeting for lunch. Hearing laughter, his thoughts were pulled back to the present and he realized it was Olivia. He saw her and Jake, their heads drawn together over her computer screen, laughing. He knew he shouldn't but he was about to find out just whom the lucky guy was she had been with at lunch.

"This is Captain Stabler, Manhattan SVU. I have a few questions about Detective Benson."

Five minutes later he had all the answers he needed and more than he wanted to know. Now he was about to deal with Olivia. As he neared her desk, she and Jake looked up and their laughter ceased.

**SVU Squad Room – Wednesday, September 3 – 2:20 p.m.**

"So, Benson…dentist find anything or you set for another year," he sat on the edge of her desk.

Wondering what he was up to, she eyed him warily, "Good for a year."

"Good…that means you won't be taking off two and half hours in the middle of the morning anytime soon."

"I wasn't at the dentist that long…I got lunch while I was out, too," she was really puzzled over his interest in her dental appointment. "I told you yesterday about the appointment."

"Yea…you did. Meet anyone for lunch?" How inconspicuous is that, he chided himself.

Ah. That's what this was all about. Knowing it would anger him she still could not stop the smirk that stretched across her lips. Staring at him, she debated on whether or not to even answer the question since she was positive he already knew the answer. He had talked to her protective detail and found out everything he wanted to know. She was sick of them following her but knew there was no way he would pull them off. Not until they found the man who had attacked her and Jake in her apartment.

"That's really none of your business, is it, Captain Stabler? But since you already know who I met for lunch, it would just be a waste of breath for me to say _his_ name," her words were dripping with sarcasm and she gave him a forced smile.

Jake was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with their discussion and decided he needed to pay a visit to the men's room. Standing up, he said, "Uh…if you'll excuse me…I need to…"

"Sit tight, Zoumberis. You need to hear this," Elliot demanded.

"Well, this really seems like it should be private, so…"

"You having trouble with orders again, Zomberis? I said sit tight," Elliot snapped.

Jake and Olivia traded glances and he sat back down in his chair.

Okay, so she knew he talked to the detail. It did not change the facts. "You need to know when your partner is engaging in potentially dangerous activities," Elliot spoke to Jake but his eyes never left Olivia.

"Dangerous activities? What the heck are you talking about, Stabler? I met a friend for lunch!" She dropped the title, resorting to his last name because she was now livid over his proclamation.

Elliot snorted, "Friend? He's a potential suspect and you see nothing wrong with having lunch with him? You're losing your edge, Benson."

"Suspect? Come on, you don't have anything on Peter! I'm a pretty good judge of character and I trust him," she was way past talking. She was hollering and did not care who heard her.

"Good judge of character?" Elliot actually let loose with a howl of laughter. "Are you forgetting Nick Ganzer? You trusted him, too."

Low blow. She wanted to deck him. If they were standing anywhere but the middle of the squad room, she would. She would sucker punch him right in the middle of his smug face, knocking that smirk off along with a few teeth if she hit hard enough. As it were she was so absolutely enraged, and hurt, that she knew she would regret anything she said or did in the next few seconds, so instead, she did a one-eighty and stormed from the squad room and the out of the precinct.

Elliot knew it was a mistake the second before it flew out of his mouth, but it was already processed and he could not bring the words to a halt before they were spoken. Why was it that the two of them seem to have an innate need to say and do things that so deeply hurt the other? Was it because they did know each other so well? Knew their strengths and weaknesses. Knew what would crush the one while giving the other the false sense of having the upper hand. Truth be known, even when one had the so-called upper hand, they were just as severely wounded, if not worse, as the one they had wielded that hand over to tear down. To destroy, and in some instances, annihilate.

The pain he saw flood her face was rapidly filled with the shock of betrayal, which then gave way to utter wrath. Yes, he _had _hurt her; he _had _betrayed her; and she had _every_ right to be angry with him. At this moment he wanted nothing more than to run after her, apologize for his words just now, for his attitude for the last few days, for everything he said, didn't say, did, didn't do for the past ten plus years. He just wanted everything to be right between them again. Yet it seemed they were doomed to the limbo of this dysfunctional relationship they had nurtured over the years with emotional spars, punches and all out attacks.

As he watched her go, he was keenly aware of the accusing eyes that settled upon him. He glanced around at each of his detectives, unable to maintain eye contact. He left them to their own opinions and retreated to the relative safety of his office. Why did he have to come out here and do this in front of everyone? He should have called her into his office and talked to her privately. He should have talked to her earlier in the week. He wouldn't blame her if she never spoke to him again.

**Benson Residence – Wednesday, September 3 – 3:51 p.m.**

Jake saw it was Olivia but didn't want to draw attention to that fact, so he answered, "Zoumberis."

"Hey, it's me. I'm not coming back today. If we get a case, call me, okay?"

"Well, you're still on desk duty until tomorrow," he reminded her.

"Just call me, all right?"

"All right…sure. Uh…you okay?"

"I will be. He say anything?"

"No. Went back to his office and hasn't been out. Keeps looking out here though. You want me to let him know you aren't coming back in?"

She snorted around a laugh, "Trust me, he already knows. Call me if we get anything."

After they hung up she sat there holding the phone in her hands and thinking about the past few days. The past few months. The last ten years. Being honest with herself she realized that she had put her life on hold for the last several years. She was not exactly sure for how long because try as she might, she could not pinpoint when it was she fell in love with her partner. With Elliot. She knew when it was that she had finally admitted that little tidbit to her conscious mind, but she knew she had loved him long before the admission.

She did a few things around the apartment that she rarely ever did…like dust, clean the baseboards, and straighten the linen closet. Tiring of that she poured a glass of wine and settled on the couch to watch television. She could not quit thinking about Elliot and what he had said. If there had been a chance that she would give in and go to him one more time to try to smooth things over, his remark about Ganzer shot that to pieces. Now, who would put aside their pride and give in had become a source of contention, as far she was concerned. She was tired of being the one to make the first move. Pouring another glass of wine she flipped the channels and settled in for another long, lonely, sleepless night.

eoeoeoeoeo


	23. Catalyst

**Chapter 23 - Catalyst**

**SVU Squad Room – Friday, September 5 – 4:45 p.m.**

Forty-five more minutes and Olivia was out of here. She and Jake were on call for the weekend, but she had made that perfectly clear to Peter when she agreed to meet him for dinner Saturday evening. The last two days had been filled with one case after another only one of which required some true detective work requiring them to be in the field for an extended period of time. Fortunately for Olivia, it was hers and Jake's case. She had done her best to avoid Elliot the last two days and this case provided the perfect escape.

After seeing Elliot with Jessica at lunch Tuesday, Olivia decided she was going to give whatever was going on between she and Elliot some time. He was the one not talking to her and the few times she tried, he had brushed her off. So, as far as she was concerned it was up to him if they ever spoke again.

On their way to interview the suspect's neighbors, Jake ventured into the previously taboo subject of Elliot. Actually, the private life of Olivia and Elliot. "Lot has happened this week," he ventured.

Continuing to look out the passenger window Olivia simply agreed, "Uh-huh."

"You know when we had that little talk at the lake I really thought you would come back and let him know," Jake glanced at her as her head snapped towards him.

"Let who know what?" she looked at him like she had no clue as to what he was referring. She knew exactly what he was talking about she was just hoping that he would drop the conversation.

"Ahhh, Liv. Don't play dumb. I spilled my guts about Anna and you're gonna sit there and pretend it didn't affect you? You didn't see the parallels between my life and yours?" He rolled his eyes and shook his head, "No wonder the two of you can't get it together!"

"Jake, I don't know what you think…."

Rage had swept over him so suddenly he knew he was nearly hollering when he cut her off, "I don't _think_ anything, Olivia! I _see_ it! I _sense_ it! I _know_ it! I _lived_ it! You two are in love with each other but…"

"I am _so_ not having this conversation with you," glaring at him, she hissed and moved farther into her corner of the car.

His heavy sigh filled the sedan as the already tense atmosphere thickened. He looked over at her, nodded, leaned his left elbow on the door rest while draping his right hand over the steering wheel and drove silently for several miles.

Olivia held her breath, hopeful that he was finished with prying into her private life. Who did he think he was anyway? What gave him the right to try to fix her and Elliot? Jake's words _had_ affected her. Deeply. And she _had_ been ready to confess everything to Elliot, but the way he acted all week certainly did not make it conducive to talking and she finally decided it would do not good anyway. He had done nothing but push her away every time she made an effort at reconciliation. Besides, it seemed like she was the one that usually went to him after an argument. Let him come to her for a change.

Jake cleared his throat and she saw him in her peripheral vision as he turned toward her. Please don't say anything else about Elliot and me she silently begged. Please. But of course, he was going to say something else. Something so profound, it would reverberate in her ears and head and heart forever.

"I lived it," he spoke softly, "and I lived to regret it. I'll never get over not telling her. Never. Don't make the same mistake, Liv."

A single tear slid down her right cheek as she swallowed the lump in her throat and twisted her head further to the right so he couldn't see she was trying not to cry. Then she felt the warmth of his hand on her shoulder as he lightly squeezed it, patted it and let his hand slide away. She had to bite the inside of her cheeks to stifle the sob battling to expel itself.

**Stabler Residence – Friday, September 5 – 7:00 p.m.**

If the pounding of her heart did not settle down, she would not have to knock, because she was convinced it would be heard on the other side of his door. It was so loud as it echoed in her head she could not even think clearly. Or perhaps that had something to do with being just a knock or two away from being face to face with Elliot and _having_ to say something coherent. Shifting from one foot to the other for the…well, she had no idea how many times she had shifted…she took a deep breath and raised her hand again to knock. It fell limply to her side, her courage lost.

Jake's words had taunted her the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. Knowing that there would be no sleep if she let this continue, she finally scraped up enough nerve to catch a cab to Elliot's apartment. Looking at her watch she saw she had been there right at twenty minutes. Fifteen of which were spent pacing in front of the building trying to make herself climb the stoop and go inside. The last few minutes she had stood here staring at his door. Swallowing hard, she lifted her hand once again. Here goes.

She felt like she was detached, like she was another person simply looking on as she watched her knuckles finally make contact with the dark blue door. Knock, knock, knock. Pause. Knock, knock, kno…the door swung open and there he stood, in his wife beater, dress slacks, and socks, seemingly stunned that she was there. Or was it a mix of guilt and fear, she would later wonder.

"Liv," he croaked, quickly looking over his shoulder into his apartment as he stepped out and pulled the door to behind him.

That was strange, she thought. Normally he would have asked her in. She stared at him and he at her. Now or never. Okay. Drawing a shaky, deep breath, she began, "Elliot, I know you don't want to talk to me and I understand that but…

"Now is really not a good time, Liv. Can we do this later?" he asked quickly interrupting her.

Raising a hand at him, she shook her head, "No. No, if I don't do this right now, I may never do it."

"Liv…"

He seemed really uncomfortable, but, well, she didn't care. Jake's words echoed in her mind and she was determined to do this. She looked at him and then at the door, the wall, the floor, anywhere but those gorgeous blue eyes.

"El, from the beginning there's always been this…uh…connection, this bond, this…this thing between us. And…we've…we've always tip-toed around it because you were married, but now…well, I'm sick of it. Sick of playing games. I just wanted to tell you that I really, really, care about you…a lot…a whole lot…if you get what I mean…and I…well…I don't want to just be frie…"

The apartment door opened as Maureen called out, "Dad? Where'd you go? Oh, hey, Liv. Dad, we can't find that dish anywhere."

"Elliot? Are you _sure_ you have a casserole dish? We've looked everywhere," the owner of the familiar voice walked up behind Maureen.

Elliot chewed his bottom lip and closed his eyes as his breathing ceased. "Hi, Olivia," Jessica McDaniel smiled over Maureen's shoulder.

Olivia's eyes widened as she looked from Jessica to Elliot, who looked like he was about to be sick, and then to Maureen. Her eyes locked with Elliot's and her mouth opened but there were no words. None. She spun around and was running down the stairs. If anyone called out to her, she did not hear them over the roaring of the blood rushing through head.

**Cragen Residence – Friday, September 5 – 8:00 p.m. **

Calling ahead to be sure she wouldn't be disturbing him, Olivia now sat in Captain Cragen's kitchen watching as he pulled out a homemade lasagna. The aroma filling the air was wonderful and if her stomach had not been twisted in countless knots, she would love to have some of it. She wasn't sure why she ended up here. All she knew was she did not want to go back to her apartment alone to brood. And she worried that Elliot would follow her and now she no longer wished to speak with him. Not right now.

Perhaps she just needed to talk to someone who knew both her and Elliot, knew their complicated history, and had their best interests at heart. And she did miss Cragen. They had spent the first several minutes talking about his recovery from heart surgery, what all was going on with the squad, the latest updates on Delgado and the unknown attacker, and Olivia bemoaning the fact that she was sick of being followed around by that protective detail.

"That smells wonderful, Captain. I didn't know you were such a cook," she smiled at her boss.

"Don, call me Don. I'm not your captain right now," he put the dish on the stop top and threw the oven mitts to the side.

Olivia smiled and nodded.

"Marge and I used to prepare meals together when she wasn't flying to some far off city or country. It was our way of unwinding and just being together. I've been trying my hand at some of her old recipes," he smiled as he rummaged through a drawer for a serving spatula.

Olivia thought about all the things he had told her about Marge, his wife, a flight attendant who lost her life when the plane she was on crashed into the Florida Everglades. Her body was never recovered.

"I wish I could have met her," she told him, her voice pensive.

"You would have been friends. You have to eat with me, Olivia. It's all low fat," he ground fresh Parmesan and Romano cheese on top of the dish.

"Any other time I would, but, I'm really not hungry, Don," she propped her elbows on the kitchen bar and cupped her face with her hands.

"You've already eaten?" he asked.

"Uh…no. Just not hungry," she replied.

He stopped cutting the lasagna and turned to look at her. _Really_ look at her. The bruises were fading but still visible and she still had stitches on the side of her head. She looked worn out. He knew she was not eating or sleeping well. He did not miss the melancholy look in her huge brown eyes and immediately sensed what was wrong. Or at least _who_ was at the core of her frame of mind.

"Elliot," he presented it as a statement, not a question.

"Excuse me?" her head lifted from their perch in her hands.

He smiled at her defensive tone and turned back to the lasagna. He put a serving on each of the two plates he had taken from the cabinet. Reaching for the basket of garlic bread he had already sliced that was setting over the warmer, he pulled out two slices and put one beside each square of lasagna. Going to the wine cabinet, he took a minute to decide before finally pulling out a bottle of Marchesi di Barolo Dolcetto d'Alba. It was a deep purple with violet reflections. He took a wine glass from the rack above the cabinet and brought it to the bar placing it before Olivia.

"I know you won't pass up a glass of wine," he grinned, popping the cork and filling her glass half way.

Being that Cragen was a recovering alcoholic, Olivia was surprised. "Isn't it tempting to have alcohol on hand?" Olivia asked.

He shook his head. "Wine was never a favorite of mine. Had to have the hard stuff. Besides, I couldn't bear to part with these last few bottles Marge bought. Thought I would bring them out for special guests." He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator for himself.

She smiled and ran her index finger along the edge of her glass.

He then brought the plates of food and set one before her. "At least try it, okay?"

Knowing she couldn't say no, she wondered how much she could actually keep down. Sipping the wine, she was stunned at the taste. "This is amazing. It has a hint of almond," she took another sip.

"It was one of Marge's favorites to serve with red sauce dishes," he took a swallow of his water. "Glad you like it."

She took a small bite of the lasagna, "Mmmm…Don, this wonderful, too."

"I'll give you the recipe," he offered.

Laughing, she shook her head, "Oh, I'm a klutz in the kitchen."

"Well, maybe I can give you lessons," he laughed.

"Yea…maybe," she joined his laughter and took another bite.

"So…what's going on with you and Elliot?" he cut right to the chase.

"Noth…"

"And don't say 'nothing'. I know better. Talk to me, Olivia," he spoke softly but the demand was still there.

Leaning back on the bar chair, she wiped her mouth with her napkin, then folded it and lay it beside her plate. She looked around the kitchen, sighed and looked into Cragen's concerned eyes.

"I don't know, Don. It seems like for every step we take forward, we run three backward. He's been…I don't know. Since he's been acting captain and Jake and I have…" she sighed again and shook her head. "I just don't know."

"He's having a hard time with you and Jake being partnered, huh?" he took a swallow of wine and leaned toward her. "I had hoped this might give him the push he needs to make him do something."

"Do something? What are you talking about?" she was puzzled.

"Make a move. A real move. Olivia it's been clear to me for years that the two of you have something special. Elliot was married and the two of you did the right thing…steering clear of it. But now, well, I think he is scared of you. Too scared to make that move."

"What? Why would he be scared of me?" she could not believe her captain was talking to her like this.

Smiling, he reached over and put his right hand on top of her left one, "The same reason you keep running away. You're scared of him."

Opening her mouth to deny it, the captain spoke again before she could, "You're both afraid that if you truly pursue a relationship that it won't work out and then you will have lost not only a great partnership, but your best friend," his words had apparently been well thought out.

Scrutinizing him with wide eyes, she wondered when he had become so insightful? If she were honest, she knew he had _always_ been. He knew his unit like the back of his hand. They were the children he had never had. He knew them, he cared about them and he wanted the best for them all.

"You know, Olivia, a person can be completely in love with someone until the end of time. Forever. But if that person doesn't tell or show those feelings of love, they become simply another person living in a dream, their true love forever lost to them," he continued.

"What makes you so sure you're right about this? About me?" she asked as she refilled her glass.

He smiled and sat back just looking at her. "Olivia, when I think of all I have seen that has been between you and Elliot, these words come to my mind… 'So dear I love him that with him, all deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life'.

Nodding her head, she had to agree because that was exactly how she felt about Elliot. She would die a thousand deaths for him, to spare him, to protect him. But without him, her life was not a life; it was merely an existence. Nothing more.

She looked up at Don, "Shakespeare."

"You remember your English lit."

"My mother was an English professor."

"Oh, yes. Columbia. I had forgotten."

"Thing is, he doesn't feel the same way," she rolled her wine glass between her fingers and watched the red liquid as it sloshed from side to side.

Cragen's quiet laughter was more to himself than out loud. "Oh, but he does, Olivia. He does."

**Stabler Residence – Friday, September 4 – 7:05 p.m.**

Maureen and Jessica stared after Olivia as Elliot hollered to her, running as far at the stairs. "Liv! Liv! Olivia! " He stopped and leaned over the railing. The only sound was her footsteps echoing in the stairwell.

He brushed past the two women standing at the door of his apartment and went into the kitchen.

"Dad?"

"Not your business, Maureen."

Jessica looked at her and everything fell into place. "Are your Dad and Olivia…you know…together?" she whispered.

Maureen sighed. "Who knows? Sometimes they act like they are but lately they haven't been getting along too well. They've always had something going on…ever since I can remember?"

Jessica could not believe that Elliot's daughter would talk like about her father. "Is that why your parents divorced?"

"What?" Maureen's head snapped up. "No. No. I didn't mean like that…I mean they've always had this really weird connection. Like they are almost one person instead of two. They're best friends…and since Mom and Dad split up, they've gotten closer and we _thought_ they were together. But like I said before…who knows?"

Elliot came out of the kitchen with the casserole dish they had been hunting for and handed it to Jessica. Maureen went to get her keys and came back to the door where Elliot and Jess stood.

"Thanks for letting me use your computer, Dad. Dickie said he should have mine up and running tomorrow. Love you." She hugged him.

"Bye, baby. Call me when you get back to your place," Elliot hugged her back and she kissed him on the cheek and was gone.

Jessica stood there holding the dish and staring at Elliot. "It was on top of the fridge buried under bags of chips and boxes of cereal," he explained, as he nodded once toward the dish.

"Oh…well, thanks," she turned to leave but stopped then turned to face him again.

He watched her and she was not sure what he would do when she butted into his business, but it was quite obvious he needed a swift kick in the pants to jumpstart the process. "You need to tell her, Elliot."

"Huh?" he frowned at Jessica, his eyes narrowing.

"Olivia needs you to tell her how you feel about her," she expounded, careful to make it short and leave no question about what he needed to do.

His frown became a glare and he held up his right index finger, pointing, "This is none of your business, McDaniel."

The smile was sad, the look in her blue eyes haunting, "McDaniel? Seems I struck a nerve. You're right, Elliot. It's not my business. Other than the fact that I lost the man I loved dearly and he _knew_ I loved him, as I _knew_ he loved me. Life is too short not to let the woman you love know it, Elliot." She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks." She held up the dish and headed back to her apartment.

Elliot stood frozen in place his heart nearly about to burst out of his chest.

**Benson Residence – Friday, September 5 – 10:00 p.m. **

Olivia had been home long enough to take a quick shower, pour herself a glass of wine – she had not had near enough at Cragen's to make her forget everything she wanted to erase from her memory - and settle into the sofa with her throw blanket covering her shorts clad legs, when she heard the light knock at the door. Her head lifted as she stilled to be certain that was what she had heard. It came again. A light, but insistent rapping on her door. Inwardly groaning, she tossed the blanket aside and stood. Running her hand over her face and then through her hair she went to the door. She didn't bother checking to see who was there. It could only be one person unannounced this late in the evening.

"Go away, Elliot. I don't want to talk to you," she shouted through the wooden door separating them.

He was crazy if he thought she would let him in to talk, or apologize or whatever he wanted to do after seeing Jessica at his place again. Twice in one week. He had to be interested in the dumb blond, she thought, no matter what he kept telling her.

A short pause and then a voice. Not Elliot's voice but a female's. "I'm not Elliot," she called out.

Astonishment washed over Olivia as she held the doorknob in her hand for a moment before looking through the security glass to make certain who was there before opening the door. She came face to face with a pair of startlingly blue eyes and an unsure smile.

"I know it's late and this is really none of my business, but…well, can I talk to you for a minute?" Jessica McDaniel asked as she fidgeted nervously with the keys in her hand.

Olivia stared at her for the longest before she pulled the door open wider and stepped back. Jessica came in and looked around. "Has Elliot been by?"

Frowning at her, Olivia answered crossly, "You're right. It's none of your business."

This woman was so frantic to score with Elliot she came looking for him at Olivia's? She was some kind of gutsy.

Jessica smiled at her. "I'll take that as a no."

"Like I said, it's not your business." Olivia repeated.

"I guess not, but then neither is what I came here to say."

Olivia waited, her arms crossed, for her to have her say.

"I know you don't like me and…"

"Wait a minute. I never said I don't like you," Olivia defended herself.

"I understand now…I like Elliot. I wanted the chance to really get to know him and I asked you if he were available. But, Olivia, that was before I realized you cared about him."

She wanted to deny what Jessica was saying but she could not. The denial stuck in her throat. Jessica continued, "It was before I realized he did have someone else."

Olivia did not like the way Jessica was delving into hers and Elliot's relationship and she did not want the conversation to continue in this vein. In fact, she was not quite sure what possessed her to let Jessica McDaniel into her apartment because she did not want to talk to her. At all.

"What does this have to do with why you are here?" Olivia's right hand had found its way to her shoulder to massage the building tension.

"If you don't mind, could we sit down? I'd like to share some things with you," Jessica was unsure of how Olivia would receive her request.

She motioned toward the living room and Jessica took the blue recliner. "Would you like a glass of…uh…wine?" Olivia held her glass in her hand.

"Yes, thank you. That would be nice," Jessica affirmed.

Olivia got another glass from the kitchen and poured some for Jessica. "How long have you and Elliot been partners?"

"Almost ten years," Olivia took a big swallow of the wine and again wondered why she let this woman into her apartment.

"That's a long time to be partners. To be together."

"We're partners but we're not _together_," Olivia assured her.

Jessica nodded and then was silent for a minute. "Do you mind if I tell you a little about myself?"

Olivia shrugged and opened her hands in a gesture that said 'go ahead'.

"My husband, Bryan, and I were married for almost twenty-one years before he died eleven months ago from colon cancer."

Olivia shifted uncomfortably, "I'm sorry."

"Thank you. Bryan was the love of my life. When he died, a part of me died, too. I…I quit living. But then because of something that happened to our daughter, Byranna, while Bryan was sick, I had to…to… push myself to find a way to live. For her."

"What happened?" Olivia was being pulled in her story against her will.

"During Bryan's illness, she had been stalked for months and finally raped. She was only seventeen. She become pregnant from the rape and though I wanted her to have an abortion, I left it up to Bryanna."

Olivia was beyond shocked. She now realized Jessica's reason for becoming an ADA.

"What did your husband…Bryan…say about it?"

"I never told him. It would have been too much. He was so sick. Bryanna simply could not take the life of her child. No matter who the father was _she_ was still the mother. When her little boy was born, she held him, signed the adoption papers and handed him to his parents, the ones she had selected and had come to know and love the last six months of her pregnancy."

Olivia nodded, whispering, "That was a good choice."

She thought of her relationship with her mother. Though she knew her mother loved her, she also knew that everyday of her life Olivia reminded her of what had happened to her. Reminded her of the monster that raped her and left her with his child. And too many times over the years Olivia had suffered for the sins of her father. Bryanna's child would never have to endure that kind of abuse.

"A year and half before he died, I resigned my partnership in a law firm to take care of Bryan. My daughter's rape was the catalyst for me to apply for this ADA position. It took several interviews and being told again and again that I was overqualified and how little pay I would receive before I was able to finally make them understand I did not need the money. Bryan and I invested well and then there was his life insurance…" she trailed off as her mind slid into the past.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" Olivia asked not sure of what Jessica was trying to do.

"So you'll realize I'm not the enemy, Olivia. I'm on your side," Jessica's gaze was fixed on her.

"I don't think you're the enemy, Jessica, I just…you…I don't know," she emptied her wine glass and reached the bottle to pour another.

"Please, call me Jess. I came on too strong. I know…I do that when I'm very nervous and unsure about a situation. I wanted to make a good impression…and well, I tried too hard. I always try too hard," she explained.

Olivia looked at her in surprise, "Nervous and unsure? Those are the last words I would use to describe you."

"See…my act works," she laughed lightly and Olivia could not help but smile. "I also hoped that tonight I could make you understand how much I loved my husband. How we had all these plans of things we would do in the future." She sighed and looked away. "The future will never come for Bryan and me." She looked back in Olivia's eyes.

Olivia's lips parted as if she wanted to respond, but she did not speak. Neither could she hold Jessica's gaze. With her fingertips she held her wine glass around the rim and slowly moved it in a counterclockwise circle and watched as the deep red liquid followed, swirling in the same direction.

"No one is guaranteed tomorrow, Olivia. You really should make it clear to Elliot exactly how you feel about him. Sooner rather than later. Later may never come," she put her wine glass on the table beside her and stood.

Olivia still stared at the wine pondering the words she had just heard.

"Well, I've taken enough of your time, so I'll head out." Jessica walked to the door, Olivia right behind her.

"I hope we can be friends, Olivia," she said as she opened the door and stepped into the hall.

Olivia looked at Jessica McDaniel through different eyes, realizing she had been too quick to jump to conclusions about the woman.

"Goodnight, Olivia," Jessica's voice was quiet.

"Goodnight." Olivia watched her as she turned to leave. She had taken only a few steps when Olivia called out to her.

"Uh…Jess? You want to grab lunch one day next week?" Olivia was holding onto the door halfway in and halfway out of the apartment.

Jessica turned and smiled at Olivia, "That would be great."

Olivia closed the door and was met with the sound of her cell phone ringing. Hurrying to pick it up from the end table, she flipped it open.

"Benson."

Incoherent words, mostly unintelligible, and sobs interspersed with a mixture of English and Spanish struck fear in her heart.

"Jade?"

eoeoeoeoeo


	24. Circumstances

**Matters of the Heart**

**Chapter 24 - Circumstances**

**Benson Residence - Friday, September 6 - 10:30 p.m. **

"Jade!" Olivia was frantic. After the initial uproar she could only hear faint background sounds. "Jade! Talk to me, sweetheart! Where are you? Jade?"

Then there were only cries and garbled words with barely a few she could understand. 'No! Please!'; 'Give me the phone!'; and 'lastímenos'. She spoke a good bit of Spanish and was pretty sure this meant to 'hurt' someone. She needed to go to Jade or at least send help. The problem was Jade had called from her cell phone. She could be anywhere.

"Jade? Can you hear me? Where are you? Are you at home?" she hollered into the phone desperate to be heard over the commotion on the other end.

"Help me!"

"Are you at home?"

"Yes! Dad said he was going to..." she was cut off before finishing with more scuffling and muted grunts and muffled words the only remaining sounds.

Olivia searched for the Delgado home address and number, finding it on the note pad in her jacket lying across the kitchen counter.

Dialing her home phone with one hand while trying to hang onto the cell phone took some juggling.

"911. What is your emergency?"

"This is Detective Olivia Benson, Manhattan North SVU. I need a unit sent to 45813 Loisaida Avenue. Possible domestic abuse situation."

She turned her full attention back to the cell phone. "Jade? I called 911...Jade? You hear me? Help is..."

She heard what she thought was a slap and then crying. Then there was almost five minutes of near silence other than her calling out to Jade every thirty seconds or so. Suddenly an angry voice sounded in her ear. "Who is this?"

Lupe Delgado. Olivia could not find her voice.

"Who is this?" the woman angrily demanded a second time, her voice rising in volume.

Olivia's heart quickened as she responded, "This is Detective Benson. Lupe, what is going on? Are you and the girls all ri..."

"We are fine! I told you I do not want you to talk to my girls! And yet you do this again?"

"_Jade_ called _me_. She must have had a reason, Lupe. Please let's all sit down and..."

"No! No! You stay out of this!" She heard the fury in Lupe's voice but also the fear.

"Lupe, please...let me help you..." she pleaded unsuccessfully. She heard the doorbell in the backgound.

"We do not need your help..." her voice became muffled as she spoke to someone in the background. When she returned to the phone, she was enraged. "Looks like you have done it anyway. The police are here. I must go and take care of this. But, you...you I take care of tomorrow, Detective!"

With the connection lost Olivia sank down onto a nearby chair and laid her head on the table. The Delgado girls needed help. _Her_ help. And her hands were tied. At least for tonight.

**SVU Squad Room - Saturday, September 7 - 9:42 a.m. **

The last two and half hours had been spent searching through public records, police records and even phoning neighbors of the Delgados for anything that might be of use in coming up with a reason to involve ACS and get the girls out of the home. Olivia knew that Lupe would never intentionally hurt those girls, but she felt that her refusal to let Jade talk was hiding whatever abuse took place by Dante and that in turn was leaving them vulnerable to more harm.

Dante Delgado had been released on bond pending his trial and though there was a restraining order in place against him, she knew how little power that held over someone who did not care about the consequences. And she was not sure exactly what his state of mind was or where he stood on that issue.

Sighing, she reached her arms up and stretched, bringing her hands to her neck to massage some of the tension away. Jake returned from the deli down the block with bagels, juice, tea for her and coffee for him.

He placed the steaming paper cup in front of her and rummaged through the bag for her blueberry bagel.

"Thanks, Z," she smiled up at her partner as she pulled the lid from the cup and proceeded to pour two sugars and a cream into it.

"You're welcome," he smiled back and slid the wax paper wrapped bagel across her desk. "Come up with anything yet?"

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose, "Uh-uh." The sigh escaping her was slow and deep. "Jake, I just know these girls are in danger...I just...feel it, you know? In my gut..."

"Well, Benson, gut or no gut, someone else is going to have to deal with the Delgados," Elliot's brusque voiced boomed through the nearly empty squad room as he entered the double doors.

Jake and Olivia's heads immediately snapped in his direction and then quickly to one another before returning to Elliot's heated glare.

What was he doing here so early on a Saturday morning when they did not even have a call, Olivia wondered? Her confusion was brief because it was obvious from the stern look on his face that he was ill tempered and none too happy this morning. He had called her 'Benson' and that was never, ever a good thing unless they had been engaging in playful banter. Which they rarely did these days. He did not look like he was in the mood to play.

"Benson," he settled his burning eyes upon her and she stared him down. "Care to take a stab at who I got an early morning phone call from?"

"Well..." she began, shifting her gaze to Jake and then back to Elliot, "Lupe Delgado...or uh...Morris, again...maybe..." It did not take long for it to register that she was in trouble because of the events of last night.

Elliot laughed but it was not a humorous laugh. Not at all. He was currently pacing the floor beside her desk, hands on his hips, shaking his head. He stopped, turned and stared at her as he ran his right hand over his head and chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head again.

"Try both. Mrs. Delgado called and chewed me out along with the entire NYPD and though I don't speak Spanish I'm pretty sure she called us all quite a few names. Twenty minutes later Morris picked up where she left off. Only this time...this time I understood every single word!" he bellowed as Jake froze and Olivia tried not to visibly recoil from him and the tirade he was releasing upon her.

"Elliot...I can explain..." she spoke softly in hopes of calming him a bit.

"No, Olivia. No explanation is necessary. As I said, I understood every single word Morris had to say...including when he commanded that I suspend you," he snapped as he leaned over her, one hand on her desk, the other on the left arm of her chair so their faces were only inches apart.

"What!" leaning toward him, she hollered, her mouth fell open and eyebrows knit together in a deep frown.

"Come on, Captain, you know Liv was just..." Jake tried to defend her but Elliot would have none of it.

"Doesn't matter what I think or even what happened. What matters is Mrs. Delgado has filed a complaint and the Chief of Ds wants Liv off the case and out of SVU for a while," he answered Jake but never took his eyes off of Olivia who was absolutely seething with anger. "In his words, give her some time to put everything in perspective."

"Perspective?" she asked incredulously. "I have not lost perspective on this, Elliot! And you know it! Those girls are in danger! I...just..."

"And the SVU will do its best to protect them."

Their eyes locked and he knew she was steaming, but she did not say another word.

Still leaning over Olivia's desk, his eyes drilling into hers, he continued, "Your gun and shield, Liv..."

The fight seemed to seep out of her at his request. "Elliot...you have to explain to him...you have make him understand...he can't just..." she protested, though weakly.

"He _can _and he _did_. Sorry, but I have to do _my_ job." He held out his right hand, palm up and waited.

"Elliot...those girls are in danger. They need help..." she tried to convince him knowing he really was not the one she needed to persuade.

"And like I said, we will do what we can to protect them...to help them," he assured her, his voice softening as his eyes did the same.

She stared at him and then his outstretched palm for the longest time and then looked back into his eyes. "How long?"

"Three days," he wiggled his fingers as an indication for her to hurry up.

"Three...days..." she trailed off as yet another sigh engulfed her.

Reluctantly, she reached to her right side and pulled her gun slowly from its holster and released the clip before laying it and the gun in Elliot's palm. He slid them into his jacket pocket and extended his hand again. She slapped her shield into his hand and as she did he quickly wrapped his fingers around her hand and held it just a moment, their eyes locking and she saw the anguish in his and closed her own. The heat from his touch shot through her so unexpectedly she pulled away as though she was being scorched. But it was not enough to burn off the anger she had toward him right now. That was the overriding emotion of the moment.

"I'm sorry, Liv," he released her hand, put her shield in his pocket and turned to Jake. "I'm putting Fin on this with you, Zoumberis. He's also going to catch with you this weekend. Keep me posted."

"Since you were scheduled on call for the weekend, your return to duty date is Tuesday," he looked at Olivia one more time and then headed for his office.

Olivia felt like she was about to have a stroke. Her head was now throbbing from the sudden surge of blood that rushed through her when Elliot told her she was being suspended. She was barely able to suck enough air into her lungs to keep from being lightheaded and she was absolutely furious that he would not even listen to what happened. That he blindly did Morris's bidding without even fighting for her bothered her even more. He had always, always fought for her, with her, beside her. Always. Against their colleagues, Cragen, the brass and even IAB. It did not matter. He always had her back. Always. Something in their relationship had shifted this morning. Something changed between them and she could not put her finger on just what it was, but whatever it was she knew it was not good.

Not bothering to take the time to shut her computer down properly, she pressed the power button and grabbed her cell phone and keys and stormed out of the office.

Elliot stood at his office door watching. She did not look his way as she very nearly ran from the squad room.

"Liv! Liv!" Jake called out. He turned to give Elliot a scathing look.

Shifting his eyes toward Jake, Elliot asked, "Is there a problem, Zoumberis?"

Continuing to glare at Elliot, Jake took a few steps closer to him, "Yea. Yea, there's a problem. I thought the Captain's job was to back his detectives...or at the very least, give them the benefit of the doubt. You wouldn't even let her explain the circumstances. Never figured you for one to cave in to the brass, Stabler."

This infuriated Elliot. "She'd already been warned! What else did you expect me to do?" Elliot snarled as he took several steps to meet Jake face to face.

"_Listen_ to her. That's all she wanted. For _you_ to listen to her. It was the least you could have done as her Captain, as her partner...as her best friend...and whatever else it is that the two of you are to each other," Jake whipped around and was almost out of the squad room, before Elliot could process what he had said.

"Liv! Olivia!" Jake continued call out for his partner as he went to find her.

She heard Jake calling but she kept on moving. She did not want to talk, but neither did she want to be alone. Elliot would understand those needs and that the two were not by design mutually exclusive. He would sense her need for him to just be there. He would know that words were unnecessary. He would know what she needed. But she did not know Jake well enough to trust that he would know what to do.

They had been together only three weeks but he had seen enough to know she went one of two places when she was upset. The locker room or the roof. Since she left the squad room that left the roof as the best place to start looking.

Pushing open the door to the roof, she stepped out into the brilliant sunshine and the quickly rising temperature of the summer morning. There was a soft breeze and it blew her hair into her face. She shook her head and turned slightly into the wind causing it to now fly away from her face. Reaching up, she pulled her hair into a loose ponytail securing it with a hair band that had apparently been left in her jean pocket. Taking a seat on a concrete planter, she scrutinized the city below.

It was only a few minutes before she heard the creaking of the rooftop door as it was opened. She did not bother to look. She knew it would be Jake. Elliot would not have followed her after what he had just done to her. Continuing her surveillance, she was conscious of his presence as he came near yet kept a small space between them. He leaned over the railing just a few feet from where she was sitting. He stood silently for almost five minutes, just looking out across the city. Finally, he turned and looked at her until she returned his gaze. He smiled, just slightly and she did the same. He walked over to her and she looked up, the wind whipping strands of hair that had escaped the ponytail into her face again. He reached down with both hands and brushed her hair aside tucking it behind her ears.

"Liv...I'm here for you. If you want to talk...or if you just want to sit. I'm here, okay?" his hands still cupped her face as he smiled at her.

She looked into those sparkling green eyes and felt hers fill with tears. She nodded in affirmation and then looked away. Jake moved away and sat beside her on the planter. Not close enough to touch, but close enough that she knew he was there and would remain there for as long as she needed. She had misjudged him. He _did_ know what she needed. And for that she was grateful. Things were changing between them, too. Their partnership was slowly solidifying, as they became partners in every sense of the word.

**Benson Residence - Saturday, September 7 - 5:45 p.m.**

After spending the better part of the day moping around, eating nearly a half-gallon of Blue Bell Chocolate Extreme ice cream and thinking about Elliot and the suspension and the Delgados, Olivia decided she had sulked enough for one day. Taking one final spoonful of the rich chocolate ice cream surrounded by a thick chocolate fudge swirl, loaded with chocolate coated peanut butter cups, chopped pecans, almonds and walnuts, she put the lid on the container, ate the last mouthful, threw the empty carton in the trash and the spoon into the dishwasher.

She had an hour and a half before Peter would be there to pick her up at six. They had originally agreed to meet at a nearby restaurant but he had called her back and told her he wanted to take her to a restaurant in the theater district and insisted on picking her up. Elliot's taunt of her not being such a good judge of character playing in her mind made her wary of letting him know where she lived just yet, but she found herself halfheartedly agreeing to let him come by.

After her shower she had spent nearly thirty minutes trying to decide what to wear. He had told her dressy casual would work. She had casual, she had dressy and she had stay-at-home sloppy but nothing that she felt classified as _dressy_ casual. She wasn't even sure she knew exactly what that meant. There now lay a heap of clothing on her bed and only a few items remained hanging in the closet. She stood before it trying to quell the stab of panic she felt slinking into her head. There had to be _something_ suitable she could wear. Then a scrap of red caught her eye and she pulled the article of clothing from its hanging place. A smile twitched on her lips. This would do. In fact, this was perfect. She had found it on a shopping trip with Casey two summers ago and had only worn a couple of times.

It was a Stenay cutaway halter dress in red mesh with beaded, floral lace insets that overlaid a knit lining, shortened to reveal a sheer hemline. The lining came just above her knees with the lace hem falling four to five inches below. It was sexy but modest, the neckline providing no show of cleavage, her back was covered but her arms were bare. Though not one to be taken with vanity, she had to admit the bright red was quite becoming on her, especially with her tan. To complete her outfit she chose some long and dangling diamond earrings and no necklace since the neckline of the dress was so high. She found some moderate heeled open-toed shoes with a spattering of diamonds on the straps. Just as she took one final look in the mirror, a knock sounded at the door.

**Street in Front of the Benson Residence - Saturday, September 7 - 5:40 p.m. **

Twenty-one minutes. Elliot had been staring at her building for twenty-one long minutes. Twenty-one minutes had passed with him trying to gather the courage to get out of the car, cross the street, go inside, knock on her door and try to apologize, try to make things right between them. Jake's words had sliced through him and delivered a piercing pain in his heart that, hours later, still had not subsided.

'_Listen to her.' _He did not listen to her. He wondered if he ever even knew how to listen to her. It seemed she said more by the things she didn't say. And he _did_ hear _those_ things. Most of the time. '_That's all she wanted.' _All she wanted and he had not given it to her. All she had wanted and he did not even realize it. He claimed to know her yet he didn't. Not really. He was such a jerk. Why she put up with him he was sure he did not know. '_It was the least you could have done...' _Yea...it was. But he didn't. No. He had refused to listen to her explanation and he knew Olivia. He knew she had a good reason for talking to Jade. Instead he was too caught up in doing his job, bowing to the brass, too busy playing Captain. '..._as her Captain, as her partner...as her best friend...and whatever else it is that the two of you are to each other...'_" Even he was not sure what they were to each other, but he had not defended her to Morris like he should have as her Captain; he had not backed her up as her true partner; and he most certainly had not been there for her as her best friend. He had let her down on all counts. He was sorry and he wanted...no, he _needed_ to apologize to her.

Come on, Stabler. Get a grip. Suck it up. You can do this. He glanced at his watch. Five-forty-five. He got out of the car and headed across the street, his heart quickening with the thought of a face to face confrontation with her.

**Benson Residence - Saturday, September 7 - 5:48 p.m. **

Checking the time, she noted that Peter was early. She preferred her dates to be right on time and was slightly irritated that he was already here. She smoothed her dress, opened the door and was promptly stunned speechless.

Elliot was rendered just as speechless as he took in her attire and mentally kicked himself for not remembering until now that she had a date with Peter this evening. He tried push away all the thoughts that besieged him when that bit of information registered. He swallowed the jealousy and tried to think of what to say to her.

Staring at one another, the silence between them became more uncomfortable by the second.

Of all the times to come to her apartment. Peter would be here shortly and here stood Elliot. It would not be good if they saw each other. She wondered if she could get him out before Peter arrived. She wondered what the heck he was doing here? She was not even sure she cared anymore.

He could not quit looking at her and thinking how fantastic she looked in red. In that dress. He could not remember ever having seen her in it. And he knew he would have remembered if he had. He didn't know if he should comment on how great she looked or if that would just add to her anger. Then again, if he ignored the fact that she was so dressed up that might make her even angrier. He was about to compliment her when she spoke.

"What are you doing here, Elliot?" she huffed as she leaned against the doorframe, crossed her arms and gave him a cool stare.

He opened his mouth to speak but the words stuck in his throat. He closed his eyes and let out a long, loud sigh before looking at her again. "Can I come in for a minute?"

"Not a good idea. I have plans," she reminded him as she remained in her position.

Okay. So she was not exactly receptive to his presence. He could understand that. He just didn't want to do this out in the hallway. But she left him no choice. "I just...uh...I wanted to...I...uh..."

Tapping her right foot impatiently, she rolled her eyes and snapped, "Elliot, I have a date that will be here any minute. If you have something to say, say it."

His eyes flew to hers and he forced the words out of his mouth and prayed that they were in some semblance of order. "I'm...I'm sorry for...for not listening to you this morning. I should...I should have at least let you explain what happened. And I should have taken up for you...to Morris...I should have been a...a better friend." he stammered and she interrupted.

"Yes. You should have," she grumbled.

"Should have what?" he asked.

She snorted, "_All_ of the above." Her words were snippy and short.

"You're right. I let you down, Liv, and I just wanted you to know that...I...I realize that and...I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," his voice was soft and low.

The smile he presented her was remorseful and she knew his apology was sincere. The blue of his eyes was the color of the summer sky and they begged for her forgiveness. However, she was not quite ready to bestow that upon him just yet.

She simply nodded at him and looked at her watch. "I think you need to go. Peter will be here soon."

He appeared taken aback that she had brushed off his apology and told him he needed to leave. Shaking off the encroaching anger creeping into his being, he decided he would not ruin her evening with a smart aleck remark or an argument or an out and out fight. Instead, he returned her nod, agreeing with her. Their eyes locked once again.

Before he knew what he was doing he had reached out and taken her left earring in his hand, staring at it. Then he slowly let his knuckles brush her cheek as he met her eyes.

"That dress is great on you. You look very beautiful tonight, Olivia," he whispered and turned to leave.

She was once again speechless as the heat from his hand burned upon her cheek. She saw Peter step onto the landing just as Elliot started down. They stopped and looked at one another, grunted, and went on their way.

"What's he doing here?" Peter asked as he approached Olivia.

Her hand on her cheek, she shook her head, "Nothing."

******

Elliot sat in his car and waited until he saw them leave. He did not like Peter. He didn't trust him. The question was why? Was it because he truly thought he was a viable suspect in Olivia and Jake's attack or was it because he was with woman Elliot loved? His jaw jumped and he slammed his hands onto the steering wheel as he watched them exit the building holding hands and then as Peter helped her into the backseat of a shiny, black limousine and she laughed at something he said. He was overcome with jealousy and knew the evening to come would be long and lonely.

eoeoeoeoeo

**A/N: Okay, gang. Are you still hanging with me? I know this is long...but I like long. Let me know what you are thinking! " ) Bensler**


	25. Circumvent

**Chapter 25 – Circumvent**

**Street in Front of the Benson Residence – Saturday, September 7 – 6:25 p.m. **

Elliot sat in his car in front of Olivia's building long after she and Peter had left. He thought about his relationship with her. It was so complex…so complicated. He laughed out loud. Complicated. That was the first word she had used to describe their relationship once they had realized it had changed. Changed so gradually, one facet at time, they had not even been aware that they had allowed their feelings for one another to cross the boundaries. Every single one of them - religious, social, moral and professional boundaries. Then again, perhaps they _had_ known all along but pushed them aside in order to preserve what was left of their partnership and friendship. Preserve their sanity.

But then Gitano had entered their lives. He had forced them to face those changes when his actions put them both into a position where neither could no longer ignore those feelings. Gitano had shoved those emotions down their throats and laid their hearts wide open. If only Elliot had acted on them then. He was a signature away from being divorced. But…well…that was the past. He didn't act then for the same reason he didn't act now. Fear. Fear of losing her. He would take her in his life any way he could have her. He worried that if they tried to be more than friends, more than partners, it wouldn't last, and one day he would _have_ to live without her.

Even now nearly five months post divorce that fear paralyzed him; kept him from moving forward in his relationship with Olivia; and he knew he needed to get past that fear somehow. If he didn't, he would lose her anyway. To someone else. Someone like Peter. Countless times she had said she was tired of being alone and like his kids kept reminding him, she wouldn't wait forever. Eventually, someone would come along that she would fall for and then she would forget him. Somehow he had to find the courage to make a move. Soon.

Watching as people came and left, his surroundings barely registered as he remained lost in a thought about Olivia. The first time Elliot saw him, he did not really pay any attention to him. The second time the Hispanic man attempted to get into Olivia's building, Elliot realized he was the same man who had tried to get in not ten minutes before. He seemed familiar but Elliot could not place him. At first he thought maybe he had seen him before when he had been to Olivia's, but then something struck him odd about him. He did not appear to have a key and he kept looking around as though making sure he was not being watched.

Elliot got out of the car and headed across the street. When he was almost to the stoop, the man noticed him, turned and started down the steps. It was then that Elliot realized who it was.

"Hey! I know you!" Elliot grabbed him by the arm and spun him around.

"Excuse me?" the man said with an accent as he tried to free himself from Elliot's grip.

"Delgado! _You're_ in the _wrong _neighborhood, pal," Elliot sneered as he hisssed in Delgado's ear.

"I thought America was a free country. I can go anywhere I want," he retorted.

"Yea…you can go anywhere you want…except here," Elliot warned him.

"And why is that?" Delgado asked, still struggling to free his arm.

Elliot released him but grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him face to face with him, "Because if I find out you have been anywhere near Detective Benson's building again, I'll arrest you for stalking a police officer. You got that?"

Giving him a rough shove, he let go of Delgado and smirked as he nearly fell.

Regaining his footing, Dante gave Elliot a knowing look, "Oh, yes, you're the Captain. Stabler, right?"

Taking a step closer to him, Elliot grunted, "Yea."

A slow smile started at the corner of Dante's lips and he laughed softly as he walked away leaving Elliot glaring at him as he went down the sidewalk and hailed a passing cab.

Elliot wished there was a valid reason for arresting him and throwing him in jail, but he knew there was not and Jess would be all over him for bringing him in just have her tell him there was nothing to hold him on. Of course, this made him start thinking of Delgado as a very possible suspect in Olivia and Jake's attack. He headed back to the precinct.

**La Grenouille - Theater District - Manhattan - Saturday, September 7 – 8:15 p.m**

The La Paillarde De Poulet Au Thym Et Laitue Braisée which was a chicken paillard with thyme and braised lettuce was excellent. Olivia still could not believe how the words just rolled off of Peter's tongue as he placed their dinner orders. For himself, he had ordered L'emincé De Boeuf Au Poivre, Mousseline De Pommes De Terre, a beef filet with peppercorn sauce, potato mousseline.

She had always been interested in languages and knew a fair amount of French herself though she was not nearly as fluent as Peter. She loved hearing him speak it especially in such a romantic restaurant. The decor was beautiful and rich, featuring red-velvet seats, gold silk lined walls adorned with softly lighted sconces and lofty maple ceilings, in a room designed for intimacy with stunning bouquets of fresh flowers adorning the tables. The tables were coved with crisp, white linen tablecloths and set with beautiful crystal and gorgeous china. They were seated in the dining area that had a skylight and live piano music. Rarely had Olivia been somewhere so elegant, so stylish, and she loved the beauty of it.

Conversation with Peter came easy and she was so completely engrossed in his company, she forgot about work, about cases and reports; victims and perps; she even forgot about Elliot. Peter was good looking, with green eyes that crinkled when he smiled or laughed, which was often. He had medium brown hair, a strong jaw and nice smile. He was tall, too. Six foot six and though he towered over her and she might have felt intimidated by someone else with that height, with him she felt safe, protected. And besides all of this, he was rich. Not that money had ever held much fascination for her but she supposed it didn't hurt, especially when he seemed so unaffected by it.

They listened to the piano music for a while and then Peter suggested they walk for a bit. He held her hand and they talked and laughed and Olivia could not remember having such a relaxing evening in months. There was a jazz band playing at small bar and they stopped in to listen to it for a while and even danced a couple of dances. It was almost ten and it seemed like they had only been together for an hour or so.

"Hey…you feel like getting dessert?" Peter asked as he dropped her hand and slung his right arm around her shoulder pulling her into a quick sideways hug.

"Hmmm…I don't know. I ate enough at dinner to last a whole week," she patted her stomach as she laughed.

"Oh, come on. Splurge. We are almost to 'My Most Favorite Dessert Company' and I can hear the chocolate truffle cake with alternating layers of chocolate cake and chocolate truffle crème calling me from here. Or was that the marjolaine almond hazelnut meringue with layers of chocolate, hazelnut and mocha butter crème?"

"Almond hazelnut with layers of chocolate?" she tilted her head up to look at him.

He laughed, "Gotcha! You're going to love it!" He was walking backwards and talking to her and grabbed her hand again and pulled her to him. "I'm having a great time, Olivia."

She returned his smile, "Me, too."

They had taken a few bites of their desserts when Olivia's cell phone went off. Since she was on suspension, she hit the ignore button without even checking the caller I.D. It rang three more times and she ignored it three more times. On the next ring she decided that perhaps she should answer it and flipped it open. The cold, icy grip of panic set in when she saw that Jake had called the first four times but Fin was the fifth call. If they were calling her like this while she was on suspension, there was a reason and it would not be a good one.

Immediately her mind jumped to conclusions and every single one of them involved Elliot and every single one of them were serious. He'd been shot or knifed. There was a car accident. He was wounded or hurt or worse. Her heart raced as her stomach flip-flopped.

It must have shown on her face because Peter spoke, "Do you need to get that?"

She snapped out of her morbid thoughts that something horrible had happened to Elliot and she nodded, "Yes."

He nodded back.

"Benson."

The concern, worry and fear that filled her eyes left no room for Peter to wonder. He knew their date had just come to an end.

"Peter…I'm…I'm sorry…but I have to go…" she stammered even as she was already standing and pushing her chair under the table. "I'll get a cab."

"No. I'll take you where you need to go," he was standing now and **already throwing a few bills on the table.**

**Delgado Residence - Saturday, September 7 - 10:25 p.m**

"Jake!" Running, though it was hard in heels and a dress, toward her partner she asked, "What's going on?"

"911 call came in at 8:53 p.m. Delgado was waiting on Lupe when she came home from work. The girls returned later from the mall with an older friend," Jake filled her in.

"Older friend?" she questioned, scanning the premises.

There were three police cars, the cruiser Jake and Fin were in, several other unmarked cars, and an ambulance. Police tape roped off the Delgado house and the yards on either side of them. She saw Joe Mancini and his crew of technicians across the way.

"Yea…some older teenager or college kid took them to the mall," he took the opportunity to look her over as she surveyed the scene.

She was something else in that red dress, he thought. He glanced over at Peter who was standing beyond the perimeter of the tape. He was not sure what he thought about him but he was not of the mind that he was the attacker they sought. He wondered if Elliot knew she had gone out with Peter tonight.

"Got a name?" she asked and his mind came back to his present surroundings.

He shook his head, "Not yet. Lupe's sister arrived about five minutes ago. She's too upset to get much out of right now. When she calms down, I'll talk to her again."

Olivia smiled slowly because he had just answered her next question before she even asked it. She was going to ask about Elena Vasquez, Lupe's sister. That's what it was all about - partnership.

Fin came walking up, "Hey, Liv. Man! You lookin' hot, girl! Sorry 'bout bustin' up your date."

She grinned at his compliment. "That's okay. He's with me," she tipped her head back toward Peter.

Fin looked that way and grunted.

"Elliot know about this?" she tried to ask nonchalantly.

Jake just looked at her and then over at Fin.

"Elliot know about this?" Jake nodded over her shoulder at Peter.

"Jake…" she warned.

"Can't get hold of 'im. Guess _he's_ on a date, too," Fin's stare was unreadable.

The stab of jealousy was quick and sharp and stung painfully. Then she reminded herself that her date was standing fifty feet from her.

"We figure he's going to be upset when he finds out we called you, but Delgado insists he'll only talk to you," Jake explained.

Perfect timing. "Hey, Detective Benson!" Joe Mancini was coming toward her.

She barely had time to let Jake words register. "Hey, Joe and it's Liv," she smiled as she turned to face him.

"You up for playing hostage negotiator again, Liv?" he scratched his head and jerked his thumb toward the house.

She turned that way letting her eyes take in the two-story home. "What's he saying?"

"He won't talk to anyone but you," Joe told her. "He's got the mother and three girls in there this time. We haven't been able to get an I.D. on the third one, yet."

"Okay, I'll talk to him," she was nodding her head.

"Liv." Jake was shaking his head as he pulled her aside, whispering, "You sure about this? You know the Captain's gonna be ticked and Morris, too. Might even get you a longer suspension."

"You telling me not do this?" she looked at him, baffled, not quite believing he would expect her to sit it out especially after calling her. "Why'd you call me?"

He held her arms just below her shoulders and leaned into her to talk, his voice low, eyes serious, "No. I just want to be sure you know there are bound to repercussions…none of which are likely to be good."

"You think I don't know that? It doesn't matter, Z. What matters is Lupe and those girls in there need my help and I'll do whatever it takes to get them out of there. I'll deal with Elliot and Morris later," she snapped and pulled away from him to go with Joe.

Then something else dawned on her and she turned back to him. "If you're worried about getting in trouble, this is my call, I'll take the blame, so don't…"

Jake angrily cut her off, "I'm not worried about getting in trouble, Olivia! You should know I'll back you every step of the way! I'm worried about you!"

Guilt stopping her, she sighed and turned to take the few steps back to him, her hand rested lightly on his arm, "I…I know. I'm sorry, Jake. Just a little on edge here, okay? We good?"

They locked eyes for a few moments and then he gave her a quick hug, "Yea, we're good."

"Listen…can you go the house and get the change of clothes in my locker? The spare key is in the bottom desk drawer inside the Tampax box, " she asked him.

He raised his eyebrows and laughed, "What a great hiding place! I'll be back before you know it."

"Oh…grab my Nike's, too."

"Got it, partner," he took off in a sprint toward the cruiser.

Olivia went with Joe to be fitted with a microphone.

"So, has he said anything about why he did this?" she asked.

"Nope. Said he wanted to talk to you and until you got here he wasn't saying nothing to nobody," Joe handed her the wire to clip on her dress and then ran the other end to a small box she would normally clip to her jeans, but here was nowhere to clip it on her dress so she held it in her hand.

"What do I say?" she asked Joe.

"At this point just go with your gut. You know, just get him thinking you are on his side, and make sure he doesn't hurt anyone. You'll know what to say, Detec…uh…Liv," he grinned and patted her on the shoulder.

She looked toward the house from which only a small amount of light could be seen in an upstairs bedroom. "This thing operational yet?" she asked to no one in particular.

Joe turned to the techs behind him working with a myriad of cables and electronics. "What you say, guys?"

"Good to go," a young, tall black tech gave the thumbs up sign from where he was seated in front of a console of lights and switches.

Looking first at Joe, and then Fin, she took a deep breath and spoke. "Dante? It's Detective Benson. I hear you've been wanting to talk to me."

Silence.

Joe nodded at her to continue. "Dante? Do you hear me? It's Detective Benson. How are the girls and Lupe?"

More silence.

"Dante? If you can hear me, please let…"

"I hear you." Dante Delgado's accent laden voice interrupted and crackled over the speakers set up around the negotiator and technicians. "You are very beautiful in that red dress, Olivia. Did I take you away from a special evening?" Dante asked her.

Her eyes went to Fin and she wondered if Peter were still nearby. She was unsure of just how to answer him. Joe leaned in from behind and whispered in her ear, "He wants to feel like he has power over you. Let him."

"Well, as a matter of fact, yes. I had a date and it was interrupted by a phone call about what was going on here. Dante, are Lupe and the girls, okay?"

He ignored what she had asked, "You left your date to come to me?" He chuckled softly. "I am honored."

Fin scowled at his words, annoyed that he thought Olivia had come here just for him. He shot Olivia a look of disgust when she glanced at him.

"Are the girls all right? I hear you have a friend of theirs, too. May I speak to Jade?" Olivia used her professional voice, aiming for authoritative but not demanding.

"I came to see you tonight. Your friend threatened me and I left," he informed her, still ignoring her questions.

Olivia was puzzled at this revelation but decided to let it go in favor of pushing him to talk about his hostages. "Dante, I really would like to talk with Jade. Or Lupe," she told him.

"No. I will not permit that, " as he spoke another voice shouted in the background.

"Olivia! Olivia! Help us, please!! He hit Mama!" Jade screamed out loudly and clear enough for all of them to hear.

"Jade! Honey, we are going to get you out, okay?" Olivia responded even as they could hear slaps, shouts of anger, screaming and scuffling in the speakers.

Then more silence.

After fifteen minutes of nothing, Joe motioned for her to take a break. A few minutes later Jake returned with her clothing. She went into the sound equipment van to change and emerged minutes later in a too big NYPD tee-shirt, jeans and Nike running shoes. Joe stopped her just as she jumped down and handed her something and she started to argue but then he reminded her that this time they knew Delgado had a gun. She went back into the van for the second time.

Coming out, she took a minute to find Peter. Glancing at her watch she saw it was ten after eleven. They had arrived forty-five minutes ago and she knew this could be a very long night.

"Hey. Thanks for bringing me, Peter, but you don't have to stay. It's probably going to be a really long night," she told him as she stood before him suddenly feeling anxious for him to leave. She didn't need the added stress of knowing he was there waiting for her.

"I don't mind staying, Liv," he brushed a strand of hair from her face.

"You don't have to. I'll catch a ride with Jake or Fin," she looked toward her colleagues who were now talking to Elena Vasquez.

"We had a date. I'd feel funny if I didn't see you home," he smiled.

She smiled up at him. He was so tall. Even more so now that she had ditched the heels for tennis shoes. "That's very sweet, but just think of it as dropping me off at work because that's what this is. Work. It's what I do."

He nodded in understanding, "Okay. I'll head on home but can I hang out a little longer and watch you in action? It's quite interesting."

"Sure. Why not?" Joe was calling her and she quickly kissed Peter on the cheek.

He caught her arm as she turned to leave and pulled her to him and kissed her softly and chastely on the lips. "Now, I can leave a happy man."

She smiled again and walked back to Joe and the others.

"I think it's time to try to get him talking again, Liv," Joe told her as he tapped his ear.

Running her hands through her hair, she turned to the technician who nodded affirmatively. Drawing a deep breath, she released it in a deep, hard rush of air.

"Dante? Dante? We need to talk. Please talk to me." She waited impatiently wondering about Jade, Sierra and Lupe. And the third girl. She wished she had remembered to see if Jake had been able to find out who she was from Elena. She had seen him talking with her when she came out of the van.

"Olivia. You changed? Where is the red dress?" Dante sounded annoyed.

"I'm at work now. This is what I wear for work…not fancy dresses. Did you hurt Jade, Dante? And Lupe? Why did you hit her?"

"I want you to come up to the house, Olivia. So we can talk privately," he ignored every one of her questions.

She looked at Joe, the shake of his head almost imperceptible. "Sorry, Dante. I can't do that. You have to let me know that everyone is okay."

The laugh he gave was chilling. "I don't have to do anything, Olivia. You don't seem to understand that I am in charge. No one is going to keep me from my girls and no one is going to say things about me that will take them away from me," anger was creeping into his voice now and they all realized that despite his earlier calm, he was very much on the edge.

"Dante, please let us know that you haven't hurt anyone," she pleaded as she began to pace back and forth.

Jake caught her eye and gave her the thumbs up sign hoping to encourage her.

Laughing again, Dante told her, "Olivia…I am so sorry, but you the only way you will know is to see for yourself."

"Dante, I can't. Tell me about the girls. Are they okay? Who is their friend? Have you hurt her?" she asked hoping he would just answer her questions.

His response was more laughter. A deep, chilling, spine-tingling laughter, this time. Evil, Olivia thought, as she shook with an involuntary shudder.

Olivia turned the microphone off and ask out loud, "We got a name for the third girl, yet?"

Fin stepped up, talking quietly behind her, "Elena says she's a college kid who help the girls with their homework. Can't remember her name. Says she goes to Hudson."

"O-liv-i-a?" Dante called out in a sing-song voice. "Olivia? I'm waiting." His voice suddenly turned coarse, demanding. "Come to the house, now, so we can talk privately."

Olivia glanced at the house then at Fin as she nodded her understanding to him. She turned the mic back on and resumed her pacing. Running a hand through her hair, she stopped and looked at the house again. "Dante, I'm sorry, but they won't let me come in…" she tried to make him understand.

Fin, standing by Jake now, mumbled, "He'll be waiting 'til hell freezes over."

"Oh, you will come in, Olivia. When you see what I have, you will come in," interrupting her, his voice had dropped and was quiet, almost in a menacing way.

Dread washed over her as she processed his words, and then met the concerned looks of Fin and Jake. What on earth did Dante mean by that? Had he hurt them or worse? Had he raped them or possibly killed one of more of them? The synapses in her brain were in overload at the scenarios running rampant in her head. The sweat running down her back tickled and pulled at her shirt and then wiped at the trickle that streamed down the side of her face.

"Liv…you ain't goin' in there," Fin told her, recognizing the look in her eyes. "I don't care what he got."

Simply staring at him as though she dared him to repeat what he had just said, her expression hardened with determination.

Fin crossed his arms and grunted as he narrowed his hard, dark eyes and tipped his head back in defiance to the look she had given him.

Jake grabbed her by the elbow and turned her to face him. "Fin's right. You can't go in there, Liv," Jake agreed with Fin's judgment. "So just scratch that from your thoughts, okay?"

Jerking away from his grip, she fixed him with a heated glare and then turned it on Fin. "I didn't say I was going in…I know that's not wise, but neither of you are going to tell me what to do. Let's just see what Dante's got, okay?" She turned away from them missing the looks they shot each other.

Joe came over to them, "Delgado's escalating, Liv. We gotta figure out a way to calm him down or get him to release his hostages. Maybe you can try sweet talking him again."

Olivia rolled her eyes, "You want me to 'sweet talk' that pervert?" She shook her head in disgust as her hands scrubbed her face and came to her mouth as though she were seeking help in prayer to a God she was not even certain existed.

Joe let the words and her response sink in as he quietly watched her.

She sighed heavily, "You're right."

She turned away from Joe, Fin and Jake and took a few steps toward the house. Taking a deep breath, she let the words flow, "Dante, listen, sweetheart, you've gotta work with me here. If you want me to come to the house so we can have some privacy, then you have to let the girls and Lupe go, okay?"

Silence.

"Dante? You listening?" Oliva's voice cracked and a tech ran up and handed her a bottle of water.

Unscrewing the cap, she chugged over half of it down in several long swallows, before replacing the cap. Holding the bottle loosely between her right index finger and thumb, she lightly swung it back and forth.

"I'm listening. Why did you call me 'sweetheart'?" he asked an almost expectant tone in his voice.

She looked at the men standing behind her and bit her bottom lip before answering, "Because, Dante, I…I like you. Please let them all go. Please?"

Laughing again, Dante told her, "You fooled me the first time, Olivia. When you said we would talk privately…you tricked me so they could arrest me and take me to jail. Esto no sucederá otra vez!"

"What'd he say?" Fin asked with a frown.

"This will not happen again," she translated as she passed a worried look to her colleagues.

"Dante…"

"No. No more talking, Olivia. You are to come to the house, now, or I start shooting…one at a time," he spoke with a quietness, a calm yet there was no mistaking his intent was very real.

"What now?" Jake asked Joe, who was standing with his hands jammed in his front pants pockets.

"I don't know…but we have to find a way to circumvent what he wants. We gotta placate him somehow," Joe answered.

"The only thing that is going to do that is for me to go up the house," Olivia snapped, wondering why she was taking her anger out on him. "I'm sorry, Joe."

"No problem. We just have to…" Joe was interrupted as Dante grabbed their attention by noisily opening the front door.

All eyes were directed to the house and Dante and the young woman he held by her long hair with a gun stuck under her jaw. He was careful to use her as his shield. Immediately, guns and rifles were drawn and aimed at him.

Joe told the police captain on the scene to call them off.

"Olivia! See what I have!" He pushed the young woman a step closer as he rammed the gun deeper into the soft skin of her neck. "She wants to tell you something."

The young woman's screams and cries for help pierce the stifling nighttime air, slicing the thick tension and sending a shock wave through all of them, but especially Olivia.

"Liv! Liv! Help me!" the young woman's words were punctuated with sobs, and then screams of pain as Dante wrenched her head around to make her speak more. The utter terror in her voice was gut wrenching. "Olivia!! Please…just do what he says! Please!"

The sight before her and the cries and screams from a very familiar voice paralyzed Olivia. It was not Lupe. Nor Jade. And it was not Sierra. In the deranged man's hands was someone she loved very much. Someone whose life she had been a part of for over ten years. Her stomach roiled like she was on a ship being tossed at sea by a storm and if she thought it would help, she would empty its contents right here, right now. But, nothing would help the sense of forboding and despair that now slashed at her heart. Nothing.

Joe, Jake and Fin were at her side now. Waiting, expectantly, for her to give them some answers. Dear God. What was she going to do? What was she going to tell Elliot?

"Liv?" Jake's face was crinkled in concern as he touched her shoulder.

She was in a trance, staring at the young woman.

"Liv? Baby, who is it?" Fin's hand on her arm pulled her from her shocked and distressed stupor.

Eyes blank but shimmering with tears, her intent gaze never leaving the young woman, Olivia's whispered answer was nearly inaudibly as Jake, Fin and Joe stared at her in total alarm.

"Maureen."

eoeoeoeoeo

**A/N: I have been dreadful about responding to all of those who have reviewed! Please forgive me and know that I do so appreciate each of my readers and those that take time to review/comment have a very special place in my heart. Without you I would have no idea if my story is any good. From the bottom of my hear, I thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules to read and/or review. I love you guys!! {{Group Hug Time!!}} " ) Bensler**


	26. Chaotic

**Chapter 26 – Chaotic**

**Stabler Residence – Saturday, September 6 – 11:00 p.m.**

Elliot had spent a couple of hours at the precinct looking up every thing he could about Dante Delgado and trying to tie him to the break-in and attack at Olivia's apartment. All of his research and attempts to do so were fruitless and he headed home around nine-thirty.

He stopped to pick up some burgers and fries and had eaten almost all of them by the time he pulled up in front of his building. Stuffing the remaining bites of hamburger and several French fries in his mouth, he put the napkins in the bag and rolled it up tight. He threw it in the trash bin on the sidewalk he passed on the way into the building.

Taking a long, hot shower, his mind was still filled with Olivia. He hated that Morris insisted on her being put on suspension. He understood, but looking back on the situation now, he knew that the two of them had been in such situations countless times before and that Cragen had gone to bat for them over and over again and kept them out of trouble many times. Even so they both had plenty of reprimands in their jackets. He only wished he had done the same for Olivia today. This would be but one more thing for her to hold over his head. Then he began remembering her with Peter and decided he needed to stop thinking.

Once out of the shower, he paid some bills, picked up around the apartment and finally put away the load of clothes that had been in the dryer for several days. Finding some leftover apple pie that Lizzie had made for him last weekend, he wondered if it were still okay to eat even as he grabbed the whole tin, poured a big glass of milk and settled on the recliner to watch a bit of television. Maybe this would keep from thinking about her. For a few minutes, anyway.

Channel surfing he caught the rundown of the most recent baseball scores; checked the weather for tomorrow…still unseasonably hot for New York; then stopped at the local news. Stuffing his face with the remaining bite of pie, he chugged the milk and set the empty dishes on the table beside the chair and leaned back, remote in hand, to finally relax.

'…the overwhelming opposition to the new business. City officials will meet on the rezoning issue again next month,' the male reporter droned. 'Now for an update on the story we broke earlier this evening. Live from the scene is WNYC's very own Shae Burton. The female reporter began explaining the situation, 'NYPD officials confirm that the hostage situation in Lower Manhattan is ongoing. An unnamed source says all of the hostages are female. Three of the four are family members of the perpetrator while the fourth person's relationship to the family is unknown at this time. Our source tells us that less than two weeks ago NYPD was called to this same house.'

Elliot was immediately on high alert. As the camera panned the group of people at the scene, there stood Jake and Fin to the left of Joe Mancini who was talking into a headset. Aggravation washed over Elliot as he pulled the recliner to its full upright position and reached for his cell phone. Why had they not called him about this? Where was his blasted cell phone? Oh, man! He must have left it on his desk.

Recognizing the Delgado house his aggravation turned to anger…with just a touch of fear. He should have arrested Delgado when he saw him at Liv's apartment building tonight. At least then he would not be holding hostages. His heart jumped when he briefly wondered if Delgado had Olivia. The reporter said it was thought that one female was not related. Relief spread through him when he recalled her date with Peter. It was too early for her to be home and besides the reporter said it happened earlier in the evening. And she was on suspension. And on a date. So, she was safe. Relief washed over him.

He ran to the bedroom and pulled on some black jeans over his boxers, exchanged his wife beater for a black tee shirt, slipped into his running shoes, grabbed his gun, shield and car keys and ran for his car. Twenty minutes later he was pulling up to the frenzied scene outside of the Delgado residence.

**Outside the Delgado Residence – Saturday, September 6 – 11:09 p.m.**

"Maureen?" Fin asked incredulously, now recognizing the young woman he had not seen in a good while. "Didn't recognize her. She's grown up."

"Who's Maureen?" Joe asked, alarmed that Olivia seemed so distraught.

Olivia wiped away the lone tear trailing her face, "Elliot's oldest daughter."

"How'd she end up with the Delgados?" Jake's voice was pitched higher than normal in his total confusion at how things were unfolding.

Highly troubled, the worry emanated from him as his eyes locked on Olivia though she never quit looking at the house. He knew Olivia was going in. No matter what anyone said, she was going in. To keep her from going in like Delgado asked, they would have to physically restrain her. And it would probably take five or six men to accomplish that feat. Because Olivia loved Elliot's kids but she loved Elliot even more and Jake knew she would do anything she had to do to protect him. Right now protecting him meant protecting his daughter. Jake felt his dread raise another notch.

"She…uh…she goes to Hudson. Majoring in…in criminal psychology." Olivia closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "She's in a program that helps at-risk kids from broken homes, kids new to the city or from another country or just having trouble in school. She told us about the girls…even said she was taking them to the mall this weekend. But she never told us their names and I didn't…" she blew out a hard breath. "I didn't ask. I should have asked. If I had…" her voice drifted away as she became lost in thought.

"That's enough, Olivia," Jake spoke firmly as he grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to look him in the eyes. "This is _not_ your fault. You hear me? This is _not _your fault, Olivia."

When her big, brown eyes met his, Jake thought he had never seen someone's eyes hold such despair and anguish.

Jake pulled her to him in a quick sideways hug as she whispered, "What am I going to tell Elliot?"

"We'll tell Elliot together, Liv. You didn't cause this. He's not going to blame you," Jake soothed her, his right hand running in circles on her back.

"You don't know Elliot…he…he needs to know…I have to call him…" she mumbled, her hands pushing at Jake.

"We've been trying all night to get him. Fin sent a car to his house," holding her tight, he explained.

She nodded and looked around at the scene of which she had become a central player. The air was heavy with humidity and though there was a slight breeze, it was still a hot night and the perspiration rolled off her face. She wiped at it with the back of hand and arm. The flash of the red and white lights of the ambulances seemed to be in a silent race for preeminence over the brilliant blue of the police lights. There were also two spotlights set up bathing the house in an almost blinding brilliance. In the background various voices ran together with only a few words here and there understandable. An occasional radio transmission crackled while Joe Mancini and his team talked in hushed tones, their heads bent close together. The S.W.A.T. officers stood at high alert, waiting to be told to make their move.

"Olivia?" Delgado's calm voice was back, yet it startled Olivia as well as Jake. "My patience is wearing thin…soon it will run out."

"I'm going in, Z," pulling away, she informed him, her hands now pulling her sweat dampened bangs over the top of her head.

"I know." Sighing deeply, Jake let her go, but turned her to him and looked her in the eyes, "You be careful, Liv. Be careful." Elliot would kill him and Fin both.

Nodding once, she gave him a small smile. As she passed Fin, he held up his right hand and she gave him five but his hand gripped hers.

"Livia…" unusual for Fin, his throat tightened with emotion and he searched for words to make her stay.

Fin didn't like this. Not one bit. He felt even more helpless tonight than he had in that prison when he feared he would find her too late to spare her, to save her. Though he had saved her, he _had_ been unable to spare her. The subsequent months showing all too well, the truth of that inability.

She gave Fin a slight nod, "I know, Fin. I'll be fine." Starting toward the house, she called out, "I'm coming in, Dante."

She couldn't help but remember Sealview and how Fin was there for her but just barely in the nick of time. Now, she was once again stepping into a dangerous situation with a partner to watch her back and now more than any other time in her career, she was keenly aware that the potential for disaster lay right around the corner. Safety and well-being, or tragedy and ruin, separated by mere seconds.

"Detective! Wait!" Joe ran and caught up with her. "I can't let you do this. He has a gun. We need to keep him talking…"

"Did you hear him? He's going to start shooting, Joe! He's got Maureen. I have to go in," she insisted.

"Olivia…" Joe pleaded.

"I'll take all the blame for this. I'm going in and that's final," she pushed past him and made her way to the house, her hands held up in surrender. "I'm unarmed, Dante. I'm coming in."

Jake had a bad premonition about this whole situation but he knew there was no stopping her.

Fin silently stood nearby outwardly indifferent to her decision, only the slight shaking of his head indicating otherwise.

"Ain't got gotta good feelin' 'bout this," he said to no one in particular.

Jake looked over at him, their eyes met and he turned away, watching Olivia's diminishing form as she neared the Delgado house. "Me neither, Fin. Me neither."

**Inside Delgado Residence – Saturday, September 6 – 11:15 p.m.**

Heart hammering against her chest so hard each beat was painful, Olivia stood on the front porch of the two-story house. She pounded on the red wooden door with her fist and waited. Silence. She knocked again and was rewarded with more silence. Just as she raised her fist to knock a third time, the door opened just a few inches. There was very little light shining from the living room and she was aware of the stifling fear that had begun to edge its way upon her, but she knew she had to do this. Delgado had played the trump card, leaving her no choice. She would not risk anything happening to Maureen and she did not want anything bad to happen to the others either.

Slowly, each step filled with trepidation, she gradually made her way into the house, proceeding with the utmost caution. Her eyes had no time to become accustomed from the brightly lit up outside scene to the virtual darkness inside the house before the whoosh of the front door slamming behind her caused her to nearly jump out of her skin, the stirred up air sending her hair flying. She sensed, rather than saw, Delgado behind her just before the sound of metal on metal filled her ears as the mechanisms in at least two dead bolts clicked into place along with the regular door lock.

Chuckling softly he stepped closer to her. "I _knew_ you would come to me when you saw what I had, Olivia," his voice exuded confidence tinged with amusement.

Olivia wanted nothing more than to deck him but a good outcome hinged on her playing nice and convincing him to release everyone unharmed. She couldn't afford to play 'Elliot' and bow up to Dante, threatening him.

She started to turn to face him, but he stopped her, "Don't turn around. Not yet."

At the change of tone in his voice, the hairs on her neck stood on end and she felt goose bumps cover her body as he came closer. There was no missing the seduction in his voice and it nauseated her. She was repulsed by the very thought of him, his voice. If he touched her, it would take every thing in her not to take him down. She had no gun, but she did have her cuffs. And she would put up a fight. Lowell Harris had a gun and she learned she was not superwoman. No, resisting Delgado was not on the agenda. Suddenly she wished Elliot were there. Not Jake. Not Fin. Elliot. She needed him.

Dante's hot, stale breath was on her neck, "You are a very beautiful woman, Olivia."

She cringed at his nearness and tried to prepare herself for his inevitable touch. This was not part of the deal, she thought. He was supposed to talk, not put moves on her. Her mind began to race. What if he tried to…to rape her? Breathing became difficult and flashbacks of Harris and Sealview pushed her to the perimeters of panic. Struggling to maintain her self-control, she squeezed her eyes shut and willed her breathing to be slow and deep. Beads of sweat popped up on her upper lip and cheeks and she felt it trickle down the side of her head, but she dared not move.

At the same moment his left hand drew the hair from the back of her neck, her hands fisted and she struggled to keep them at her side even as she felt the cold, hard metal of the gun in his right hand come alongside her temple. Swallowing hard she fought the bile rising in her throat as she resolved in her head that she would not, she _could_ not recoil from his touch or the kisses he placed at her nape of neck. An involuntary shudder took over her body and he chuckled against her neck.

"So, you like your neck to be kissed, hmmm, Olivia?" his hand slipped from her shoulder to rested on her hip, pulling her back into him. "I have so much more planned for you than kisses."

Surely he could not have mistaken her shuddering repugnance for desire, she desperately thought. Visions of the filthy, bare mattress in the dark, cold basement and Lowell Harris leering at her as he threatened her caused her to grab Dante's hand, intertwining her fingers with his as she pulled him away from her. "Dante, please, not now. Let me see the girls and Lupe. Once I know they are okay, I'll be…ab…able to…uh…c-concentrate. Okay?" she spoke quietly and with a voice she hoped sounded seductive even though she was filled with alarm.

Eyes closed, she held her breath, waiting until he spoke again, hoping her plan worked.

Smiling at her, he pulled her to the stairway, "Go."

Motioning toward the bedroom to the left of the landing, Dante shoved her along the hallway. At the doorway she paused and looked at Dante. He tipped his head for her to go in and she entered slowly, fearful of what she might find.

Judging from the décor of the bedroom, Olivia figured it was Jade's. It had the prerequisite posters of teen idols and various bands adorning the hot pink walls. The comforter and matching curtains were mostly cream with small hot pink flowers stitched into the fabric. Clothes were strewn across the room. A small desk littered with schoolbooks and papers took up one corner. Maureen sat in the chair by the desk, her hands and feet bound to it. When she saw Olivia, she began to cry. Olivia wanted to go to her but Dante had still had the gun to her head.

"Honey, it's okay. Don't cry. It's going to be okay," she told her as she felt tears stinging her own eyes and wished she believed her own words. Maureen nodded and quieted just a bit.

As Olivia scanned the room for the others, a moan sounded from the far side of the bed. She looked at Dante and his nod was his permission for her to go toward the sound. Lupe lay on the floor between the outside wall and the bed. She had been severely beaten and spots of blood covered the beige carpet.

"Lupe!" Olivia ran to her, kneeling as she gently turned her face toward her. Her lips were distended over four or five splits; her right eye was swollen shut; there was a gash across her forehead that was still bleeding; and her face, neck, arms and legs were covered in various sizes and colors of bruises. It appeared her left arm was broken. She needed a doctor.

For a split second Olivia simply could not believe this man had done this to his wife. Then Elliot's word from the Sennett case echoed in her mind, _'You've no idea how bad things can get when a couple goes south.'_ For some reason her response to him was burned into her mind as well, _'And eight years in this unit tells me that I don't need to be married to know when an abusive man is escalating.'_

Did she? Did they know that he was capable of doing this and probably worse? If they had known, was there really anything else they could have done legally other than the restraining order? She could not think about this right now. She turned her attention back to Lupe.

Moaning, Lupe tried to look at Olivia, "Nos ayuda, por favor…"

"I'm going to do everything in my power to help you all, Lupe," she whispered to the distraught woman.

Shaking her head, Lupe, continued, "Dante, él nos matará todos."

Terror shot through Olivia at Lupe's declaration. _'He will not let us live.'_ In the depths of her subconscious she acknowledged she had already come to that conclusion, but hearing it out loud confirmed that it was a very real possibility that none of them would walk away from this. She looked at the doorway, where Dante was still standing, as though making certain she understood there was no way out because he was blocking her escape route in more ways than one.

"Lupe needs medical attention. Please, Dante…let me call for an EMT," she begged him.

"No. She has turned my girls against me. She gets no help," his anger laced voice was gruff and his face showed nothing but fury.

The girls. Where were the girls? "Where are Jade and Sierra? Did you hurt them, too?" Olivia fought to keep her voice even, but she heard the alarm etched in each word and knew he did, too.

"I love my girls," he declared, clearly becoming agitated.

"Where are they?" Olivia heard her voice kick up a notch but she knew she could not let him know the situation was getting to her. She took a deep breath and focused on him.

He tilted his head at what she assumed was a closet door. Opening it she found Jade and Sierra tied up and lying on the floor of walk-in closet that was roughly an eight by eight foot area. Sierra's dark brown eyes were huge with terror and she was crying. Jade was not conscious and had several bruises on her face and dried blood streaked from a cut near the outside corner of her right eye and a split almost exactly in the center of her bottom lip. Olivia was sickened by the sight but relieved that they were both still alive. She worried about a concussion or other head trauma because Jade was unconscious and it had been at least forty-five minutes since Jade had called out that Dante had hit Lupe. That was when they heard slaps and screams and surmised that Jade had been attacked.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" she asked Sierra.

The girl nodded vigorously through her tears. Olivia wiped her tears away, hugging her close, "Shh…shh…it's going to be okay…it's going to be okay…it's going to be okay." She felt like she was trying to convince herself of this as much as Sierra.

When she pulled back to look at Sierra, her eyes were rapidly moving back and forth trying to get Olivia to look at something on the floor. When she discreetly followed Sierra's eyes, she saw a pair of scissors beneath the row of sweaters and long sleeved blouses. She gave Sierra a slight nod to signify she had seen them. Now, she just had to figure out how she could use them.

"Dante, if you won't allow medical help, will you at least let me give them some water and clean their wounds? I know you are not so cruel as to deny them this little bit of help…" searching his face for any hint of emotion, she pleaded.

Studying her for a long moment, he finally motioned for her to come to him. He told her to go downstairs to the kitchen as he followed. He allowed her to get dishcloths, a bowl of water and he carried several bottles of water back upstairs. When they had emptied their hands of those items, he told her where to find the first aid kit in the master bathroom. The whole time he held his gun on her, ready to shoot.

She began by giving Maureen and Sierra some water. It was awkward trying to hold the bottle for them. She then went to Lupe and gently wiped her face with a wet cloth.

"Is there really a need to keep them tied up like animals? It's hard to get to them to clean the wounds. Lupe is in no shape to do anything and Jade is unconscious…they are all terrified of you…and you have a gun…and they…we're all females…and you…you are a man," she pointed out. "Please…you've had them here for hours. Let them at least be somewhat comfortable."

She hoped her attempt to make them all seem weak while he was the strong one, the one who held control, would cause him, at least to some degree, to let his guard down. Even a little. That was all she needed. A small window of opportunity.

He looked her over, then around the room, his eyes falling first on Lupe and then Maureen. Walking to the closet to look in, he turned back to Olivia, "Untie them. But if anyone tries anything…I _will_ shoot." His brown eyes had turned as black as coal, and penetrated hers with a hard, cold stare.

There was no doubt he meant what he said, but she saw no possible way out of this if at least some of them could not run or if necessary, help take him down, because she was beginning to doubt her ability to talk him into letting them go and surrendering to the police. If she were completely honest, she doubted a good ending to any of this at all.

"Thank you," she said softly as she quickly made her way to Maureen and untied her first. As soon as her hands were free Maureen fell into Olivia's arms and the two women hugged. Olivia pulled her away before Dante was annoyed and told her to untie Lupe. Olivia went to the closet to loose the girls.

**Outside the Delgado Residence – Saturday, September 6 – 11:27 p.m.**

The screeching of tires on the pavement as a brown sedan came to an abrupt halt not far from where they stood caused several people to turn around for the source of that sound. Fin and Jake were among them and turned just in time to see Elliot jumping out of the car slamming the door behind him.

As he made a beeline for them, Fin turned to Jake, "Guess that car didn't make it to the house in time."

"Wonder how he found out?" Jake responded, subconsciously steeling himself for the battle to come.

Letting go of a long breath through pursed lips, Fin answered, "Somethin' tells me we 'bout to find out."

Dropping all pretenses of control and professionalism, Elliot went straight to yelling mode.

"You wanna tell me why I have to find out my detectives are on the scene of a hostage situation by a perp we have an open case on by watching the eleven o'clock news? Why haven't I heard from either of you?" Elliot demanded, glaring at first one of them and then other.

"We've been calling off and on all night, Captain," Jake told him as he nodded toward Fin. "Been going straight to voice mail."

"Yea…I sent a car to your house…must of passed you enroute. Sorry, Elliot," Fin shrugged.

"I left my cell on my desk, but you could've called the house phone!" Elliot was getting madder by the second.

"Uh…yea…well…ain't got your new house number…" Fin told him with raised eyebrows.

Sighing loudly, Elliot shook his head, calming down just a little, "Okay, okay. I'm here now…and I'll get you my new number. Fill me in."

They explained the situation up to the point that Olivia had been called and then Fin looked at Jake and Jake gave Fin a look of his own. Elliot didn't miss it and his face crumpled into an even deeper frown than already filled his features.

He looked between the two. Neither could look him in the eye. "What?" Widening his stance, his hands propped on his hips, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "What's going on?"

Neither wanted to be the one to tell him that Olivia was involved, let alone inform him that his daughter was one of the hostages and Olivia had gone into the house of her own accord. Unarmed. And they had let her. Without even a fight. Well, aren't they lucky? Neither of them had to be the bearer of bad news.

"Captain Stabler!" Joe Mancini called out as he neared the three men.

Elliot twisted to look over his left shoulder at the approaching hostage negotiator, but then turned back to Fin and Jake. "I'm going to ask you one more time. What is going on?"

Then Mancini was there, "Captain, I'm really sorry about your daughter," he slipped his arm around Elliot's shoulders, giving him a quick squeeze.

Bewildered at the statement, Elliot frowned at Mancini, "Excuse me?"

"Your daughter…Maureen…I'm really sorry. We're going to do everything…" Mancini's words died on his lips as Elliot gripped his arm in a vice of steel and pulled him up so their faces were inches apart.

"Maureen? What does Maureen have to do with anything?" his voice took on a tone of confusion laced with apprehension.

Mancini, now somewhat concerned for his own safety because of Elliot's imposing demeanor, looked at Jake and Fin, "He doesn't _know_?" he asked, incredulous that they had not yet told him.

"Know what?!" Elliot growled as he neared the end of the fragile thread that held what sanity was left within him. "What? _What_ don't I know?"

Fin was bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Elliot…Delgado…he…uh…he's got Maureen," Fin managed to choke out, his eyes locked with Elliot's. Fin, Jake and Joe all collectively held their breath.

Like a punch to his gut, the wind was expelled and he was visibly shaken as he staggered back nearly losing his balance. Fin started toward him, but Elliot held a hand up to hold him at bay.

"Maureen? Oh, God. These were the girls…the mall…she told us…Maureen…the Delgado girls…" he swiped his hand across his face and over his head. "Is she…is she okay?"

"Yea…she's okay, as far as we could tell," Joe told him as he, Fin and Jake exchanged glances. Elliot was in another world.

His breathing was heavy and he thought nothing in his life could have ever prepared him for this. For the reality of one of his children being in imminent danger. "As far…as far as you could tell? What does that mean?"

"About fifteen minutes ago…uh…Delgado…brought her to the front door…had a gun to her…to her head and said if he didn't get what he wanted…he would…he would…uh…start shooting," Jake spoke quietly praying that somehow Elliot would not fall apart.

He knew the next bit of information they had to tell him would cause him to implode.

Elliot stared at him with huge eyes, a look of sheer terror on his face. "How do you know she was okay? Did she look okay? Was she talking? How do you know she's okay?"

Jake looked at Joe and Fin before his eyes fell to the ground.

"'Cause she was talkin'," Fin offered. This was going to be bad, he said to himself. Very, very bad.

"What was she saying? What'd Delgado want? If he hurts her, I swear, I swear…I'll kill him. I-will-kill-him!" He ground out around the huge lump in his throat that made his voice gruff and deeper than normal. "What'd the pervert want?"

There was a long, silent pause. It was an _ominous_ pause.

"Olivia."

"Oliva?" he questioned, looking at each man, still not quite grasping the crux of the situation.

"Olivia went in to talk to Delgado. We tried to keep her…" Joe's voice trailed off.

"There was no stopping her…"

"You know Liv, Elliot…hard-headed…"

"…worried you would think it was her fault…"

"…ain't nothing we could do or say to stop her…"

All of a sudden the air around him was too heavy. Or it was too thin. Or it was too thick. Or it was non-existant, because all of sudden he could not get enough of it.

His head was spinning, his heart constricting, his blood rushed to his head, drowning out all sounds save the roar in his ears.

Their voices became a chaotic jumble of sounds, inflections and intonations, the words meaningless.

He stared at their faces, recognition no longer evident. Each face blurred as Olivia's, then Maureen's alternately replaced them.

He was going crazy. Time and time again over the years when he lost control, he had feared it. But this time…this time it was different. This was it. He had no control. Of anything. Least of all his sanity.

Lifting his head to the Heavens, his hands wrapped tightly around his head, trying to stop the agonizing pain, he screamed out.

"Aaaauuuuggggghhhhhh!"

It was primal. It was gut wrenching. A heart breaking sound and the three men were out of their element.

Uncomfortable with such raw grief, such bruising anguish, such emotional turmoil, none of them knew what to do or say.

In stillness, they watched.

Tears freely flowed down his cheeks and he did nothing to stop them. Nothing to wipe them away. Nothing to hide them.

He stared at the house. "Maureen…Maureen…oh, sweetheart…" he spoke her name quietly, brokenly. Reverently.

His breathing became ragged, rough and he struggled to not pass out.

"Liv…baby…you gotta…" swallowing, he paused, his tongue sliding over his dry lips, "…you gotta come back to me, Liv."

The pain in his gut became unbearable. He doubled over, putting his hands on his knees and his head as far down as he could in hopes of regaining some semblance of control.

The only sound that filled the air now, was Elliot's voice cracking with emotion as he whispered her name.

"Olivia…Olivia…Olivia…"

~ ~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~ ~


	27. Catastrophe

**Chapter 27 - Catastrophe**

**Stabler Residence - Saturday, September 6 - 11:32 p.m.**

"Mom! Mom!"

Kathy Stabler was upstairs in her bed reading a novel, when she heard the voice of her second oldest daughter hollering for her. Somewhat alarmed since Kathleen lived on her own and always called before coming over, she was out of the bed and putting on her robe when Kathleen appeared in the bedroom doorway.

"Kathleen. Why didn't you..." the words stuck in her throat as she looked at Kathleen's wide eyes and pale face.

"Mom..."

"Honey, what is it? What's wrong?" Kathy was very concerned now as she went to her daughter.

"Maureen...she..." she started but then thought better of it. "Have you heard from Daddy? Has he called you?"

"What? No. No. Why would he call me? Kathleen! What is going on?" she shook her lightly by the shoulders.

Kathleen went to the nightstand, picked up the remote, and turned on the television. A scrawl on the bottom of the screen highlighted the hostage situation in Lower East Manhattan. Kathy looked at Kathleen in confusion.

"Your Dad..._he's_ a hostage?" Kathy felt her knees go week as the strength left her body. "No! Oh, no!"

They might be divorced and she may have a boyfriend, but she still loved Elliot. You don't spend half your life with someone and not love them. She would always love him even though she had no desire to be _with_ him anymore.

As she collapsed on the bed, Kathleen sat down beside her and hugged her. "Not Daddy, Mom," the tears overflowed her blue eyes. "Maureen."

Head turning quickly to her daughter, Kathy breathed slowly and deeply, warding off the panic that now gripped her. "Maureen? How? Do you know for sure?"

"That program she's in...where she helps little kids...I dropped her off there last week and used her car while she was helping them with homework. Their names are Jade and Sierra Delgado and that's their house, Mom. I _know _it is. They said the kids were with a friend at the mall. She told me she was taking them there late this afternoon. I _know_ its Maureen," she wipe tears from her eyes and reached for a Kleenex on the nightstand.

Kathy started getting dressed. "You are going to take me there!"

She pulled on a pair of jeans and reached for her cell phone.

**Outside the Delgado Residence - Saturday, September 6 - 11:38 p.m.**

The severity of the situation had barely begun to seep and settle into Elliot's mind when he felt his cell phone vibrate against his hip. Looking at the ID, he flipped it open.

"Captain..." Elliot croaked.

"Saw it on the news. I'm on the way. Saw all my detectives except...Olivia. She's still on suspension, right?" Captain Cragen's question hung heavy in the air.

Silence.

"Elliot?" Cragen waited for what he sensed was going to be bad news.

"She...uh...she went in..." his voice was unsteady.

"What! Is Mancini crazy? Why in the..."

"Delgado's got Maureen."

All of a sudden everything became crystal clear. Delgado had one of Elliot's kids. Of course, Olivia went in. She'd do anything for his kids...for him. Anything. Even die. That's what good partners did. That's what people did for those they truly loved.

"I'm almost there," Cragen's voice, somber and terse, belied his outward calm.

Elliot nodded his head as though Captain Cragen could see him, "Yea." It was all he could manage.

His insides ached like someone had reached within him and turned him inside out. He tried to take deep, even breaths, to calm himself, but the attempt to suck in air seemed to nearly suffocated him instead, the breaths releasing as shaky, strangled sobs.

A vibration against his hip once again garnered his attention. The caller ID glared at him.

Kathy.

Dealing with her right now would push him over the edge. He knew he should talk to her. Maureen was her daughter, too. She had a right to know what was going on. Staring at the phone now vibrating in his hand, he hit ignore then turned his concentration back to the house, the house that held his daughter and the woman he loved and the unfolding drama in which he was an unwilling participant.

**Inside Delgado Residence - Saturday, September 6 - 11:42 p.m.**

Untying Jade and Sierra, Olivia hugged Sierra, then checked on Jade who was still unconscious. Sierra moved to put Jade's head in her lap as they remained on the floor of the closet. Olivia gave her a bottle of water and Sierra tried to give some to Jade but most of spilled out and onto the both of them.

Maureen was sitting on the bed, clearly distraught though trying her best to stay in control. Olivia sat beside her and they talked quietly, while Delgado paced the room and looked out the window every few minutes.

"I'm so scared," Maureen whispered.

"I know, honey," Olivia brushed a strand of hair behind Maureen's ear. "We just have to remain calm and let this play out."

Maureen glanced at Delgado, "You think he'll let us go?"

"I really don't know," she patted her knee and got up to check on Lupe who had begun to moan and say something.

Dante was at the window looking out and when Lupe spoke he turned his eyes to her. He was standing near her feet and she twisted slowly and painfully to be able to look him in the eye.

"Dante...Dante...por favor. No haga este. Por favor no haga este. Deje a las muchachas ir. Y Detective Benson," Lupe's voice was ragged, the words halting as she pled with her husband.

Staring at his wife, his eyes cold and hard, he laughed lightly, but said nothing.

Lupe tried again, "Tu pelea es conmigo, no ellos. Por favor."

This time he snapped at her, "Usted lo ha hecho una pelea entre todos nosotros. Cerrado!"

Olivia knew a lot of Spanish and understood most of what they said, but she was stressed and wasn't certain of all of it. She knew Lupe asked him to not do this and to please let everyone go. She wasn't sure exactly what Lupe said next, but Dante told her she had done something and to shut up.

"Daddy?" Sierra called out, her dark brown eyes filled with turned and went to the doorway of the closet. "Sierra...I am sorry, amor."

He motioned for her to come out of the closet, but she didn't want to disturb Jade and she shook her head. "Daddy, if you're sorry...then please, just let us go. Mama, too. Please."

He looked at her and then around the room, "I can't do that. Your Mama has disgraced this family by getting the policia involved in a family matter." He went back to the doorway of the bedroom dragging the desk chair to the opening, and sat down.

Olivia didn't know what to make of this, so she tried to reason with him herself, "Dante, let me help you...if you will give yourself up, I can make sure that..."

"Like you made sure we 'talked privately' before. No. You have nothing to say that I want to hear, Olivia Benson," he was angry and seemingly on the edge of doing something.

Falling silent seemed to be in the best interest right now, so that is what she did.

**Outside Delgado Residence - Saturday, September 6 - 11:48 p.m.**

Barely ten minutes after hearing from Cragen, the captain was standing beside Elliot. Fin and Jake were in an animated discussion with Joe Mancini.

"Elliot," Cragen knew he was upset. They all were.

Elliot turned and looked at the captain and then to the house again. There was a long pause before Elliot spoke, "She shouldn't have gone in..."

"Maybe not...but she didn't feel she had a choice, Elliot," he placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

Elliot turned and gave him a scathing look as he wiped at the sweat trickling down the side of his face, "She had a choice."

Cragen shook his head, "Not when she found out Maureen was involved."

Elliot looked away, hoping the captain did not see the tears gathering in his eyes. He had already broken down tonight - so totally out of character for him - and he was not about to give in to any more emotional meltdowns. At least not in public.

Cragen went to talk with Mancini, Fin and Jake who filled him in on everything that had taken place over the last several hours.

Elliot was still standing where Cragen had left him, when he heard a commotion behind him. Turning he saw four uniformed officers holding Kathy back behind the yellow police tape. Kathleen was trying to hold Kathy back as well.

"My daughter is in there! You let me go! I'm Kathy Stabler! Captain Stabler is my husband! Let me go!"

Noticing she called him her husband, he guessed it was hard to let go of twenty-three years. Their divorce was final six months ago. Six months and he still couldn't bring himself to tell Olivia how he felt about her. He headed over to Kathy.

"Let her go," he told the unis as he approached.

Kathleen scrambled under the police tape and ran to him, "Daddy! Is Maureen okay?"

"Yes...she's okay, baby," he hugged her to him.

"Elliot, why didn't you call me? Why didn't you answer your cell phone? I must have called you a dozen times! You should have let me know!" Kathy demanded to know.

Elliot held the tape up and let Kathy under. "Kath...look I...I know I should have called you...I just found out myself...and...I...I couldn't deal with...with you and...Maureen...and L-Liv..." he stammered and closed his eyes, still holding Kathleen.

"You should have let me know, Elliot! She's _my_ daughter, too!" Kathy began to sob.

Elliot released Kathleen and stepped toward Kathy pulling her into his arms. "I know, I know. I'm sorry. I should have talked to you. Shh...shh...it'll be okay," he whispered into her hair as her tears dampened his shirt.

Becoming aware of Peter standing just beyond them, Elliot frowned. He thought he had gone home, but there he was still hanging around. Peter looked his way and they maintained eye contact for a long minute before Kathy took Elliot's attention.

"You said you couldn't deal with me and Maureen and _Liv_..." she said with a questioning voice.

Elliot bit his lip and chewed the inside of his cheek as he looked back and forth between Kathy and Kathleen. He let Kathy go and swiped his hand over his face, stopping to massage his forehead with the fingers and thumb of his right hand.

"Liv...uh...she...uh..." he sighed heavily. "Delgado would only talk to her...and she...she..." he tried to explain but his throat was tightening so much he could not seem to get the words out. His left hand fisted beside him as he attempted to speak.

"When Delgado threatened Maureen if Olivia didn't come in, she went," Cragen had suddenly appeared beside Elliot and now explained to Kathy and Kathleen.

Kathleen's eyes widening in fear and shock, and Kathy's sharp intake of breath told Elliot they knew this was a very dangerous thing for Olivia to do and made this situation all the more upsetting for him.

"Oh, El...I'm sorry...I know how much you care..." Kathy reached for him trying to comfort him, knowing the feelings he had for his partner.

He pulled away from her. "Yea...thanks," Elliot was losing it again and he quickly turned and walked back to the scene.

Cragen got Kathy and Kathleen settled in one of the vans, getting Kathy some coffee and a soda for Kathleen. He told them that for their own safety they were not allowed past the police tape and if they had any questions to tell one of the uniformed officers to come and get him.

**Inside Delgado Residence - Sunday, September 7 - 2:13 a.m.**

After Dante had told Olivia she had nothing to say he wanted to hear, silence had reigned. For the next two and half-hours not a word was spoken except for when Joe Mancini tried several times to get Dante to respond, but he refused. Upon the threat that the S.W.A.T. would storm the house, he finally let Olivia speak one time just to assure the authorities that everyone was still all right. That had been over an hour ago.

Now Olivia sat on the bed her back to the headboard with Maureen curled up next to her dozing fitfully. Sierra had fallen asleep and Lupe was out again. Jade remained out and Olivia was extremely troubled that she had not awoken this entire time. She was also exhausted and fought against the heaviness weighing down her eyelids. Concerned that she did not have a handle on Dante or what he ultimately wanted, she tried to concentrate on that instead of the sleep she so desperately needed.

Just as she was about to doze off, Sierra awoke, "Daddy, I need to go to the bathroom."

"Go. No lights," he told the young girl.

Frightened, she looked at him, "I'm afraid of the dark."

"There's a night light," he countered.

"Not in the hall," she whined.

Dante looked down at his youngest daughter and then over to Olivia, "Detective, take Sierra to the bathroom. Do not try anything or..." he leveled the gun at Maureen's sleeping form.

Nodding her understanding, Olivia carefully arose from the bed while Sierra gently laid Jade's head on the carpeted floor of the closet. Jade moaned just a little. Olivia put her arm around Sierra as they passed Delgado who now stood, pulling the chair aside to clear the doorway.

The bathroom was down and across the hall from the bedroom and Dante watched their every move. When heard them talking in whispers, he shouted that there was to be no talking. Olivia stood just outside the bathroom while Sierra used it. When the young girl emerged, Olivia looked back at Dante.

"Do you mind...I...uh...I need to..." she asked him.

He stared at her, the scant glow of the night light on her face, and then pulled Sierra to him as she neared the bedroom. "The door stays open," he held the gun above his head and waved it as a reminder that he held the upper hand.

After using the facilities Olivia quietly looked in the drawers and under the cabinet, thankful for the small nightlight that illuminated the small area just enough to see the contents. She found the razor blades that Sierra told her were in one of the drawers but saw nothing else that might be used as a weapon. Slipping one of the blades into her back jeans pocket, she flushed the toilet, and reluctantly headed back to the bedroom.

Sierra had also reminded her about the scissors in the closet, but she wasn't sure how to get to them or how she would be able to use them if she did get hold of them. Dante was not talking so she had no idea what he wanted. Their situation was dire and she knew it. To avoid this entire thing ending in a catastrophe, she _had_ to get him talking again. She _had_ to somehow regain his trust, his respect.

She played Joe's words over in her head, 'All you can do is listen. That's the only weapon you really have.' If he only knew. 'The key to defusing the situation is to establish trust and respect.' She had lost that when they arrested Dante after the first hostage situation.

Once she was settled on the bed again, she took a deep breath and tried to get Dante to talk. "Dante, you must be tired by now. I know the girls are and so am I. Tell me what you want and I'll talk to the authorities and see what can be done."

The coldness in his eyes was unmistakable, "I want my family the it used to be. Can you change that for me, Olivia?"

She hated how her name sounded as it rolled off his lips. Ignoring her disgust, she asked him another question.

"How did it used to be, Dante?" speaking in a calm voice, she kept eye contact as a sign of respect toward him, letting him know she was interested in what he had to say.

Joe had told her to ask questions that allowed for long answers, which permitted the person to feel he was getting his whole story out. And it bought time. Though she was fearful, she was careful not to display it because then he would know he had the upper hand, not only physically but emotionally as well. She needed him to vent and dispel some of the anger she knew was raging within him.

"It was good. Before we came to America I was a successful businessman in Mexico. I loved my wife and my daughters and I provided well for them even though my country is poor. The drug cartels...they...they run everything in Mexico. They have ruined my country," he explained, his eyes locked with hers.

"Drug cartels?" Olivia was surprised at this information and thrown violently into her past, remembering a long ago conversation.

_Their former ADA Alex Cabot, Olivia's good friend, had told the SVU squad, 'I have a protective detail; my mom has a protective detail. I'm not backing off.'_

_'Alex, there's no reason for you to die for this case!' Olivia was very concerned for Alex's safety._

_Alex responded, 'Men like Zapata and Velez live on other people's fear. It doesn't matter if I try this case or somebody else in my office does. The intimidation is always there. So I can either accept it as a part of my job or concede everything. But I don't want to put any of that on you. The DA's office has investigators.' _

_To which Fin, Munch, she and Elliot had refused, saying they were in on this investigation for the long haul, no matter what._

Dante's voice brought her back. "When a drug lord sent someone to offer me protection from other cartels for a percentage of my business, I refused," he paused at this and appeared to be replaying a scene in his head.

Olivia found she had a new respect for the man since he stood up to the cartel. She knew how difficult that was and exactly what it could cost someone. She needed him to keep talking.

"What happened then?" she asked quietly, still watching him.

He was visibly distressed but continued, "It went on for months, these visits, and then our pet dog, Chico, was found hanging from a tree...gutted. Jade found him. She was only nine!" Tears sprung to his eyes and he blinked them back. "It was awful. I knew it was the cartel. When their man came to see me two days later, he said the next time it would be one of my girls, and my family and I would watch as he gutted her."

Olivia blanched as his words provided her with a sickening image and the memory of just what a cartel would do to protect their drug trade. Once again her mind took her to the past, to that night, the night she thought she had lost her good friend.

_She, Elliot and Alex had gone for a drink and Alex was really depressed._

_'It just - it never seems like enough, you know. The feds will get Zapata for killing Donovan. But what about Livia Sandoval? She dies without any justice and we're supposed to be happy about it? We tell ourselves that we speak for the victims, but we don't. We can close cases. But the victims, even if they survive, their lives are ruined. I just get so sick of it,' Alex lamented. _

_'Alex, we can't always win,' Elliot responded._

_Alex replied, 'But that's just it. Even when we win, we don't. Come on. Let's get out of here.' _

_They walked out of the bar and Elliot offered to Alex, 'Get you a cab?'_

_'No, I'm not far. I'll walk. Thanks, though. Look, I'm sorry I'm such a buzz kill,' she apologized._

_'Oh, don't be silly. It's late,' Olivia told her just as a dark SUV drove up next to Cabot, a guy pulls out a gun and starts shooting. _

_Olivia and Elliot dropped to the ground as Elliot shouted, 'Get down!'_

_The gunman could be heard hollering, 'Go, go, go!'_

_Elliot got up and started running after the SUV; Olivia got up and looked back at Alex lying on the ground._

_'Alex?'_

_Then she realized Alex had been shot and quickly crawled towards her, 'No. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. Somebody call an ambulance! Call 911 now! Alex. It's okay, Alex. Alex, look at me._

_Alex's blood was warm and sticky as she held her hand to the wound, watching, as the blood quickly seeps through her hand._

_'It's okay, sweetie. Stay with me. Stay with me. Stay with me, Alex. They're coming right now.'_

_Elliot is there now and sees Cabot on the ground._

_Olivia whispers to Alex, 'You're gonna be okay. Alex, you're gonna be okay. Look at me. You're gonna be just fine. You're gonna be just fine. Now, just stay with me.'_

_She turned to look at Elliot then back to Alex. 'Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex. It's okay. Look at me. Look at me.'_

Yes, she knew what the cartels were capable of because she had experienced it. While knowing this about Dante made her sympathetic, it in no way excused what he had done, was doing to his family. Somehow she had to convey to him that she understood what he had faced.

When she came back to the present, Dante was staring at her, puzzled. "You look like you have seen a ghost," he observed.

He was now sitting in the chair at the doorway, the gun hanging from his hand draped over his right knee. This was the first time he had relaxed and was not holding the gun on someone, ready to shoot.

"I...I..." she let out a long, deep sigh and ran her hands through her hair.

"You've dealt with the cartels?" he asked though it was really more of a statement.

It dawned on her that this was a good way to get him to see she was on his side. "Yes. A Columbian cartel shot our former ADA...uh...Assistant District Attorney...she lost everything when she had to go into the Witness Protection Program. Her home, her family, her job, her friends."

Searching her eyes, he leaned toward her, "She was your friend."

Nodding, Olivia had no control over the tears that sprung to her eyes and overflowed, "Yes. She was a good friend." She wiped at the tears and looked back up at Dante.

Dante's whole demeanor softened and Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she _could_ talk their way out of this.

**Outside the Delgado Residence - Sunday, September 7 - 2:18 a.m.**

"It's been hours. Are we just gonna keep sittin' 'round here doin' nothin'?" Fin grumbled. He was tired and hungry and bored just sitting around.

Cragen, Elliot and Jake looked over at Fin and then at Mancini.

"What do you say, Joe? Fin's right. We've sitting here doing nothing long enough," Jake agreed.

He was worried about his partner and tired of feeling like he was doing nothing to help her and the situation. He wanted to do something as well.

"I know. My team has been discussing teargas," Joe told them.

"No." Elliot's voice was loud and firm. "Give Liv more time. She'll figure something out."

"Come on, Elliot. We ain't got a line, so we don't know what Livia's thinkin' or doin'. It's time for _us_ to do _somethin_'," Fin argued.

"You throw that teargas in...the only thing that is going to happen is to make Delgado mad. Maybe mad enough to start shooting. _No_ teargas," Elliot stood from his perch on the bumper of the sound van.

"Have you tried to contact Delgado directly?" Cragen asked, looking at Elliot who now had his back to the group.

Elliot was scarcely hanging on to his sanity and this talk was going to pull it completely out from under him. He just knew if they tried anything, it would serve only to infuriate Delgado. He needed to talk to Olivia. Hearing her voice an hour or so ago was something. But not enough. He needed to know what she was thinking. But he would settle for just seeing her. Just a glimpse. To know that she was okay. And Maureen. He felt somewhat reassured by the fact that Olivia was with her.

"Not this time. He cut off all the cell phones," Mancini told him.

Elliot turned quickly toward him, "What about Maureen's phone? Think he turned hers off, too?"

Joe stared at him. "Give it a try."

Elliot flipped his phone open and dialed Maureen's number. It didn't even ring before going to voice mail. He slammed it shut. "Voice mail."

"Give me the mic. Let me try to get through to Delgado," Elliot walked toward Mancini, wiggling his fingers for Joe to give him the mic.

Joe hesitated, but then handed it to him. "Just stay calm, Captain Stabler. Don't let him push your buttons."

Elliot nodded and took the mic and spoke. "Delgado! Dante Delgado. This is Captain Stabler, Manhattan North, NYPD. Talk to me."

A long silence ensued. Elliot tried again, "Come on, Delgado. You have my daughter. I just want to talk to her. You have daughters...I know you wouldn't hurt them...so you won't hurt mine either. I know you won't."

He hoped he was putting thoughts in Delgado's mind. "Captain Stabler. So, now you know how it feels to have someone you love taken from you. You want to take my two girls away from me...well, I have two people _you_ love now. So how does it feel? Hmmm?" he shouted to Elliot.

For a moment Elliot was stunned that he had spoken and alluded to the fact that he loved Olivia. "It feels bad, Delgado. I know you're hurting but I'm not the one wanting to take your girls. I'm here to help you...if you'll let me."

Joe nodded and gave him the thumbs up sign to let him know that he was doing good and to keep the conversation going.

**Inside Delgado Residence - Sunday, September 7 - 2:19 a.m.**

Hearing Elliot's voice on the PA system, Olivia's heart quickened. She fought the desire to race to the window and look out. She just wanted to see him. She had not known he was here. _Of course_, he was here. By now someone would have called him or he would have seen it on the news. Of course, he would come. Especially, when he found out Maureen was one of the hostages. She knew he had to be so distressed about Maureen.

And without a doubt, he would be furious with her for being involved when she was on suspension and not even supposed to be here. Insubordination. Failure to obey a direct order. Noncompliance. Defiance toward authority. She could just hear him. Well, she would deal with that later. If there was a later. She shook her head to dispel that thought and concentrated on the exchange between Elliot and Delgado.

Delgado was at the window standing just inches from Lupe and his hollering caused her to stir and try to raise herself. She began to plead with him again to release them and grabbed his leg holding onto it as she cried. He kicked at her until she released her hold and fell back, groaning in pain. He continued to kick at her.

Unable to continue watching him kick the defenseless woman, Olivia cried out, "Dante, stop!"

Dante stopped and turned toward her and then suddenly was screaming in pain and hitting at Lupe again. Lupe had a pair of scissors in her hand and was stabbing him in the thigh and calf and anywhere else she could hit.

Before Olivia could react to this or anything going on, Maureen and Sierra had both jumped up and were crying and screaming. She had the presence of mind to push the girls toward the doorway before trying to confront Dante. The girls, too frightened to move, stood there watching in horror as Lupe continue to stab at Dante.

"You filthy, sorry, bi..." Dante screamed as he pulled the trigger. Not one, but twice.

Gunshots ricocheted off the walls of the bedroom and stunned everyone. Olivia felt her heart stop and she knew she was about to summon Delgado's wrath upon her, but still she pushed the girls out of the bedroom and yelled.

"Run! Go! Get Out of here! Go!" She shoved Maureen who hung back. "Please!"

Just as she turned around from the hallway and started toward Delgado, he turned toward her, his eyes empty, cruel, unfeeling.

Olivia thought she heard the shots ring out, but as the bullets slammed into her, a mighty roar running through her head replaced all sound as the brutal pain that wracked her body blocked every thought, every sense as the injured nerves sent urgent messages to her brain that she was under attack, that intruders had invaded her physical space, that she had been shot.

Maureen was just outside the bedroom and she peeked around just in time to see Delgado fire at Olivia. The first shot caused her to stagger backwards. The second whirled her around, her back now to Delgado, her huge brown eyes looking toward but not seeing Maureen, and the third...the third shot brought her crumpling to the floor.

Maureen screamed in horror and Delgado's head snapped up, his gaze catching her as an evil grin began at one corner of his mouth.

She wanted to run, but she could not. Her legs would not move. Even though she knew she was going to die, she could not move. She stared mutely at Delgado as he took a few steps closer, the image of Olivia's blank eyes still etching its memory into her mind.

He laughed. "Now Captain Stabler will _know_ what it feels like to have those you love ripped from your life," he stretched out his arm, hand on the trigger once again.

The glint of the overhead light reflecting from the gun would be the last thing she saw before...

For the third time in a matter of seconds, the sound of gunshots filled the room.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~


	28. Crossfire

**A/N: All my readers are appreciated, even those lurking around as guests or non-reveiwers. But I must take this time to give a special thanks to morgancorinthos84 for giving me the title to this latest chapter! So...THANK YOU, MORGAN!! " ) Bensler**

**Chapter 28 – Crossfire**

**Outside Delgado Residence – Sunday, September 7 – 2:19 a.m.**

One minute Elliot was beginning to feel the teasing edges of relief as Delgado responded to him; beginning to believe he could convince Delgado to release everyone and give up.

"What makes you think you can help me, Captain?" Delgado had taunted.

"You let everyone go, unharmed, Delgado, surrender, and I'll make sure the judge knows you cooperated," Elliot tried to persuade him.

There was a much longer silence than the first one, so Elliot spoke again. "Come on, Delgado. You don't want to this. I know you want to do the…"

The next minute, his world shattered around him right in the middle of his sentence. Gunfire erupted in the house – two shots, one after the other, setting off a chain reaction of upheaval and pandemonium outside as everyone scrambled for cover. Though Elliot ducked at the sound, he was frozen in his spot. Jake ran up to him, taking his arm and yanking him behind a police car.

Elliot's mouth and throat were as dry as if he had eaten cotton balls. No one had a chance to say anything before the second series of shots rang out. This time there were three in rapid succession. Three. Three shots in addition to the first two. Five. Five shots. Elliot mentally named the hostages – Lupe, Jade, Sierra, Maureen, Olivia. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. The sharp constriction in his chest had to be the onset of a heart attack. Or his heart breaking. Breathe! He silently screamed at himself. Air! The air around him had all but disappeared. His head was so light, like it was not even really attached to his body anymore, he feared loosing consciousness.

Amazingly, even above the din of the now crackling police radios, people talking and hollering, the sound of the front door of the house opening was heard. Or maybe it was the piercing scream of the young girl that burst from of the house, flying across the front lawn, falling and picking herself up, screaming and crying at the top of her lungs that first caught their attention and they only thought they heard the door.

Elliot's heart jumped at the sight thinking, hoping…praying that it was Maureen. It took only seconds to realize she was not his daughter. Only seconds for his heart to plummet to the ground once again. The young girl was crying so hard it is doubtful he would have understood even if she had been speaking English. As it were, she was speaking in Spanish and Elliot could not decipher one word. Jake, still beside him, stood up and ran out to meet the young girl just as a S.W.A.T. officer picked her up and ran to safety with her.

"Sierra! Are you okay, honey? Are you hurt?" Jake ran his hands over her head and down her arms even as the officer held her.

As she shook her head, the officer put her down and she nearly knocked Jake over when she wrapped her arms around him. Hysterical and trembling so badly, he knew it was pointless to try and question her just now. He would give her a minute even though they really didn't have a minute.

However, Elliot neither could nor would wait. He had come to them. Squatting so Sierra would not have to look up to him, Elliot spoke softly. "Sierra, sweetheart, I know you are so scared right now…but can you tell me…was anyone hurt?"

Still shaking, she grabbed Jake harder and he held her tightly, caressing her head. She nodded as tears stained her cheeks.

Elliot's chest tightened at her response, "Who?" He did not really want to know, but he had to ask.

"Mama." Sierra broke into violent sobs again.

And for a second, just a second, Elliot could breathe again even though his heart broke for this poor child. For just a second he was able to believe the shots were for Lupe Delgado. For just a second. Because just then a _third_ series of shots rang out. One. Pause. Two. Three. Four. Five. And his heart constricted so tightly he knew he would pass out if he did not stay focused. Still squatting beside Sierra, he now fell to his knees. There were too many shots. Too many shots for someone not to be hurt whether it was intentional or they were caught in the crossfire.

Once again there was pandemonium as commands were shouted and everyone settled deeper behind makeshift barricades, waiting for the next direction from their superiors.

"Captain!" Jake called out as he ran with Sierra. Elliot stood up and scrambled back behind the police car with them.

Cragen was suddenly there, crouching beside Elliot, hand on his shoulder, "Until we know…until we _know_, we are _not_ losing hope." Cragen's insides were churning and he had no idea how he was able to say this to Elliot when he did not believe the words himself. All he could do was think of Olivia shot…injured…or worse.

In all the years he had known Elliot, all the times he had seen him wounded, physically and emotionally, he had never, _never_ seen him look this bad. Even with a bit of a summer tan, he was pale. Very pale. The hollowness in his eyes spoke of a man who had lost something very near to him. Every last bit of hope and along with it a daughter. A partner. No, much more than a partner. Soulmate. Cragen had sensed it from the moment he introduced them. That spark. That immediate connection. That livewire that bound these two souls.

Elliot turned to look at his captain, his friend. Chewing on his bottom lip, he turned away just as a second person came flying out of the house, screaming and crying.

Maureen!

Fortunately Cragen realized it was Maureen and he caught hold of Elliot just as he started toward her, "Maureen!"

"It's too dangerous," Cragen held him back.

Glaring at him, Elliot seethed, "Let go of me!"

The same S.W.A.T. officer went to help Maureen.

"Over here!" Cragen hollered at the running officer.

Seconds later the officer brought Maureen to them.

"Daddy?" she managed through her sobs.

The lump in his throat was so big and hurt so bad, he just pulled her to him as their combined sobs shook both of them uncontrollably. She was here, she was crying which meant she was breathing and that meant she was alive. He did not want to let her go.

After a minute or so the officer put his hand on Elliot's shoulder, "Captain…she's been wounded, sir…needs to be seen by the EMTs." He spoke gently, one hand on Elliot, one on Maureen.

Wounded? Elliot pulled her back from him, "Where? Baby, where are you hurt?" Only then did he realize she had been holding her right arm, just above the elbow and blood was trailing down her arm, when he saw her running out of the house. Only then did he realize his left hand was sticky with her blood.

"My arm…he shot me after I saw him…shoot…" she started sobbing again.

"Come on, let's get you looked at," he put his arm around her and he the officer went to the EMTs. Cragen headed off to get Kathy and Kathleen.

Jake and Fin were standing with Joe Mancini and his team. "Told you I didn't have good feelin' 'bout all this," Fin's voice was void of emotion, though he was sickened by all that had happened and the worst part was they didn't even know for sure _what_ had happened. He could not quit thinking about Olivia.

"I hope Liv is all right," Jake said quietly, as though reading Fin's thoughts. Then turning to Mancini, he asked, "What happens now?"

Joe inhaled deeply, releasing it in a loud sigh, "We find out what we can from the two that escaped and then wait to see if we can establish contact with anyone still in the house."

"I'm goin' to see about Maureen," Fin told them as he looked toward the ambulance where Elliot was standing.

"I'll go with you," Jake told him and the two headed in that direction. "We need to get her statement as to what went on."

"Yea, right. If Elliot will let us talk to her," Fin mumbled.

Fin and Jake had checked on Maureen and talked with Elliot for a minute and were standing off to the side talking to with Cragen.

Joe Mancini came over to Elliot. "She all right?" Joe was looking past Elliot at Maureen.

"Yea…flesh wound…through and through," Elliot rubbed his hands over his face and look at Joe. "What?"

"Just wanted to let you know, S.W.A.T is going in," Joe told him.

"It's SVU's case. I'm going with them…" Elliot started past him.

Joe grabbed him with both arms, "No. You're not, Captain."

"Joe…I've gotta…" Elliot was breathing hard and pulling away from him.

"Once S.W.A.T has secured the house, we'll let the EMTs in…if they're needed…and then you and your detectives can go in with them"

Elliot's face contorted as he took in Joe's words, "What? What do you mean 'if they're needed'? He grabbed Joe up by the shirt and jerked him to his face. "What do you mean 'if they're needed'?" he bellowed.

Cragen, Jake and Fin, hearing Elliot's loud, angry voice, ran over to the men.

"Hey, what's goin' on?" Fin asked as he put an arm between Elliot and Joe. "Come on, Elliot. Break it up."

"He's saying they're all dead. They won't need the EMTs," Elliot suddenly released Joe and stumbled backward. Cragen and Fin steadied him as both men turned heated glares on Joe.

"That's not what I said…" Joe defended himself.

Cragen looked at Joe again. "Elliot, let's sit down and wait until it's clear. We'll all go in together," Cragen talked quietly as he pulled him away.

"No…no…I gotta check on Maureen," he pulled away and headed back to her. Cragen, Jake and Fin followed.

"Daddy!" Maureen cried out when she saw him approaching. Kathy and Kathleen were with her now.

He hugged her, "How you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Okay," she sniffled.

"It took five stitches, they said her arm would be really sore, but she'll be fine," Kathy explained.

"Daddy, I'm sorry…"

"What are you sorry about, baby?"

"Olivia. I'm so sorry."

His stomach clenched at his daughter's words. "What do you mean?"

She looked at him with terror written all over her face, "They…they d-didn't tell you? You…you don't you know?"

"Know what?" His voice sounded angry but it was fear. Pure fear making it gruff. "Maureen! What don't I know?"

"Haven't they gone in the house, Daddy?" she wanted to know.

He shook his head, terror filling his eyes, "No…it's not secure yet."

She looked away and reached for Kathy. She began sobbing again.

"What don't I know, Maureen! Tell me!" he was so loud, so angry sounding, he startled everyone within hearing distance.

"Olivia…was…she was shot, Daddy, three times," she cried.

Three times. Three of those shots were for Olivia. Elliot began to shut down.

Hyperventilation - The state of breathing faster and/or deeper than necessary, bringing about lightheadedness and other undesirable symptoms often associated with panic attacks. He needed to slow down, calm down. How was he to do that with Olivia lying in that house shot?

Panic attack - The fear or sense of dying, "going crazy", or experiencing a heart attack, feeling faint or nauseated, heavy breathing, or losing control of themselves. Panic. Yes, he was panicked. He remembered these terms from one of the classes at the academy that dealt with psychological reasons for physiological changes in the human body that were commonly seen in victims of crime.

Elliot could not breathe so then he started gulping at the air and his breathing became so rapid he felt he would pass out. Then other things began happening to him. All at once he felt a clamminess wash over him as his body started to tremble. His face and neck were on fire with burning sensations; he was sweating and became dizzy and nauseous.

The racing of his heart along with chest pain barely registered as his mind kept picturing Olivia lying in a pool of her own blood.

Five minutes. Six. Eight. Eight minutes after the S.W.A.T. team entered the house, he heard the crackled words on the radio, "All clear! Send the medics!"

Then just as quickly as Elliot's body had betrayed him, adrenaline found its way to course through his veins and every nerve cell. He stood with Cragen, Jake and Fin ready to go to Olivia. Ready for the worst, praying for the best.

Mancini motioned for the EMTs to go and he glanced at Elliot and gave a slight nod. The four men fell in behind the emergency team, all of them silent as they made their way into the house and to their fallen sister-in-blue. Their friend.

**Inside Delgado Residence – Sunday, September 7 – 2:42 a.m.**

The Delgado home was in complete chaos. Between the S.W.A.T. officers and the EMTs there was very little room and Elliot, Cragen, Fin and Jake were forced to stand outside in the hall. Muffled crying could be heard and Elliot prayed it was Olivia even though he knew it sounded like a young girl. The hushed voices told him whatever was in there was not good.

Portions of the bedroom could be seen and it was a virtual bloodbath. Elliot's heart plummeted and then he caught sight of Olivia lying on the floor face down. He had to get to her. He had to.

He pushed and pulled at the people in his way, but before he could reach her, strong hands pulled him back. Jake and Fin would not let him go.

"Get off me!" he struggled but the two were strong enough to hold him.

"Elliot, let the EMTs do their job, son," Cragen was standing in front of him, his hand pushed lightly but firmly on Elliot's chest.

"Don…" the captain's name was strangled in Elliot's grief filled voice.

"I know, I know," Cragen told him, patting his chest.

They could see very little, yet the words coming from the room were haunting.

'No pulse. He's gone.'

'Looks like two shots…point blank.'

'Come here, honey. Are you shot anywhere?' A crying voice whispering Spanish words answered.

Jade, Elliot thought to himself, just as Jake spoke her name out loud. "Jade. She's alive."

'So much blood.'

'She's dead.'

'…NYPD…at least two slugs…'

Elliot closed his eyes and begged God to let him keep his sanity just a little longer. He heard 'So much blood,' and 'She's dead,' and 'NYPD…three slugs.' Olivia was the only NYPD officer in there. Oh, God, please. Please don't let her be gone. Please. The hyperventilation and panic attack symptoms were closing in on him again.

Donald Cragen was as sickened by what little he could see as he had ever been in his entire forty-year career. He dreaded the final outcome of this almost as much as he dreaded having to watch Elliot Stabler give up on life. Finally, he couldn't stand the not knowing any longer. "What we got in here?" he bellowed in his authoritative voice.

"Two fatalities. Two wounded," a male EMT shouted back.

"Can we come in?" Cragen asked even though he was not sure he was ready for what he would encounter.

The S.W.A.T. sergeant motioned his men to leave the room and the men from SVU slowly entered. Except for Elliot, the first one in, who rushed to Olivia and fell to his knees beside her fallen body.

"Liv…oh, God, Liv…" he whispered brokenly to her.

She was now lying on her back. He thought he was going to throw up at the sight of her pale face. Even her lips seemed to have lost their color. He caressed her forehead and pushed a strand of hair from her face. Her hair was always falling into her face, he thought to himself. And every chance he got he would push it behind her ear just to feel its silky smoothness between his fingers; just to have an excuse to touch her. He was so engrossed in looking at her beautiful face, that he didn't realize the NYPD tee shirt she was wearing had been cut straight up the middle revealing beneath it the most beautiful sight he had ever seen.

The EMT that had been working on her turned back to place an oxygen mask on her while a second EMT appeared with a saline solution and began threading an IV into her arm.

Elliot had lost count of how many times his heart had stopped that night, but he would never forget how it felt this time. He would never forget how it felt to realize that dead people don't get oxygen masks and IVs. Dead people don't have chests that rise and fall as they breathe. Dead people that have been shot have blood somewhere on them. There was no blood on or around Olivia except for her right wrist. And that was minimal for a GSW.

"She's a lucky woman, Captain," the male EMT looked up at Elliot and then down at Olivia's chest area. "This vest saved her life."

Elliot stared at him as he cut the sides of the bulletproof vest, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and gently lifted it from her. He saw two bullets, now deformed, embedded in the mesh of the vest. The two male techs then gently turned her so they could get to her back. One of them cut the tee shirt up the back and the other caught the back of the vest as it began to slip. When he pulled it out a third bullet could be seen. "Give this to the sergeant," the male EMT nodded toward the S.W.A.T. officer as he gave the vest to a female EMT. "It's evidence."

The first tech then checked Olivia's back, the bruising was about half way up her back but there was no breaking of the skin here either and they gently laid her down on her back once again. "Make that three slugs for the NYPD detective." Another tech taking notes wrote this new information down.

Elliot stared wide-eyed at Olivia. The lace of her red bra was no competition for the fact that she was alive. She was alive. He reached for her left hand and felt its warmth and he did not let go. Leaning down, he placed kisses on her forehead, her cheek, and finally her lips. They were warm, too. She was alive. Olivia was alive. He could finally breathe normally again.

The tech that had put the oxygen mask on her applied some antiseptic and then wrapped gauze over the wound on her wrist. "May need a couple stitches," he told Elliot.

The tech that removed the vest noticed her breathing was very shallow and noting the deep purplish bruise just below her left breast, he motioned for the female tech to bring a stretcher, "Breathing is labored, bruising below the left breast may indicate internal injuries, possibly a broken rib and pneumothorax. Need to get her to St. Vincent's ASAP."

Finally, Elliot spoke. "No. No…take her to Presbyterian," he demanded.

The techs looked at each other, "That's further away, sir."

"New York Presbyterian has one of the best trauma centers in the U.S. _That_ is where you are going to take her," the edge in his voice and the menacing look in his eyes left no room for argument.

Jake, Fin and Cragen were standing just behind Olivia's head and when they raised the stretcher with her on it, all three reached out to touch her for reassurance that she was, indeed, very much alive.

"Livia, you're gonna be okay, girl," Fin whispered in her right ear as he patted her arm.

"Don't think I'm doing all your paperwork cause you got a scratch on your wrist. Get better, Liv," Jake told her squeezing her shoulder.

"Olivia, you have no idea how worried we were," Don kissed the side of her head.

The familiar voices stirred something in her and she moaned and turned her head from side to side, her eyes fluttering, trying to open. Moaning again and again, she finally said something but the words were unintelligible.

Her hand came up and pulled at the oxygen mask until it came off, "El? Where's El?"

The massive lump that settled into his throat was not going to keep him from responding. He cupped her face, "I'm right here, baby. Liv, I'm right here." Tears streamed from his eyes and he didn't care who saw them. She was alive. She was alive and asking for him. His heart was about to burst.

Her eyes finally opened and met his just briefly. A slight smile twitched on her lips as she nodded her head, and closed her eyes again. All of a sudden her breathing became very labored and her eyes opened again, this time wide with terror, "El…El…c-can't…br-breathe…hurts…help me…can't…" Her hand flew to her chest and she struggled to get air.

The male EMT that had cut the vest from her, hollered, "Clear the way! We gotta get her to the hospital!" A second EMT grabbed a manual resuscitation bag and began to pump air into her lungs as they hurried down the stairs and out to the waiting ambulance.

Cragen, Fin and Jake ran to keep up with Elliot and the EMTs. They were all concerned about her. And Elliot.

"What's wrong? What's happening?" Elliot alarmed by the sudden deterioration in her condition, prayed that he not gotten her back only to have her snatched away from him once again.

"From all indications, she has a pneumothorax," the EMT told him as the stretcher was slid into the ambulance.

"Pneumothorax?" Elliot jumped in behind her.

"Collapsed lung. It can be life-threatening, Sir."

Elliot felt it one more time. The stopping of his heart.

~ ~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~ ~


	29. Conscious

**A/N: Okay...so I have had 89,000+ viruses...well, not me...my desk top computer. Then my laptop which is not even a year old crashed. The operating system just died. On the phone with Dell for hours and hours - had to load everything just like it was a brand new computer...before that I spent hours backing up the hard drive. Thankfully I was able to do that! What are the chances of both of my computers acting up at the same time!? **

**Anyway, that is part of why I have not responded to my reviews...but just so you know: I LOVE YOU GUYS and APPRECIATE you more than you know!! ALL of you! Even the LURKERS! Here is the next chapter of Matters. Oh...and can you believe that Mariska has suffered a _third_ episode of a collapsed lung? I am really worrying about her and what this means for SVU. Anyone heard anything?? " ) Bensler**

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**Chapter 29 – ****Conscious**

**Ambulance – Sunday, September 7 – 3:02 a.m.**

Struggling to keep his balance in the speeding, swaying ambulance and stay out of the EMT's way, Elliot could not take his eyes off of Olivia. Her face was drawn in pain, her left hand clutching at her chest, and she moaned almost continually though she had not spoken since telling him again how bad her chest hurt right before she was lifted into the vehicle. That had been just under ten minutes ago. Now she seemed to be fighting for every breath that was being propelled into her and he was more than worried. He held onto a metal wire rack that was secured to the wall of the vehicle with his left hand and used his right to touch Olivia's cheek or brush her hair back or just touch her hand.

"Detective Benson?" the young man asked as he pressed a stethoscope from spot to spot on her chest. "Can you hear me, Ma'am?"

The only reaction was more moaning and the slight turning of her head. He looked up at the other EMT who was still pumping the manual resuscitation bag, "Sounds really bad…wheezing, flopping noise…what do you think?"

Elliot noticed his nametag said 'Walker'. The other one was 'Mills'. He wondered when he had become an old man. It seemed everywhere he looked people were getting younger and younger and these two were no exception. They seemed much too young to be paramedics, holding the lives of others in their hands, but were extremely confident and professional, and besides, Elliot had no choice but to trust them.

"Let me listen," the EMTs traded positions, Walker taking over the pumping while Mills listened to her breathing with his own stethoscope, his face grim.

Standing up, he nodded his head at Walker, "Need to do a thoracocentesis. She can't wait 'til we get to the ER." Mills was definitely the one in charge.

Elliot's heart, already racing, kicked up a few more notches and he had to sit down before he succumbed to the dizziness that abruptly threatened to take hold of him. He landed on the end of the stretcher. Initially, all he heard was 'she can't wait' and those three words threw him into a state of loosely controlled panic, knowing whatever they were talking about doing could not be a good sign.

"What's that?" he ground out between fast, uneven breaths.

Mills reached for a syringe and a small bottle of liquid, plunged the needle in and pulled the liquid into the empty shaft, "It's a procedure to remove fluid or air from the pleural space…the area around the lungs when a pneumothorax has occurred. You her husband?"

"What?" Elliot frowned at him. "No."

"Boyfriend?" Mills asked impatiently.

"No. What's that got to do with anything?" he barked. He had no idea what exactly he was to Olivia but no doubt about what he was _not_. He was _not_ her boyfriend or husband, though he desperately hoped that one day he could change both of those irritating facts.

"You seem to really care about her…you know her very well?" he continued, speaking more evenly.

"She's my best friend. We've been partners for almost ten years," Elliot's gaze locked on Olivia again.

"She taking medications? Allergic to any medications, including anesthetics? Bleeding problems or taking blood thinners, such as aspirin? Smoker? Lung problems?"

Elliot answered no to all of his questions.

"Is she or might she be pregnant," he asked as he cut the scraps of her tee shirt away from her body, leaving her chest bare except for the red lace bra. Being exposed like this would not set well with her and Elliot wanted to cover her. It didn't set well with him either. Mills now held the syringe just above Olivia.

Elliot blinked rapidly. Pregnant? He had not been with her but he had no idea whether she had been with Peter or…or Jake. Thinking back to her date tonight…last night…with Peter, and then the kiss she gave Jake right in front of him, he mentally rebuked himself for letting jealousy flare when Olivia's life was possibly in danger. He would know, wouldn't he? Somehow he would just know, right? He stared at Mills and finally shook his head, "No."

Nodding, Mills explained what he was doing, "First, I'm going to administer a local anesthesia…"

Lifting Olivia's left arm above her head, Mills's fingers nimbly felt around for the intercostal space between two ribs, settling for the space between the sixth and seventh ribs. She did not react to the injection.

Without warning one of the machines started beeping wildly. "BP's dropping!" Walker called out. "Seventy-eight over fifty-four!"

"She needs an epi and I've gotta get this tube in," he looked up at Elliot.

"Sir, I need you to take over pumping…just keep it going steadily…not too fast, not too slow," he nodded toward Walker.

Elliot was almost in shock at the change in events and had no recollection of even moving, but somehow found himself staring down at Olivia while pumping air into her lungs with the manual resuscitation bag. The whole scene had taken on a surreal quality and he felt like he was floating in space watching himself from a distance.

Walker injected her with a shot of epinephrine while Mills pulled a large syringe with a huge, hollow needle from its plastic protection. Tubing ran from the syringe to an enclosed bag.

"Once this hollow needle is in we should see a big difference straight away," he detailed everything as he worked.

Elliot watched in fascination as Mills deftly inserted the needle into the same spot he had given the anesthetic earlier and almost immediately some pinkish fluid filled the tubing and made its way to the bag.

Between the epi and the release of the fluid and excess air, Olivia's blood pressure began to climb and Elliot sensed the deep relief that emanated from the two men, which in turn allowed him to relax a little. Just a little.

"What's our ETA?" Mills spoke into the radio on his shoulder.

"Approximately five minutes," the driver's voice crackled.

**Delgado Residence – Sunday, September 7 – 3:05 a.m.**

**Cragen stood outside of the ambulance as they lifted Jade Delgado into it. Jake was talking quietly with Elena Vasquez, Lupe's sister, Jade's aunt. Elena's arms were around Sierra and both of them were crying.**

**The ME and CSU had arrived adding to the number of people on the scene. Medical Examiner Dr. Melinda Warner knelt beside the body of Lupe Delgado. Two point blank shots either of which could have been fatal glared at her. One above the left eye, the other almost dead center over the heart. **

**Standing, she turned to Fin, "Either of those shots could have killed her and judging from the beating she had, she may have succumbed to those injuries if she were left any longer."**

**Fin frowned at her and shook his head, "Lot of good that restrainin' order did. He was a crazy s.o.b."**

**"Fin tell you what Jade told us happened and our take on what she didn't see?" Cragen and Jake had returned to the house after seeing Jade off for the hospital.**

**"No, he hasn't. I've been busy with…" she waved her hands over the bloody scene.**

**Cragen looked over at Fin and Fin cleared his throat, "Jade said she and a friend were working on a science project couple of nights ago and they both had a pair of scissors. Jade had put all her stuff in her closet," he pointed to a pile of poster board, tape, markers and a pair of scissors on top just under the clothing on the bottom rack. **

**He continued, "Apparently her friend's scissors ended up under Jade's bed. That's what Lupe used to stab Delgado."**

**"Where was Jade at this time? Her injuries seemed pretty substantial," Melinda asked.**

**Fin looked at Jake and he picked up the story, "Jade was lying in the closet unconscious for a good portion of the time, but she woke up sporadically. Her mother's screams jolted her awake and she saw Lupe slashing Dante and watched as Dante shot her mom."**

**"Where'd the second gun come from?" Melinda asked. "Olivia?"**

**They all stared at her, amazed that she knew there were two guns. "Well, don't look so surprised…I'm an ME…the wounds on Lupe and Dante are different. Lupe was shot with a 9 mil…Dante was most likely a .22 or a .38."**

**"We aren't sure yet, but we know Olivia was unarmed. Jade was basically in shock and we were lucky to get as much out of her as we did," Jake told her.**

**"She's been through quite a bit for such a young girl," Cragen shook his head.**

**"For anybody," Fin grumbled.**

**"Thought you were supposed to be recuperating from heart surgery," Melinda touched Cragen's arm, smiling at him.**

**"Sometimes the best medicine is to something to take your mind off of yourself," he replied. **

**"Well, I'd say this was nearly an overdose," she cracked as she moved past him and told the techs they could remove the bodies if the CSU was finished.**

**New York Presbyterian Hospital – Sunday, September 7 – 4:43 a.m.**

**Jake had gone to New York Downtown Hospital to be with Jade, Elena and Sierra but after being certain that Jade would be okay he now made his way into the ER at Presbyterian to see about Olivia. Scanning the waiting area he spotted Cragen and Fin. **

**Sliding into a chair next to Cragen, he nodded at Fin, "What do you know about Liv?"**

**Looking over at him, Cragen shook his head, "In recovery. They did some procedure to re-inflate her punctured lung." **

**"Punctured lung? Wow," he shook his head. "You seen her yet?"**

**"No. The patient advocate said she can't have visitors until they have her in a room," Cragen shifted in his chair and crossed his legs.**

**"Has a doctor explained her injuries and prognosis?" he was very concerned about Olivia and wanted to at least be able to see her.**

**"Nah…ain't nobody been out here to talk to us 'cept Elliot…and he ain't 'xactly shootin' straight right now," Fin seemed angry, but Jake figured it was his way of masking his concern about Olivia.**

**"Where is Captain Stabler?" he asked as his head turned to search the room for the one person he ****_knew_**** would be there.**

**"He's with Liv," Cragen told him.**

**"I thought you said she couldn't have visitors," Jake cocked his head, puzzled at the statement.**

**Fin snorted, "Humph. You don't know nothin' 'bout Stabler when it comes to Benson."**

**Cragen's eyes smiled at Fin's assessment. Jake thought to himself that he knew a lot more than they thought he did. Noticing the very tall man leaning against the wall on the other end of the room, he battled with himself over whether or not to go and talk to him. Deciding he was too tired to worry about anything or anyone else, he let his head fall back on the wall behind him as he settled in the chair to wait for someone to fill them in on Olivia's condition.**

**"How's Jade?" Cragen asked.**

**"Concussion…lots of bumps and bruises…keeping her for a day or two…but she's gonna be okay…at least physically," Jake told him. "She shot Delgado with a gun she got from a friend. She was afraid he would come back to hurt them." Jake shook his head.**

**Cragen sighed, "Well, we figured as much."**

**"Ain't no way for a kid to live," Fin added.**

**"She won't have to now," Jake said.**

**"Yea…but now she gotta live without her mama and knowin' she killed her own daddy," Fin snorted.**

**Peter came to stand near the men, his hands deep in his front pockets, seeming unsure of talking to them. "Have you heard anything about Olivia?" he asked.**

**Jake stood and looked at Cragen, "Captain Cragen, this is Peter Harman, Olivia's…uh…friend." The two shook hands and then Jake turned to Fin. "And this is…" **

**"Fin," Fin stood now, extending his hand to Peter.**

**"All we know is Olivia has a broken rib that punctured a lung and they did something to re-inflate it," Jake told him.**

**"Sounds serious…do you think I could see her? We…uh…had a date tonight and uh…I mean, last night…I just…I wanted…I…" he was fumbling for words and then suddenly was interrupted.**

**"Liv's in a room now and the doc says that she…" Elliot stopped when he realized Peter was there with Cragen, Jake and Fin.**

**All eyes were turned on him, waiting. Waiting for his reaction to Peter, who suddenly stood taller and jutted his chin out, ready for whatever Elliot threw his way. Peter knew the man didn't like him; he just wasn't sure if it was because he was still suspicious that Peter was the one who attacked Olivia and Jake or if he was simply jealous that he and Olivia were dating. He sensed there was much more between them than a working relationship.**

**Elliot's face quickly clouded in anger, but just as quickly he masked it as Jake spoke. "You remember Peter Harman, Captain."**

**"Yea," Elliot grunted. Of course he remembered him. Peter extended his hand and Elliot almost didn't return the gesture. He hoped Peter could read his eyes as he glared at him while shaking hands. Elliot then looked around at the men again and picked up where he had left off even though he did not want Peter knowing ****_anything_**** about Olivia's condition.**

**"Doc says that Liv will be kept for several days to monitor the lung. Bullet passed through her right wrist and she's got a hairline fracture on the bigger bone," he gripped his wrist just above the thumb to show which bone. "So, he put a cast on it just to be safe."**

**"Radius," Jake said.**

**"What?" Elliot turned to him, frowning.**

**"The bone. It's called the radius…the other one, the smaller one is the ulna…" Jake was now worrying about Olivia being out and not being able to handle a gun.**

**"Very good," all the men looked toward a new voice. "I'm Dr. Reyes." **

**A man of average height, dark wavy hair, a neatly trimmed mustache and goatee, warm brown eyes, strode up to the group. He appeared to be in his late thirties.**

**After introductions, Dr. Reyes gave them the report on Olivia. **

**"Detective Benson was shot three times. Once just below the left breast, resulting in the broken rib which caused the pneumothroax, or collapsed lung; once just off right center of the abdomen. We postulate that as she reached toward the first injury, the second bullet passed through her right wrist; the impact of the second bullet caused her to spin around and the third wound struck half-way down the right side of her back."**

**"I heard someone say she had on a bulletproof vest. How come she still got a broken rib?" Peter wanted to know.**

**"Yes and it saved her life. From what we could tell, the vest was deformed by approximately two inches and this caused the broken rib," Dr. Reyes explained.**

**"Deformed?" Peter did not understand.**

**"Even without penetration, a bullet can still kill. This happens when a bullet deforms a Kevlar vest by pushing through it enough that it causes significant internal injuries, some of which can be fatal as they injure major vital organs. The fatal depth at which a round can deform the vest into the body is about 4 inches. Any more than this and the wearer risks permanent injury or death, even if the round fails to go through," Cragen added as he looked at Peter.**

**"I always thought if it was bulletproof you were safe," Peter raised an eyebrow at this new information.**

**"Bulletproof vests vary in how they are made and how they work. The most common type, and the ones that you are probably thinking of, are the type used by most civilians and law enforcement personnel. Made from Kevlar which is a tight fiber weave. It works by flexing and absorbing the energy of the incoming round and dissipating that energy. Sort of like a steel plate that takes the entire shock of the round," Elliot put in his two bits worth.**

**"Yea…depends on how big the gun is, what kind of bullets, and how close you are when you get shot. Ain't nothin' ****_that_**** bulletproof," Fin added.**

**Dr. Reyes was standing with his arms across his chest nodding his head, "Yes. Very good explanations. While the vest did, indeed, save Detective Benson, she did sustain a number of injuries. Her lung was re-inflated and she is breathing quite nicely. She needs to be monitored closely…once a lung collapses, there is a 40 to 60% probability of a second collapse. She will be here for several days. Her wrist injury was cleaned out and stitched up and she will wear a removable cast for two to four weeks due to a hairline fracture of the radius," he smiled at Jake, "Amazingly that bullet missed all nerves, tendons and ligaments. She has deep bruises at all points of impact and she will be quite sore for a week or so," Dr. Reyes looked around at the group. "Are there any questions?"**

**"Can I see her?" Peter was quick to ask, much to Elliot's ire.**

**"When she is conscious," he looked at his watch, "which I expect should be soon. I will send someone for you." With that he headed back to the doors leading to the ER.**

**Thirty minutes later a nurse appeared before them, "Are you here for Detective Benson?"**

**They all answered and she smiled, "You can see her now, but one at a time…doctor's orders."**

**"Do you guys mind if I see her first?" Peter looked around the group hopefully.**

**The nurse smiled at him, "Are you Elliot?"**

**Puzzled, he shook his head, "No. I'm Peter. Olivia and I are sort of dating."**

**The look on the nurse's face was one of curiosity, "Hmmm…well, I'm afraid she's asking where Elliot is, so I think he should be the first one to see her."**

**Elliot could not contain the smirk that spread quickly across his face, "That would be me." He followed the nurse, the rest of the group trailing behind them.**

In his line of work it would seem he would have gotten used to ambulances, ERs and hospitals. But he had not. Seeing Olivia lying in that hospital bed hooked up to all sorts of machines made his heart ache. Her wrist with the cast was lying loosely across her waist, dried blood imbedded under the fingernails and around the cuticles; her left hand draped across her stomach, an oxygen monitor on its index finger. Oxygen mask in place as its soft hiss filled the room. An IV hung at her bedside, its tubing running down to connect to her left arm. Her hair was disheveled and seemed darker against the unusual pallor, but still she was beautiful to him. Standing at the foot of her bed, he simply stared at her.

Aware that someone, that _he_ was in the room, Olivia opened her eyes. Smiling she held her hand up toward him and he stepped up to the bed taking her left hand in his. That lump in his throat was suddenly back and he wondered if it was now a permanent part of his body. Unable to speak, he hoped his eyes conveyed the depth of his feelings.

Their fingers entwined and they squeezed hands, their eyes never leaving the other. After several minutes, Olivia broke contact and pulled off her oxygen mask.

"You don't look so good, Stabler," she teased, her voice hoarse. He didn't. He looked haggard and lost and she wanted to hold him and be held by him.

Her attempt to joke, his relieved laugh, broke the tension, "You obviously haven't looked in a mirror lately, Benson."

Laughing, she brought her hand back to his, watching as their fingers once again fell together. Quickly the atmosphere changed at her next words. "Tell me," she started but stopped as her emotions began to surface. She swallowed hard, "Tell me about the others."

Elliot broke her piercing gaze and sat on the bed, his eyes now glued to their hands. Slowly, he lifted her hand; his blue eyes looked up at her as his head bent toward her hand and placed a soft kiss upon it.

Her eyes watered at the gesture and at what she intuitively knew was not going to be good news.

Sighing heavily, he gripped her hand in his left while his right caressed it. "Sierra got out uninjured. Maureen…took a through and through in the upper right arm…"

"Oh, El, I am so sorry. I…I tried…" the pain etched on her face was more than he could bear.

"Liv, no. Uh-uh…it's not your fault," he admonished. "Not your fault. You did your best."

He waited until his words sunk in. She nodded. Clearing his throat, he continued, "Jade is at St. Vincent's with a concussion and a multitude of cuts and bruises from a beating, but she's going to be fine."

Nodding again, she asked, "Lupe?"

Elliot looked away and then back, "She didn't make it, Liv."

The tears burst forth and Elliot scooted closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, "Shh…shhh…oh, baby, I'm sorry…shh…shh…"

Breathing was becoming difficult with the tears and emotional distress so Elliot pulled away. He got a Kleenex from the box on the table by the bed and wiped at her eyes, she took it and blew her nose. When she was finished, Elliot put the oxygen mask on her again.

He looked at her, his eyes narrowed, "Jade shot and killed Delgado."

It took a minute to process, but Olivia finally looked up at him and nodded her head.

Leaning down to kiss her on the forehead, he whispered, "It's going to be okay, babe."

He stood but she held tightly to his hand, "There are four more guys out there to see you and doc says only one at a time, so I'm going to let them have a turn."

"I don't want you to leave," she blurted out and then was suddenly embarrassed by it.

He smiled, "I'll be right outside, babe. I'm going to call and check on Maureen again, but I'll be nearby, all right?"

This time she kissed his hand, "All right."

As she watched Elliot leave her room, she knew it was time. It was time to quit playing games. It was time to tell him. To tell him what was in her heart. What had been in her heart for nearly a decade. Yes, it was time.

~ ~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~ ~


	30. Consequences

**Hope you guys are still out there...thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through this...I know I have still not been real good about responding to your awesome reviews...but trust me, I DO so much appreciate that you guys read my stuff and want to tell me what you think! It means a lot!! " ) Bensler**

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**Chapter 30 ~ Consequences **

**New York Presbyterian Hospital - ICU - Sunday, September 7 – 4:51 a.m.**

Cragen, Jake and Fin came in one at a time to see Olivia. They were all exhausted and knew she was, too, so they kept their visits brief, just long enough to satisfy their need to see that she was okay and would pull through this and be fine.

The door to her room opened one more time and she turned her head toward it fully expecting Elliot to enter. She was both surprised and disappointed when she saw Peter. He smiled and slowly came to her side. She tried to return his smile, but it was difficult.

"Peter, you didn't have to stay," she said, glancing at the door, hoping.

"Yes, I did. I always see my date home, and well, I had to at least be sure you were okay," he smiled and took her hand.

Nodding, she let him hold her hand for only seconds before she found a reason to pull it away to scratch her forehead.

"So…how are you feeling?" the concern in his eyes was genuine and she felt guilty for wanting him to leave.

"Tired. Actually, exhausted…would you mind…uh…I really should rest…" she hoped he would get the hint.

Reaching for her hand again, she was not quick enough to thwart Peter's move. "I'm sure you are. I'll be heading on," he spoke quietly as he traced her fingers with his.

"Thank you for coming…would you please send Elliot back in?" she asked as she looked toward the door again.

"Oh…sure," he seemed puzzled, but smiled and leaned down to kiss her hand.

Before she could react and pull her hand away, he was kissing it, and at that very moment the door opened and Elliot leaned in, "Liv?" he blinked rapidly at the sight, "oh…sorry…thought everyone had left."

She saw the look on his face and it cut her to the quick. "Elliot…" she rasped and jerked her hand away from Peter.

Standing, Peter looked from her to Elliot and back, clearly bewildered at Olivia's reaction.

"I'll…uh…just…uh…be back later," Elliot stammered as he ducked out, the door making a thud as it closed behind him.

Peter saw the regret that now etched Olivia's face, and something told him there was a lot more going on here than met the eye. She definitely had feelings for Stabler above and beyond friendship. Giving him a weak smile, she raised her eyebrows at him but said nothing.

He leaned closer to her and whispered, "Well, I'll check on you later today. Get some rest." Kissing her on the cheek, he smiled and headed for the door.

"Peter…ask Elliot to…" she started but he interrupted.

"Consider it done," he smiled and opened the door.

Several minutes passed and Olivia began to wonder what was going on. Listening hard for a scuffle, knowing full well that Elliot was upset and it would be just like him to pick a fight with Peter, only silence filled her ears. Then she began to believe he had left the hospital because he was angry. That, perhaps, he had washed his hands of her. She thought about calling him, but had no idea where her cell phone was and even if she had it there was a no cell phone policy in the ICU. To make it more difficult she was now fighting the sleep her exhaustion, pain and meds were pushing her toward. The door opened once again but it was Peter.

The worry instantly consumed her.

"I'm sorry, Olivia, I've looked around but I don't see him," he told her.

She looked down and then back at Peter for several seconds. "Oh…well…okay," she tried not to look upset. "Guess I…uh…need to sleep, anyway." She leaned back and closed her eyes.

When she was sure Peter was gone, she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling. She did not want to be alone right now. She wanted Elliot to be with her. He was the only one she wanted there right now. She desperately needed to rest, needed sleep, but she had been held hostage for hours; watched as a woman was shot to death; she herself was shot three times and suffered a collapsed lung, and she didn't want to be alone.

She had been through so much in the recent weeks and months, she had no problem admitting to herself that she was afraid. Afraid to be alone in her own home, let alone in a hospital full of strangers. Fear had become one of the few constants in her life and she did not want to face it alone. She had come to realize she _could_ not face it alone anymore. Lately, the only time she felt safe was when Elliot was near. He wasn't coming back, she just knew it. Feeling the salty tears stinging her eyelids, she closed her eyes and granted her fragile emotions the control over her for which they had battled.

"Elliot…" she whispered as the tears came and her shoulders shook. "Elliot."

The tears were hot as they made a trail down the sides of her face and trickled into her ears. The crying made her very aware of the deep bruises from the gunshots as her muscles in her abdomen contracted with each ragged breath. The burning, shooting stabs of pain in her chest from the damaged lung was much worse, but not nearly as bad as the ache in her heart from the fear that he had left her. That he was done with her and all her emotional and psychological baggage.

"Liv? What's wrong, baby?" his voice was thick with worry and apprehension. "I'm right here, okay?"

Olivia startled at his deep, soft voice. Opening her eyes, she reached out to him as fresh tears poured down her face.

He had been upset when he saw Peter kissing her hand, but he knew he could not very well make it an issue. First of all, he had never asked Olivia to date only him even though he thought the idea of them being a couple was very much implied if not spoken over the last several months, given all the time they had spent together. And second, she needed to rest and heal. After hearing her crying and whispering his name, all his anger had vanished, replaced by nothing but concern for her well-being.

He leaned over, hugging her the best way he could with all the tubes, the cast and her injuries. Her left hand hooked around his neck and pulled him closer.

"I thought you had left me," her voice was shaky and she sniffled.

"I went to call Maureen again. I couldn't get her the first time. Had to go outside to get a clear signal," he explained in a whispered tone.

Her good hand grabbed onto his shoulder, "I thought you were mad."

"I'm not mad and I'm right here, Liv," he assured her as he stroked her hair.

"Don't leave me. Please?" the words muffled against his neck.

Slowly he pulled back, took her face in both his hands and wiped her tears with his thumbs. "I'm here and I'm not going anywhere," he kissed her forehead and reached for a Kleenex.

He dabbed at her face with it and she took it from him, wiped her eyes, removed the oxygen tubing and blew her nose. Offering him a shy smile, she put the tubing back in place.

"You need to sleep, okay?" he took the tissue from her and threw it in the trash.

Nodding, she smiled, "'kay."

She reached for his left hand and held it close to her heart. It was all she needed to finally relax and finally feel safe and secure. He had come back. He had not washed his hands of her. He was here. With her.

Elliot grinned as she closed her eyes and her breathing became steady and even. He studied her face, now relaxed and peaceful. He brushed the hair from her face and kissed her cheek. Tenderly, he traced the faint white line on the left side of her neck. The reminder of how close he came to losing her at the hand of Gitano. Then he saw two little freckles on the left end of her top lip. He could not believe he had never noticed them before now. He wanted to kiss them. Instead, he kissed his fingertip and placed it gently over the two little marks.

Next his attention was drawn to the scar on the right side of her forehead that zigzagged into the area just below her eyebrow. He gently traced it wishing he could make everything she had ever suffered in her life go away. While it was a not something one would miss, it also was not something to which the eye was immediately drawn. He had no idea how she had gotten it. Almost from the time he met her, he had wondered about it. Since she never offered an explanation, he had never asked. Maybe now he would. He was amazed that after all these years he still had things to learn about her. Pulling a chair up beside the bed, he sat down, took her hand in both of his and watched her sleep.

**SVU Squad Room – Monday, September 8 – 9:52 a.m.**

Exhausted from the hours he had spent at the hospital and the little sleep he had been able to get sitting in that uncomfortable chair the last two nights, Elliot yawned for the third time in less than fifteen seconds. He probably should have left after she fell asleep, but she was distraught by his absence there was no way he was going to leave her. As it was, he had to smooth talk the nightshift nurse supervisor into letting him stay in Olivia's room since it was against hospital policy. When they came to check her injuries, Olivia woke up enough for him to tell her he needed to leave for work. He thought she seemed to understand as she closed her eyes and fell back asleep.

Leaning against Oliva's desk, he talked with Fin and Jake about the paperwork on the Delgado case. Fin tilted back in his chair as he twirled a pen in his right hand. Jake stood near Fin's desk sipping on his cup of coffee.

"You got those reports about finished? IAB and 1PP will be looking for them ASA P," he looked from one detective to the other.

"All I have to do is print it and sign," Jake replied.

"Yea…got mine done, but what about what happened to Liv? Ain't no way we know what went on in there," Fin told him.

"Except for what Maureen, Jade and Sierra told us," Jake added as he prepared his document to print.

"I'm going to the hospital at lunch. I'll see if Liv is up to giving a statement today. We need to clear this up as soon as possible," Elliot nodded his head as he yawned yet again.

He turned his narrowed eyes to Jake, "You should never have called her in on this, Zoumberis."

"Sir, I…" Jake started.

"We both called her, but I'm the one who finally got her," Fin confessed. "We knew she'd be a pain to live with if we didn't let 'er know."

"Yea…she would have…but she wouldn't have nearly gotten killed or be in the hospital either," Elliot pointed out, trying not to blame them, but he did. He blamed her, too, and wondered when he would broach that subject with her.

Jake and Fin exchanged looks of guilt.

"Yea…but Mancini wanted her there, too, 'cause Delgado wasn't talkin' to anybody 'cept Liv," Fin reminded him.

"Captain, is she going to be…will 1PP do anything about her…I mean, you think she's going to be in more trouble for being on suspension when she got involved?" Jake wanted to know.

Elliot sighed heavily, "Been worrying 'bout that myself. I fully expect there will be consequences of some sort, but I don't have clue what."

"How could they do anything to her? She just did what any of us would have done if it'd been our case. It ain't right if they bust her for this!" Fin angrily stated his opinion.

"It may not be right in your opinion, Detective Tutuola, but it _is_ protocol," a gruff voice called out from behind Fin.

Morris, the Chief of Detectives, strode toward the men with Sergeant Tucker from IAB following closely behind. Elliot had hoped for at least a few days reprieve before the Chief of Detectives and IAB got involved.

Elliot immediately stood, "Chief. Good morning, sir."

He offered Tucker only a glare, which he reciprocated with the same. There was way too much enmity between the two to even pretend civility.

"Good morning, Captain Stabler," the chief nodded toward Elliot's office. "May we?"

"Oh…yes, sir," Elliot cast a quick look at Jake and Fin before heading to his office.

Twenty minutes later, Elliot opened the door to the office, "Jake, Fin! Need you in here, please."

Tucker proceeded to question the two detectives as to the sequence of events that led to Olivia being at the Delgado residence when she was on suspension and what they could tell him had gone on after she entered the home. Chief Morris asked a few questions but for the most part listened attentively. Elliot stood in a far corner trying to stay out of the way. After nearly thirty minutes, Tucker turned off the audio recorder, scooped up some papers and put them in his attaché case. Nodding once at the Chief, the two stood and the others followed suit.

"I'll need Detective Benson's statement as soon as she is up to it," Tucker cast his eyes toward Elliot.

"I'm going by the hospital at lunch. I'll let you know," Elliot told him.

"We have an appointment with Joe Mancini in thirty minutes. Once we've heard his account and Detective Benson's side, you will be notified of any formal disciplinary actions," Chief Morris stared Elliot in the eye, extending his hand.

"Yes, Sir," Elliot shook his hand. Tucker just stared at him as they left.

Once they were gone, Fin spoke, "What do ya think?"

Elliot merely shook his head.

"He said 'any'…that could mean nothing, too, right?" Jake sounded hopeful.

Elliot tipped his head toward him and then motioned for them both to leave his office.

**New York Presbyterian Hospital – Monday, September 8 – 12:03 p.m.**

Elliot quietly watched her as she flipped through a magazine. Some of her color had returned, but she still looked so fragile; so unlike the street-wise detective he knew. Taking note of the drainage tube running from her chest, the IVs, the oxygen tubing at her nose, it hit him again just how close he had come to losing her. At that moment, he resolved to tell her exactly how he felt about her. Sooner rather than later.

It was not long before she sensed he was there and lifted her head to smile at him. They always seemed to know when the other was near even if they could not see them.

"Hey," she said softly, tipping her chin in a silent bid for him to come to her.

"Hey," he closed the door quietly.

"Thanks for staying last night," she told him. "I…really appreciate it."

"No problem. I wanted to be here. How you feeling?" he asked as he made his way to her bedside.

"Better in some respects…at least I can breathe easier…even though everything hurts. But it could have been much worse, so I'm trying not to complain," she raised her eyebrows at him.

At this he chuckled, "You've _never_ been one to complain, Benson."

She held out her hand and he took it, letting his fingers lace with hers. With no warning he felt a knot materialize in his throat, and felt the salty sting of tears burning his eyes. Swallowing hard to maintain his emotions, the gulp that sounded as he swallowed around the massive knot was so loud it echoed in the room. Olivia hyper aware of everything about him did not miss any of it.

"El?" her eyes filled with concern, and with love.

He could not say anything, so he gritted his teeth, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he struggled to control the overwhelming relief he felt at seeing she was all right, and the realization that she could have died.

Hearing his unspoken thoughts conveyed in his darkened eyes, she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Elliot…it's okay. I'm fine," she used her grip on his hand to pull him to her.

Situating himself on the bed beside her, he leaned down to put his arms around her.

"I thought…I thought I'd lost you, Liv. I thought you were dead. I…I don't know what I would have done if…" his voice was choked out by the tears that he was determined to hold at bay. He grabbed her closer to him, clinging to her.

"But, I'm not, El. I'm alive, okay?" she kissed the side of his head, his cheek, his temple, whatever she could reach while he buried his face into the side of her neck.

Yes, it was time. Now. Time to tell him what was in her heart.

"El?"

"Hmmm?"

"Elliot…look at me," she pulled him away from her.

"I need to…to tell you something," she seemed so serious, it frightened him.

"What? What's wrong, Liv?" he frowned as the fear gripped him.

"Nothing…I just…you need to know…I have to…it's been so long…well, I just don't care anymore…" she was having a hard time putting her feelings into words now that Elliot's blue eyes were burning into hers.

Blanching at her words, he was pulling away from her and she could not understand why because she had not yet said anything that would have upset him.

"What do you mean?" he could barely voice the words.

Knock, knock, knock.

Both of them ignored the knocking and the opening of the door. However, neither could ignore Peter as he walked into the room.

"Olivia…hey. I'm sorry…didn't realize you had a visitor. Thought I'd run by on my lunch break…I should have called. I'll come back later," he turned toward the door.

"No problem, pal, I was just leaving," Elliot's voice was stern and he was nearly to the door himself.

"El!" Olivia was totally confused by his actions.

The icy glare of his eyes, chilled her to the core and left her even more bewildered as the door closed behind him.

**SVU Office of Captain Stabler – Monday, September 8 – 3:11 p.m.**

Staring at the reports of the Delgado incident, Elliot saw nothing except Olivia's face. His stomach was still churning over what she had said…what she had been trying to tell him. He had been upest over nearly losing her…she was comforting him, he thought. And then…then she goes and drops that bomb on him. She did not care about him anymore. He played her words over and over and over until he thought he was losing his mind. _'…I just…you need to know…I have to…it's been so long…well, I just don't care anymore…' _

They had been partners for ten years, best friends almost from day one of that partnership. They had been dating…well, sort of…for the last almost six months and now she was telling him she didn't care anymore. How had it come to this? He was sure she was jealous over Jessica. She acted like she wanted him there last night. She was crying for him and she asked him not to leave and she held his hand tightly.

No matter about last night, she just told him she did not care anymore. His confusion was almost as deep as his hurt. Peter. It had to be Peter. He had waited too long and she fell for someone else. His kids had tried to tell him she would not wait forever. Just as there were consequences for actions, there were consequences for inaction as well. Apparently, he was about to suffer the pain of his inaction. He scrubbed his face with his hands and released a loud sigh, just as a knock sounded on the jamb of the open door.

Jake and Fin were standing there staring at him. Having heard his sigh and noticed his troubled demeanor, they looked at him questioningly.

Fin took the chance and asked, "You get Liv's statement?"

It was as though he was in a trance. "Captain?" Jake tried to get his attention. "Captain Stabler?"

Elliot snapped back, "What? What did you say?"

Fin and Jake threw a glance at each other.

"Asked if you got Liv's statement?" Fin repeated, his brows knit together in concern.

Elliot stared at him for a long second, glanced at Jake, then back at Fin as he shook his head, "No. You get it. I've got work to do."

As his two astonished detectives stared at him and then each other, he picked up a pen and started writing.

**~ ~ ~ ~eoeoeoeoeo~ ~ ~ ~**

I was just watching '...Or Just Look Like One', from SVU Season 1, the 3rd show - the guy who plays Ricky Blaine, the mechanic Elliot and Liv are questioning is the same guy that played the security guard, Matthew Parker, in Undercover!! His name is Todd Stashwick. I found this youtube clip about it, too. Check it out! .com/watch?v=Q5FNheaAs9s

AND...has anyone heard anything about SVU the 11th season and whether or not MH and CM have/will sign on again???? " ) Bensler


	31. Confessions

**A/N: Shhh...listen...I think she did it! I think she told him!! ??? OK...this is drawing to a close...one maybe two more chapters. But don't hold me to that...got a few things to tie up. " ) Bensler**

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**Chapter 31 ~ Confessions**

**New York Presbyterian Hospital – ICU - Monday, September 8 – 4:37 p.m.**

"Okay, Liv," Fin shut off the camcorder, "We'll take this to Morris and Tucker."

She nodded, "Any idea what they are going to do to me?"

Fin shook his head, but Jake told her, "Maybe nothing, huh? After all, Mancini asked if we could get you to come to the scene and that was after Fin had talked to you. Maybe that will help."

"Yea…maybe," she sighed.

She watched her colleagues standing at her bedside, obviously very awkward and ill at ease. She knew there was a huge, white elephant in the room that no one had the courage to acknowledge. Elliot the Elephant.

Finally, Fin held up the camera and spoke again, "If we hurry, we can get this over to 1PP before Morris leaves." He elbowed Jake.

"Yea…okay. Hope you feel better soon, Liv," Jake gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Bye, girl. Get some rest," Fin squeezed her shoulder and smiled.

As they reached the door, Olivia called out, "Jake. Can you…uh…I need to talk to you a minute."

Jake and Fin looked at each other and Fin, knowing Olivia wanted to talk about Elliot, told Jake, "You stay, talk. I can drop this by 1PP. See you tomorrow."

"Thanks. See you," Jake turned to go back to Olivia.

The pain meds were sneaking up on her again and she knew she would not be able to have a long conversation with Jake, so she got right to the point. "Has Elliot said anything?" she asked quietly.

Jake looked at her for a minute. "You've never told him how you feel, have you?"

Closing her eyes, she raised her left hand to massage her forehead with her fingers. Sighing, she opened her eyes, "I was trying to when he was here earlier."

"Trying? What happened?" Jake pulled a chair to the side of the bed and sat down.

She rolled her eyes, "Before I could really say anything, Peter walked in."

Jake sighed, "Why is Peter still hanging around, Liv? You love Elliot; you want to be with him, so what's with this other guy, huh?" He was a bit irritated and it showed.

"Don't be mad at me. He's had Jessica hanging all over him and he didn't do anything about that and he's never told me he wanted to be with me either. And Peter _wanted_ to be with me," she snapped.

"Wanted," Jake wanted clarification on that tense. "You said 'wanted'."

"After Elliot left I told Peter I couldn't to see him anymore," she looked down.

"How'd he take it?"

She laughed, "He said he expected it after seeing Elliot here so much and the fact that I kept asking for him when he wasn't here."

"That's good. One less barrier. And you don't have to worry about Jess since she came to you, Olivia. She pretty much cleared the way. You know Stabler wants to be with you even if he doesn't act like it. It's all over his face. All you have to do is tell him how you feel," he implored.

"And I told you I was _trying_ to tell him."

"_Trying_? Olivia, it's three words. Three _little_ words. I-love-you," his exasperation sounded in his voice as he leaned closer to her to speak.

Tears were forming in her eyes and Jake felt guilty, "Look, I'm sorry. Tell me what you said to him, because whatever it was, he was in one foul mood when he got back."

Wiping away a lone tear, she looked over at him, "I…I told him I needed to tell him something…and he wanted to know what was wrong. I told him…nothing was wrong."

"That shouldn't have upset him. What else did you say?" Jake listened intently.

"I told him I just needed him to know…that it's been so long, I just didn't care anymore who knew that I loved him, was in love with him…"

"You told him all that? And he was _still_ in the state he was in?" He made a face of disbelief. "You told him you loved him? That you were _in_ love with him? Sorry, Liv, but that just doesn't make sense," he leaned back in the chair, shaking his head.

"Well, I never actually got to the part where I told him I loved him 'cause Peter came in and…" her eyes widened and her voice trailed off as the realization hit her.

"Well, no wonder…" Jake said but was interrupted.

"Oh, no!" Oliva struggled to sit up. "Jake, the last thing I said was 'I don't care anymore' but I didn't mean that I didn't _care_ anymore…I just didn't get to finish the sentence! I meant that I was so sick of hiding my feelings for all these years that I don't care anymore what happens with my job or who knows that I love him! Oh, Jake! I _have_ to talk him! I _have_ to," she was extremely upset, her breathing rapid and the machine to her right began beeping wildly.

"Liv, calm down. Take it easy. You'll tell him and everything will be fine," Jake stood now and tried to hug her, calm her.

"No…you don't understand…he won't come back and I don't have a phone…" she started to cry and the machine went crazy as she struggled for each breath.

A nurse came in, "Detective Benson, what's going on, honey?" She glared at Jake thinking he had upset her. "Sir, I need you step out, please."

"No…no…he didn't upset me. He's helping me. Please," Olivia pleaded with the nurse.

"Liv, I _will_ get Elliot up here. Don't worry about that, okay?" he kissed her cheek, and looked at the nurse before meeting Olivia's eyes again. "You need to rest…and I need to find Elliot. I promise it will be okay."

"Okay," she sniffled.

**Stabler Residence - Monday, September 8 – 7:53 p.m.**

Elliot stared at the television, not hearing or seeing anything. Olivia's voice saying 'I just don't care anymore,' drowned all the sounds. Her dark brown eyes locked on his, her face as she spoke those words, were the only things he could see.

In spite of what she had said, he wanted to know how she was doing. He called the hospital several times but hung up before anyone answered. He was hungry but the thought of food held no appeal, so he sat there in the dark, except for the television screen changing the intensity of light with each scene. His cell phone rang. Again. He looked at the caller I.D. and saw it was Jake. Again. This time he flipped it open.

"Stabler."

"Captain? Been calling for two hours," Jake told him.

"Yea…what's up?"

"Where are you?"

"At home."

"Great…then you won't mind letting me in," Jake said as he knocked on the door.

"What?" Elliot looked toward the sound, groaned and went to open it to find a grinning detective.

"What do want, Zoumberis?"

"I need you take a ride with me."

"Are you crazy?

"No. Got someone that needs to talk to you?"

He looked Elliot over. He was still in his dark blue dress slacks, his blue-checkered shirt unbuttoned all the way, revealing the wife beater beneath. His tie was undone and hung from the collar. His shoes were gone and the eight o'clock shadow of stubble gave him a menacing look.

"Who?"

"You'll see when we get there."

"Look, I'm not in the mood for games, detective."

"No games, Sir. I'm asking you to take a ride with me, that's all. Please."

Elliot stared at him with narrowed eyes, clearly unwilling to go. Finally, he started buttoning his shirt, "This a case?"

"You could say that," Jake smirked as Elliot sat down to put on his shoes.

New York Presbyterian Hospital – Benson Room - Monday, September 8 - 8:16 p.m.

Once he realized they were heading to the hospital, Elliot argued with Jake about going. "I've already seen Olivia today."

"Yea, I know. But you need to see her again."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"This is none of your business, Zoumberis!"

"Beg to differ, Sir. When Olivia asked me about you, she made it my business. She needs to see you, to talk to you, and I told her I would bring you to her."

"Yea? Well, I don't have anything to say to her."

Jake chuckled, "I think you'll be able to find _something_ to say."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jake just chuckled again as a huge smile spread across his face.

Elliot was furious over being roped into visiting Olivia. After the conversation at lunch, he had decided she did not feel the same about him that he did for her. It would be much easier to accept if he just cut his losses and started trying to forget about her. It was none of Jake's business yet here he was ushering him to Olivia's room. She had been moved from ICU this afternoon and they now stood outside of Room 458.

"Wait here. I'll be right back," Jake told Elliot.

Scowling at the man, Elliot snorted as he leaned a shoulder to the wall just beside the door. He was angry, nervous, hurt, and apprehensive and a whole list of other emotions some of which he could not even name.

Jake was quiet as he entered, expecting Olivia to be asleep. He saw she was awake, staring at the ceiling. Looking over at him as he stepped closer to her bed, she raised her left eyebrow at him.

"Jake…" she called his name softly. "Hi."

"Hey. You up to company?" he smiled.

"Of course," she smiled back as he came to her and took her hand, squeezing it slightly.

"Good. I brought someone with me," he tipped his head toward the door and started for it.

Her eyes widened as her mouth dropped open.

As he leaned through the doorway out into the hall, she heard him tell someone, "She's awake."

Seconds later Elliot stepped into the room. Jake was behind him. "See. I told you I would get him here. The rest is up to you, Liv," he grinned and was gone before she could say anything.

Suddenly very uneasy, Elliot glanced at her and then away. She continued staring at him. His clothing was the same as earlier in the day sans the tie, but he looked rumpled as though he had perhaps slept in his clothes. The shadow of his beard darkened his face; his eyes were hooded to veil the hurt from his heart he knew she would see etched in them.

Glancing at her again and then down at the floor, he shoved his hands deep into his pants pockets. His left foot tapped nervously at the linoleum flooring.

"Elliot…" her voice was guarded, tentative. She had no idea what to expect from him, of him.

Slowly he lifted his head until his eyes met hers. Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, his lips pursed to one side, she wanted nothing more right then but to kiss him. She motioned with her head for him to come closer.

Reluctantly making his way to her, his eyes never left hers, hands still jammed in his trousers.

He made no move to touch her, so she reached out and pulled at his left arm until she pulled his hand from his pocket. He neither helped her nor made an effort to stop her. Gently she laced her fingers with his, then slowly pulled their joined hands to her lips and kissed the top of his hand.

Though he made no outward response, Olivia noticed the muscle in his jaw jumping and the increase in the rise and fall of his chest. His breathing had become faster, and she knew her gesture very much affected him, no matter how hard he tried to downplay it. Now he chewed on his bottom lip, repeatedly scraping his teeth over it and she could not quit staring at his lips.

The touch of her hand had him wanting to scoop her into his arms, but when she kissed his hand, it was all he could do not to react. He wished she would just hurry and say whatever she wanted to say because this was killing him. If she was about to cut him loose, then she needed to do it. Quickly. If she had another reason for wanting to talk to him…well…he needed to know that, too. He took several deep breaths, determined to regain his composure.

"Why did you leave earlier?" she asked him as she held his hand close to her.

"What?" he puzzled over this question because it didn't seem to have anything to do with why he was here.

"You left when I was in the middle of trying to tell you something," she explained, her eyes on their joined hands.

He shrugged, "Uh…you…uh…had company."

Nodding slowly, her voice was hushed, "But, I didn't want _you_ to leave."

"You didn't?"

Olivia shook her head, "I told him I couldn't see him anymore."

Elliot stared at her and she raised her eyes to meet his. He struggled to respond to her announcement. "Why?"

There was a long a pause before she asked him a question. "Do you believe in soul mates, Elliot?"

He searched her eyes. Soul mates? Did he believe in them? Yes. Yes, he believed in them. He was standing in the presence of his soul mate. She was holding his hand and sending electrifying currents coursing through him at that very moment. With her, he was free to be himself, his best, his worst, and everything in between, yet he knew she would still be there for him. He did not have to pretend to be someone he was not; he was safe with her. Without her, he was restless, confused, empty. With her, he found peace, stability, a reason for living.

Nodding his head, he told her, "Yea…I do."

She smiled slowly, her eyes twinkling, "Jake asked me if I believe soul mates."

Jake? Elliot's stomach dropped. Jake? Jake was her soul mate? He felt his heart begin to race. If Jake were her soul mate, then why was she holding his hand? He drew a deep breath and resolved to hear her out. Half of their problems seemed to stem from the tendency both of them had of jumping to conclusions and running off somewhere.

Tilting his head to one side, he asked, "What did you tell him?"

Smiling, she tugged on Elliot's hand to bring him down to sit on the bed at her side, "I asked him if he meant like when someone seems to have the locks to fit our keys, and the keys to fit our locks?"

Rendered speechless, he simply stared at her. A knot formed in his throat.

The look she gave him was intense, "Elliot…for longer than I can remember you have had all the locks for my keys and all the keys for my locks."

As his eyes watered and the knot tightened, his voice was but a whisper, "Liv…"

"Jake also told me not to make the same mistake he did," her brown eyes seemed to pierce his very soul.

She pulled her hand from his and placed it on the side of his face, "He told me not to wait until it was too late."

Shifting his head, he covered her hand with his and kissed the palm of it.

"I hope it's not too late to tell you," her thumb traced the stubble of his chin and then over his lips. "El, I've…I've been…in love with you for years. I love you, Elliot. More than anything or anyone else in my life. And I don't care anymore who knows or if IAB suspends me or if I lose my job or whatever. I don't care…because I want _everyone_ to know that I love you! Please…just tell me I'm not too late," she pleaded, as tears broke free.

The tears streamed down Elliot's face, too, as he leaned down and framed her face with his hands, "No…no, it's not too late. I love you, too, Olivia. Oh, baby, if you only knew how much!"

They fell into each other, kissing and hugging and laughing and repeating 'I love you'. Olivia scooted over in the bed to make room and Elliot lay down beside her, his arms wrapped around her, her head now on his shoulder.

"Liv…for the record…you have all my keys and locks, too," Elliot looked down at her and she pulled him into another kiss.

It had taken a decade but they had finally made their confessions. Jake grinned and slowly closed the door. "It's about time," he mumbled to himself.

**NY Presbyterian Hospital – Benson Room - Thursday, September 11 – 3:30 p.m.**

"Detective Benson?" a woman's voice filled the room.

Olivia looked up to see Elena Vasquez with her arms around Jade and Sierra Delgado. Seeing them was bittersweet. She had been wanting to see them since the shooting, but knew the loss they suffered was tremendous and Olivia felt guilty that she had not been able to get all of them safely out of the situation. She smiled and motioned the girls to her side. They both ran to her and they all hugged.

"I am so sorry about your Mom and Dad," she told them as she held their hands in each of hers.

They were all crying and Olivia noticed Elena standing to the side wiping tears away.

"Elena…you need a hug, too," Olivia hugged her, "I'm sorry about Lupe…I wish…I should have…"

"You did all you could, Detective. Please, do not blame yourself," Elena whispered.

Olivia nodded. "Sierra…you were very brave. Your Mom would have been very proud of you," she framed the young girl's face with her hands and kissed her forehead.

Turning to Jade, she brushed the hair from her face, "Jade…I am so sorry you had to do what you did…I…I don't know what to say…I owe you my life."

"No, Olivia…I…_we_ owe you ours," Jade told her. "He wouldn't have let us live."

They talked a few more minutes before Elena pulled ten dollars from her purse and told them to get a snack from the waiting room down the hall. When they were gone, Elena faced Olivia.

"She's right. Dante would have killed them all," Elena sighed heavily.

"Why? Why did he do it? I just…I don't understand. I really didn't think he would ever have hurt his family. I was so sure I could talk him down," Olivia shook her head.

"Dante felt he had lost his honor. In Mexico he was a successful businessman, wealthy by Mexican standards but when the drug lords took over, he lost everything. It was much harder here…against his will, Lupe went to work to help provide money for the family. Her work took her away in the evenings…and he was furious. When there _was_ time together, they fought about her job. He told her she was never there to be his wife…if you know what I mean," Elena blushed and was extremely uncomfortable with discussing this.

"It's okay, Elena. It's just you and me," Olivia encouraged her.

She nodded and took a deep breath, "That was just one more issue. He told her if she could not find time to provide him with her…uh…her wifely duties, he would find someone to do so. She did not think he would ever do such a thing with anyone…and she never thought he would hurt his daughters. Lupe and Dante…they…they had so much love for each other…but everything was messed up. He felt Lupe had dishonored him by working when he said no and then he disgraced himself and the family further and he felt the only way to spare them was to kill them. Especially after he…after…he forced Jade to…to…" Elena began to cry.

Olivia hugged her and tried to comfort her, "I'm so sorry…I can put you touch with counselors who will help Jade…all of you…deal with what happened."

Sniffling, she answered, "Yes…we need help…I miss my sister, but now I will raise her girls to be good women."

After Elena's explanation of why Dante did what he did, Olivia understood it a little better, but not much. How a man could ever rape any child, but especially his daughter, his own flesh and blood, was something she would _never_ understand.

**Benson Residence – Thursday, September 25 – 7:11 a.m.**

The now familiar knock sounded and she heard the key in the lock. He _definitely_ had the keys for her locks, she thought as she smiled to herself. Seated on a stool, she was leaning over the bar that separated the kitchen from the dining area and looked up just as Elliot entered the apartment.

"Mornin', sunshine," he grinned and came toward her.

She loved when he called her 'sunshine'. It was the first pet name he had ever called her very early in their partnership. Placing a white paper sack and a large cup of steaming tea on the counter in front of her, he leaned down to grab a quick kiss.

"Good morning. You're mighty chipper," she smiled and lifted her head for the kiss he put on her cheek.

"Just glad to see you up for a change," he smiled back as he pulled the contents from the bag.

She didn't tell him she'd had another nightmare and could not go back to sleep. That was why she was up so early when she had nowhere to go and nothing to do.

Watching her for just a minute, he leaned into her, bumping her shoulder, "I love you."

Kissing him on the lips, she told him, "I love you, too. Mmmm…smells good," Olivia began to open one of the items wrapped in wax paper.

"Blueberry bagels…and…uh…egg and ham biscuits," he opened one of the biscuits and took a huge bite, consuming nearly half of it.

They sat at the counter and ate their breakfast in companionable silence. Upon her release from the hospital two weeks ago, Elliot had brought her home and insisted on spending the night at her place the first several nights she was home. She, of course, had argued every step of the way, only agreeing when she saw he was not giving in. Truth be known, she was relieved he was there because she was afraid to be alone and she did not want to tell him.

Even during the day, she found she was jumpy, tensing at every unusual noise. Her fear was so extreme she even missed the annoying detail that had been her constant companion for three weeks. Convinced Delgado was the one who had broken into her apartment and attacked her and Jake, Elliot had pulled the detail after Delgado's death. The hostage incident on top of all the other things that had happened to her had really shaken her to the core.

She was grateful for all of her friends and their concern. Maureen checked on her during the day as had Jake and Fin. She seemed to need to be with Olivia in order to convince herself that Olivia really was alive. Maureen kept telling her that she could not get the sight of Delgado shooting Olivia, and her falling, her eyes vacant, out of her head. Jake and Fin, she realized, felt guilty for ever calling her about the situation even though she tried to convince them that what she did was her decision.

Cragen spent hours with her, as they discussed the books he brought for her to read. A couple of times he cooked lunch for her and one afternoon she asked him to teach her how to make the Marge's lasagna. By the time Elliot had come by after work, the table was set and he was incredulous that Olivia had prepared such a wonderful meal because he knew how she hated to cook.

Even Jessica McDaniel got in on the act. She came by every few days with some delicious meal or home baked goods she had put together. She would always stay for a while and talk to be sure Olivia ate at least a little. Olivia wondered was it Jake or Elliot who put Jess in charge of her eating habits.

And Elliot, well, even though he could not completely hide his anger, she was thankful that he had been able to talk somewhat calmly to her about her 'insubordination' and managed to be supportive when Tucker and Morris informed her she was now serving a _three_week suspension. That they were letting her serve it concurrently with being out because of her injuries surprised the entire SVU. When she had testified to IAB and 1PP, she sensed that they both understood, on some level, why she could not have backed away from this situation. Joe Mancini's insistence that he needed her did not hurt either. The loss of income made it tight financially but there was plenty of money from her mother's estate, if she needed it. To this point, she had never used any of it and did not want to do so now if she could avoid it. She buckled down and watched her pennies.

Now that she and Elliot had finally come clean about their feelings, their love for one another, she could make it through anything life threw at her. These past seventeen days – yes, she was counting - had been the happiest in her life. Though they still had their problems and could still annoy the heck out of each other at times, they were getting along so well it amazed both of them. Olivia thought it was because now that they had confessed their love, all the time and energy they had spent denying their feelings was now used to reinforce that love.

Elliot thought it was because now that they were secure in the other's love, they were each truly free. Free from the fear of losing the other; he from the fear that she would run from him, and she from the fear that he would ignore her or didn't care about her. She had decided that as long as they loved each other and their relationship was working, why, really did not matter. She loved him, he loved her, that's all that mattered.

Sunday was the end of her three-week suspension. She was scheduled to go back to work Monday and she could not wait. Still tiring easily, her breathing was strong, and only very faint remnants of the bruises from the bullets could be seen. Of course, she would be on desk duty for three to five of weeks because her wrist, but at least she would be at work. The first week in the hospital and then at home had been necessary for her healing, but this last week since she was feeling pretty much back to normal had just about driven her crazy.

"Liv? Olivia?" Elliot called to her, waving his hands in front of her.

Snapping out of her thoughts, she stared at him, "Hmmm?"

"Where'd you go?" he smiled.

Returning his smile, she told him, "To work."

They both chuckled. Yes, this was the countdown to when she would be able to set foot back in the Special Victims Unit.

**~ ~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~ ~**


	32. Crying

**PLEASE READ!!!!! _ALERT!!! IMPORTANT!!! I just heard that NBC is thinking of replacing Chris and Mariska. To read about CM/MH, just do an internet search for TVguide or Ausiello + SVU._**

_**We need to contact NBC and let them know our thoughts on this. Just go to NBC's website and click on 'contact us' at the very bottom, scroll down and select the show and then type your response. **_

_**The links will not show up on here or I would just paste them.** _

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Author Note:

**Okay...one more chapter after this......hope this chapter meets your expectations. I appreciate all of you guys more than you know! Even the lurkers. " ) Bensler**

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**Matters of the Heart**

**Chapter 32 - Crying**

16th Precinct – Front Desk – Friday, September 26 – 6:27 p.m.

"NYPD – 16th Precinct," the uniformed officer at the desk answered.

"Uh…yes, sir…I…uh…need to talk to Detective Jake Zoumberis, please," the man asked.

"I think he's gone for the day…let me check."

"Then how about…uh…Detective…uh…Tu..Tuoly…or something like that?"

"Tutuola…everyone just calls him Fin. I'll see."

A few minutes later he told the man, "They're both gone. You need to leave a message for 'em?"

"Yes. My name is David Mawr…uh…I live in Albany. I think I might have something about a case they have."

"This an emergency kind of thing or can it wait until Monday?"

"Uh…I guess it could wait 'til Monday…"

"What's the message and your number?"

**Benson Residence – Friday, September 26 – 9:38 p.m.**

Olivia had invited Elliot and all the kids over for dinner. Since she was feeling so good, she decided to actually cook for them for a change. Cooking was not exactly her forte, but she was learning, and Cragen told her she had done an impressive job of putting that lasagna together so that was what she had prepared for tonight.

They had all commented on how good the food was and ribbed Olivia about being shocked that she was able to present something edible that had not come in a Styrofoam box or a cardboard carton.

After a couple of hours of Scrabble, and talking and laughing, the group broke. Maureen left to meet friends, Kathleen's boyfriend stopped by to pick her up, and Lizzie and Rick took Eli back to Elliot's to put him to bed. Lizzie's friend Amber was coming over to watch a movie and Rick was going to a friend's house. That left Elliot and Olivia alone for the rest of the evening.

They had been sitting on the couch wrapped in each other's arm, talking about the evening and all the things the kids had going on and had shared that night.

"Yea…I don't know if the kids are more shocked that you and I have finally come clean about our feelings for each other or that fact that you actually cooked a really great meal with no help!" Elliot teased her.

She struggled to get away from him so she could pop him one, but he held her tight and kissed her neck and cheek and where ever he could manage and then he began tickling her. That pumped enough adrenaline through her that she was able to get free from his hold. Picking up two pillows she threw them at him. He laughed at her, reached out to catch her wrist and dragged her back down to the couch.

Their laughter died away among several kisses. He pulled back from her, his hands running through the tangles of her hair as he looked from her deep brown eyes to the zig-zag scar he had wondered about for years.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Elliot brushed the hair from her face.

"Sure, what is it?" smiling as curiosity fill her eyes.

"I've wanted to ask you about this for a long time, but well, I figured you would tell me about it sooner or later. You never have, and anyway, since spending so much time in the hospital with nothing to do but watch you sleep, I…"

"You watched me sleep?" she asked in disbelief, rolling her eyes at him. "You must have been bored out of your head to watch me sleep!"

Smiling, he kissed her lightly on the lips, "I will never get bored watching you, or tired of just looking at you, Olivia. Never."

She smiled and this time she kissed him.

"I sound like a big sap, huh?" his eyes twinkled with merriment.

"Yea…but you're my big sap," she leaned her forehead against his as her arms went around him. "So, what was it you wanted to ask?"

"Oh…yea…uh…listen, if it's something you don't want to tell me, then that's okay…I'd understand…I just…that is if…"

"El! All right, all ready. Just ask me," she pulled back from him and made a face.

"Okay…okay." Reaching out, he gently ran his fingers over the scar on the right side of her forehead, "How did you get this scar?"

Her sharp intake of breath, her eyes falling from his, her lower lip pulled between her teeth, and how she moved away from him said it all. Instantly he knew he had broached a subject that either hurt her immensely or upset her. Or both.

"Liv…I…I'm sorry…you don't have to tell me…I just…I mean…I don't have to know, okay…really…I don't," he tried to ease the tension he felt from her.

He wanted her to understand that she really did not have to tell him. He wished he had never asked her because now he felt guilty for bringing back whatever the cause was for her obvious pain. He would never hurt her intentionally.

Looking away again, she stood up and walked to the other side of the room. Running her hands through her hair, she sighed, her back to him.

Standing up, he started toward her.

She turned to face him, "No…please…just give me a minute…please…I-I want...I want to tell you…I want you to know, El."

There had been so many changes in their relationship in the last two and half weeks, so many good changes, for the better. They had opened up about many things and agreed that they needed to be willing to share every aspect of their lives with each other, quit shutting each other out or shutting down when things got tough between them. She wanted to tell him, she just needed a minute to think.

He nodded, curious, worried, upset. He watched her. She wrapped her arms around herself and slowly walked to the window and looked out at the street below. Minutes passed before she finally spoke…her voice so soft at first, he had to strain to hear her.

"I was three and half. I don't really remember much about that night except crying for my mother. What I know, I know mostly because her best friend told me when I was older. My mother had locked me in the car outside a bar…while she went in to drink and party. I have vague memories of being tired and hungry…crying for her to come back…" she snorted, "But maybe that was from another time when I was older and she left me like that," her voice lowered to a whisper.

Elliot's heart broke at the thought of her as a young child sitting in a car in the dark, waiting for her alcoholic mother to return and take care of her. He could only imagine her fright and sense of abandonment. That it was apparently the norm, made it even worse.

"When she finally came back, she was drunk and I had fallen asleep in the backseat. On the way home…she…she ran off the road and hit a tree. She was so wasted she didn't even get hurt except for a knot on her head where she hit the steering wheel. My side of the car was crumpled by another tree and the medics thought my head had been slammed against a jagged piece of the door. I don't even know how many stitches it took to fix," she frowned, absently mindedly touching the scar as a few tears slid down her face.

"Oh, honey…" Elliot choked, the emotion stirring him to tears as well.

He wanted to hold her and he took a few steps in her direction, but she again shook her head and motioned for him to stay away.

The biting laugh she released was like a kick in the stomach to Elliot. "Isn't that something? She was drunk out of her mind…she gets a bump on her head that is gone in a few days and I get this…this constant reminder of the sorry mother I had. Seems we both ended up with reminders of the bad things in our lives…me with this ugly scar and she…she had me to remind her of the worst thing that ever happened to her."

Strong arms enveloped her and when they did, it was though her tears were given permission to let go, and she turned to him, buried her head in his chest and gave way to sobs that wracked her entire body.

Holding her tightly, he spoke soft words of comfort, of love, of empathy, soothing her, his arms providing shelter from the pain of her past. If he could somehow erase her past and give her the love and acceptance that should have been hers as a little girl, he would. He would do whatever it would take to give her a happy childhood.

"Liv…I'd do anything to change the past for you…anything. I wish I had been your friend then because I would have shown you someone loved you. That you weren't the worst thing that happened to Serena…you were the best. Other than my kids, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. If she hadn't had you…I would never know what it was like to know you, to hold you, to be with you, to love you. To be loved by you."

Sniffling, and the clearing of her throat as she tightened her grip on him was the only response she gave.

Leaning back, he pulled her away from him just enough to be able to look into her eyes.

"From now on, I want this," he traced the scar again, "to be a reminder of the fact that you lived so you could one day find me and rescue me from myself. I want it to remind you that you are here because I needed you to show me what it's like to have that special someone to share my life and love me completely and let me do the same for you. I love you, Liv. More than you will ever know," he pulled her to him and held her while a new wave of sobs shook her.

**Stabler Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 5:52 p.m.**

"No problem, sweetheart…I'll be there as soon as I can," Elliot sighed as he hung up the phone.

Maureen's car had broken down and she was stranded on the side of the road forty miles out of the city. She and two friends had gone to the wedding of another friend. All the repair shops were closed so she called her dad.

Opening his phone again he hit the number key and one, and waited for Olivia to answer, "Hey, sweetie. You're still coming over, right?"

"I don't know, babe…Maur's broke down forty miles away. I told her I'd come see what I could do. You want to ride with me?" he asked.

Disappointment filled her voice, "Oh…I hate that…maybe it's something minor."

"Maybe…so, you want to ride or not?"

"If you don't mind, I think I'll just stay here. Got some things to take care of before I start back to work Monday."

"That's probably best…no telling how long I'll be. You want me to come by later?"

"If it's not real late, yea."

"All right…call you later…love you."

"Love you, too."

**Zoumberis Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 7:24 p.m.**

Staring at the note he found taped to his door when he returned home a few minutes ago, Jake was puzzled.

'How's it feel, detective? To lose the people closest to you?' Turning it over in his hand, he thought hard about the words and their meaning. Was it referring to the fairly recent loss of his mother? Who would leave a note like that on his door? It was clearly intended to hurt him. The wheels in his mind turned rapidly and then he thought of Anna. Was this a reference to when he lost her? And if it was, who would do something like this? Though it happened when he was in Albany, it had made state news and of course, all his former co-workers would have known about it even if it hadn't been such a news item. Still who would bring this up and tack a note to his door?

Finally, tossing it aside, he went to the kitchen and grabbed a soda. Popping the top, he took a long swallow and then went to the counter where he had thrown his mail. Junk, junk, he thought to himself as he chucked the first two pieces in the trash. The third was a credit card statement and he tossed it to the left of the remaining pile. The fourth did not even register where it was from because stuck on the front of it was another note.

The same kind of three by five inch pale yellow sticky note that was left on his door.

How did they get into his locked mailbox? He pulled the note off and read it again.

'No one close to you is safe.'

Now his stomach knotted and twisted. His heart raced as his mind flitted from one thought to another, from one person to another. "Olivia," he whispered.

**Benson Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 7:32 p.m.**

Olivia had gone to pick up a few groceries and stopped to get a hoagie at the corner deli as well. She was almost completely healed, except for the wrist, and had nearly all of her energy back. She could not wait to get back to work even though it would be a few weeks of desk duty before she could hit the streets again.

Lugging three sacks of groceries and her food, she was about to let herself into her apartment when her cell phone rang. Opening the door, she hurried to put the bags on the kitchen counter and get to her phone.

"Benson."

"Liv? Hey, you all right?"

"Hey, Jake. I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm good. So, everything's okay?"

Frowning, she laughed lightly, "Yea…why wouldn't it be? What's going on?"

He debated telling her about the notes, but didn't want to worry her about something he was not even sure was a threat.

"Uh…nothing…just thinking about you. Bet you can't wait until Monday, huh?"

"You know it. I'm about to go crazy sitting around this place all day," she laughed.

"Well, I saved all my paperwork so you would have something to do while you're riding the desk."

"And that's different how?"

Laughing at the inference, Jake told her, "You crush me, partner. You know I do my share of work."

"You do and I can't wait to get back and do whatever you have left for me."

"Great. So…you and Elliot don't have big plans tonight?"

"He had to help Maureen…her car broke down out of town."

"You want company? I'm free."

"Thanks, but I'll be seeing enough of you come Monday. Besides I have some things to do and Elliot's supposed to come by later if he gets back in time."

"All right. See you Monday."

"Yea…see you."

Flipping the phone closed, she began putting up her groceries. When she was finished she unwrapped the sandwich and put it on a plate and carried it to the living room where she turned on the television. She had taken one bite when she heard an odd noise. Every one of her senses went on high alert and she reached for her glock lying beside her on the sofa. Because of all the nightmares she continued to have, a weapon was never very far from her reach. With the cast on her wrist in the way, it took both hands to have a firm grip on the gun.

Straining to hear anything else out of the ordinary, she put the television on mute, the plate on the table and slowly stood up. Hearing a bump that sounded like it came from her bedroom, she turned off the safety and quietly made her way down the hall. Just as she entered the bedroom an arm went around her neck as the other knocked her gun away from her. Too late she realized the intruder had been in the small linen closet, not her bedroom.

"You should have let Zoumberis come over. I'd love to see him again. In fact, I'd love for him to watch," the menacing voice rasped into her right ear.

"What do you want?" she was barely able to speak and she forced herself to concentrate on slowing her breathing.

She wondered how he knew who she was talking to but then she remembered saying Jake's name when he first called.

The laughter was evil and she felt chills run through her. He continued, "I want Zoumberis to suffer…just like he made me suffer."

"What's that have to do with me?" she asked, her voice sounding much stronger than she now felt.

More laughter. "You're his partner."

Suddenly everything became crystal clear and the fear she had tried to hold at bay now swept through her with such force she felt her knees go weak as the blood rushed to her head and dizziness threatened to overtake her. Her gut told her that this man was there for one thing and one thing only.

"You…you killed Anna," she managed to grind out between her shallow breaths.

He killed Anna and he was going to kill her.

His laughter filled her ears again, "So, he told you about Anna. Did he also tell you about my wife? How they framed her?"

"Why don't you tell me about her?" she tried to keep her voice steady.

She didn't want to antagonize him by telling him he knew his wife had been convicted of running a drug ring and using children to run them. And she wanted to keep him talking as long as she could. She had learned that from Mancini during the Delgado situation.

**Zoumberis Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 7:49 p.m.**

Jake still could not shake the uneasiness he felt. Something was off…wrong. Those notes were from someone who knew him but was there really an implied threat, he wondered for the hundredth time. He was just thinking about going to see Olivia to be certain she was all right when his cell phone rang.

"Zoumberis."

"Detective Zoumberis, this is Officer Adams at the one-six. I was just going over the log from last night and saw a message I thought you might want before Monday, sir."

"What is it?"

"A David Mawr from Albany called to say he might have some information on a case you are working, his number is…"

Jake heard nothing after the name David Mawr, "I'm sorry…can you repeat that please?"

Jake wrote the down number and immediately called David Mawr. The phone went to voice mail; he left a message and then exploded.

"What's the purpose of cell phone if no one ever answers!" he slammed it shut.

Seconds later it rang. "Detective Zoumberis, this is David Mawr."

"Yes…what do you have?"

"My…uh…cousin…he was in a prison mental ward…he got out and he was at my house a few weeks ago…said he was released for good behavior. I'm not really in touch with family and so…I…I didn't know…I heard he killed someone…but me and my family we were living in Iowa when it happened. I'm sorry…but he could have taken my metal cutters cause he stayed here one night and I hang the keys to the truck right by the back door...he's my cousin and all but I don't…I wouldn't help no criminal…I…uh…I left a message yesterday…as soon as I thought about him…"

"Yesterday? Why didn't you call me on my cell phone?"

"I…uh…couldn't find that card you left but I remembered where you were from."

"That's okay…what's your cousin's name?

"Cren. Crenshaw Bevvins."

Jake's blood ran cold as he harshly released the breath he had been holding. "No. No. No! Please, God…no!"

Benson Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 8:09 p.m.

Jake called for a car to be dispatched to Olivia's and then took off for her place. Buzzing her apartment, he was relieved and surprised when she answered. The relief did not last very long.

"Liv…can I come up?"

"Jake…you gotta get out here!" she screamed.

He heard scuffling and muffled shouts and then the buzzer sounded granting him access. Running up the stairs two at a time, he again called for backup. Approaching Olivia's door cautiously, he knocked, standing to the side. Gunshots echoed from inside and one pierced the door hitting the wall on the other side of the hallway.

He waited a few seconds, called Olivia's name, and when he heard nothing more, he kicked the door in, jumping aside once again. Slowly, gun drawn, he looked around the edge of the door frame.

Two bodies lay in the hallway just in front of Olivia's bedroom. The man's body covered hers. Blood pooled beneath them and the bile rose in Jake's throat.

**Stabler Vehicle – Saturday, September 27 – 8:16 p.m.**

Elliot had dropped off Maureen and her friends. The transmission was shot and there was nothing he could do tonight. He called Olivia but she didn't answer. He figured she was in the shower and thought he would just show up and surprise her. Leona Lewis's voice sang 'A Moment Like This' and Elliot chuckled. Lizzie had downloaded that song on his phone last night telling him it reminded her of him and Olivia. The song was fine but he had to get her to remove it because it sure wouldn't be professional for that to startup in a work setting every time his phone rang.

"Stabler."

"Where are you?"

Fin's voice was tense and Elliot knew he was on edge, putting him on edge as well.

"Just leaving Queens…on my way to Liv's. Why? We catch a case?"

"Why ain't you been answerin' the phone? Call came in five minutes ago…shots fired…at Liv's place, Elliot."

"I'm less than ten out!" he shouted and closed the phone.

His heart was pounding so hard he thought he would pass out. Sucking at the air around him, he tried to take slow, deep breaths. She was dead…that's why she didn't answer the phone. She couldn't. No. No. She was not dead. Just…she was just…no, she was not hurt either. There had to be a reason that did not include her being hurt or worse. Please, not now. Not now that they finally found the courage to admit their love for each other. Not now when they were beginning to build a new relationship, a new life. Together. Please, God, don't take her. Not now. Not when they had just truly found each other. Pushing the accelerator to the floor, he slammed the cherry on the dashboard and flew like a bat out of hell to Olivia.

**~~~~ eoeoeoeoeo ~~~~**


	33. Coincidence

**A/N: The end...I think. Yea, it is. " ) Bensler**

*******************

**Chapter 33 – Coincidence**

**Outside Benson Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 8:25 p.m.**

The red and blue flashing lights of the ambulance and police cars were akin to slaps across his face, each one screaming 'she's dead - she's gone - it's over - you're too late'. Every breath came hard and ragged, as he fought to inhale the sustaining air. The fierce pounding of his heart against his chest was so hard it literally caused a deep ache within him. The car squealed to a screeching halt and he jumped out not even bothering to shut off the engine or close the door, the red light on the dash still sending its emergency signal into the night. He rushed to Olivia.

Running past two police cars, he had just come around an ambulance, when he was stopped dead in his tracks by the sight of two EMTs wheeling a stretcher down the sidewalk. The body was completely covered and it took every ounce of strength he had left not to pass out on the spot. His breath caught painfully in his chest like a huge, expanding bubble and the banging of his heart was even more vicious than before. Stepping up to the stretcher, he reached out to pull the sheet from the body.

Immediately hands caught his, stopping him. "Sir! Step away, please!" the tallest EMT pulled Elliot back just enough that he could not lift the sheet.

"NYPD! Get out of my way!" he growled, flashing his badge and roughly pushing past the EMT. "She's my partner!" his voice had distorted to a whisper, cracking as he said 'partner'.

"Sir?" the EMT frowned.

Elliot caught the corner of the sheet and held his breath. With violently shaking hands, he slowly, torturously, pulled the sheet from the body. As the pale face came into view Elliot's body visibly imploded. The slumping of his shoulders, the ragged breaths tearing loudly from his lungs, as his own face paled, completely transforming him. Staggering backwards, he then fell forward putting his hands on his knees and his head as far down as he could. Just as the vomit was expelled onto the sidewalk, he heard his name through the creeping fog that now permeated him, body and mind and soul.

"Elliot?" Fin's concerned voice seemed distant, in a barrel. "Elliot? You okay, man?"

A blank stare from red rimmed eyes shining with unshed tears was the only response from Elliot. It was then that Fin understood and it hit him full force.

"Oh, man! You thought that was '_Livia!_" He looked toward the stretcher now being loaded into the ambulance.

Fin's hand on his shoulder brought him out of the haze a little more as his words began to make a bit of sense in his mind overloaded by scrambled emotions.

He grabbed Fin by the collar and pulled him to his face. "It's not her…Liv…she's not…it's not…too late…it's not too late…is it?" his voice was hollow and raspy.

Before Fin could reply, Elliot let him go and wiped at his mouth with trembling hands, shaking his head. "Tell me it's not too late, Fin! Please!"

Fin grabbed him under his right arm and pulled him up the steps of the building, "Nah, man…come on…EMTs are workin' on her…she's hurt…but she's talkin' and she's askin' for you."

Asking for him. She was asking for him. The words pierced the fog and relief flooded through him as he felt his strength returning.

**Benson Residence – Saturday, September 27 – 8:31 p.m.**

Fin cleared the way through the multitude of officers, CSU and ME techs, and other personnel, to bring Elliot to Olivia. The bullet hole in the door made him cringe. As they entered the apartment, he noticed the wrapper from the deli down the street lying on the kitchen counter and absently wondered if she got her usual turkey on whole wheat with mustard. She hated mayonnaise. Making their way around the crush of people, Elliot could not miss the huge spot of blood on the carpet in front of Olivia's bedroom. A CSU tech was bagging a sample of it. The nausea hit him again but he managed to hold it back when he heard her voice. It was music to his ears. His name on her lips was all he needed to right everything.

"El…where's El? You said he was coming…aaaagghh! Do something…please…I…I can't…breathe…it hurts…" her voice echoed her pain as she pleaded with the EMTs.

"Try to take it easy, Liv…they're doing everything they can," Jake assured her, holding her hand and talking quietly, his face close to hers.

"Need Elliot… can't…I can't…" the words broke off as she gasped for breath.

Elliot could see her. The gray tee shirt she was wearing was covered in blood and suddenly his nausea was back. It was all he could do to focus on her and not his churning stomach. He went to her side, taking her hand as Jake moved to make room for him, bending to put his face near hers, he kissed her cheek several times, "Liv, baby, I'm here. I'm here. You're okay…you're okay."

She grabbed at him, holding him to her. "Love…you," she started to cry but then couldn't get her breath again.

"Sir…I'm sorry, but we need to get her stabilized and ready for transport," the EMT spoke in a firm voice, but his eyes were kind and understanding.

Another EMT pulled Elliot away, but not before he replied, "I love you, too, babe."

Fin and Jake exchanged looks. They were aware things had changed between the two since the Delgado incident, but were totally surprised when they were so open about it, both verbally and physically.

Alarmed at her struggle for air, Elliot asked, "What's wrong? Was she shot?"

"No, sir. Detective Zoumberis told us she has been recuperating from a collapsed lung. We're fairly certain that it's collapsed again during the struggle with the intruder. He also fell on her and that could have caused it as well," the EMT explained.

"What?" Elliot was incredulous.

He needed to know what had happened. Olivia was the only one who could tell them and she was not able to do so right now.

Beth Israel Hospital – Saturday, September 27 – 9:07 p.m.

Olivia was experiencing very sharp pains in the back of her lung. Since they were less than five minutes from the hospital, these EMTs chose to wait and let the doctors decide what to do. Once they arrived, she quickly found herself being assessed. An x-ray showed a forty percent collapse of her left lung and they were preparing her for the insertion of a chest tube. She was confused because just yesterday her doctor had told her she was healing quite well. She was going back to work Monday. This could not be happening. Not again. Remembering how unbearably painful the first one was, she balked at the procedure. After arguing with her for several minutes, the head doctor sent for Elliot.

"It can't be collapsed again – it's not possible!" her frantic voice carried over all the others in the room to pierce Elliot's heart.

He realized she was nearly hysterical and wished there was a way to take the pain for her.

No! No! I don't want the tube! No! You are not going to do that to me!" she cried.

"Liv, honey, they _have_ to do the chest tube," his whispered voice did little to soothe her as he stroked her forehead.

"No, no, Elliot. Dr. Reyes, said I was healing fine…please…don't let them do this! Call Dr. Reyes, please…the tube hurts so much," she begged. She once again began to labor for air and grimaced in pain with each inhalation, pulling her hand from his in order to clutch her chest.

He could not recall ever seeing her like this. Afraid. Of pain or anything else. He was afraid for her and each breath she worked so hard to inhale upset him to no end, but he knew the procedure would help her breathe properly. He had to convince her.

"He also said there was a forty to sixty percent chance of this happening again. I'm sorry, sweetheart, but they have to do it once more. I'll be right here with you, okay?" he poked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

She grasped at his hand, "You'll stay here…you won't leave?"

"I'll be right here holding your hand," he smiled as he stared into her eyes.

**Beth Israel Hospital – Sunday, September 28 – 12:17 a.m.**

Jake had just come back from the morgue and found Elliot and Fin talking with Olivia's doctor.

"Unfortunately, a chest tube is only a temporary solution. Though it does not actually heal the lung, it prevents it from collapsing and hopefully gives it time necessary for the lung to heal and begin to functioning properly on its own. Once a lung has collapsed two or three times, repeat occurrences become so common we advise the patient to undergo a more serious, corrective surgery," Dr. Kinnon explained to Elliot, Jake and Fin.

The worried look on Elliot's face mirrored that of Jake and Fin. "Surgery? What would that entail? Is it dangerous?"

"To prevent recurrent spontaneous pneumothorax it is necessary to cause a permanent adhesion between the visceral pleura and the interior of the chest wall. This can be accomplished thoracoscopically by with a mechanical pleurodesis or direct physical trauma to the parietal pleura…" Dr. Kinnon stopped his explanation upon noticing the confused looks on the men's faces.

"I'm sorry…let me try explaining it in a different way. The problem is a recurrence of a spontaneous pneumothorax, more commonly known as a collapsed lung. The process to fix it is fairly simple, although a moderately serious one. The surgery requires two half-inch incisions between Ms. Benson's ribs, one for the camera and one for a special tool. The wall of the chest cavity will then be rubbed with the tool, forcing it to excrete a natural protein that will cause the expanded lung to adhere to the chest wall much like Velcro or a tongue stuck on a frozen pole. This should prevent it from collapsing again," he smiled at the men.

"Should?" Elliot asked.

"There is a two to three percent chance of recurrence even with this surgery, but I've only seen it a handful of times in my twenty-six years as surgeon. She will have to remain in the hospital for about a week, but can return to desk work after several weeks," he answered.

"Thanks, Doc," Elliot sighed and looked over at Jake and Fin. "She's not going to be happy about this…more recuperation."

"And still tied to a desk when she comes back," Fin added.

Turning to Jake, Elliot wanted to know details about the attack. "What'd you find out about the perp?"

Jake, suddenly nervous, shifted from one foot to the other before meeting Elliot's eyes, "Name's Crenshaw Bevvins. From Albany. He's…the cousin of…David Mawr."

"The dude we talked to in Albany? With the missing cutters?" Fin asked in disbelief.

"Yea…he left a message Friday night at the night desk, but said it could wait until Monday. The officer on duty last night decided to call it into me… by the time I talked to Mawr and put two and two together… but it was too late…he was already at Olivia's when I got there," his eyes darted between Elliot and to Fin.

"Any idea why this Bevvins creep is fixated on Liv?" Elliot crossed his arms over his chest.

"Uh…I…it wasn't her he was after…it was me," Jake confessed.

"You?" Elliot's eyes narrowed as he tilted his chin up and fixed his stare on Jake.

Jake nodded, sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He looked at Elliot, "Ten years ago my partner and I arrested his wife for running a drug ring out of her daycare center. She killed herself in prison. He never believed she was guilty. Crenshaw Bevvins killed my partner, Anna, in the middle of the squad room right in front of me. The last thing he told me was 'now you know what it's like to lose someone you love.'"

"How could you not know he was out? You should have told us about him!" Elliot dropped his hands to his side, the fingers bending to become fists.

"I…I didn't know…how could…" Jake started but Elliot turned on him.

"You son of a…" Elliot shoved him and Jake stumbled backward.

"Elliot! Come on, man!" Fin pulled him off of Jake.

"You really think if I knew that I would put Liv in jeopardy?" Jake shouted, his anger rising.

"You're her _partner_! You're supposed to have her back! Instead you almost got her killed!" Elliot's fist shot out and connected with Jake's jaw before Jake or Fin could react.

Instead of retaliating, Jake stood up wiping the blood from his swollen lip. With sympathetic eyes, he stared at Elliot, whom Fin was now holding back.

"Shake it off, man! You know he wouldn't do nothin' to hurt Liv, Elliot. You _know_ that!" Fin's scowl dared him to make another move.

Elliot was shaken by what he had just done. He knew he was out of line. He had no business being captain when he could not control himself. He ran his hands down his face and turned away from Fin and Jake. Taking several deep breaths he was able to get control of his emotions. He turned back to the men.

"I'm…sorry…I shouldn't have hit you, Jake…I…I just…I…know you wouldn't hurt her," he stammered his apology.

"No problem, Captain," Jake extended his hand.

Elliot took it and Jake pulled him into a quick hug, "I know how much you care for Liv…you gotta know I would never knowingly let anything happen to her."

Simply nodding, Elliot patted him on the back. His cell phone rang and he flipped it open.

"Stabler."

Pause.

"Uh-huh."

Pause.

"Yea…thanks."

Closing the phone he looked at Fin and Jake, "That was O'Halloran. The gun that killed Bevvins was Liv's…the missing one the first intruder took. That means it was Bevvins, not Delgado that attacked the two of you. "

Elliot shook his head and slumped into a nearby chair. He leaned over putting his head between his legs. "I never should have assumed it was Delgado without proof….I…never should have removed that detail...Liv would never have been attacked again. I can't believe I did this! _I_ did this to her!" He now shifted the blame from Jake to himself.

"This ain't your fault. We all figured it was Delgado," Fin told him.

"It made sense and we all made the assumption. A mistake, yea. Your fault, no. It's Bevvins's fault…no one else's," Jake tried to assure him.

**Benson Residence – Sunday, October 4 – 3:20 p.m.**

The surgery had been textbook perfect and Olivia was healing quite well. Almost every day for the last week, he had tried to convince her to stay at his place. He was afraid she would have issues about being in her apartment after a man had died there. She had enough to deal with already, but she insisted she wanted to go home. Opening the new door, Elliot stood aside for Olivia to go in ahead of him. He put her small overnight bag on the kitchen counter and turned to watch her. He had spent several hours over the last week cleaning her apartment. He was not certain if she would be appreciative or feel that he had overstepped some boundary in taking it upon himself to tidy the place. It had been a wreck, before the latest invasion, but now everything was in place and sparkling clean. The carpet in the hall had been replaced; the holes in the sheetrock repaired, and no sign of the struggle remained.

She surveyed the room from top to bottom. Everything was in place. All her clothing and shoes had been picked up; the magazines were arranged on the coffee table; a single candle burned on the end table, its aroma filling the air. The piles of CDs and DVDs neatly lined the shelves of the entertainment center. Turning she saw that the kitchen was also in order and a bouquet of fresh flowers sat in the center of the small dining table.

"Elliot…you did this?" she smiled softly.

"Was that okay?" he asked, still unsure how she felt about this.

Letting out a short breath, she smiled, "Yes. Thank you. I know it was a mess, I just…I don't know…I just hadn't felt like doing anything around the place lately…and then…with…the…"

"I know. I know…you've been through a lot…but I…I just didn't want you to come back to it and feel like you had to do housecleaning. You need to use your energy to get well," he smiled.

She nodded, "And thank you for the beautiful flowers. It was very thoughtful. _All_ of this was very thoughtful." She fingered one of the lilies in the vase.

"You're welcome. I'm going to put this in your room. Why don't you go sit down?"

"Okay."

Coming from her room, he went to the kitchen and put on a kettle for tea. Olivia sat on the couch and watched the flame of the candle. Cinnamon apple. It smelled wonderful. She heard Elliot in the kitchen and thought how lucky she was that she had him. That this man whom she loved so much also loved her. She was still smiling when he brought her a mug of tea.

"What are you smiling about?" he said teasingly.

Taking the tea, she said, "Thank you. Just thinking about this wonderful man that I know," she smirked.

"Oh, yea? Should I be jealous? he asked as he sat beside her.

She lifted her face to him and leaned up to kiss him, "No. _You_ are the wonderful man. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"I think that's my question. I'm the lucky one," he pulled her close, kissing the top of her head.

"El?"

"Hmmm."

"I love you…so much."

"And I love you," he ran his hand through her hair and lightly massaged her neck

They sat there for a long time, quiet, just being together. Finally, Elliot spoke again. "You never told me what happened."

She tensed and he felt it. "I gave Fin my statement. Didn't he tell you?"

"I want to hear from you. But if you're not ready, you don't have to do it now."

She nodded but was silent for a long time. Elliot had decided she was not going to talk about it. He felt like she needed to and that was his main reason for pushing her. Essentially, he knew what had happened, but he thought her telling him would help her face it, deal with it and put it in perspective.

"When you had to go help Maureen, I…I went to the market to pick up a few things. I got a sandwich on the way back. Jake called right when I got back. We talked a few minutes and then I went to watch TV while I ate. I'd taken one bite when I thought I heard something. I grabbed my glock and put the TV on mute," she told him.

"Glock? You had it with you?"

Nodding, she continued, "Ever since…" she wanted to say Sealview but that would just bring up something else she had not told him about. "Ever since everything that's happened…I get…you know about them…the nightmares…I always have gun nearby. So, I went toward the sound and then I heard another one and I thought it came from my bedroom. As I stepped into it, his arm went around my neck and he knocked my gun from my hand."

Though he knew she was afraid, he was not aware it was to this extent. "Where was he?"

"He uh…he must have been in the linen closet right by the bedroom door. I should have known…I should have checked there first…"

"Liv…it's okay…you did your best," he kissed her head again and tightened his arms around her.

"But he caught me off guard…I…" she sighed heavily. "Then he told me I should have let Jake come over because he wanted to see him again. I asked what he wanted and he said for Jake to suffer like he had. That's when I realized who he was."

"What do you mean? How would you have known?"

"Jake told me about him…I knew it had to be him. I knew he was going to kill me like he had Anna."

Elliot waited his mind thinking about what Jake had gone through losing his partner, the woman he loved. Then he thought about how he had almost lost Olivia. He could not imagine his life without her.

"I kept him talking about his…his wife. Jake buzzed the apartment. Bevvins made me answer it, but I told Jake to get out of here and then Bevvins shoved me across the living room and toward the bedroom. I knew he was going to kill me. Jake knocked on the door and it caught Bevvins' attention just long enough for me to turn around and try to get the gun from him. It went off and we struggled and he was too strong and then the gun went off two more times and he fell on top of me. I…I…couldn't get him off of me…I…I felt his…" a muffled sob broke from her.

"Oh, baby, I wish I had been there to protect you," Elliot whispered, stroking her head and shoulders.

She continued, "I could feel…his blood streaming over me…it was wet and warm and sticky and I thought I would throw up but I could barely breathe and I thought…I thought I was going to die right there. Right there with him on top of me. And El…I wanted you so bad. And I kept thinking I couldn't die because you would be mad and I didn't want you to be mad at me," she turned to him now and buried her face in his chest as the sobs shook them both.

"Shh…shh…you're okay. You're safe, Liv. You're here with me and you are safe," he soothed and rocked her in his arms.

Now that he knew the details, he realized they would most likely keep him up nights and bring **nightmares to him as well. He had come so close to losing this woman. The love of his life.**

**SVU Squad Room – Monday, October 20 – 8:15 a.m.**

Three weeks later, it is Olivia first day back at work. She is sitting at her desk surrounded by the rest of the SVU, listening to Captain Cragen give a briefing on the latest case. It's also Cragen's first day back since his heart surgery.

"Okay, people. You know your assignments, so get a move on," Cragen did his best to be gruff, but it was obvious he was in a great mood, happy to be back.

Elliot grinned at Olivia across their desks. Well, actually, his desk was still Jake's. He had not had time to make it his again. He and Jake were partnered for now and a rookie had been brought in for Fin until Olivia was back up to speed. Munch was planning on retiring at the end of the year and would work the field when needed but mainly he would do research from the computer aspect until then.

"It's great to have you back," he leaned his elbows on the desk.

Smiling at him, "If you only knew how great it feels to be back."

"Even if you're ridin' a desk for a few weeks?" Fin asked.

"Yes…at least I'm working," she nodded her head.

"Well, I can't wait until you're back in the field with me, partner," Jake punched her playfully in the shoulder.

"Ow! Didn't your parents tell you it's not nice to hit a girl?" she whined and hoped this took the meaning of his comment off focus.

"Girl? You are a detective, Benson, not a girl!" Jake punched her again.

They all laughed as Cragen told them, "Okay, enough. You've got work to do and Liv has a pile of paperwork waiting for her."

Fin and his new partner headed out and Cragen went to his office.

Jake looked at Elliot, "You ready to hit the streets?"

The frown on Elliot's face puzzled Jake, but Olivia knew why it was there. He tossed the sedan keys to Jake, "Bring the car around. I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

His eyes met Olivia's and she looked away in the pretense of looking for a file on the computer.

When Jake was gone, Elliot stood up and came around to her desk sitting on the edge of it, his eyes burning into the back of her head. She could feel them on her as she tensed. She knew what his next question was going to be and she was not quite ready to answer it. She had wanted another week or two.

"What'd he mean?" he asked quietly.

"What did who mean?" she asked without turning to look at him.

"You know what I'm talking about, Liv. What did Jake mean by 'he couldn't wait until your were back in the field with him'?

"Oh…I guess he just wants me back in the field 'cause that will mean I'm well," she answered over her shoulder.

"Turn around and look at me," he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Elliot," she whispered. She did not want to do this now. Not on her first day back.

"Benson! Stabler! My office. Now!" Cragen called out from the doorway.

The both glanced at him and Elliot mumbled, "What could we have done to be in trouble already?"

Olivia shrugged, stood up and they made their way to the office. Cragen closed the door behind them, nodding at the chairs. He had heard what Jake said and he knew Elliot would badger Olivia until she told him. Cragen figured the news would be best coming from him.

"Well, this is just like old times," he looked at his two detectives, a smirk on his face.

"Yea…old times when we were getting chewed out for something," Elliot crossed his arms over his chest. "What'd we do?"

Olivia smiled as did Cragen. He looked over at her and she nodded her affirmation. "For once, you're not in trouble…at least not with me."

Elliot frowned and his eyes shifted to Olivia who was sitting straight and staring at the floor as her right knee bounced up and down furiously. He knew she was nervous, but had no clue why.

"I teamed you with Zoumberis, but that is only temporary," Cragen said from the corner of his desk where he sat to be closer to the two.

"I know that. When Liv is better, I'll get my partner back," Elliot nodded, smiling at Olivia.

"You didn't let me finish," Cragen responded. "When she is ready for the field again, Olivia and Jake will remain partners and you will…"

"What!?" Elliot was out of his chair, instantly defensive. "No! She's _my_ partner. We've been together for ten years! Captain, you can't…"

"Elliot!" Standing, Olivia put a hand on his arm to settle him.

"It was my idea, El. I asked him to keep me with Jake," she spoke softly, her eyes finally meeting his.

Elliot opened his mouth but it was several seconds before he could form words, "W-why? I thought…I mean…you and I are getting along so well, Liv…I want you by my side…why don't you want to partner with me?"

"That's just it…you are getting along very well…maybe too well. Your relationship has changed and you know you can't continue to be partners," Cragen explained.

"How did you…" Elliot looked at Cragen in disbelief.

"I told him. It's not like we've exactly tried to hide it, El."

"But, I don't want another partner. I want you," his voice was tight and full of emotion.

Olivia's hands went around his arms and slid down to his hands, linking their fingers together. Elliot suddenly seemed uncomfortable, glancing at Captain Cragen and then back to Olivia. He swallowed hard and it echoed in the room.

"And I want you. I want you to be my partner in life, but we can't have both, Elliot. And as much as I want you beside me in the field more than anything I want you beside every night and all the time we are not working. I don't ever want to be without you. I was going to wait a week or two, but now is as good a time as any," she raised his right hand and kissed his knuckles.

"Liv," his voice cracked.

"Elliot, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, beside you. I want us to share the good times and the bad times. I want to laugh with you and fight with you and make up with you and know you will always be there for me, with me. El…will you…will you marry me?" her eyes shimmered with tears and the love she had for him.

Everything around them faded away and it was just he and Olivia. Slowly he pulled their linked hands up between them and kissed each of hers before releasing them and framing her face with his hands. A lone tear fell from his left eye as he stared into her big brown eyes and she knew his answer before he ever uttered a word. His lips slowly met hers and the kiss he gave her was so gentle, so tender, her heart felt like it would burst with bliss and contentment.

When he finally pulled away from her, his eyes were dancing with love, his voice breaking with tears, "Yes! I will marry you, Liv. I love you more than I could ever tell you!"

"I love you, too, El," she kissed him this time as their arms wrapped around the other.

After several minutes, Cragen cleared his throat. "Elliot, I assume this means you are okay with the partner change," he cracked.

Olivia and Elliot, now somewhat embarrassed, pulled apart, laughing. "Definitely, Sir!" Elliot smiled.

"Well, it's about time you two came to your senses," Donald Cragen grinned at his detectives.

As Elliot and Olivia fell into each other's arms and began to kiss again, Cragen shook his head, closed all the blinds in his office and stepped out, closing the door behind him. He never was comfortable with such displays of affection, with such private matters of the heart. As he went to get coffee, the grin on his face felt like it might become a permanent fixture. He thought of the odd connection these two had from the beginning. From the day he introduced them, he sensed they were meant to be together, someway, somehow. It was no coincidence. Fate – that's what it was. The grin grew wider as he realized this was a new chapter in the SVU as well as in the lives of Benson and Stabler.

**~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~**


End file.
